Weddings Sure Have Changed..

Don't even get me started on weddings these days! DS is engaged and his fiance's mom has a ton of big ideas. I was more than happy to contribute money and stay far away from the planning, but they specifically asked that we plan the rehearsal dinner. The fiance's mom then told us she wants all 350 guests invited, music, plated food, slideshows, and speeches. The whole thing turned into major ordeal and we politely told them we'd cap the guest list at 150, which I still feel is excessive given it's a rehearsal dinner but whatever. The fiance's family was so insulted by this they decided to host their own rehearsal dinner and that's when we tapped out. Not going to get involved in dueling rehearsal dinners. DS and his fiance were given a set amount of money and they can spend it on the dinner or whatever they want. Just leave us out of it so we can show up and convince ourselves that his fiance isn't as high maintenance as her mother. And don't even get me started on the post-wedding brunch the next day.
What does your son think of it?

I often see the dialogue be so much about the soon to be part of the family members from parents but an interesting lack of commentary on their own children's decisions in the matter.
 
One thing that seems to not have changed are the long, overly-personal, not-necessarily-inspiring Best Man speeches. Some I have seen were very good, but most are just duds that drag on for too long and contain a lot of inside jokes that most of the guests don't get. I really don't care how he used to store his socks when you were roommates in college. I know it's a lot of pressure to come up with a good speech, but it is not that hard, either. There are lots of resources out there. Google "how to give a good Best Man speech" and you will find a wealth of pointers. Brevity is your friend if you are uncomfortable giving speeches.

That's the end of my silly rant. I fully admit that this is something that bothers me more than it should.
 
What does your son think of it?

I often see the dialogue be so much about the soon to be part of the family members from parents but an interesting lack of commentary on their own children's decisions in the matter.

My son and his fiance wanted the rehearsal dinner to be just the bridal party and their guests. They estimated 75 max. But that was not what the fiance's mother wants. And she's told them since she's paying for the wedding, they are doing it her way. I just can't imagine ever saying that to any of my kids.
 
My son and his fiance wanted the rehearsal dinner to be just the bridal party and their guests. They estimated 75 max. But that was not what the fiance's mother wants. And she's told them since she's paying for the wedding, they are doing it her way. I just can't imagine ever saying that to any of my kids.
Ah, I see. Another reason I'm blessedly glad we paid for our own lol
 


Best Man speeches. Some I have seen were very good, but most are just duds that drag on for too long and contain a lot of inside jokes that most of the guests don't get.
Aren't speeches more meant for the couple getting married anyhow? For the person giving it to show their whatever they want to show towards the couple getting married? I can understand the inside jokes, it's not too much about the guests but more the person giving the speech talking about their relationship with the couple getting married like the best man talking about their relationship with the groom and whatnot it's understandable why there may not be much for the other guests to relate to. I totally get not going on and on though although too short feels awkward too lol.
 
Don't even get me started on weddings these days! DS is engaged and his fiance's mom has a ton of big ideas. I was more than happy to contribute money and stay far away from the planning, but they specifically asked that we plan the rehearsal dinner. The fiance's mom then told us she wants all 350 guests invited, music, plated food, slideshows, and speeches. The whole thing turned into major ordeal and we politely told them we'd cap the guest list at 150, which I still feel is excessive given it's a rehearsal dinner but whatever. The fiance's family was so insulted by this they decided to host their own rehearsal dinner and that's when we tapped out. Not going to get involved in dueling rehearsal dinners. DS and his fiance were given a set amount of money and they can spend it on the dinner or whatever they want. Just leave us out of it so we can show up and convince ourselves that his fiance isn't as high maintenance as her mother. And don't even get me started on the post-wedding brunch the next day.

Good lord, so they want to have two wedding receptions? Do most guests even want to devote two days to someone else's wedding if they aren't in it?
 
Ah, I see. Another reason I'm blessedly glad we paid for our own lol

Absolutely. Some people give without strings and some people don't. My son always has the choice to pay for his own wedding and have a wedding that is meaningful to him and his fiance. They don't want 350 people at the wedding, and probably 1/3 of the guests they haven't even met. They are friends and coworkers of her parents.

