Was the first year the hardest for you?

[WDWAurora]

First year of marriage, I mean. We've been married nearly 8 months, and I can only hope this is as hard as it gets. I mean, it hasn't been perfect, but I've never once doubted the decisions we made. Even though money has definitely been tight since I'm still in grad school, we haven't been super crazy over money and we're ok. We didn't live together, travel together (as in share a hotel room), etc. before marriage and none of our money, etc. was combined prior to the wedding. We had been dating for 4.5 years. Did anybody else find it to be easier than everyone predicted?

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

I think the hardest years for our marriage were when we adjusted to being parents. I think that I was a little too much "monster mommy" for a few years and not enough wife! But we adjusted. I think maybe my husband was a little unhappy in those few years with me putting the kids above him all the time. I'm just being honest. I regret it, but it's OK now.

The years before that, they were fun, fun, fun! We did so many great things!

 

[beckmrk04]

So far it has been our hardest year! We have been together almost six years, and lived together for 4 before getting married. We already shared bank accounts and money. And so I thought- what could be so different about that 1st year? Everyone said marriage would change things, but I didn't believe anyone.

So, marriage hasn't really changed anything, it just brought about new challenges for us. I was finishing school, and we had just bought a house to fix-up, and immediately when we got married we started wondering when wewanted to have kids, and neither of us are in jobs that allow us to spend time together because of shifts/schedules, so out first year was rough.

We're working on our 2nd year now, and things are looking better. I guess I just wasn't fully prepared for all the changes we had at once (married, moving to a new house that needed a ton of work, finishing school, trying to figure out some sort of game plan for life, money issues...). It has been stressful. But, I love him so much and we are a team, so we just work through it the best we can!

 

[ElizaB39]

I think the hardest years for our marriage were when we adjusted to being parents. I think that I was a little too much "monster mommy" for a few years and not enough wife! But we adjusted. I think maybe my husband was a little unhappy in those few years with me putting the kids above him all the time. I'm just being honest. I regret it, but it's OK now.

The years before that, they were fun, fun, fun! We did so many great things!

First few years wiyh kids were the hardest.

 

[luckywife]

Honestly, I've always wondered why people told me marriage was so hard. DH and I have been married almost 12 years and except for things that all couples go through and deal with, I've never found any part of it to be hard.

When we first got married I was a nervous wreck about being married because I expected, I don't know, something different, something hard, like people had predicted. I guess if I had to answer was the first year the hardest? Yeah, it probably was since there was adjusting to a different lifestyle and all.

Best wishes to you and your DH!

 

[mtblujeans]

For me, it was the first 5 years. DH had just gotten his second degree and a new job which required moving. He had college loans and we started our family a couple of months into the marriage. Add all of that plus adjusting to each other and it was a looonnnggg adjustment period!

 

[pearlieq]

We merged finances and adjusted to living together pretty well, so I wouldn't say the first year was the hardest. The hardest year was the year we had a lot of stress thrown on us--about 3 years into our marriage. DH is in IT and the dot-com industry was collapsing and he went through 3 jobs in a year. That was the worst we've gone through, but we made it and we're stronger for it!

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Honestly, I've always wondered why people told me marriage was so hard. DH and I have been married almost 12 years and except for things that all couples go through and deal with, I've never found any part of it to be hard.

Well, now that you mention it, I guess it didn't seem hard for me at the time. I wasn't unhappy. I guess it was just hard for my husband, and I didn't realize it until later!

We never had a period of fighting, he just suffered in silence! Uh, sorry about that honey!

 

[mickeyboat]

First year was blissful for us. It has gotten harder since the kids came. The worst was last year when DH built his first house. I say marriage is full of ups and downs. You have to learn to accept and live with the downs, and make sure there are some ups too.

Good luck to you, OP. Hope it's just a temporary bump in the road for you.

Denae

 

[palmtreegirl]

No, the first year was a breeze.

 

[Blondie]

I wish I had the same concerns now that I had way back then! Looking back, it seems like a whole other life time ago!

I'll agree that the first few years after having kids were the hardest. We were married for almost 10 years before our first born came along, so it was quite an adjustment, for both of us.

