What about lack of communication from future roommate?

[Tinkmom]

Hey, all you college students, can you share your opinion? What if you were going to school out-of-state in the fall, and your future roommate, assigned almost a month ago, was, well, not communicating with you? From Facebook you have met quite a few people who are also attending this college and everyone is excited and frequently "talk" or otherwise communicate regularly. Your assigned roommate sent one brief email (friendly enough) the day after assignments were posted. You sent a longer one with some specific questions. A week goes by with zero response. You send another one and after a few days get a cool "been kind of busy, I'll try to call you tonight". Another week has gone by, with no attempt at communication via email or phone.

My daughter is not taking it personally, but she's a bit disappointed and we're both wondering what could be going on? I am really feeling like this is a person who maybe has changed their mind about this school. It is out-of-state for her, too, which makes it even odder that she doesn't seem inclined to discuss even the mechanics of coordinating who is bringing what or getting any additional information about the person who she is supposed to be sharing a small room with for many months! Or are my daughter and all of these other people she communicates with from her future school unusual?

My daughter is leaving for college in three weeks and I would really love to iron out some of these "sharing a space" issues so we can finish up our shopping. At what point could/should she push a bit to even ask if there is a problem or is this just one of those situations we might just let run its course?

 

[flipturngirl]

I am not in college but I would say that the other girl has a life too! She might not be excited about going to college away from home and does not want to talk about this kind of stuff right now. I would have your daughter call her and talk to her and say "look i need to know what is going on....etc..."

 

[MuchLuv4WDW]

The girl could very well be busy or something could be going on in her life but I still don't think those are good excuses. It's really not too much to ask someone to answer a simple email even if you only have 5 minutes. I would tell your daughter to call her because then she'll be able to get direct answers. Hopefully this isn't a sign of things to come. Good luck to both of you

 

[Tinkmom]

It just seems too weird that she is not interested in making arrangements with the person she is supposed to be, in three weeks, moving several hundred miles to live with!

It seems that most students have a million and one things they naturally want to discuss. Also, there is a list of issues the college suggests be addressed in advance, like who brings what (since there isn't enough space for duplicates in the larger items, like refrigerator, microwave, tv). And being girls many of them would to have furnishings that, if they don't coordinate, at least don't clash horribly! Plus it is nice to have a clue about this person a little in advance of sleeping in the same room with them.

It's kind of weird if she is so apprehensive that she doesn't want to think about it, and it doesn't bode that well for the future, but we can be optimistic she will get with the program. And I can at least feel some compassion for that situation. But if she is not talking because she's probably not coming, then I really wish she would have the courtesy to let someone know, because it leaves my daughter hanging.

 

[BostonTink85]

This is a little late from when you posted but I just saw it. I would have her call now if she hasn't already and just say she wants to ask a few questions and won't be on the phone for long. I know a lot of girls, when I was a freshman 2 years ago, that were roommates but not 'best friends'. A lot of kids freshman year become close with roommates but don't necessarily become best friends. This could be a good thing because you don't want to get sick of and annoyed with your roommate too quickly. So tell your daughter not to worry if they don't become the best of friends she'll definately make other friends, and it sounds like she already has. Hope things work out for your daughter!

 

[Jules76126]

Just thought I would reply. I have actually been to college out of state this past year. And when I say out of state I mean 1200 miles away from the place I call home. I was in a triple and had one roommate that was great with communication and another that you could barely get two words out of. I understand that you want to find out who is bring what and what not. But this is my advice. If you dont get any answer I would plan like the roommate is bringing nothing. It is very hard to share things if you are not good friends and also there is a chance that one might change rooms within the first few weeks. In my room we had two of everything (fridge, tv, etc) and at one point three and it worked out best for everyone. Everyone likes there own space and we are all sharing enough as it is.

Also you mentioned not having furinishings that clash. That might happen either way. In my room we had hot pink draws and a bedspreed. Then I had a lime green sheets and a dark purple bedspread and my other roommate had sky blue sheets and a brown bedspread. Talk about clash. But we never would have all cordinated ahead of time so we didnt really care anyways.

Bottom line is sont worry too much about it. IF you guys can get the bigger items taken care of before you get there then thats a good start. I dont know how far out of state you are going but I had to go on a plane so try getting all that stuff to school. In the end everything works out. Good luck! (oh and my roommate that didnt communicate ended up leaving two days in before classes even started, we did get another roommate three weeks later).

 

[jody]

My DD will be a freshman living in the dorms this fall at a college not so far from home, but still, she will be living there. Her roommate was assigned in early June and she is not a freshman. She has not replied to DD's e-mail all summer. On Monday, DD called her and her mom said she wouldn't be home until Friday. So I don't know if she's been gone all summer or just this week. The mother was not very friendly. DD is a little disappointed. I think the advice to bring everything we need and assume the roommate will bring nothing is good. It's a little more complicated because freshmen move in Aug. 30 and everyone else on Sept. 4 so DD will just have to set her stuff up and then deal with the roommate when she comes on the 4th. It's kind of an uncomfortable start.