what do you say

[SPAGo 98]

to people who change themselves entirely for a boyfriend?

i think it's so incredibly pathetic and horrible. one of my friends has been in a relationship for a few months. she was never skinny, she was always a little chubby, but not fat. but her boyfriend (who i dislike intensely) put pressure on her, and now she's totally changed. i hadn't seen her since may, but i saw her on friday and was shocked. she was SKINNY. it was so disconcerting. and one of my friends (her good friend) tells me that she's basically been starving herself for her boyfriend. i am so disgusted at the whole thing. it's horrible. and i don't know what to say to her (i'm not that close with her) so i just kinda ignore it.

 

[SDAngel101]

i would never do that! If the guy doesn't like you for the way you are, then why is he going out with you in the first place?

 

[supercarrie]

That's so sad, Hes. If you were closer to her, I would suggest talking to her about it, but since you aren't...I dunno what I would do in your situation.

 

[Goofyposter]

Ahhhh...."love".........Hes....how old are these folks??? It sounds like it's jurst nert right....."true" love.....happens without regard to the 'tangiables'!

 

[Princess Michelle]

Hes, I would just try my best to encourage her and tell her what a great person she is. She obviously has big self-esteem issues if she would do this. I don't like it when I see people "change" who they are for someone, if you can't like me for who I am and what I look like then I am not the person for you.

 

[SPAGo 98]

they're 18 or 19 i think. i want to say something to her, but i don't know what, so i'm stuck watching her waste away.

 

[glo]

That is sad. Poor kid, to do that to yourself for anyone. She may be doing a lot of damage to herself if she is practically starving herself. If you can ask her politely about her weight loss, see what she says. I would not let it drop...what if she got sick?

 

[Buckalew]

My best friend dated a guy who asked me to make her a blonde. He said "Karen really wants to be a blonde." I told him if Karen wants to be a blonde, Karen will tell me. I told him that changing someone as dark headed as she was to a blonde would be quite high maintenance and expensive. He said he was used to high maintenance women and he'd take care of the cost. Right...he had just lost a good job and seemed like a loser to me.

I had a long talk with her and stick my nose in, where it probably didn't belong, and told her what I thought of him. She was very upset with me. Later (afew months) she realized what a jerk he was but for quite sometime he had a horribly tight reign on her and what she did and thought. It was painful to watch as she is VERY independent. She did break up with him and is now seeing someone who is very nice.

I hope your friend discovers soon what this guy is doing to her and what she is doing to herself in the name of "love". I have an ex-boyfriend who (I'm kidding you not) WEIGHS his now wife to make sure she stays on target.

 

[Dopey Sharon]

I'm finding out, through my daughter, that it will only start a fight...better to keep your mouth shut...she won't listen anyway. Eventually, she will see the light. Unfortunately, it may take three years, like the last loser she dated, but it finally happened, BUT she is now dating another loser....I don't understand why these girls have no self esteem...she sure didn't get THAT from me!

 

[dancergirl]

This is a hard thing, i know from experiance, on both sides! My best friend was dating a guy that tried to change her. Not only did i know like the fact that he was trying to change her, i also didnt like him. I talked to her about it, and it ended up with her getting very mad at me. It took two or three days, but finially we made up. She stayed with the guy for a little while longer, then when they broke up she told me I was right.
Looking on the other side, I was dating this guy that my friends didnt like. They had heard from other people that his plan was to change me. I was madly in love with him (yea right) so i didnt listen to them. I thought they were all crazy that they didnt see how great of a person he really was. My sister who is older than both of us, but had known him for a while, also said he was a bad idea and i needed to get out of it. I still would not give up. About a month and a half after we started dating, he broke up with me cause he saw his plan wasnt going to work. I was so upset, mostly with him, but i also knew that part of it was my fault because I didnt listen to what every one said. It took me about another month and a half to realize what a jerk he really was. I watched him do it to other girls and tried to warn them, like me, they didnt listen either.
I guess what I am saying is, she might not appear to listen to you, but maybe she will keep it in the back of her mind and she will see that you are right and that you are only saying something because she is your friend and you want the best for her. The person that made me understand what the guy was doing the most, was another guy friend of mine, I think it was because often guys have a way of knowing what the other is going for. She might not see it this way, but I hope she does. Best of luck to you Hes!! **hugs** to you and your friend!