What would u do if u were me? [More info Post 18]

[mitushib]

Ok bit of history first. I have a neighbor. I dont know them very very well but I like her [her DH i am still uncertain about]. She has a son who is the same age as my DS4. The kids are not close friends mostly they coexist on their playdates. Now I mentioned last month that we r going to Disney to NDH [neighbors DH] in the passing. Now NDH is leaving to scale Mount Everest 2 days after we leave. He will be gone a month. So NDH asked me if its ok for DN and her son to join us. The way it was put left me no choice to say yes. After all what could I have done if they had come without asking. Anyways they book POP and everything the same as me. I gave them the required info and all. Till here its fine. She is not very particular about ADR's [clueless is more like it] and has told me she will go with whatever I decide. I told her about the ADRS I made and gave her the link to each menu. I sent her a generic packing list too about things we need to take. NOW here is my problem she is not taking any of the planning stuff seriously. She told me yest why will i need ponchos in May? it wont rain then!. Fine by me but if it does how will i let another kid my sons age get wet when i am dry and cozy?? Then comes the problem with Tshirts. My family is gonna coordinate our shirts. I am getting graphic designed and I will print them. Should I tell her about it or just keep quiet? Will it cause a issue later on? Similarly; though I told her I am gonna buy glo sticks before i leave she is not doing it. I really dont want her child to end up using our stuff. I am not being selfish but I will be carrying limited stuff.

I am not sure how to handle this without causing any bad feelings. I like her and wanna be friends with her but I dont know how to clear the air on this? Also I dont want to be paying our of pocket for her expenses as we r on a tight budget too.

 

[jenrein]

Its hard to please everyone. If she doesnt want to bring anything then I wouldnt worry about it. I would prob bring 1 more of everything to just "happen to have" for the kid. I personally would want him to have at least what my kids had readily available. But thats just me. Good luck in what you decide.

 

[taximomfor4]

I guess there are a few things I would toss around:

I could tell her that it'll be fun meeting up to do some things together, like pool in the afternoons or a couple character meals, and that it'll be fun to split up and go separately sometimes, too.

You could also just plan it out, stick a couple extra 87 cent disposable ponchos in your pack, etc. As for glow sticks, I got a bunch at the dollar stores nearby. Brought some for my kids and some to give out to any other kids who looked like they'd like one. They were cheap, and we liked spreading magic. We also got some sticker-packages and gave some sticker-sheets away as well to kids waiting near us in lines.

I wouldn't even mention the matching shirts to her -- you can dress your family however you want, and she can dress hers however she wants. I only match half of my family, but not the other half, and we are all from the same household!!

I hope you have a wonderful trip, even though it has gotten a bit more complicated!! Just be honest with yourself and your neighbor, when you need some time touring separately!

Beth

 

[NU2WDW]

So NDH asked me if its ok for DN and her son to join us. The way it was put left me no choice to say yes.

As people like this go completely against my grain, it's hard for me not to be sarcastic, so please bear with me! I'm a little unclear as to what your role is supposed to be here. It's one thing to let them essentially barge in on your family vacation time, it's another for you to act as tour guide/babysitter/day planner for them. I can't imagine what gives them the idea that you should -- but regardless, it just isn't something I would get into because 1) resentment is inevitable (you already sound resentful IMO and rightfully so, and 2) it's just plain not your responsibility to make sure they have a good time. It sounds like you've already shared some of your knowledge with her and she's choosing to disregard it. So be it, but don't feel guilty about it or feel forced into doing her job for her. As for paying any of their expenses.... I can't even go there without risking getting banned from this board.

The NDH sounds like a real piece of work.

 

[mirthmaiden]

My $.02

Years ago, when I was a wee babe laughing: ) I used to read Ann Landers advice column in the newspaper. The one piece of advice she constantly gave to people will stick in my mind forever:

"Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission."

If you weren't comfortable having her tag along, you should have tactfully said "no" in the first place. But since you didn't, it is now more important than ever that the two of you communicate and set the expectations before you go. Otherwise, it is inevitable that she is gonna do things that bother you, and probably vice versa, and you'll all end up focusing on that stuff instead of enjoying your vacation. I would be proactive and let her know, "here's what I'm planning on doing for my family" (t-shirts, glow sticks, etc.) Then, if she doesn't get on board with that, it won't be like she didn't know about it and you won't have anything at all to feel guilty about. The ball is in her court. That being said, I also agree with PP who said glow sticks and ponchos are super-cheap and it would be a nice gesture to have a couple of extras on hand, just in case. But I don't think you're obligated to do that.

