Wedding Etiqute Question (Long)

[snickerharley]

My DF and I have recently been dicussing having our wedding in Disney! Of course I am really excited at the prospect of getting married in such a wonderful happy place. We have looked into the website and we watched the DVD that we recieved. We are talking about doing the intimate wedding and only inviting parents and grandparents. The biggest problem is he is under the impression that his entire family will be really mad if we don't invite them (he has a huge family) but on the same hand he thinks they will be really upset that they will have to fork over cash to get to Disney.
His family is extremely *cheap*! His parents have already said we are on our own as far as wedding expenses go and his mother has mentioned that if we want her to come we need to cover her expenses!!!! So on to my question! Should we just do what we want bacuse it is "our day" or do we need to make finacial contributions to those family members who cant afford it , not that we can either!

 

[Skylarr29]

Well I am not quite sure about "etiqutte" but I say you should do what you want to do for your wedding. I don't think you are obligated to pay for your guests accomodations... maybe if they were in the bridal party then yes, but even then they agree to be in the wedding and assume the costs involve. dress, shoes etc. We were having some issues with who to invite and not to invite etc. so we decided to get married alone at Sunset Pointe at the Poly and then have an Illumiantions dessert party later that evening for about 30 people or so. This way we could celebrate with our family and still have our day the way we wanted it. We are not covering anyones costs, it is up to them if they want to come. If not we will be just as happy.

 

[JandJ]

Just my 2 cents . . . since you asked It is YOUR DAY! Do not put yourself in a fincancial bind for other people. I know that is easier said than done! We decided on an Intimate for several reasons: I wanted a Disney wedding; DH wanted a small wedding; I have a million friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. and I didn't want to invite some of them while feeling like others were left out (DH has a very small family); we had just bought a house and didn't want to spend a small fortune on a big wedding.

We invited the parents (sadly, my mom passed 4 months before the wedding), my brother and his wife, my sister, and my best friend who introduced me and DH and is more like a sister to me. My niece was my MOH. Were there hurt feelings from people who were not invited? Yes. Did I worry about it? Not too much. My sister wasn't happy about the cost but in the end she came (it was only hotel as we all live in FL) and stayed at a Value Resort, got a good rate and had a great time.

Our wedding was perfect, it was what we wanted, and I wouldn't have changed it. All this is to say - do what makes you and your DF happy and try very hard to ignore the mean people who just don't understand.

Best Wishes

 

[yanners]

BTDT. I sacrificed my dream for my first wedding because my husband's family kicked up a BIG fuss. Some couldn't afford to come and other's wanted it to be in a church. They made such a ruckus that we decided to do a wedding in town. BIG MISTAKE. I hated my wedding. It was nothing that I wanted it to be and in the end years from now they wouldn't really remember it anyway. I on the other hand never forgot it.

Don't make the same mistake I did. Do what you want. In the end they'll get over it but you may not.

And don't pay for them to come. When you have a wedding away from home you need to make it clear that you don't expect anyone to come because there is a cost involved. That is it.

Hope that helped!

 

[superdiz]

You're not obligated to pay for guest accomodations according to Emily Post. If Emily Post says no, then I'm pretty sure your MIL is just... cheap & rude Do what you want.

 

[Chrissie-riel]

Etiquette wise - no you don't have to pay for anyone as superdiz says.

And you never know how people will react to an invitation to a Disney FTW. I was extremely adamant that I would never take my children to WDW while they were in strollers and too small to remember any of it. My best girlfriend decided to throw a HUGE wedding that I wasn't about to miss while the kids were just 2 & 3 yrs old. I crunched my budget, packed the stroller and off we went for the best week ever!!

Moral of the story - invite who is important to you for your important day. If you are important to them, they will find a way to make it work!

 

[heathrow42]

..and this is why we have been engaged for 5 years and are just now getting to having a Disney wedding. It's taken me this long to realize, it's about having the wedding *we* want, that in 30 years, no one else will care but us, and that we want to be happy and not have any regrets when we look back on it. For 5 years, I thought that I could change the minds of the family that said they wouldn't travel. I listened to my grandmother who said, as lovingly as possible, that I was being selfish and that I shouldn't expect anyone to come all that way (she was wrong!) We listened to his family who wanted a big, local wedding.

It wasn't till we stopped listening to everyone else, (hint, don't ask them!) and we sat down and talked to each other, that we were able to figure out what we wanted.. and then it was all pretty clear. We outlined what we wanted, we talked to Disney, and *then* we told our family.

If you are set on an intimate, split the guest list down the middle 9 for each of you, and set a rule to not argue or give the other a hard time.. and consider having or letting his family throw a reception for you when you get back (you'll quickly find out how important it is to them..)

above all else, it's YOUR wedding!

--Heather

 

[snickerharley]

Thanks to everyone for the help i really appriciate your imput into the situation. We still have not decided but we have time still.

 

[jbdreamer]

It's your wedding and you may do it however you want. If you DF is concerned about his family, have a small reception when you get home to celebrate your marrige.

 

[TimonTracy]

I agree with the previous posters - it is your day... Unfortunately, no matter what you do - someone won't be happy, it's inevitable. So why not make you and your FH happy