Wedding Party Deilima

[CharacterFan]

DFi and I had a couple that we're good friends with. They are also engaged. The guy and DFi have been good friends for awhile. DFi's friend introduced his then gf to me. We over time have become good friends.

DFi has been asked to be the best man at their wedding (march 2010) and it's "rumored" that I'm going to be asked as well. We at this time have no plans on asking them to be apart of our wedding. DFi is going to ask his brother to be his best man and I'm going to ask my brother to be my man of honor. It's a small wedding and I want it to be family.

I've casually mentioned that I was going to ask my brother, but I keep getting this kinda pressuring hints about asking her to be apart my wedding. DFi's friend knows that there is a strong chance that his brother is going to be the best man and knows that it's only going to be 1 one each side. I just think that his DFi is waiting to ask me when I ask her, but I don't know of a polite way of making it understood that it's not her, but it's an important day and I want my brother standing next to me.

DFi and I talked about just adding them and then we wouldn't have to deal with it. DFi asked me if it hadn't been for his friend would she and I have been friends, and I said no. We don't have very much in common other then our DFi-s. So we took out that idea.

Sorry if this is all complicated. It's been stressing me the past couple of days. When I told her what I wanted for my bachelorette party, she had a big attitude because it wasn't a traditional party. I want to go park hopping and ride the coasters and see Mickey. (She wants drinking, dancing, or a spa and thinks I should too)

Thank you for your input.

 

[Skylarr29]

You shouldn't feel pressured to add them into your bridal party. I personally don't even think you need to politely tell them that they are not being chosen. If they ask about wedding plans perhaps you can slip it in but I wouldn't make the situation awkward by bringing it up. If they choose to ask you and your DF to be in their wedding then that is their decision. You already know that having your brother by you is important and they should understand that it is a small wedding with your closest friends and family. Don't feel pressured to do something you don't want, it is your special day. I think so many people forget that weddings are about the bride and groom and they make it about themselves instead. If they get upset over it then they aren't very good friends in the first place and to drop hints that they want to be in the wedding is just plain rude. Besides, SOOOOOOOOO many things can change in a year and a half, you might not even be friends with these people. If you grow closer during that time than you can reassess the situation.

 

[Lynn5700]

Stick with who you want. Don't have them if you don't want them. If they are your true friends they will understand, if not oh well.

 

[Lindsay22]

I think it would be fine if you mentioned that you are just having your family as part of the bridal party. Play up the fun side "Well, you'll get to enjoy our cocktail hour! You can wear whatever you want"
I was recently in my friend's wedding. She is not in mine. She was okay with this.... another bridesmaid, not so much. She constantly asks me why our friend isn't in my wedding. I simply tell her that I've decided to keep my bridal party to just family so that I don't have to deal with a lot of drama. Your friends shouldn't be insulted.

 

[CharacterFan]

Thanks, We're hoping they understand. If not, oh well. They must not be good friends. I guess we'll try to poke the words family in a bit more. I was talking to her today, and she asked something about flowers. I said I'd have my boquet and my man of honor would have a bout that matched the best man. Maybe she'll decide not to ask me and that's fine. I don't want to spend $200 on a pink dress I'll never wear again. This thread is making me feel a lot less stressed. Thanks.

 

[CNPHILLY]

Leave them out, and I wouldn't make excuses or even think about it twice. My wife and I found it very helpful to remember during our wedding planning that this was our wedding, and we really didn't care if other people had a problem with how we were doing things. The only obligation you have is to each other to make the day the best ever for yourselves.

 

[NikkiPants]

Yeah I agree with everyone else...do what you want!
It's your wedding and you should have it the way you want

 

[dakcp2001]

I am not having a wedding party, because of this type of drama and because frankly I found being a bridesmaid to be very stressful and expensive, even when i really wanted to do it for people I love the most. Its not an easy job! Heres my input:


Although not choosing her may hurt her feelings, if you do ask her out of some feeling of obligation, each time she has a difference of opinion, you are going to get aggravated and resent her, and eventually it could ruin your friendship.

I wouldnt bring it up, but if SHE does, I would just tell her your only having FAMILY and keeping it very small. This is perfectly legit, and should not hurt her feelings at all!

I cant even imagine trying to be a bridesmaid and planning a wedding at the same time. Are your weddings close together? Thats a lot of stress and planning!