was this priest rude--not starting a religious debate just thoughts

Dznypal

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At church my DH is the religious education leader--hes in charge of putting the programs together and making sure all the paper work for each student is in place among other things.
The church is changing alot of things mostly becoming a Hispanic church which be for the overflow from the church a few blocks away thats just packed. Last year they got 2 priests from the other church to run this one as well.
So the other day DH was talking to the director of religious ed. to put together a retreat day. He also mentioned to DH to make sure that the students know about the rites-now I cant remember what rites the director was talking about. The only one I know if is last rites and its certainly not that.
So DH went to ask the priest about this and first the priest I dont know what your talking about--then went to say its rites and not rights-so was he playing mind games and said he didnt know what theses rights were when it was spelled wrong but then made a big deal to correct the spelling.

he also ended the email with
ja ja ja
which DH had absolutely no clue what he was talking about
I said jokingly that maybe it means ha ha ha
which he looked it up and it is spanish for ha ha ha
DH was taken back by all this--the priest was very rude in his response and never did answer the original question.
This is how its been going there--its all to drive out people so they can have room to change to hispanics
The priests all right there for the hispanics and the others get brushed to the side
I always thought priests were supposed to be all holy and not be rude to certain ones
not starting a religious debate but really thought the priest should have just answered the question and then told DH the correct spelling
and adding spanish words when he knows DH doenst know spanish is out of line
 
At church my DH is the religious education leader--hes in charge of putting the programs together and making sure all the paper work for each student is in place among other things.
The church is changing alot of things mostly becoming a Hispanic church which be for the overflow from the church a few blocks away thats just packed. Last year they got 2 priests from the other church to run this one as well.
So the other day DH was talking to the director of religious ed. to put together a retreat day. He also mentioned to DH to make sure that the students know about the rites-now I cant remember what rites the director was talking about. The only one I know if is last rites and its certainly not that.
So DH went to ask the priest about this and first the priest I dont know what your talking about--then went to say its rites and not rights-so was he playing mind games and said he didnt know what theses rights were when it was spelled wrong but then made a big deal to correct the spelling.

he also ended the email with
ja ja ja
which DH had absolutely no clue what he was talking about
I said jokingly that maybe it means ha ha ha
which he looked it up and it is spanish for ha ha ha
DH was taken back by all this--the priest was very rude in his response and never did answer the original question.
This is how its been going there--its all to drive out people so they can have room to change to hispanics
The priests all right there for the hispanics and the others get brushed to the side
I always thought priests were supposed to be all holy and not be rude to certain ones
not starting a religious debate but really thought the priest should have just answered the question and then told DH the correct spelling
and adding spanish words when he knows DH doenst know spanish is out of line
First, you can't read tone in a message (I assume this was all over email/text).
Second, IMO, at this point, a face to face meeting is necessary. Just to make sure DH and the "director of religious education" (I guess that's a priest?) are on the same page. Your DH shouldn't be accusatory, simply professional.
Third, I think it's a stretch that there's an attempt to "drive out people so they can have room to change to hispanics".
Fourth, while I understand spouses share things between each other, I'm not sure why you're so involved. Support your DH, help him make responsible choices. That's it. Bringing this second hand drama onto a random message board isn't a good idea IMO.
 
First, you can't read tone in a message (I assume this was all over email/text).
Second, IMO, at this point, a face to face meeting is necessary. Just to make sure DH and the "director of religious education" (I guess that's a priest?) are on the same page. Your DH shouldn't be accusatory, simply professional.
Third, I think it's a stretch that there's an attempt to "drive out people so they can have room to change to hispanics".
Fourth, while I understand spouses share things between each other, I'm not sure why you're so involved. Support your DH, help him make responsible choices. That's it. Bringing this second hand drama onto a random message board isn't a good idea IMO.

Bolded...so this.
 
I think you are reading way more into things than what happened. I highly doubt that your church is trying to shun all other parishioners except Hispanics to make them go to another one. It just doesn’t make sense. The priest may be Hispanic and English not his first language so he should be given some grace. It takes time for a new priest to get a feel for the new parish and it’s people. Just like you need time to get used to his personality and spiritual leadership style.
 
Dang....the tone I'm getting for your post is kind racist, honestly.

And criticizing the priest for saying "hahaha" in "spanish" isn't a big deal at all. It's not like he wrote an entire email in a language your husband doesn't read.

And I agree with Sam's post above.
 
