What time do you let your kids stay up?

[cheermom1]

On school night my kids have to go to bed at 10 pm, they are older, on weekends they have to go to bed at 12 pm. However when there is no school (spring break or summer) I let them stay up till 12 pm IF they are quite and go to bed at 12 pm.

Here is my problem when we have my step sons I started out letting them do the same but they have never been able to do this, always loud and never going to bed at 12 pm like I asked. even when they know we have to work the next day they still are doing the same things. I told them that they will be going to bed when I do if they can't go to bed when I tell them too or won;t be quite. WELL dh is fighting with me on this why I don;t know. They are not young 14, 12, and 10 old enough to know better. how can I get dh to understand it is not cool for me to be woken up by his boys being loud and still not in bed when they are told to. So in other words they are not responsible enough to stay up till 12 pm yet???? I really am at my wits end. As a side note my kids have always been responsible enough to do this as I have never had to get up and make then be quite or tell them to go to bed. It is just my step sons. also I am NOT picking on them I am just stating the facts of what happens.

So how can I get dh to understand that his boys are not responsible enough to stay up that late if they can't do as they are told? Or am I domed to being so dang tired I can;t function every time they are here???

 

[hereyago]

Go buy an airhorn, every time the step sons wake you up, let that thing sound and wake your dh up. Your problem isn't what times they go to bed,just that your dh doesn't seem to have your back

 

[cheermom1]

Go buy an airhorn, every time the step sons wake you up, let that thing sound and wake your dh up. Your problem isn't what times they go to bed,just that your dh doesn't seem to have your back

You are right, I am just so tired of being the bad guy. ya know??

 

[rie'smom]

If it's a holiday or summertime, my daughter has no bedtime and her brothers, who are grown didn't have one either. If your husband won't do anything, then I think it's a battle of the wills between your stepsons and you. My suggestion would be to back off and not say anything. Will it be hard, yep but if they're not getting a rise out of you, then there won't be a point in them carrying on and they'll likely stop on their own. Try it and you may be surprised. Even if you feel like yelling your head off, don't. Give it time, it won't happen overnight.

They're young and energetic and they can keep it up a lot longer than you can. If you push it, you'll get more frustrated and unhappy.

 

[cheermom1]

If it's a holiday or summertime, my daughter has no bedtime and her brothers, who are grown didn't have one either. If your husband won't do anything, then I think it's a battle of the wills between your stepsons and you. My suggestion would be to back off and not say anything. Will it be hard, yep but if they're not getting a rise out of you, then there won't be a point in them carrying on and they'll likely stop on their own. Try it and you may be surprised. Even if you feel like yelling your head off, don't. Give it time, it won't happen overnight.

They're young and energetic and they can keep it up a lot longer than you can. If you push it, you'll get more frustrated and unhappy.

This will not work as I have tried it. been there done that. They have no respect or consideration for anyone else. besides it is not fair to me that I can't sleep and am tired every day at work and I could get hurt. I have a job running a machine.

eta: I don't have the time to do this either as I said it is not fair that I am dead tired the next day at work.

 

[CleoPahd]

My daughter is 14(almost 15 now) and her bedtime on a school night is 9:30. She wakes up at 5am so she really needs the rest. If something special is on tv or if she's in the middle of something I let her stay up until 10. On the weekends I prefer her to be in bed by 11, but will let her stay up beyond that if she is quiet if she's in the middle of a movie or something like that. So, I don't at all think you are being unreasonable.

 

[rie'smom]

This will not work as I have tried it. been there done that. They have no respect or consideration for anyone else. besides it is not fair to me that I can't sleep and am tired every day at work and I could get hurt. I have a job running a machine.

eta: I don't have the time to do this either as I said it is not fair that I am dead tired the next day at work.

Then, I gently suggest that you and your husband go to counseling.

He's acting like a turd who is putting you in a terribly awkward position. No way would I put up with it. If it was my husband, either he'd step up and take care of the problem or believe me, he'd step out and permanently.

 

[Pakey]

What are the rules at their home? It's pretty hard to have kids live with 2 sets of rules, one at mom's, one at dad's, especially if dad isn't the one making the rules.

 

[Planogirl]

Our son hasn't had a bedtime since he was 15 or so but he is quiet and gets himself to bed...usually. I do have to nag him occasionally if he has something to do early on the weekend.

Those kids need to at the least learn to be quiet.

 

[cheermom1]

What are the rules at their home? It's pretty hard to have kids live with 2 sets of rules, one at mom's, one at dad's, especially if dad isn't the one making the rules.

At their mom's the rules are they have to go to bed at 9 pm every night. And yes I know it hard to have 2 sets of rules. However this one needs to a rule as I am not getting any sleep when they are here.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Go buy an airhorn, every time the step sons wake you up, let that thing sound and wake your dh up. Your problem isn't what times they go to bed,just that your dh doesn't seem to have your back

ITA, why isn't he taking this on himself?

