What time do you let your kids stay up?

[cheermom1]

I don't think it is playing favorites, just trying to figure out how to enforce a bedtime that is different for some of the kids. It appears that some people were confusing the "yours/his" issue with the age/sleep needs issue.
My DD sometimes moans about having to go to bed early, but I know she will be a mess if she doesn't get enough sleep. It is difficult sometimes to enforce - as in, takes effort and patience. I usually get the "fun" job of playing the enforcer, although DH does agree that the bed time is needed. I can feel your frustration and wish there was an easy answer. I imagine part of the problem is that their dad is not supporting you on this and they see it and take advantage. Perhaps you can try again talking with your DH and propose a solution to him - e.g., kids can stay up until midnight once they are 14, and bed time for xx year-old is ___. Then sit the kids down, explain that you need your sleep, here are the rules and here are the consequences. Maybe you have already done this. Try again. And follow through if they don't hold up their end of the bargain - could be getting up early the next day for chores, using the bedtime their mother sets when they are with her, etc.

Wishing you luck and sleep!

It doesn't sound to me like OP is "playing favorites". ALL of the kids - bio and step - have a bedtime of 10pm (which is already an hour later than SS's bedtime at their mom's house - lucky SS's). When there's no school the next day, as long as the kids are quiet, they are allowed up until midnight. I would imagine that if OP's bio kids acted like lunatics at 11:00, she'd have them in their rooms in a flash! Why should the stepkids be treated differently and be allowed to stay up trashing the house and making loud noise while OP is trying to sleep?

OP - yes, hubby really needs to grow a spine as far as his kids are concerned. He's doing absolutely no favors to his kids or to himself by not setting limits. They're relatively young yet but they're now learning that they can walk all over dad. What will they be doing in a few years when they're old enough to drive or have friends who are or look old enough to get liquor? He wants to be the cool dad? Well, he already is by letting them stay up (albeit quietly) until midnight whereas mom makes them go to bed by 9!

I think you need to have a talk (or many talks, if that's what it takes) with hubby. Would he let your kids run amok and trample house rules? If no, why does he feel his kids are exempt? You both need to be on the same page and then provide a unified front. Set all the kids (yours and his so nobody can claim favorites) and lay down the rules. If anyone breaks the rules, they go to their room (and I do so hope that there is one or more rooms specifically for his kids). Then, DH needs to suck it up and discipline his kids when needed. They will give both of you grief but, as long as you both stick to your guns, they need to learn to respect rules.

Thank you guys this is what I was talking about. I am going to sit them all down and talk them about it and set up rules and what happens when they are not followed.

Plus you are right if ti were my kids I would be putting them bed earlier to prove my point but sh will not let me do that his kids, a few times of doing that I'm sure will let them know to follow the rules!

I also just found out that I have to work from 6pm to 6am for a long while and I won't be home to make them be quite or put them to bed. See dh goes to bed early around 8 to 8:30 and I have been making the be quite till I went to bed around 10 but then after that is when they start in b/c I'm not in there. I was talking to dh about this and his solution is to not pick them up!!! WHAT? See he knows there is an issue and he doesn;t want to deal with it nor does he want to deal with them while they are here so he can sleep however he expected me to deal with it!!

So this tells us what??? umm lets see he KNOWS they won't follow the rules and will be waking him up and he doesn't want do that part of being a dad!!! This just makes me soooooo mad! mainly b/c he knows I am right and doesn;t want to admit it or take the necessary action for his kids!!! WOW this is not going to end well.

 

[Mary•Poppins]

I couldn't find the original article ... however this one quoted the USA article. A little more googling, and you might find it. It talks about a study that shows that children who have an enforced 10 bedtime are healthier.

http://www.theparentszone.com/child-development/discipline/studies-show-setting-limits-good-for-children/

My children go to bed at 10PM on weeknights and can stay up as late as they want on the weekend ... as long as they are quiet (not my 10 year old ... he goes to bed at 11 on weekends). It is disheartening that your husband is not supporting you on this.