 

[CastleCreations]

Trust me, this may not be a good idea. I just got back from a week at POP. I had my reservations for me and my 4 and 5 year old. I have a friend who is married, with a 3 and 6 year old, our children are friends. We have hung out together and didn't see a problem with her joining us for vacation. I got her an adjoining room, and we didn't have any ADR's. I have to say, and this is putting it nicely, her daughter does not behave at all!!!!!! I knew on the first day, what a huge mistake I had made. The only word the little girl used was no, followed by mine. She would cry, slap, hit, bite anyone in her way, then she would run in all directions. As a friend and not her mother I tried my best to deal with her, but it totally ruined my whole vacation. I love my friend and we did manage to have fun here and there but it was while the kids were asleep. I actually hired someone so we could leave her daughter at the hotel, because doing the theme park was a nightmare with her.
Definately don't do what I did, make sure you set guidelines, and schedule some time for your own family.

 

[mirthmaiden]

Exactly. You must set the "rules" before you go. I have learned this the hard way. Anytime you have other people/groups joining you for something big, like a vacation, it is just unavoidable that there will be clashing expectations. It's bad enough just within your own immediate family. Then when you get other families involved There is so much on the line. Everybody wants to have the "perfect" vacation and that means different things to different people.

If it were me, I would have a nice sit-down with the neighbor and approach the subject from the standpoint that you want to make sure everybody has the best possible time and you feel it's important to be "on the same wavelength." Not confrontational, but working as a team, you know?

 

[fan_of_small_world]

It is very nice of you to do what you have done so far. You sound like a wonderful person! I think now is the time, though, to take a step away from being as helpful as you have been up to this point. It sounds like she is taking advantage of you. Maybe not on purpose, maybe not even realizing it, but she is.

You have gone above and beyond what you needed to, and since your DNeighbor has not bothered to take any advice, you should stop giving it to her. All that's left to do is give her the list of ADR's you made (if you haven't already done so). Oh, and if she's late to any of those, start without her.

As for the ponchos and lightsticks, go ahead and bring one or two extra for the little boy, but I wouldn't even bother to pack an extra poncho for the mom.

You DON'T need to spend ANY of your own money on them. If she "forgets" her wallet or some other such nonsense, tell her where she can get the bus back to POP to go back to the room and get it. Are you doing the Dining Plan? If not, make sure you get separate checks.

Stick to your plan, and you'll be fine!

 

[disneyjunkie]

Ok bit of history first. I have a neighbor. I dont know them very very well but I like her [her DH i am still uncertain about]. She has a son who is the same age as my DS4. The kids are not close friends mostly they coexist on their playdates. Now I mentioned last month that we r going to Disney to NDH [neighbors DH] in the passing. Now NDH is leaving to scale Mount Everest 2 days after we leave. He will be gone a month. So NDH asked me if its ok for DN and her son to join us. The way it was put left me no choice to say yes. After all what could I have done if they had come without asking. Anyways they book POP and everything the same as me. I gave them the required info and all. Till here its fine. She is not very particular about ADR's [clueless is more like it] and has told me she will go with whatever I decide. I told her about the ADRS I made and gave her the link to each menu. I sent her a generic packing list too about things we need to take. NOW here is my problem she is not taking any of the planning stuff seriously. She told me yest why will i need ponchos in May? it wont rain then!. Fine by me but if it does how will i let another kid my sons age get wet when i am dry and cozy?? Then comes the problem with Tshirts. My family is gonna coordinate our shirts. I am getting graphic designed and I will print them. Should I tell her about it or just keep quiet? Will it cause a issue later on? Similarly; though I told her I am gonna buy glo sticks before i leave she is not doing it. I really dont want her child to end up using our stuff. I am not being selfish but I will be carrying limited stuff.

I am not sure how to handle this without causing any bad feelings. I like her and wanna be friends with her but I dont know how to clear the air on this? Also I dont want to be paying our of pocket for her expenses as we r on a tight budget too.

Maybe she's planning to buy ponchos, glow sticks/toys when she gets there.

