What is a "Perfect Parent"?

[Tigger&Belle]

Thanks T&B... I'm feeling very lost with Christmas so close, we used to call my Mom Kristine Kringle because she did Christmas to the max. It's so hard to be without them this time of year....

I'm sure it is. Several weeks ago we had my son's Bar Mitzvah and all my (non Jewish) siblings came, along with my mom. It was the first time in many years that we were together and the first time since my father died. To say that I was upset going into it would be an understatement. To have him missing when all the rest of us were together was so difficult for me to accept, even though he'd been gone for many years. These happy times are extra hard when our loved ones are missing. I'm sorry you're hurting.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I don't know what a perfect parent is.

But I do know that my 15 year old daughter, in a rare moment of candor, turned to me and said, "You know, Mom, I really admire you and Dad. You work hard, have a good lifestyle, are fun, and really love me and Mark. I know you are strict sometimes, but you always want us to do our best, and always want to set a good example for us."

Then, I started to tear up . . .

That was simply beautifull!!!! My DD and I were in the car and she turns down the radio and said "I like this song, it reminds me of you" and just turned it back up. It was "Suddenly I see" and now everytime I hear it I just smile (or get choked up)

 

[PixiePop]

That was simply beautifull!!!! My DD and I were in the car and she turns down the radio and said "I like this song, it reminds me of you" and just turned it back up. It was "Suddenly I see" and now everytime I hear it I just smile (or get choked up)

I think it's the moments like these that make you realize that while we are not perfect...I just don't think anyone is.. that we as parents are helping our children to become loving, thoughtful and caring human beings.

I know whenever my son looks at me and tells me I am the best mom in the world, or makes me a "special" picture to take to work so that I can think about him...it makes me feel as though I am doing something right.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I think it's the moments like these that make you realize that while we are not perfect...I just don't think anyone is.. that we as parents are helping our children to become loving, thoughtful and caring human beings.

I know whenever my son looks at me and tells me I am the best mom in the world, or makes me a "special" picture to take to work so that I can think about him...it makes me feel as though I am doing something right.

Exactly!!! I also don't feel we as parents should beat ourselves up when a child makes wrong decisions. It took me a while to get that one, but I do now!
I can't make thier decisions for them, I can only guide. In the guiding I am talking about older children, hell I am talking about any adult

 

[PixiePop]

Exactly!!! I also don't feel we as parents should beat ourselves up when a child makes wrong decisions. It took me a while to get that one, but I do now!
I can't make thier decisions for them, I can only guide. In the guiding I am talking about older children, hell I am talking about any adult

I agree with you. Children are not robots that will simply follow every command. They have their own minds, thoughts and feelings and will and should be allowed to make mistakes but know that their parents will be there to guide them in the right direction.

I can't stand to see adults treat children as if they have no feelings or that they do not have to respect them.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I agree with you. Children are not robots that will simply follow every command. They have their own minds, thoughts and feelings and will and should be allowed to make mistakes but know that their parents will be there to guide them in the right direction.

I can't stand to see adults treat children as if they have no feelings or that they do not have to respect them.

Or when they become adults, take it upon themselves to take responsiblity for thier actions. It took me a long time to get that one!

 

[RitaZ.]

What is a "perfect parent"? Something that doesn't exist. However, there are a lot of good, great and excellent parents out there.

 

[PixiePop]

Or when they become adults, take it upon themselves to take responsiblity for thier actions. It took me a long time to get that one!

I hope I can learn that one too.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I hope I can learn that one too.

I hope you never have to!

 

[ferris198]

I don't think anyone can be a perfect parent, but it is comments from others which help.
When my son was about 2 months old, my mother was coming over for lunch with a family friend that hadn't yet met my son.
When the friend arrived, she took me aside and said that my mother had mentioned that I was the best Mom in the world.
That meant so much to me as I felt my mom was the best.

 

[Sparx]

A perfect parent is one who understands they are not perfect and their child is not perfect, but they push themselves and their child to the best of their abilities.

 

[Rella Bella]

One that doesn't have kids

Exactly!! I know I was a much better parent before my son came along!!


But seriously, I think a "perfect parent" is one who cares enough to try to be a perfect parent... whether they actually end up being perfect or not. They are humble enough to talk through their mistakes with the child and restore the relationship.

A "perfect parent" is a parent who is there! Supporting the child through thick and thin, loving even when it's hard, saying "no" when they think they should (even if they can't explain it to the child's liking).

A perfect parent doesn't exist during the parenting years. He or she is only recognizable by the character of his or her grown children.

While I like this in theory I have to disagree.
I know too many wonderful parents with 1, 2 or 3 grown children of excellent character and one that for whatever reason chose to live another way. These parents feel shame, and are judged by many who would rather place blame than realize that it was the bad choices (and in some cases mental instability) of the adult child -- not imperfect parenting -- that is the cause of the problems.

 

[momrek06]

Apparently...( ...a-parently... ) I am NOT....read this

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1295288&page=1&pp=15

POST #20

 

[RitaZ.]

Apparently...( ...a-parently... ) I am NOT....read this

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1295288&page=1&pp=15

POST #20

That's why we keep coming back, the DIS keeps us humble!

 

[The Mayor]

Don't know if their is such a thing as a perfect parent...but a good parent is one that acts like a parent and not a friend...your children have plenty of friends but only two parents...keep that in mind whenever you feel the urge to give into them when they pressure you or your spouse.

 

[Aidensmom]

A perfect parent is one who understands they are not perfect and their child is not perfect, but they push themselves and their child to the best of their abilities.

I think this is pretty close. I don't think there are perfect parents, but this is the definition of a near-perfect one. And Sparx, from the things I see you post sometimes, I think you are one of those lucky ones with great parents!

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Certainely not me. Every day I struggle not to do the same things my mother did when she raised us. I struggle to not yell and not spank. I struggle to understand my very active child who completely wears me out by the end of the day. I struggle to understand his disorder, because it's something that I never knew existed until we were told he had it. I think it's the struggle that makes me a better parent, in all honesty.

TOV

 

[Planogirl]

I can't see anyone as perfect however a GREAT parent is one who listens, who cares and who guides. It's fine to say that a perfect parent is one who says "no" and isn't a friend and so on. I had one of those and never felt like she really cared one bit so there's more to being a parent than being a disciplinarian IMO.

 

[chobie]

I can't see anyone as perfect however a GREAT parent is one who listens, who cares and who guides. It's fine to say that a perfect parent is one who says "no" and isn't a friend and so on. I had one of those and never felt like she really cared one bit so there's more to being a parent than being a disciplinarian IMO.

Thanks for pointing out the other extreme in parenting --being too authoritarian.

The whole "friend" thing bothers me. In some respects my kids, especially my DD 12 do see me as a friend, in that my daughter will confide in me everything going on in her life and her friend's lives and she relays this info to me as a friend telling another friend. On the other hand, sometimes they take it too far and I have to remind them I am a parent first. So yes, I still get my fair share of "you're so mean, it's unfair etc". I think a balance can be struck and a parent can be friendly and yet enforce the rules at the same time.

I'm the first to say I'm not a perfect parent. But I don't try to be. My kids also need to see that adults, even parents, fail sometimes and are wrong sometimes, and how we handle this is a lesson for them to learn from.

Of course, these are all my opinions and my opinions only. So far, my kids are pretty damn good in most respects and that is good enough for me. What workds for us, may not work for others and vice versa.