 

[barkley]

i did'nt find the status of "being married" drasticly changed my relationship with my husband-we were just a committed to each other prior to the ceremony. i think what is challenging and shows the strength and character of a marriage is how the husband/wife deal with the natural changes in each other that occur with age and environmental factors (a person in their 20's is very different from that same person in their 30's, 40's...-different goals, different values) and how they individualy and collectivly handle unanticipated life altering events.

i will celebrate my 15th anniversary next week, and the greatest challenge in our marriage occured 3 years ago when i suffered 2 strokes over the course of 6 months. my husband no longer had the active partnership relationship he was used to-he had to take on much greater responsiblity for our children as well as me. it was a tremendous testament to his character that he handled everything in an uncomplaining, supportive and loving manner.

as i look back on the couples that we've watched "court" and marry over the years i am sad to say that almost all have ultimatly divorced-but in almost all of the cases one or both had preconceived notions that marriage would somehow change or enhance themselves or their s.o.-in my opinion unless both persons share a preconceived value set that specifies certain duties/responsibilities/attributes to the title "bride" or "groom" little changes after the actual ceremony.

i should add-both dh and i spent a lot of time discussing our values, beliefs, goals, habits, interests, financial practices before we ever contemplated marriage-so we no way entered it blind to each other.

 

[luvmydogs]

The first year or so with a baby was very difficult. Ds10 was premature and had some health issues which required a lot of money, and there was sleep deprivation beyond my wildest dreams. Dh felt under pressure because of the extra bills (I couldn't work as ds's health prevented him from being in a daycare situation, and we were 750 miles from any family); and I was an emotional wreck from lack of sleep and what I felt was no support from dh. It was more good times than bad back then, but once we came out of the fog, our relationship became strong again.

We've been married 13 years, together for nearly 20, and I think that like a lot of couples, we have our periods of highs and lows. In fact, the other night we had our first fight in a year and a half (I remember it because the last fight was on an anniversary )--we hadn't really bickered or had words in a long time, so I guess we were due to come out of our lovey-dovey phase.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

No, the first year was a breeze.

Ditto on that!

DH and I have had some VERY hard times, times in which we could have should have been divorced. We worked through it and because of our walk now with G-d it is MUCH better! We still have our ups and downs, but in May we celebrate 15 years and it's still something that makes me go wow!

 

[helenabear]

First year for the most part was easy... but he was unexpectedly laid off from his job right at the end of our first year. That is when it got rough. We're much better now, but I honestly didn't think that marriage was that tough when it was financially sound. We didn't even live together at all before hand so even adjusting to that was easy.

 

[SunFloridaDisney]

After almost 26 years, I think the hardest was when the kids were very little, I had an infant AND a 2 yr old, and 2 other kids besides. That was definitely the most difficult point we went through, so many demands and so little time for each other.

I agree there were difficulties in the beginning, adjusting to each other, coordinating our spending styles, etc., just getting used to the idea of being married. But those seem like small things compared to all the bumps in the road we've been through since then.

Good luck to you, OP!

 

[jenks0718]

Ditto on that!

DH and I have had some VERY hard times, times in which we could have should have been divorced. We worked through it and because of our walk now with G-d it is MUCH better! We still have our ups and downs, but in May we celebrate 15 years and it's still something that makes me go wow!

I totally agree with you on this. Around year 7 we had a real rough time. I didnt think we would make it, honestly. But we are back better then ever!

 

[Chicago526]

We've been married since Oct. '05, and it's been a cake walk so far (knock on wood). DH just does what I tell him to, and all is good! Okay, just kidding. But really, it's been fine. We don't always agree about everything, but we don't get mad at each other over it either.

 

[mom2boys]

Another one who found the kids to be a big adjustment. Our two are only 1.5 yrs apart and the second one wasn't a good sleeper. There just didn't seem to be any time for DH & I. We didn't make enough couple time. Our youngest is almost 11 now & we love that they are so close in age. DH and are better at communicating now.

 

[JKMastalski]

Yes, terribly hard! Not in a "i dont want to be married" type of way. But just that Money was soooo tight. Plus, I moved from Connecticut to South Philadelphia. I missed all my friends and family, and It took me a few months to find a job. Everything just seemed out of place. Plus on our First Christmas Morning together, we got a blizzard and we couldnt travel home to CT, it was devastating to me!!!
Fast forward almost 4 years and everything is so much better. I am adjusted to life here, but I still miss home terribly.Money is much better, everything has fallen into place.
Keep your chin up and don't worry, the times will get better, I promise!!!!