Wedding "Save The Date" question~~Update on page 4

[daughtersrus]

I know that "save the date" notices have become more common but I've never seen one like this before.

It's basically a post card saying so and so are getting married June xx, 2011.

But, it also says what type of food that is being served and the price of each. It's not a reply card where you fill in your name and your meal choice.

If it matters, the wedding is about 4 hours away from where many of the invited guests live so most of them are getting a hotel for the night. Do you think that this is a cash meal where everyone is expected to pay for their own meal or are they trying to give the guest an idea of what the meal will cost so that the guests cover their plate when they give a gift?

Either way, I think it's very tacky.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

That is a new one (at least I think.) And I would love to know what that means. Never saw anything like it and think it needs more explanition, not from you but from them. Very curious...

ETA- I agree, very tacky no matter what.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

MM. That is very weird. Was the meal info an insert or literally on the STD? It's tacky either way. You are supposed to pay for the meal of your guest. I'm confident in saying that that is NOT a regional thing.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I know that "save the date" notices have become more common but I've never seen one like this before.

It's basically a post card saying so and so are getting married June xx, 2011.

But, it also says what type of food that is being served and the price of each. It's not a reply card where you fill in your name and your meal choice.

If it matters, the wedding is about 4 hours away from where many of the invited guests live so most of them are getting a hotel for the night. Do you think that this is a cash meal where everyone is expected to pay for their own meal or are they trying to give the guest an idea of what the meal will cost so that the guests cover their plate when they give a gift?

Either way, I think it's very tacky.

HA, that is a new one on me.

I would be calling them up and putting them on the spot to ask. But that is how I roll. It would bug me to death.

 

[tlbwriter]

Do you think that this is a cash meal where everyone is expected to pay for their own meal or are they trying to give the guest an idea of what the meal will cost so that the guests cover their plate when they give a gift?

Oh, wow. You've got to keep us updated on this one! The first thing that popped into my head is that not only do they expect you to "cover your plate," but they're telling you how much your plate will cost *now* so you'll know whether you can afford to come or not! So, how much was the cost of each meal - pretty high?

 

[luvmy3]

Its a Save The Date and Your Money notice. They are just being considerate of their guests so that you have time enough to adjust your budget to attend their wedding. I sure wish alot more brides and grooms would think about their guests first, like this couple is doing.

 

[walden]

MM. That is very weird. Was the meal info an insert or literally on the STD? It's tacky either way. You are supposed to pay for the meal of your guest. I'm confident in saying that that is NOT a regional thing.

ITA! And the bolded bit made me !

OP, that is just weird. Do keep us posted.

 

[golfgal]

Its a Save The Date and Your Money notice. They are just being considerate of their guests so that you have time enough to adjust your budget to attend their wedding. I sure wish alot more brides and grooms would think about their guests first, like this couple is doing.

You mean that you want brides to let people know they expect a gift of at least xxx dollars??

Sorry, I would not be saving the date if I got something like this in the mail. I agree, rude and tacky.

 

[luvmy3]

You mean that you want brides to let people know they expect a gift of at least xxx dollars??

Sorry, I would not be saving the date if I got something like this in the mail. I agree, rude and tacky.

I didn't think I'd have to explain that I was kidding, I mean who would really think this was a great idea.

 

[Scurvy]

How tacky! To me, it sounds like they want you to know what you'll be paying for your meal at the reception. If not, and they are just telling you how much they are spending so you'll know how to "cover your plate", that's just as bad. Either way, there's no way on earth that it's acceptable to include a list of prices. That's just horrible! That's one wedding I definitely wouldn't plan on attending . . . though I admit I'd be a little bit tempted, because if it is starting out this badly it's sure to be a complete etiquette train wreck and I'd love to see what other offensive things they end up doing!

 

[ilovejack02]

Please please please call and find out , we are all dying to know !!