Good lord, so they want to have two wedding receptions? Do most guests even want to devote two days to someone else's wedding if they aren't in it?
Yes, essentially the fiance's mother wants a "pre-reception" for all the guests the day before that would include the same stuff as the actual wedding reception, then the wedding and reception, and then a post-wedding brunch the next day. That's 3 full days of wedding parties. I have NEVER heard of anything like this. Apparently, they are a "come one, come all" type family (the MILs words) and they couldn't possibly invite some to the rehearsal dinner or the brunch and not others.
 


Yes, essentially the fiance's mother wants a "pre-reception" for all the guests the day before that would include the same stuff as the actual wedding reception, then the wedding and reception, and then a post-wedding brunch the next day. That's 3 full days of wedding parties. I have NEVER heard of anything like this. Apparently, they are a "come one, come all" type family (the MILs words) and they couldn't possibly invite some to the rehearsal dinner or the brunch and not others.

An introvert's nightmare. 😄 I've only been to rehearsal dinners when I was in the wedding party. Any morning after breakfasts/brunches have been super casual, usually just a banquet room in the hotel everyone is at and people can drop in to eat if and when they want.
 
My son and his fiance wanted the rehearsal dinner to be just the bridal party and their guests. They estimated 75 max. But that was not what the fiance's mother wants. And she's told them since she's paying for the wedding, they are doing it her way. I just can't imagine ever saying that to any of my kids.

If the bride's mom is paying for all this (rehearsal dinner, wedding, brunch), then yeah, as the groom's parent, I'd pretty much tell my son to let her have her own way and say "thank you" - if her own daughter disagrees, that's who can have a voice on this, but the non-paying family just goes along and gets along...
 
If the bride's mom is paying for all this (rehearsal dinner, wedding, brunch), then yeah, as the groom's parent, I'd pretty much tell my son to let her have her own way and say "thank you" - if her own daughter disagrees, that's who can have a voice on this, but the non-paying family just goes along and gets along...
Oh the good ole power trip at play cuz that bodes well for an amicable life with family..

Coming together as a family shouldn't be about power plays. Compromise sure. The PP said the couple wanted 75 max but the mother overrode that saying my money I get to do what I want. Ideally the couple should be voicing their displeasure and whomever is paying should remember whose wedding it is but I suppose that's digressing
 
Oh the good ole power trip at play cuz that bodes well for an amicable life with family..

Coming together as a family shouldn't be about power plays. Compromise sure. The PP said the couple wanted 75 max but the mother overrode that saying my money I get to do what I want. Ideally the couple should be voicing their displeasure and whomever is paying should remember whose wedding it is but I suppose that's digressing

Right, the bride can have the fight with mom - her family, her issue.

The groom and groom's parents stay out of the fight.

That's the way forward for family peace.

I've got 5 siblings who married all different families and cultures, and do know about the "we have to invite everyone for everything" thing from two of the in laws...and they did. My parents chipped in a reasonable amount to the rehearsal dinner (based on what they spent for a 3rd brother, who married someone who followed the smaller, more traditional route) to the bride's parents and let them go nuts...and it went well, and everyone's still married and happy, going on decade+ laters, and in laws and us can be at the same events happily...no drama is the path to nice wedding weekends and long-lasting interactions with new family...
 
Right, the bride can have the fight with mom - her family, her issue.

The groom and groom's parents stay out of the fight.

That's the way forward for family peace.

I've got 5 siblings who married all different families and cultures, and do know about the "we have to invite everyone for everything" thing from two of the in laws...and they did. My parents chipped in a reasonable amount to the rehearsal dinner (based on what they spent for a 3rd brother, who married someone who followed the smaller, more traditional route) to the bride's parents and let them go nuts...and it went well, and everyone's still married and happy, going on decade+ laters, and in laws and us can be at the same events happily...no drama is the path to nice wedding weekends and long-lasting interactions with new family...
I said couple. The couple is getting married the couple needs to have this discussion. It shouldn't just fall on the bride or the groom for that matter. There are things that should def. fall on one or the other in relationships but when it comes to a couple's wedding both should have a voice. It's the couple's wedding not the mother of the bride's wedding, not the mother of the groom's wedding. It doesn't need to be a fight if people remember who they are celebrating in the first place..peace comes when people don't try to make it about them.
 
