What would you do??

[luvgoing2disney]

Cast: Myself, Dw, DS 18, about to graduate from HS, MIL, FAL, SIL 2 neices

We are all big Disney fans and usually go to WDW but for son's high school graduation decided on a return to DLR. We've been booked for a couple of months and the other day, my son asked if his girlfriend could go with us. Her family are big Disney fans too, but she has never been to DLR. I have no problem with her going and we would probably pay most of her way. In early June she will be leaving for the summer in Europe, so our son will not see her for two months, then she will be leaving for college this fall, (3 hours away, so they will still be seeing each other then.)

The problem? One of our neices and my son are close in age (9 months apart) and have been best buddies all of their lives. When we mentioned the prospect of girlfriend going, SIL was concerned that her daughter would feel like a third wheel and not enjoy the trip at all.

My son feels that since it is HIS graduation trip, he should be able to include who he wants to, and as I mentioned, I have no problem with her going. But at the same time, I don't the rest of the original group upset or feeling left out. BTW--I'm the planner in the group, and they seem to have no problem with me doing the research, calling hotels, booking flights, getting tickets, etc. so to be honest, I'm kinda ticked that they are taking such an attitude.

Thoughts?

 

[Jynxed]

If you have no issues with her going, then do it. You could always offer up the suggestion of the niece bringing a friend! I am sure everything will work itself out in the end.

 

[jenpace]

I think your son is 100% right: it's HIS graduation trip and since you and your wife want to include his GF then she should be welcome.

Have a great trip

 

[jenpace]

If you have no issues with her going, then do it. You could always offer up the suggestion of the niece bringing a friend! I am sure everything will work itself out in the end.

Oh! That's a good idea

 

[luvgoing2disney]

If you have no issues with her going, then do it. You could always offer up the suggestion of the niece bringing a friend! I am sure everything will work itself out in the end.

I had thought of suggesting that my neice include her BF, but SIL is going through a divorce right now and funds might be a little tight. I don't how she would feel about inviting him then not being able to help pay for his part.

 

[blackjackdelta]

I always feel it is better to be upfront than to have the problem come up later, you can always inquire. One of the reasons I will never have a trip like this with all the mixed feelings about who or what is important. The old statement, you can only make so many people happy. I really do wish you good luck and I am sure others will have excellent input.

Jack

 

[Butterfly123]

If there are two neices, couldn't they buddy around so the one wouldn't feel like a third wheel? And has the mother asked her daughter if she would feel uncomfortable? I agree it's best to just get it all out in the air now, resolve it, so you don't have an issue later.

 

[luvgoing2disney]

If there are two neices, couldn't they buddy around so the one wouldn't feel like a third wheel? And has the mother asked her daughter if she would feel uncomfortable? I agree it's best to just get it all out in the air now, resolve it, so you don't have an issue later.

The two neices are about 10 years difference in ages, so they can't buddy like teenagers would. The mom has not (I don't think) discussed it with the daughter. But the mom did tell my DW that last year they had a trip planned and there were going to take our son along. Her daughter asked about bringing her boyfriend and mom vetoed it so our son would not be the third wheel.

Trips to Disney should be FUN not dealing with crap!

 

[jenpace]

Wow. I'm sorry that yo have to deal with all of these politics when you're the one doing all the planning.

I don't envy you...I think it's an unfair position your family is being put in.

Let us know how things work out

 

[pixiewings71]

I think your SIL is being overly dramatic, if your DS wants his GF there then by all means (if you are all comfortable with it) invite her! The kids will work things out......

I guess I didn't really answer your question....LOL I would invite DS' GF.

 

[kirsnikity]

I would bring your ds's gf if that is what he wants. It's in celebration of his graduation! Unless your SIL was paying for the trip I don't think her concern over her daughter *possibly* being a third wheel should hold much weight.

As a pp stated...the kids will work it out. If it means the niece ends up spending more time with the adults or other kids...so be it. She will probably still have fun anyway.

Good luck and sorry for the family drama.

 

[frijolefrito]

I know EVERYTHING about difficult family situations. Your son is right but hopefully he understands that family wants to be with him also. A lot of the time teenagers in love can't stop face sucking for five minutes to have a conversation with anyone else. So really all you have to do is say hey keep in mind your cousins ect want to hang out with you too. The other thing is being in disney with your smooching partner is super awesome! As a teen I LOVED going to amusement parks with my GF. So it's only natural that on his super awesome grad night he wants to be with his lady. I agree with blackJack you can't make everyone happy. My best advice is on how to communicate this to the family is explain to them that people deserve their special days. These days include birthday's and life milestones. Some days people are supposed to have the focus on them and this is one of those days. It's his party and he can cry if he wants too!

 

[luvgoing2disney]

I think I'm gonna call my SIL and discuss the possibility of her daughter's BF coming along, as long as his parents foot his part of the bill. Of course, that would present a possible problem with them as far as rooming, so I don't know if it will work out or not. We are staying at HoJo's so a we could get a roll away bed, and I would be glad to pay for that part of their expense. I have come to conclusion that (1) this is the last of many extended family vacations and (2) you really CAN'T please everybody!