 

[postage stamp]

That is totally bizarre. When my husband's brother got married we got the "save the date" but all it had on it was the date and place, I don't even know if it had the time on it or if that didn't come until the invites. I happen to know how much they paid per plate, but only because his soon-to-be wife asked me to help with the planning because she knew I'd be honest with her. I can't IMAGINE notifying people how much we paid for them to eat at our wedding, or expecting them to pay for their own meal. Even the SUPER casual weddings I've been to haven't done that.

 

[leight]

wow- I've never seen that before. I know when I married at the Swan, I was shocked that I had to have a list of how many chicken, filet or salmon dishes- so I did include a return reply card with the choices listed and space for # of each requested for that entree. But mine was a really small informal luncheon that was being catered at their italian restaurant. I certainly didn't include the price of each!

I would assume that you are supposed to pay for that meal when the prices are listed. I too would find a nice way to decline. Is there another family member that you can trust that you can ask?

 

[DisneyBeagle]

I'm feeling snarky today so I'd probably respond with a list of possible gift options minus the amount you'll be paying for the meal:

Blender ($50) minus chicken dinner (-$25) = $25 gift
Kitchen Aid mixer ($250) minus 2 fish dinners (-$50) = $200 gift

Or I'd send an email asking for clarification stating that you must be reading the Save the Date card incorrectly because a host/hostess couldn't possibly be asking their guests to pay for dinner AND give a gift. They must want for their guest to pay for their own meal in lieu of a gift

 

[ilovejack02]

I would assume that you are supposed to pay for that meal when the prices are listed. I too would find a nice way to decline. Is there another family member that you can trust that you can ask?

No way don't call another family member, call directly to the couple and ask. I am dying to hear they have to say. If someone is tacky enough to either .. ask you to drive four hours to wedding and pay for meal OR telling you upfront how much the meal is so you know to send a gift = to amount of meal , they need to be able to fess up .

 

[postage stamp]

I'm feeling snarky today so I'd probably respond with a list of possible gift options minus the amount you'll be paying for the meal:

Blender ($50) minus chicken dinner (-$25) = $25 gift
Kitchen Aid mixer ($250) minus 2 fish dinners (-$50) = $200 gift

Or I'd send an email asking for clarification stating that you must be reading the Save the Date card incorrectly because a host/hostess couldn't possibly be asking their guests to pay for dinner AND give a gift. They must want for their guest to pay for their own meal in lieu of a gift

You, I like. You can come to my next wedding. In lieu of a gift please stand by the open bar with me and gossip about my mother-in-law.

 

[nmmom95]

That is really rude and tacky. The next time the bride or groom come to your house, you should put a bill next to the plat after dinner.

 

[Tinkermommy]

This is .

I would be tempted to cross out the other selections and write in "Grilled Cheese" for $4.

I wonder if they will have a sign on the tables that says "Flower Arrangments $45 each"

I would love to know if this info is just an FYI or you are expected to pay for your meal.

 

[golfgal]

I didn't think I'd have to explain that I was kidding, I mean who would really think this was a great idea.

Without smileys in your post it DID look like you were serious.

Please please please call and find out , we are all dying to know !!

 

[kamik86]

Wow... at first I was thinking maybe they included the food choices so if anyone had a problem (like being alergic to something in both choices or their not being a vegetarian dish) they would have time to fix it... then it clicked that they put the prices there...

I have no idea how that could be ok... I mean I was "tacky" in several ways according to alot of people like having a cash bar (coffe, soda, tea, etc were all covered by us though, just not alcohol) having a registry (which meant we only got a few gifts we didn't like) and having family plan my shower (I didn't realize this one is concidered tacky until after ours was held but according so some it is... my husbands mom did ours cause she wanted to, if not my mom was planning to since both my bridesmaids were under 18) but I never told anyone how much it cost.... well besides my telling my uncle on the flowers because his step daugher was getting married the next year and they loved our flowers