I know I'm not least bit interested in purchasing gifts(autograph books, light up toys, shirts ...) ahead of time. It may cost more once we're there, but I'm fine with that. I want those items to come from WDW not Target, Dollar Tree or even the Disney Store.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Wow...that was SOME position your neighbor put you in. I think I would have been caught off guard with the request, and probably said yes too (although kicking myself inside as I said it).

We travel with a lot of different friends, family and groups when we go to Disney and I have to say, not all the trips have been the stuff that dreams are made of. It is REALLY important to make it clear what your vacation and touring style is. We are early risers (some of our companions wanted to sleep until 11am-we are at the gates when the park opens), or they didn't "do" rides (nothing worse than seeing someone sitting on a bench all day while you enjoy yourself-but I refuse to ruin my trip) and then we had plenty of issues about dinner since we always do a table service restaurants at one of the resorts each evening (and our companions were appalled at the prices). Now all that said, you can only do and say so much to prepare your neighbor and her son. But at least they have forewarning and time to mull it over (and possibly back out if your plans are too much for them-or too different from the way they would do things). Thank goodness for Disney transportation, because if all else fails, they have the option of going off and doing their own thing.

Now the mother in me (and the GUILT) would make me bring extra glow sticks and stuff where your neighbors son is concerned. I just could not see my kids having and her kid sitting there and doing without. Most of the stuff is dollar store items. The shirts...that is another matter. I agree with taximomfor4-I wouldn't even mention it. How you dress is not important and if they get upset that you all have matching shirts and they don't...oh well.

Do what you can to set the tone of how the vacation is going to be and what they should expect, after that, their good time is up to THEM!

 

[TupperMom7]

Okay, I am confused. And I am selfish too, apparently, because I cannot understand how a neighbor, whom you are not particularly close to, could ask you to let his wife and child tag along on your vacation. And a Disney vacation to boot! I mean it's not like you were going camping for a week or something, these things are expensive!

Well, if you had come on here before blurting out "yes", you probably wouldn't have agreed to it at all. What does your husband have to say about all of this?

At this point, if it was me (which it never would be because I am a selfish person ) I would ask your neighbor what she thinks of this whole situation. It could be that she is totally uncomfortable about horning in on your vacation and that is why she says she'll just go along with whatever you have planned. I think if she wants to be included in your dinners or whatever, that would be okay so she doesn't have to eat alone, but really - spending the whole day with them? She'll be in all your pictures and everything? Years after they aren't your neighbor anymore, you will look through the family album and there your neighbors kid will be in all the family pictures at Disney!!

I was just wondering, if the neighbor husband is going away for a month, how is his wife and kid going on your vacation going to make a difference? How long are you going away for - a week?

 

[toesmom]

Do you know how much it will cost her husband to climb everest???? It's very very expensive. So put your own money away and don't feel in any way obligated to pay for her child's things if she doesn't bother.

Her family obviously has enough money to climb everest which total many thousands of dollars. You write that money is tight for you; it is not tight for your dn, so act accordingly.

I would have just said no, sorry this is our family vacation. But that's just me. Now it seems you'll have her around you for most of your trip. Next time, just say no!!!

 

[disykat]

Distance yourself as much as possible. Is it too late to say "it will be fun having you there the same time we are, how often do you want to try to meet up?" I wouldn't even do WDW with my own parents or adult siblings and plan to actually stay together the whole time!

If she is being noncommital about things it could very well be she has absolutely no intention of hanging out with you the whole time and doesn't know how to let you know that.

The worst case scenario that I see here is that you could end up in charge of her child the whole time. I think you need to lay down some "ground rules". Even with my own family (dh and kids) we sit down and have sort of a meeting about expectations, whether we'll be sleeping in, how we'll try to get in everyone's favorites, etc. When I was single and traveling with friends we did the same thing.

She is probably worried about it too. If not, then you REALLY need to have the talk because you obviously have different travel styles!

I just have to add - her dh asking you to take her with you - SERIOUSLY WEIRD!

 

[disneyjunkie]

Do you know how much it will cost her husband to climb everest???? It's very very expensive. So put your own money away and don't feel in any way obligated to pay for her child's things if she doesn't bother.

Her family obviously has enough money to climb everest which total many thousands of dollars. You write that money is tight for you; it is not tight for your dn, so act accordingly.