 

[cheermom1]

ITA, why isn't he taking this on himself?

He thinks b/c he has them every other weekend and every other holiday he has to the cool dad and that leaves me to be the bad guy! I even told him this in front of the kids out of pure frustration and left at 10pm and didn't back till the next day! I made him take care of them! I am just tired of being the bad guy but if I don't I get no sleep I feel so caught!

 

[hereyago]

air horn, bull horn, even mr. microphone. No one wakes me up, that is a no no.

DD11 goes to sleep around 11 or midnight and has for quite some time. BUT, she knows not to wake me by acting nuts or in the mornings I don't put up with whining if she says she is tired.

 

[PatsGirl]

I'd wake their little butts up at 6 am every time they kept me awake past 11! Sure, you might not be able to make them get out of bed and it doesn't sound like hub is going to be very helpful but man, oh man, I'd be vacuuming their rooms, banging pans around their heads, and blasting their stereos in their rooms.

And sorry, but I think your troubles are just beginning. Your husband needs to get on board quick or the next 8 years with these kids are going to be hell.

 

[aprilgail2]

Our son hasn't had a bedtime since he was 15 or so but he is quiet and gets himself to bed...usually. I do have to nag him occasionally if he has something to do early on the weekend.

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I never had a bedtime once I hit 15 either....by 15 they can get themselves to bed and if they go to late then its them paying the price the next day.
My 10 year old goes to bed weeknights between 10-11 and on the weekend we have no bedtime...Friday nights she usually puts herself in bed relatively early though since she has to be at dance at 9am on Saturday.
In the summer the weeks she doesn't have summer camp she usually stays up late and sleeps in.

 

[brockash]

This will not work as I have tried it. been there done that. They have no respect or consideration for anyone else. besides it is not fair to me that I can't sleep and am tired every day at work and I could get hurt. I have a job running a machine.

eta: I don't have the time to do this either as I said it is not fair that I am dead tired the next day at work.

So I guess I'm wondering what you think your other option is???? I mean, you say that your dh won't do anything about it and doesn't see it as a big deal so won't be enforcing anything, and the skids are there, so.... I mean I guess you could threaten your dh with going to a hotel (not something I'd advice on doing,) but I guess if you really can't handle it anymore and it's really that bad and you don't think anything else will work I get that it's "not fair to you," but a lot of things aren't fair, especially when you have a blended family. I also agree that maybe some counseling for you and dh together would be good. It doesn't seem like the 2 of you are on the same side.

As far as your initial question...my kids are younger and are never up after me, but I can remember always staying up as a teen in the summer after my parents. We really never had a bedtime in the summer/spring break ect. once I was a teen, and I don't remember having any issues, but I was the kid

 

[Tink888]

Mine have to be in bed by 11:00 on school nights. No set bedtime on weekends, holidays and summer vacations.

That would drive me nuts. If DH refused to do anything, I'd be waking him up every time those kids woke me up and like another poster said, I'd be waking those kids up at 6:00am too.

 

[robinb]

If they don't settle down and go to bed by midnight, I fail to see how they will settle down and go to bed earlier . I also don't see how you can allow your kids to stay up later while the step-kids are made to go to bed earlier. That kind of favoritism will not make things easier for you. It's clear that you DH does not agree with you on bedtime, so it would be foolish for you to fight all of them on it. Perhaps you can come up with a "wake up" time that makes staying up past midnight unpleasant (not 6:00 am, but maybe 8:00-9:00 am) when everyone needs to be up. They consequences for staying up late will be natural. In the meantime, get ear plugs so you don't hear them.

ETA: To answer your question, my DD has a school bedtime of 9:00 and no bedtime on the weekends and holidays. She will usually crash by 9:30 *snork*.

 

[jwhtewolfd]

I'm wondering what they are doing that is so noisy. If you can't force them to go to sleep at a certain time, can you set limits on what activites are allowed after a certain time or what parts of the house they can stay in that are furthest from your room?

You say he only has the boys every other weekend. Do you work weekends? Both days, or just one? Maybe stricter rules on the night you need to wake up for work the next day and more lenient for the other nights.

 

[canadianjovigirl]

Wow, i'm quite surprised by all the kids with no bedtimes....my 2 younger ones are in bed and asleep by 9 and 9:30 on school nights and they are 9 and 11.........on weekends they can stay up an extra hour sometimes a bit more depending on what they are doing and how tired they are, but they do not get to stay up how late they want......I do not go to bed until they are sleeping.........

My 15 year old does stay up later and she is quiet in her room, but even then is asleep by 11-12 as she wakes up at 7.........on no school days and holidays she stays up later, but is awake by noon.......no sleepin past noon in this house I tend to always get up at 1am and check on her to be sure she is sleeping so i dont really sleep well until then..........

My kids would not do well with no bedtime as they get miserable when tired and then with everyone tired and cranky in the house makes for no fun so not very often do we stray from what works.........