First, you can't read tone in a message (I assume this was all over email/text).

Bolded...so this.

This is hard to read period. (No pun intended.) From the third paragraph on there is NO punctuation. Even if this was written on the phone, the keyboards do include punctuation marks.

Communication is a two part process. Punctuation is not for the writer, it's for the READER. It's so they can make sense out of what is written and then respond back. Not including punctuation is rude to the readers.

You took the time to write all that out. Add punctuation if you really want people to read it and respond back. Maybe you don't want responses back? Maybe you don't care if people read it? Maybe this was all just some rambling, stream of consciousness vent?
 
An in person meeting is in order.

For RCIA, now called OCIA, and for the Sacrament of Confirmation, there are several times in the preparation that Rites are celebrated to mark having completed or starting a new time of study and preparation.

Usually those in preparation classes celebrate Rites at a Mass with the congregation so that they can meet those in the classes and pray for them. This has been a 'thing' in the Catholic church for numerous years.

As to the rest of the post, maybe it is time for your husband to step back if he is not compatible with the new priests.
 
This is hard to read period. (No pun intended.) From the third paragraph on there is NO punctuation. Even if this was written on the phone, the keyboards do include punctuation marks.

Communication is a two part process. Punctuation is not for the writer, it's for the READER. It's so they can make sense out of what is written and then respond back. Not including punctuation is rude to the readers.

You took the time to write all that out. Add punctuation if you really want people to read it and respond back. Maybe you don't want responses back? Maybe you don't care if people read it? Maybe this was all just some rambling, stream of consciousness vent?
To be fair, the OP never uses punctuation or capital letters, so I wouldn't read anything into it specifically for this thread.
 
At church my DH is the religious education leader--hes in charge of putting the programs together and making sure all the paper work for each student is in place among other things.
The church is changing alot of things mostly becoming a Hispanic church which be for the overflow from the church a few blocks away thats just packed. Last year they got 2 priests from the other church to run this one as well.
So the other day DH was talking to the director of religious ed. to put together a retreat day. He also mentioned to DH to make sure that the students know about the rites-now I cant remember what rites the director was talking about. The only one I know if is last rites and its certainly not that.
So DH went to ask the priest about this and first the priest I dont know what your talking about--then went to say its rites and not rights-so was he playing mind games and said he didnt know what theses rights were when it was spelled wrong but then made a big deal to correct the spelling.

he also ended the email with
ja ja ja
which DH had absolutely no clue what he was talking about
I said jokingly that maybe it means ha ha ha
which he looked it up and it is spanish for ha ha ha
DH was taken back by all this--the priest was very rude in his response and never did answer the original question.
This is how its been going there--its all to drive out people so they can have room to change to hispanics
The priests all right there for the hispanics and the others get brushed to the side
I always thought priests were supposed to be all holy and not be rude to certain ones
not starting a religious debate but really thought the priest should have just answered the question and then told DH the correct spelling
and adding spanish words when he knows DH doenst know spanish is out of line

some thoughts to consider:
  1. this is a simple misunderstanding. The priest was cracking a simple joke, very likely not intended to be rude or racist or anything.
  2. churches should serve the communities they're in and in many parts of the US today (assuming you're in the US), and guess what? Hispanic people live in every corner of the United States now. It's not a big deal. For example, in the city we used to live in a few years ago, a church started an additional church service in Yoruba (spoken a lot in Nigeria). Did they do that to push out English-speaking people? No. The church started it because there was a need in the community.
  3. your DH should call the priest, leave a voicemail if necessary, to ask for the additional info he needs about Catholic rites. And yes, it's 'rites', not 'rights.' Different definitions.
  4. if the priest spends most of his time working w/Spanish-speaking parishioners, then it makes sense that his email would say 'ja ja ja' instead of 'ha ha ha.' That's not a big deal.
  5. if this bothers you & DH enough, then you could always go to a different church parish. You could try out a different location, for example...sort of like trying a different flavor of ice cream once in awhile.
 
If the OP to ANY thread doesn't ask a complete/coherent question with all relevant information, then it is very difficult for us to offer out 'advice'. Sometimes it seems the OP has worded the question in such a way as to only want us to agree with their point of view.
 
The post was hard to read, but if I understood it correctly, the priest wasn’t rude. In fact, it was more than kind of him to keep your DH on as the religious education leader despite your DH’s evident lack of knowledge about the very basics of Catholicism.