 

[blackjackdelta]

I think I'm gonna call my SIL and discuss the possibility of her daughter's BF coming along, as long as his parents foot his part of the bill. Of course, that would present a possible problem with them as far as rooming, so I don't know if it will work out or not. We are staying at HoJo's so a we could get a roll away bed, and I would be glad to pay for that part of their expense. I have come to conclusion that (1) this is the last of many extended family vacations and (2) you really CAN'T please everybody!

I think you are making the right decision, Disney is to have fun. With the game playing,and guilt tripping , it will never be fun for you. They should be happy you are even offering and privledged to have you involved.

Have a great day,

Jack

 

[babyruth]

I think your SIL is imposing her own third wheel feelings on the children. It probably works best for HER if your son and her older daughter buddy up and she pals with the littler one, because she is traveling with two couples already. This would make it three couples... and her and her kids. But this is her own issue and your son shouldn't miss out if you are willing to take his GF. I think it's a good idea for teens to have lots of family interactions and different experiences that's what dating is for! If the niece can't bring a friend because of budget issues...you know I'm not trying to be insensitive I am divorced myself...this may just be something SIL needs to work out for herself and accept her life as it is. Let the kids have fun while they can and while they don't need to worry about all this drama yet! JMHO!

 

[Briarrose1306]

You're right, you really can't please everyone. I think you should take the GF since that's was you and DS want. I would just remind him that it is still a family vacation. My BF, now DH, went with me, my mom and my brother on my graduation trip and we all had a great time. Who knows, DS' GF and cousin may really hit it off. Good luck with your call!

 

[bethy]

I can see how having a teenage GF along could really change the dynamics of a family trip. Teenagers in love are sooooo focused on themselves.

Girlfriends come and go but cousins are forever.

Personally, I would not invite a GF or BF on a family trip I don't think unless they were at least engaged and practically a part of the family. No matter what they would be sleeping in seperate rooms, that's for sure!

 

[kiwitravel]

A tough situation for you... It seems to be me its the SIL who is trying to call the shots here.... The niece couldn't take their BF on a trip that sounds like it didn't happen as the SIL thought it would make your DS feel like a third wheel. Now she is saying the converse is true for this trip. At 18 the niece and DS are adults and can speak for themselves... Get your DS to call the niece and see if she would mind the GF coming and maybe sound out if the BF can afford to pay his own way and come to... That would be a good dynamic and could make the experience all the more fun... If the BF can't afford to go then remind your son of the situation to make sure he spends time and involves the niece...

 

[starshine514]

It really depends. My (adult) sister is bringing her BF along on our May trip. I don't have a problem at all with this. We've done quite a few day outings with him and there are no problems. My 21-yr-old niece (who isn't going with us), on the other hand... I wouldn't want to take any of her friends along (even though we really like her current BF) because that would change the dynamic/focus of the trip too much. I've been on day trips with her and her friends, too - and we barely see them.

Personally, if I was in your situation, I would make the decision not really based on my sons opinion. Yes, it's his graduation trip that you are paying for (and also a family vacation); but that doesn't mean he gets to call all the shots or that he is the only one who gets to enjoy himself on the trip. I actually think you SIL has a valid point. Teenagers can be very focused on what they want and not notice others' feelings and I have seen the introduction of a BF significantly change the dynamic with other family/friends, especially if they are from different peer circles. So, SIL's prediction could come true and her daughter could end up feeling left out for the vacation that her mother worked so hard to be able to pay for (you said money was tight, so this is probably a stretch for her). In fact, SIL's feelings may be that if you had said the GF was going initially, they wouldn't have planned on going with in the first place!

Just my $0.02 - thought somebody should be playing devil's advocate.

 

[mystic_path]

I am in a very similar predicament right now. My brother who I am very close with loves London England, where I have never been. He has been begging me for some time now to go on a bro/sister trip there so he can show me around. His wife who I also love dearly of course would be coming too, which I do not have an issue with. Personally I love the fact that I will have a girlfriend to go shopping with and such. However every time we sit down to discuss making plans they tell me "Oh we are doing this, and that....". I feel like I have not been in on any discussion, or decision. I now feel like a left out 3rd wheel for a trip that was to be mine and my brothers in the first place. I honestly let them book their flights the other day and said I don't know if I am going or not. My brother is extremely disappointed that I may not go and is begging me to reconsider. Then again I refuse to pay for an expensive trip I never got to plan and do things I dont' want to do. I also know I will have be alone on for part of the trip, which kinda sucks cause I really hate traveling alone.

Quite honestly if I were in my bro's position I would deal with the whole situation differently and yes bring the other half, but also let the sibling (Or in your case cousin) know that the 3 of you, or them, can have a great time together doing many fun things. They can plan some things to do together, but also remember that when you are with your family for so long too you really do need a breather away from each other at some point. Especially more so when you are an adult. So maybe your son's girl friend coming is a good thing. If your niece doesn't want to spend time by herself, you seem to have a big party going to DL who I am sure would love her to join them for a few hours.