I would have just said no, sorry this is our family vacation. But that's just me. Now it seems you'll have her around you for most of your trip. Next time, just say no!!!

I have to agree, if the husband is climbing Everest, then money isn't(or at least it shouldn't)be an issue.

 

[TAKitty]

I think you need to take charge of the situation and tell her what you are doing and how much time you are spending together as a group. You could maybe print off a schedule.

I love spreading the magic, so I would bring extras for the other family. It is not a matter of the money, but she probably has no clue!

As hard as it might be, you may have to step up and try to stay positive about this situation. She may become a good friend after this. You may have a lasting impact on her child and never know it. Good can come from this.

 

[a1tinkfans]

WOW!

I am just FLOORED!

You are obviously a very kind spirited person and a better person than many.

Not everyone can even get to Disney and yet YOU have become the official "I'll hold your hand and take care of everything" while her husband dumped her to climb a mountain! His plans took a long time to make, I'm sure! Obviously his consideration was not with his family!

I'm aghast with your neighbors behavior (and I happen to think SHE is just as bad as him for taking advantage of you) and awfully glad I don't live next to her.
OKAY, enough ranting....
I hope your trip with your family AND tag along neighbors is a truly MAGICAL trip.
I really strongly agree with everyone else that said you should be very clear about letting her know NOW how important your "family time" is and be sure she understands that you won't be together all the time doing the parks and eating together!
I'm getting stressed FOR YOU just thinking about it.
I REALLY hope this works out for you!
GOOD LUCK!!!!

 

[yrdlyprincess]

wow! mitushib...I thought it was just me who had this problem, I have been planning this trip for a long time (was suppose to go last yr but DH couldn't do it) anyhow, this friend of mine who we'll has VERY STRONG political issues (not my party either) but when found out I was going (didn't tell her again but we are going) she starting planning..."we can do this, do that..." and doesn't know ANYTHING about Disney (really nothing to what you have to do now. My DH & my DFriends said say it's a "family vacation". I think that I have gotten away from problem, hasn't said anything Good luck with your ISSUE!! (I agree with not sharing-would feel bad but have done ALOT of planning for this down to the shirts too!)

 

[mitushib]

Just a little more on the scenario. I am not paying for DN's trip she has paid for it before hand POP+Tickets+Resort. She is also not being stingy. She just does not feel the need for the tshirts or the glo sticks or anything. Money is not an issue for them common sense is. There are other stuff like passport for my child in EPCOT or personalized Mickey ears which I am buying cheaper beforehand and all. I dont mind having her with me in Disney nor do I mind sharing what i know from here. I also do not want to impose on her my plans but if she is gonna be with me I cant plan every magical moment for her kid. a 87c poncho and a few dollar sticks are just examples the passport+ ears+ autograph book add up dollars. She will probably have to buy it in the parks which is fine I guess!!

My DH is ok with this as long as it is my DN and her son. The DNH is overbearing and so if he would have asked to come I would have said no. I have already told her when she booked that we do our vacation very laidback. Dont go on all the rides, spend time at the pool and if she wants she can stay with us or go to the parks. Next time I will KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT ABOUT A DISNEY VACATION!!!

 

[Barb D]

We just got back. I didn't carry ponchos (figured I'd buy one for DD7 if it started pouring, but it never did) and didn't bring or buy glow sticks. We bought personalized Mickey ears at the park. We didn't do the passport thing. DD13 and DH didn't want to buy matching Tshirts with the rest of us (although they did end up buying one between them and trading off wearing it.) All this to say that every family does things differently, and I don't think you need to worry about every detail for them. They'll be fine. Just be sure you make it clear that you need some "family" time alone!

 

[powellrj]

We just got back. I didn't carry ponchos (figured I'd buy one for DD7 if it started pouring, but it never did) and didn't bring or buy glow sticks. We bought personalized Mickey ears at the park. We didn't do the passport thing. DD13 and DH didn't want to buy matching Tshirts with the rest of us (although they did end up buying one between them and trading off wearing it.) All this to say that every family does things differently, and I don't think you need to worry about every detail for them. They'll be fine. Just be sure you make it clear that you need some "family" time alone!

I agree. We never really do the matching t-shrits, rain ponchos and glow sticks either. If money isn't a problem, then she may be planing to just buy them down there is she decides she want to do those things.