I can assure you that my childhood priest, who was not Hispanic btw, would have fired him on the spot.
 
Sounds to me like longtime Church folk volunteers are disgruntled they are being displaced by changes that are being made to accommodate the newcomers. Every parish I have belonged to has had these sorts of volunteers and they tend to be set in their ways even if they are wrong it is sometimes tolerated because they are volunteers and reliable. The fact the newcomers are of a particular ethnicity was probably only mentioned to make sense of the ja ja ja instead of ha ha ha, or at least that is how I see it.

OP, I think the priest is aware of you & DH's resentments and is putting everyone in their place with a little warning in the form of him correcting rites v rights and jajaja not hahaha. Not rude or mind games, it is a warning, I imagine it will get more harsh if all can't fall in line and you might find yourselves disinvited from participation. Think on it if you can't adapt it is best to leave of your own accord or find other ways to volunteer in the parish which do not put you in a space where you'll butt heads.
 
You should also know that the US doesn't produce that many priest these days--not like the did in the old days, where every family was expected to "give one child to the Lord" and most families had a priest among them. Most priest are foreign-born, for better or worse. At my brother's funeral the assistant priest (he didn't say mass, but he did the graveside readings/rituals) had a foreign accent. I can't remember what kind--I was appreciative of what he did for my family. That's all I cared about.

Mainline churches as a whole are not attracting great numbers of new members these days, period. I can't imagine clergy of any stripe these days trying to push out members. Catholic churches and schools in our metro area have been undergoing another recent shuttering and merging of parishes that's been happening since the 1970s. I'm not Catholic and I can see how heartbreaking it's been for so many people to lose their communities, some of which have generational ties.

It can be difficult when a church's membership begins to drift away from its traditional core and people feel like their sense of tradition is ending and newcomers feel like they aren't welcome and will never be told the secret handshake. Ideally people are interested in building bridges and the result can bring a real revitalization of fellowship and even cause former members to return to see what all the buzz is about and other newcomers to jump in because they heard great word of mouth about what's happening.

We're Lutheran and a running joke at our church is if it involves coffee, doughnuts or food in general church doctrine says it absolutely will be a success. If your parish can set up some coffee hours and other events where there is fellowship with food and people can bond over exploring the tastiest treats each culture brings to the table it may break down a lot of barriers and spur feelings of community as a whole.

Be open for opportunities of growth. The alternative isn't appealing at all.
 
Sounds to me like longtime Church folk volunteers are disgruntled they are being displaced by changes that are being made to accommodate the newcomers. Every parish I have belonged to has had these sorts of volunteers and they tend to be set in their ways even if they are wrong it is sometimes tolerated because they are volunteers and reliable. The fact the newcomers are of a particular ethnicity was probably only mentioned to make sense of the ja ja ja instead of ha ha ha, or at least that is how I see it.

OP, I think the priest is aware of you & DH's resentments and is putting everyone in their place with a little warning in the form of him correcting rites v rights and jajaja not hahaha. Not rude or mind games, it is a warning, I imagine it will get more harsh if all can't fall in line and you might find yourselves disinvited from participation. Think on it if you can't adapt it is best to leave of your own accord or find other ways to volunteer in the parish which do not put you in a space where you'll butt heads.
Only question I have is, what is the structure of the Church? My limited experience with the Catholic church is that the Priest is the big boss, and the membership, and those who volunteer to run various church programs report to the Priest and abide by .his decisions. In that frame work, the Priest's response might be a little terse but within his job description.
Other churches, the Pastor works for the congregation under control of a group of volunteers (known as the Session in some churches). The Session tells the Pastor how things will be run. They have power to hire and fire the Pastor. In that frameworks, if I am reading the OP's post, the Priest is declining to do what his church's religious education leader needs him to do. That would be out of line
 
Only question I have is, what is the structure of the Church? My limited experience with the Catholic church is that the Priest is the big boss, and the membership, and those who volunteer to run various church programs report to the Priest and abide by .his decisions. In that frame work, the Priest's response might be a little terse but within his job description.
Other churches, the Pastor works for the congregation under control of a group of volunteers (known as the Session in some churches). The Session tells the Pastor how things will be run. They have power to hire and fire the Pastor. In that frameworks, if I am reading the OP's post, the Priest is declining to do what his church's religious education leader needs him to do. That would be out of line

The RE staff reports to the priest and the parish priest reports to the bishop.
 



















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