I said couple. The couple is getting married the couple needs to have this discussion. It shouldn't just fall on the bride or the groom for that matter. There are things that should def. fall on one or the other in relationships but when it comes to a couple's wedding both should have a voice. It's the couple's wedding not the mother of the bride's wedding, not the mother of the groom's wedding. It doesn't need to be a fight if people remember who they are celebrating in the first place..

And if anyone's giving the feedback to the bride's mom, it's the bride. If this is going forward, the bride has probably decided she's ultimately more fine with having the events than with having the drama with her mother. So be it.

The couple can talk about it together, but the bride, not the groom, delivers the message to her own mom, if desired.

EDIT: Groom can be there when it happens for solidarity and support...
 
And if anyone's giving the feedback to the bride's mom, it's the bride. If this is going forward, the bride has probably decided she's ultimately more fine with having the events than with having the drama with her mother. So be it.

The couple can talk about it together, but the bride, not the groom, delivers the message to her own mom, if desired.

EDIT: Groom can be there when it happens for solidarity and support...
Glad I considered my husband my equal and capable of an opinion at his own wedding. But really this is not really on the topic of the PP's post so I'll leave it at that.
 
If the bride's mom is paying for all this (rehearsal dinner, wedding, brunch), then yeah, as the groom's parent, I'd pretty much tell my son to let her have her own way and say "thank you" - if her own daughter disagrees, that's who can have a voice on this, but the non-paying family just goes along and gets along...

The bride's mom asked us to plan and pay for the rehearsal dinner. She threw a mega fit when we said we were going to cap it at 150 people. We had talked with both my son and his fiance and neither one wanted all 350 people at the rehearsal dinner. They were totally on board with the smaller rehearsal dinner.

I agree with you, though. My son should suck it up and don't rock the boat with his future MIL because she is paying for most everything. If he doesn't like it, he should either 1) run the other direction like he's on fire because this isn't going to end well or 2) pay for his own wedding.
 
Aren't speeches more meant for the couple getting married anyhow? For the person giving it to show their whatever they want to show towards the couple getting married? I can understand the inside jokes, it's not too much about the guests but more the person giving the speech talking about their relationship with the couple getting married like the best man talking about their relationship with the groom and whatnot it's understandable why there may not be much for the other guests to relate to. I totally get not going on and on though although too short feels awkward too lol.
Agreed - but ideally it should be something of value for everyone at the reception. The couple is being celebrated by everyone in attendance at the wedding, not just their closest circle of friends. Too many inside jokes can just come across as deliberately exclusive, even if that is not what was intended.
 
Agreed - but ideally it should be something of value for everyone at the reception. The couple is being celebrated by everyone in attendance at the wedding, not just their closest circle of friends. Too many inside jokes can just come across as deliberately exclusive, even if that is not what was intended.
I can understand that and don't disagree :)
 
...Yes, essentially the fiance's mother wants a "pre-reception" for all the guests the day before that would include the same stuff as the actual wedding reception, then the wedding and reception, and then a post-wedding brunch the next day. That's 3 full days of wedding parties. I have NEVER heard of anything like this. Apparently, they are a "come one, come all" type family (the MILs words) and they couldn't possibly invite some to the rehearsal dinner or the brunch and not others.
popcorn::Oh good Lord - I find this fascinating in a horrifying sort of way. Never in a million years would I spend three days captive at a wedding. What will MOB-zilla do if people don't accept the invitation to all three days? Are you and all your family members invited/expected to attend?
 
caught an article where the quest list was reduced. The bride's father was uninvited. The bride expected the father to pay for the wedding.
 
popcorn::Oh good Lord - I find this fascinating in a horrifying sort of way. Never in a million years would I spend three days captive at a wedding. What will MOB-zilla do if people don't accept the invitation to all three days? Are you and all your family members invited/expected to attend?
For real!!! I wouldn't want to spend three days attending events for any wedding. Plus I'm tired after work, I don't want to go to a rehearsal dinner on a weeknight after spending the day working unless I am in the wedding and need to be at the rehearsal. I probably wouldn't mind the day after brunch though. The only times I've done that its been a really low key affair, and it was relaxing, everyone was paying for their own food, sat in the same area and came and went as they wanted.
 

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