Wedding and Shower gift question

[Kitzka]

Hi everyone:

was having a converation with a freind of mine and while we are normally like minded but we were both surprised on our differing views and i was wondering what the folks on the Dis thought.

Friend: thinks of the shower and wedding as one entity. so she spends the same amount for the events together. so if she spent $50 on the shower gift she gives $150 to the couple at the wedding. for a total of $200. but if she did not go to the shower she would give $200 total at the wedding. also, if she can't make the wedding she would give a $200 gift at the shower. so all she ever spends is $200.

Myself: i think of each event as separate. so if i give a $50 shower gift and then both DH and I go to the wedding i give $200 and have spent $250 total. If i can't make the shower i will still give $200 at the wedding but most likely wouldn't send anything for the shower. If i can not attend the wedding but am able to attend the shower I might spend a little more than the $50 but not more than $75.

i know there is no wrong or right way too do things but i was really taken aback that my friend thinks of the shower and wedding as one event rather than 2 as i did.

what about everyone else?

Lara

 

[okeydokey]

I can totally understand that your friend has a budget and adjusts her gifts to that budget. Her budget is much , much higher than mine, so I think she is fine in the way she is doing things.

 

[marie1203]

I really dislike the idea of showers and never go to them. I didn't have a shower either. I see them as separate events.

 

[tlbwriter]

i know there is no wrong or right way too do things but i was really taken aback that my friend thinks of the shower and wedding as one event rather than 2 as i did.

If neither way is wrong, what is it about your friend's thinking that left you "really taken aback?"

I think of them as two separate events, but I also realize that I only have so much money to spend on a person's gift, and I'm not going to suddenly have more simply because they invited me to an additional function. And then I had one friend who said "Why did you give me a wedding gift? You didn't have to do that; you gave me a shower gift!" Which confused me!

 

[2disneyboys]

depends on my realtionship to the bride/groom.

immediate or close family/friend, they are seperate entities... and I gift (actual gift for shower and cash for wedding) @ both regardless on if I attend or not. (I'm attending a wedding tomorrow for a very close cousin.. I have always been close to him and have babysat him since his birth etc) I still see him on a regular basis (several times a month) and have developed a nice releationship w/ his bride over the past few years. DH & I set our budget for thier wedding $250-300. Ended up spending $100 (close enough) for the shower and then the card w/ cash has $200 in it.

"removed" family or close friends, I would sort of combine my budget and then split it (part to each event) or if I could not attend one or the other would lump the rest of the balance into the event I did attend. DH's cousin was married last year.. we rarely see this cousin (in the past 18 years that I have been w/ dh I have met the cousin 4 maybe 5 times) Don't know his fiance at all. Could not make it to the shower, (had set limit of $200-250 for this one so ended up giving bride & groom $200

obligation weddings Didn't know how to title this one.. this is the far removed family, or family of a friend, or longtime neighbor's kids wedding, or fellow church member etc.. seems like I get invited to these type on occasion! anyway, these are the ones where I don't necessarly have a close (or any) realtionswhip w/ the bride or groom, but do w/ the parents of the bride or groom or through church. We set this limit @$50-$100 and rarely attend both a shower or a wedding & in this case, just lump the budget together and spend around that on whichever even we attend.

make sense?

 

[scrapquitler]

Hi everyone:

Friend: thinks of the shower and wedding as one entity. so she spends the same amount for the events together. so if she spent $50 on the shower gift she gives $150 to the couple at the wedding. for a total of $200. but if she did not go to the shower she would give $200 total at the wedding. also, if she can't make the wedding she would give a $200 gift at the shower. so all she ever spends is $200.


what about everyone else?

Lara

I think more like your friend.

 

[angierae]

I spend ~$50 on a shower gift regardless of who it is, and scale the wedding gift up or down depending on how close I am to the couple. (Rarely having anything to do with actual relation - we had two weddigns on back-to-back weekends, a friend of ours who we used to live near and who was in our wedding and who is very dear to me got more $ at her wedding than my cousin who I see twice a year got.)