what do you think? (my essay)

simba928

<font color=teal>The Tag Fairy wants to know how y
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I don't know any of you remember, but about a week or two ago, I asked why you loved Disney. Well, for those of you that would like to read it, here is the persuasive essay that I wrote based on what you said. Please, feel free to give me your honest opinions so that I can make it better and hand it in tomorrow to my Language Arts teacher.


Walt Disney World​

“This is the only place in the world that you can act as silly as you want, and nobody cares.” My uncle said this as we were walking down Main Street in Walt Disney World (WDW). I have been there eleven times, my twelfth will be in February. I know many people who have gone to WDW many times, and we all have our own reasons for continuing to go back. Everyone agrees on one thing, though, the magic is the main thing that brings them back, whether for their second or thirty-second trip. In addition to the magic, everyone should go to WDW because of the friendly people, the wonderful atmosphere, its affordability.
There are many friendly people in WDW. The employees, or Cast Members as Disney calls them, are always willing to help you. They will do just about anything to make your stay magical. The tourists, or guests as they are called in Disney, are also generally friendly. After all, they are in WDW! I have met many people of all ages from all over the world and all walks of life because of Disney.
There is a wonderful atmosphere in WDW. It is accessible for anyone. People that are in wheelchairs know that they will always be able to get into shows or onto rides. This is not always the case anywhere else. I know this because my grandparents are in wheelchairs. Another thing is the variety of settings in WDW. Where else can you go on an African safari, fall down an elevator shaft, go into outer space, and go all over the world from Canada to England to China, all in one day? In WDW, you can! I am always amazed at how many different themes there are, even in just the Magic Kingdom, and it feels so real, like you are actually there.
Right now, I am sure you are thinking, “That sounds great! I am sure it is very expensive, though.” That is the great thing about Disney! There is something for every price range! You can get a hotel ranging anywhere from under 75$ a night at the All Star resorts up to over 400$ a night at a deluxe resort such as the Polynesian or Animal Kingdom Lodge. There are also many types of restaurants. You can go to fast food restaurants like the “ABC Commissary” in MGM or five-star restaurants like “Victoria and Albert’s” at the Grand Floridian resort. As you can see, there is something to suit everyone.
There are many reasons you should go to Walt Disney World. Just seeing the eyes of any first-timers light up when they meet Mickey Mouse or see the castle for the first time is what the magic that I keep referring to is all about. Unfortunately, there are many people who just don’t “get it”. Everyone should have the opportunity to fall in love with the magic. Experience for yourself the freedom to act however you want without worrying about what other people think. Next time you plan a trip, I strongly encourage you to visit my “home away from home”, the Walt Disney World resort in Florida.
 
Great essay! You talked me into it. Of course, I've almost as often as you, but still very persuasive! Good job.
 
Edited version of the opening paragraph below.

“This is the only place in the world that you can act as silly as you want and nobody cares.” My uncle said this as we were walking down Main Street in Walt Disney World (WDW). I have been there eleven times; my twelfth will be in February. I know quite a few people who have gone to WDW many times. We all have our own reasons for continuing to go back. Everyone agrees on one thing though. The magic is the main thing that brings them back, whether for their second or thirty-second trip. Everyone should go to WDW because of the friendly people, the wonderful atmosphere, affordability, and, of course, the magic.
 

thanks all! I changed the opening paragraph a bit.
 
Just be careful about extending sentences with a comma. Sometimes a period works better :)
 


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