 

[cheermom1]

I couldn't find the original article ... however this one quoted the USA article. A little more googling, and you might find it. It talks about a study that shows that children who have an enforced 10 bedtime are healthier.

http://www.theparentszone.com/child-development/discipline/studies-show-setting-limits-good-for-children/

My children go to bed at 10PM on weeknights and can stay up as late as they want on the weekend ... as long as they are quiet (not my 10 year old ... he goes to bed at 11 on weekends). It is disheartening that your husband is not supporting you on this.

I know I am so saddened by it, on top of that he said the last time we had them that the youngest is crabby and tired. He said this about 3 times. I told him he needs to go to bed earlier than! HELLO dh anyone home?

 

[rie'smom]

I know I am so saddened by it, on top of that he said the last time we had them that the youngest is crabby and tired. He said this about 3 times. I told him he needs to go to bed earlier than! HELLO dh anyone home?

I mean this in the nicest way, you need counseling. Your husband doesn't respect you as the stepmother to his children, therefore, his children do not respect you. It would make things much better for you to seek help from a professional instead of sharing this information on a message board.
We can sympathize, some can empathize but none of us can help you because you need to do that yourself with a therapist. Unfortunately, you have had to come here several times with tales of your stepchildren and of your husband not helping the situation, so apparently nothing has changed. Please, seek professional help.

 

[aprilgail2]

wow! lots of late bedtimes. My DD10 aims to be in bed by 8pm on school nights (some nights roll until 8:30); she leaves the house at 7:30am (gets up between 6:30 & 7am).

There is no way that I could ever do an 8pm bedtime. The 10 year olds (5th graders) basketball league plays the older kids games (10 year olds) at 8pm and they end at 9pm. Next year is even worse, the 6th graders time is 9pm-10 pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Even things at the school run until 9pm on weeknights like the concerts, kids art show, book fair etc.

 

[IDoDis]

My 8 year old usually is up past midnight. Can't get that kid to put down the video games. My 3 year old, however is in bed at 10:00 on the dot every night, no exceptions!

Only 4 posts huh?

 

[IDoDis]

I'll pipe in as a parent and as a teacher.

From a parent's POV -- Our kids ages 11 and almost 14 do have set bedtimes which are NOT the same. Our 13 year old (will be 14 in a week) is in bed by 10:00 and reads until 10:30. Many times she's in bed earlier and reads longer, but if her light is still on at 10:30, I say "lights out" when 10:30 hits. Sometimes I forget to check and see if she's up. If she stays up too late reading, she pays the price by being tired and usually goes to bed earlier on her own the next night.

Our recently turned 11 year old hits the shower around 8:40pm and and is in bed bed at 9:00 or 9:15pm and then he reads for 30 minutes or we read together. On weekends, the 13 year old is in bed by 11:30 because she has to get up at 8:00am for figure skating. Our 11 year old is in bed at 11:00pm. If either of them have a sleepover, then all bets are off. In the summer we are more lax and they stay up later (around 12:00am), but they still have a bedtime and it's not a put yourself to bed kind of thing.

From a teacher's POV -- Year after year I see kids who have no bedtime or late bedtimes lag behind their peers. They start to poop out around 1:00pm and really start to lag. Just two days ago I had a student on Monday morning (when we had our Standards-based Assessments going on) show up at school completely exhausted. He was really cranky. I could tell he was not going to function through the test, so I had my assistant take him up to the office where he promptly fell into a deep sleep for over 2 hours. Poor kid was up way too late with no bedtime.

However, about 2/3 of my students do have set bedtimes usually between 8:30 - 10:00pm in grades 1st - 5th with the later times being the 5th graders and the earlier times being the 6 and 7 year-olds. I know because I ask them and I ask their parents. After almost 18 years in education, I can say without a doubt that kids who get more sleep do better in school. Maybe their overall environments are better which factors into the equation.

 

[pooh4evr]

Weeknights about now (930) - weekends-- depends on what is going on- I get them up at 745- bus comes at 845-- theu get home about 430 then we run to whatever practice/lesson we have, scarf some supper, homework , playtime, read.... whoo I am tired!