To break up the theme park days we were going to have a day at the beach. I selected Monday. With hindsight it might have been a good idea to tell Barbara that we were going to the beach and then she would have probably packed a bag with swimming costumes, towels, sun cream and all the other stuff normal people take to the beach. As it was we were well on the way south on I4 when she asked me were we were headed and I said we would be at the beach soon. You can probably get to Tampa from Kissimmee in just over an hour but the beaches everyone talks about, Clearwater etc are another 40 miles away. We had to stop twice. Once to fill up the kids with cold drinks and once to empty those same kids. So it was over two hours after starting out before we got to Clearwater Beach. After a decent breakfast at The Waffle House we parked the car near the beach at a meter enabling me to use up about three kilos of the coins that had been accumulating over the last few days.
Now I dont wear shorts. I also think that 99% of British males should follow my lead. We dont look right. We havent got the correct proportions. Whenever we don shorts our legs become shorter and our bellies become larger. Gravity seems to work twice as hard on British bottoms in shorts as it does on other races. To make matters worse, the average Brit, either because he doesnt consider shorts a bona fide garment or because due to the climate he cant wear them for much of the year, refuses to pay more than about three quid a pair. Even David Ginola would look crap in some of the shorts you see in the sales in British department stores. What are they made off? Its not cloth of any kind. Its like a cross between cling film and solidified gloss paint. It doesnt have to be biodegradable though because no one ever chucks any out. They just wear them year after year after year.
Anyway. Here I am on the beach in my cotton dockers and short-sleeved shirt. Barbara and Rachel have short skirts and tee shirts on and the boys have chosen today, just coincidentally, to wear denims. What do we look like? We look like bumpkins. Everyone else is dressed for the beach. Five girls in bikinis walk by us giggling. Well I say bikinis. More like eye patches really. I'm not joking I could have swallowed their entire swimwear collection without the aid of a glass of water.
As there's not much else at Clearwater Beach other than the beach we hadn't much choice other than to return to Orlando. So we had ended up doing a 220 mile round trip just to have some breakfast and use a parking meter. Great planning or what?
We went back to the villa, collected our swimming things (hurrah) and went to Wet and Wild. If you like water parks there is nothing wrong with this one. OK maybe the theming and service is not up to Disney standards but there is plenty to do. as it was everyone was pretty tired and it was very hot so we didn't do a lot. Daniel and I floated round and round the lazy river. Connor went on the knee ski over and over again and Babs read a book while keeping an eye on Rachel in the Kids Park. We were therefore probably not the best family to choose for a satisfaction survey, as Cheryl, the chooser, was about to find out.
We were able to give our names, ages, hometown and other similar stuff no problem but from then on we could never have been confused with W&W regulars.
"What did you think of The Surge?" asked Cheryl.
"We didn't go on The Surge." I said. We all looked at Cheryl.
"What did you think of Blue Niagra?" asked Cheryl.
"We didn't go on Blue Niagra." I said. We all looked at Cheryl.
"What did you think of Der Stuka?" asked Cheryl.
"We didn't go on Der Stuka." I said. We all looked at Cheryl.
"What did you think of Raging Rapids?" asked Cheryl not looking hopeful.
"Is that the one with the big family hoop you all get in together? " I asked.
" No." said Cheryl brightening "Thats Bubba Tub! What did you think of Bubba Tub?"
"We didn't go on Bubba Tub." I said. We all looked at Cheryl.
It didn't take Cheryl long to establish that we hadn't eaten anything there, or bought a drink or rented a locker and that only Rachel had used the restrooms. Rachel pronounced them clean giving a four out of a possible five and Cheryl at least seemed pleased with that.
We went to Darryls for dinner. I fancied Ribs and Barbara was fancying her first Prime Rib of the holiday. Fortunate choices because as we were seated and before we ordered, our server told us the chef was concentrating on the ribs and the prime rib that night. The food was delicious and over desert we watched some of the other diners eating food that the chef had not been concentrating on. Suckers
To be continued...
Now I dont wear shorts. I also think that 99% of British males should follow my lead. We dont look right. We havent got the correct proportions. Whenever we don shorts our legs become shorter and our bellies become larger. Gravity seems to work twice as hard on British bottoms in shorts as it does on other races. To make matters worse, the average Brit, either because he doesnt consider shorts a bona fide garment or because due to the climate he cant wear them for much of the year, refuses to pay more than about three quid a pair. Even David Ginola would look crap in some of the shorts you see in the sales in British department stores. What are they made off? Its not cloth of any kind. Its like a cross between cling film and solidified gloss paint. It doesnt have to be biodegradable though because no one ever chucks any out. They just wear them year after year after year.
Anyway. Here I am on the beach in my cotton dockers and short-sleeved shirt. Barbara and Rachel have short skirts and tee shirts on and the boys have chosen today, just coincidentally, to wear denims. What do we look like? We look like bumpkins. Everyone else is dressed for the beach. Five girls in bikinis walk by us giggling. Well I say bikinis. More like eye patches really. I'm not joking I could have swallowed their entire swimwear collection without the aid of a glass of water.
As there's not much else at Clearwater Beach other than the beach we hadn't much choice other than to return to Orlando. So we had ended up doing a 220 mile round trip just to have some breakfast and use a parking meter. Great planning or what?
We went back to the villa, collected our swimming things (hurrah) and went to Wet and Wild. If you like water parks there is nothing wrong with this one. OK maybe the theming and service is not up to Disney standards but there is plenty to do. as it was everyone was pretty tired and it was very hot so we didn't do a lot. Daniel and I floated round and round the lazy river. Connor went on the knee ski over and over again and Babs read a book while keeping an eye on Rachel in the Kids Park. We were therefore probably not the best family to choose for a satisfaction survey, as Cheryl, the chooser, was about to find out.
We were able to give our names, ages, hometown and other similar stuff no problem but from then on we could never have been confused with W&W regulars.
"What did you think of The Surge?" asked Cheryl.
"We didn't go on The Surge." I said. We all looked at Cheryl.
"What did you think of Blue Niagra?" asked Cheryl.
"We didn't go on Blue Niagra." I said. We all looked at Cheryl.
"What did you think of Der Stuka?" asked Cheryl.
"We didn't go on Der Stuka." I said. We all looked at Cheryl.
"What did you think of Raging Rapids?" asked Cheryl not looking hopeful.
"Is that the one with the big family hoop you all get in together? " I asked.
" No." said Cheryl brightening "Thats Bubba Tub! What did you think of Bubba Tub?"
"We didn't go on Bubba Tub." I said. We all looked at Cheryl.
It didn't take Cheryl long to establish that we hadn't eaten anything there, or bought a drink or rented a locker and that only Rachel had used the restrooms. Rachel pronounced them clean giving a four out of a possible five and Cheryl at least seemed pleased with that.
We went to Darryls for dinner. I fancied Ribs and Barbara was fancying her first Prime Rib of the holiday. Fortunate choices because as we were seated and before we ordered, our server told us the chef was concentrating on the ribs and the prime rib that night. The food was delicious and over desert we watched some of the other diners eating food that the chef had not been concentrating on. Suckers
To be continued...
What a shame you couldn't do Clearwater justice. There's some lovely areas around there, although Imust admit I don't think Clearwater main beach is ever as nice as others.
I was LOL for most of this report 
