What would you do if your teen daughter became pregnant???

[Tiger926]

deleted double post - sorry! Tiger

 

[Michie]

I am not raising any grand kids, period. I have friends that are, and they are exhausted. My MIL is raising a great grand child. I am looking forward to when it is just me and the DH.I do not believe in encouraging steady boyfriends/girlfriends for school aged kids.

I know people that have been ruined financilly raising grand kids, I know people who have lost their marriages/divorced over this very issue.

 

[Goobergal99]

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but marriages failing because of raising children? I don't know, couldn't have been a very strong marriage.

 

[poohandwendy]

I would love an support my children no matter what decision they would make.

I have seen the alternative, it's not worth it.

The question is sort of funny to me because if my teen DD was pregnant, I would not feel the choice was mine anyways..."so what would I do?", is sort of irrelevant. I would obviously discuss, in depth, the different decisions with her, but the choice would be ultimately hers to make.

If she chose to abort, I would offer her love and support and try to help her in whatever ways I could.

If she chose to put the baby up for adoption, I would offer love and support and try to help her in whatever ways I could.

If she chose to raise her child, I would offer love and support and try to help her in whatever ways I could.

This is not a gray area for me.

 

[beckmrk04]

The question is sort of funny to me because if my teen DD was pregnant, I would not feel the choice was mine anyways..."so what would I do?", is sort of irrelevant. I would obviously discuss, in depth, the different decisions with her, but the choice would be ultimately hers to make.
.

I am so glad you said this. It is so interesting to me how many people seem to have already chosen for their daughter (at least hypothetically).

At 16, yes, you're young, and still a kid, but very capable of making decisions, nonetheless. At that point, love and guidance, not dictatorship, is what's needed.

 

[poohandwendy]

You reminded me of another thought I have on this issue.

I have always been raising my kids with the idea that I am raising an adult...I often hear people talk about their 18, 21 and even older children as 'just kids'...it makes me scratch my head in wonder.

I see my DD (19) as an adult. All that we have been doing is to prepare her for that. I do not see her as a child and do not treat her as one. If she killed someone, she could face the death penalty. If she commits a crime, she could face prison. The decisions she makes can have life long repercussions. That didn't happen overnight. It started when she started making adult decisions for herself. It has been our job to prepare her for that.

Along the way, more and more responsibility is thrust upon them. When they start to drive, they are doing an adult thing...when they become sexual they are doing an adult thing. With adult decisions/actions come responsibility. It has been our job to prepare them for those decisions. And to remind them of what responsibility comes with them.

I do not believe she is a child until she hits a milestone of graduating college, landing a good job, finding a place to live. She is on that adult road already. She has a long way to go....it is a journey, not a destination. We gave her the tools well before she was a teen...when they start making adult decisions, it is time for them to learn to use those tools.

My son is 16 and learning to drive. What we have done to this point is to prepare him for that responsibility. With the priviledge comes responsibility. He will make decisions that could affect the rest of his life (and others) now. Many of the decisions he makes now (drugs, alcohol, sex, smoking) will affect the rest of his life. He didn't just suddenly become ready for this. He has been on that path for a long time, learning responsibility. He has to accept responsibility as part of the growing up process.

You gradually hand them the 'life' steering wheel and IMO, that starts way before they hit the magical ages of 18, 21, 25 etc.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

At 16, yes, you're young, and still a kid, but very capable of making decisions, nonetheless. At that point, love and guidance, not dictatorship, is what's needed.

I respectively disagree. at 16 you're still a kid. if you've been taught the facts of life and you disregard the facts and end up pregnant, you're not mature enough to make a life-changing decision. my daughter's 12, 4 years wouldn't give her the maturity to make a decision if to keep a baby or not. she could barely drive a car legally. abortion clinic ASAP.

 

[Bravosntha2g]

Yeah, just kill the darn thing.

 

[Michie]

I know we have some posters here that have said they had a baby at 16, 17 or soforth. My question is this, did your parents help you monetary wise? I have a 21 and 19 year old, right now they could not support a child.

I know several grandparents who were not in good financila shape, and then had a grandchild with put them in debt even futher. One of my friends is in this situation. She was divorced when her kids were young, did not receive much support from the ex, about the time she started making headway, her 15 year old became pregnant.

 

[poohandwendy]

I respectively disagree. at 16 you're still a kid. if you've been taught the facts of life and you disregard the facts and end up pregnant, you're not mature enough to make a life-changing decision. my daughter's 12, 4 years wouldn't give her the maturity to make a decision if to keep a baby or not. she could barely drive a car legally. abortion clinic ASAP.

You better hope that 4 years shows a huge maturity leap because at 16, when they are driving, they ARE making life-changing decisions every single time they get behind the wheel. It is your job to prepare her for that responsibility. That has been your job since she was born.

 

[beckmrk04]

I respectively disagree. at 16 you're still a kid. if you've been taught the facts of life and you disregard the facts and end up pregnant, you're not mature enough to make a life-changing decision. my daughter's 12, 4 years wouldn't give her the maturity to make a decision if to keep a baby or not. she could barely drive a car legally. abortion clinic ASAP.

