What would you do if your child's friend smelled bad?

[zakatak]

Yeah, I know... not a great thread. But still, I'm at my wit's end. They play great together (he's 9, ds is 8) and he IS the only kid on our street. BUT, he stinks. Bad. One time I drove them to the zoo in the middle of winter and had to roll down the window some because it was so bad. Today he is over and the whole house stinks now.

My son has never been invited to his house (I was told once that it is just too messy) and that's fine with me. But what to do over here? Just put up with it and open the windows?

Anyone else ever deal with this? Any support?

Thanks.

Karen

 

[CEDmom]

That's a tough one but I commend your DS for not commenting on the problem and making his friend feel bad. Does the child look dirty or do you think it's his clothes that pick up odors in his house and make him smell? I'm not sure what you could really do as long as the child, aside from the smell, is well cared for. If it gets really bad you could "accidently" spill something on his clothes, give him some of your DS's old clothes to wear and then wash his.

BTW, who told you the house was messy? I really don't understand people living like that.

 

[zakatak]

The boy actually told us that. Go figure...

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My concern would be if he was being neglected in other areas as well. Are his teeth well cared for or are there signs of decay? What do his fingernails look like? Is the smell of body odor or urine, how would you describe it? Are his clothes in good condition? His hair? Does he appear well nourished? These are some of the things a health care professional would look for as part of an assessment of a well cared for child. It's sad but sometimes parents have problems - mental, financial, substance use or otherwise - that prevent them from properly caring for their children. Do you think this is the case? To me, body odor such as you describe comes from someone who doesn't bathe or wash their clothes regularly.

 

[CEDmom]

The boy actually told us that. Go figure...

That's sad. I bet he wishes his house looked like your house. I'd probably try to cope with it as much as possible since I'm sure he's sensitive about the situation. Maybe you could teach both boys a few things about cleaning in a fun way that he might be able to do at home to make the situation better. Stuff like how to do laundry, wash dishes, vacuum.

 

[Southern4sure]

Can you invite him to spend the night and as part of the family routine to bath before bed time ask him to bath also? Maybe surprise both boys with matching pj's or something to keep it equal so he wont feel like your singleing him out.

Southern4sure

Do you know anything about the parents?

 

[zakatak]

His parents seem nice enough, but I really don't talk to them too much. He is in scouts and other activities, so he is active in the community. I don't think the bath thing would work since I wouldn't want someone else bathing my child.

He looks fine in all other areas. Decent toys, clothes, jackets, etc...

 

[chrissyk]

I grew up in a filthy house. My sister and I didn't smell, because I did the laundry. I noticed that my sister smelled ONCE, and I put an end to that quickly by always washing her clothing after that. My parents still live like that, but my sister currently lives with them and therefore keeps their mess to a minimum. It is so disgusting, because my parents don't even notice the filth when someone is not there to clean up after them. I don't go over their house ever. It is just too gross.

Do I wish that someone had gotten professionals involved due to the state of our house when I was growing up? Yes. I do not advocate calling CPS because they can take things way too far in terms of removing children from otherwise loving situations. However, there are boards of health and such that can force people to clean there homes, aren't there? In Jr. High, I considered calling someone myself. Also, we were never allowed to have friends over either No kid should live like that.

 

[mt2]

does this kid wear deodorant? Or is it more than that? Some times my DD's will forget to put it on in the morning and by the time they get home they reek!

A couple of years ago one of the 3rd grade teachers told her class (after recess in the TX heat) that if they were all old enough to sweat and smell then they were old enough to wear deodorant. This was to the entire class not just one child.

Good luck. I have this problem with 2 yr old twin girls in my MOD class. They just smell awful. I'm new so I really can't say anything. The girls grandmother works there and has for years (15+).

mt2

 

[shortbun]

He smells like trash or body odor? I have kids on my bus that smell like trash and kids on my bus who have body odor. I did tell one boy, 15yo, that he would never have a date if he kept smelling like he did. I did it in private. He has never smelled like body odor again. I'm not sure what to do with the kids who smell like trash. Last year, I dropped a whole box of cleaning supplies including trash bags on a porch. The people were really poor. I included laundry soap, dish soap, trash bags, Mr. Clean, sponges and paper towels as well as hand soap, bath soap, shampoo, deodorant and toothpaste with toothbrushes. The kids were clean the rest of the year. This year, they are dirty again but not AS dirty. sigh Today, when I walked into my house, it smelled of rotting orange. I found the culprit and threw it out.

 

[bambii]

friend soap for Christmas one year... we were like 11..

 

[J.C.&ALI'SMOM]

What is the odor like? B.O.? I work at school and have experienced this many times. Yuk! It might be that after washing his clothes they don't get dried quick enough and start to sour. This happened to my cousin's friend. Her mom didn't really do much house work and would leave her clothes in the washer for days, so when they came out they stank.

 

[DaisyMoM]

We had a similar situation with my DD friend along time ago when DD was 12 or 13 and oh boy, at first I didn't know what to say. We also opened the windows and kind of wondered what to do.....I later spoke to my DD and she said that she was a good friend and that she felt real bad about the smell because other kids did not want to be with her. My DD is very sympathetic and asked if she can sleepover and of course I agreed and as my DD took a shower her friend showered also before going to sleep. My DD still noticed an odor shortly after she showered. We found out some people have overactive glands and I am told that if they add some extra zinc it might help. It is a very sensitive situation and must be handled carefully. Good Luck..

 

[powellrj]

we deal with this often. There are several children in our neighborhood that really really smell badly when they come over. We decided its a combination of parents smoking, indoor pets and just not very clean conditions. While the kids aren't negected, they also don't bathe every night nor do they change their clothes everyday. Sometimes when they come to the door, the odor is so much I have to light candles to clear the air. The only thing we do is I try to make sure they always play outside and my kids aren't allowed to play in their house. When they do come inside, they must stay in the family room and we always light candles to keep the smell down.