12 to 16 is a GIGANTIC difference!!!!! Oh my gosh Sylvester! It's a huge difference in female maturity (I say female because males, not so sure about- not bashing, being serious). At 16 years, yes, you may know the facts, and hey- accidents happen! That doesn't mean abortions are the right choices for everyone, and just because it was right in YOUR situation, you need to take into account how your daughter will feel about this for the rest of her life! It will be her emotional burden to bear, not yours.

Not to say abortion is wrong or shouldn't be suggested, but in my opinion, it's never anything that someone should be forced into.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

You better hope that 4 years shows a huge maturity leap because at 16, when they are driving, they ARE making life-changing decisions every single time they get behind the wheel. It is your job to prepare her for that responsibility. That has been your job since she was born.

I'm well aware of that. I was 17 and my girlfriend was 16 when I got her pregnant. it was a stupid mistake on both of our parts in that moment, no condom, so we risked it. immature choice. but we both drove home from the encounter just fine. comparing driving habits to teenage hormones is a stretch in my opinion.

 

[poohandwendy]

I'm well aware of that. I was 17 and my girlfriend was 16 when I got her pregnant. it was a stupid mistake on both of our parts in that moment, no condom, so we risked it. immature choice. but we both drove home from the encounter just fine. comparing driving habits to teenage hormones is a stretch in my opinion.

Amazing to think we can expect mature response every time our 16 yos get behind the wheel (and make life altering decisions for themselves and everyone around them)...but that they cannot handle the responsibility of the repercussions of not wearing a condom when they have sex.

And yes, comparing the responsibilities of sexual activity and driving is legitimate, IMO.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

It's a huge difference in female maturity (I say female because males, not so sure about...

I get what you're saying, you are serious, but that was pretty funny.

Sylvester, I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that if your daughter ended up pregnant and refused to have an abortion that you'd be there to help her.

...I could be wrong, but I doubt it. (I'm never wrong!)

 

[Sylvester McBean]

when I was 16 the last thing I thought about getting into bed with a girl was ending up raising a kid. the last thing I thought about jumping into the driver's seat of a car was killing someone.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

I get what you're saying, you are serious, but that was pretty funny.

Sylvester, I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that if your daughter ended up pregnant and refused to have an abortion that you'd be there to help her.

...I could be wrong, but I doubt it. (I'm never wrong!)

MW, you're never wrong. but this one is too close to call. I'm a hypocrite by nature with Alyson because of my past. that's my job as a dad. I'd look at a teenage pregnancy as a failure on my part. parents are supposed to break the cycle.

 

[Goobergal99]

I know we have some posters here that have said they had a baby at 16, 17 or soforth. My question is this, did your parents help you monetary wise? I have a 21 and 19 year old, right now they could not support a child.

I know several grandparents who were not in good financila shape, and then had a grandchild with put them in debt even futher. One of my friends is in this situation. She was divorced when her kids were young, did not receive much support from the ex, about the time she started making headway, her 15 year old became pregnant.

Yes, my mother did provide monetary support but my DH was 18 when DD was born, so he worked full time as a brick layer, still does. As for me, I went to college and held a decent job, so although my mom helped us, we still contributed, after all she was/is our kid and ultimately our responsibility. But as I said to begin with, things happen, I didn't plan on being a mother at 17 either but it happened and life went on. It certainly wasn't the "end of our life" as some ppl exaggerate it to be.

I can also say that at 24 now with a college education and a career, I have absolutely no problem supporting my child, in fact when my DH is laid off because of the season change and lack of work, we do quite well without his pay and I have since been able to help my mom with some financial issues she went through as well.It probably wasn't easy for my mom to come to her child and ask for help, but IMO that is what family is all about and I would give the shirt off my back to any member of my family if need be

 

[MouseWorshipin]

I knew it! I'm always right. Now I go to bed knowing that all is right in the universe.

 

[Goobergal99]

MW, you're never wrong. but this one is too close to call. I'm a hypocrite by nature with Alyson because of my past. that's my job as a dad. I'd look at a teenage pregnancy as a failure on my part. parents are supposed to break the cycle.

You know what, I don't agree with your beliefs but I understand where you are coming from. My DH says the same thing, that DD won't date ever, he will answer the door with a shotgun to any guy coming to pick her up blah, blah, blah... He also says that parents are supposed to be hypocrites. But as I always tell him, Ultimately, she's going to do whatever it is she wants to do, we can't chain her up forever (although he may like the idea )

If it happens, which I hope to god it doesn't, We will love and support her.

I have a ? for all the young parents out there as well.

When your child is a teenager, what do you think you will tell them about practicing safe sex and ensuring that they don't end up becoming young parents themselves. I mean how do you explain to them that although you love them dearly, it probably wasn't the right time in your life to be having a child?

 

[AC7179]

I would recommend an abortion........but would support her with whatever she chose to do.