Was/Is anyone sad about getting married and moving out?

[DisneyBrideToni]

Ok, let me give you a bit of background about myself.

I have anxiety and panic attacks. I am very open about it. I know im not the only person that suffers from it so I am not ashamed to share it.

I have to tell you that for many months now I have been super sad about moving out of my parents home. I have been with them for 30 years and now its just crazy to think I won't be here in 26 days. Its to the point where I cry every night knowing I wont' be in my bed anymore relaxing in my room and all.

I want to get married very much so its not that. I just wish I could live at home and be married. I know its the next step in life but my anxiety makes me fear it because for me, my mom is like my support when I am nervous or having a panic attack. The sad part about my problem is that I am only moving 5 minutes away.. Im a big baby but i just wondered if anyone else had the some problems. I am a total dork but its me.

 

[mousketeersara]

Girl, it's okay. Be excited, not sad. Mom will still be there for you always, whether its a visit or a phone call. Plus, you have the bonus of having a wonderful additional support group/person in your life....your husband!

 

[figmentfan814]

Toni, I totally understand how you feel; I'm a big baby too (an only child on top of it). I actually had lived out of my parents house for several years during college, etc. But, I was back living with them for a couple of years before I got married, so I had gotten used to always having my parents around especially my mom. Its funny because so many people live together now I thought I was one of the few that was in this same boat

I had a few rough days too after we got married, but working on DH and my place helped a lot. I was creating a new home that was going to be a place for us to start out our new life together. I still see my parents all the time (they actually live 20 minutes away) and over the holidays we even spent a few nights over there. My mom and I talk every morning while I'm driving to work which helps Don't worry this will be an exciting and wonderful stage in your life and your family will still be there along the way! The one thing I do miss is my old bed though!

 

[MegKate]

First off a huge from the North!!

I know exactly (I know this sounds cliche, but go with me!!) what you're going through. I lived with my dad until I met Rob in late 2005. I moved 451 miles to the north to be with him, leaving all my friends/family and moving into what was (and still is) a completely foreign environment for me. The first few months were really rough, I'm not going to lie. All I wanted was to be back home with my dad. I felt safer back home in Massachusetts than I did with Rob here in Maine (which is nuts if you really think about it).

I moved up here in December 05 and it took until May of 06 for me to get my bearings. And honestly I still wish everyday to go back home to Massachusetts - with Rob of course! But we've established a life up here. A cold life (-30 last week!) but a good life. You learn new routines and you learn to embrace the change (except for that -30!!). I only get back home to Massachusetts about 6 times a year and I hope to move downstate when I graduate in 2010. But then my dad will be moving to Texas to be with my step-mother, as he'll be retiring! But that's why they invented phone calls and email and such things.

I speak from experience unfortunately. In 2003, I was told I was going to die (didn't happen!), and developed debilitating panic disorder to the point that I couldn't drive or work (I was a supervisor at Toys R Us). The only place I felt safe was with my dad, who is a psychologist. He was the only person who could tell me that I was fine and believe it. It took over a year for the panic attacks to subside to a point that I could do anything. So of course when I moved out - WAZOO! They came back. But I dealt with them, just in a different way.

I had explained to Rob what they were and when they flared up and he helped me through them. I think it was an important step in our relationship to get through them. They come around every so often, and I let Rob know.

Toni, I hope this made any sense and helped at all - I'm zonked! But I really wanted to say in a nutshell that it is going to be hard, but it does get better - alot better. You are in no way a "baby" for feeling this way. YOu're more normal than you realize!!! You're going to be a beautiful bride and have an incredibly awesome time down there! And when you get back, you'll get through it - strong women like us DISBrides always do.

 

[DisneyLover1234]

Toni, I know exactly how you feel. I want to get married very badly, but at the same time I could be very happy being married and having DF just move in with me. I don't live at home, but I have a wonderful roommate who is one of my best friends and I am just terrified of things changing and her not being around all the time.

I just recently moved 6 states away from my family and that was very hard too and I am still adjusting, which hasn't been very easy. I wish the DF and I can live in a house and have all of our friends and family be neighbors haha.

 

[ToniDMB]

It must be in the name (hugs), but your post could have easily been written by me. I also suffer from generalized anxiety disorder with a bad history of panic attacks as a result of a car accident in 2003. I have made a lot of progress and the panic attacks are few and far between but the anxiety is constant. I worry about worrying and everything else in between. While I feel that the engagement should be the happiest time in ones life, I find myself sad and confused and really afraid of the change that is unavoidable. I also live with my parents because I had a son when I was very young and they have helped me to raise him. My son is now 11 and I know what is best for us is to move on with our lives (and move in with Heath) Any type of change is going to be scary and I think that's what is causing the anxiety. When I'm having a bad day, i really wish nothing more than to run away from all of this, but on good days I feel like the luckiest person in the world because I have found a life partner that "gets" me and that is an amazing feeling. I truly do feel blessed to have found him. I know the road ahead can appear dark and gloomy, but I believe that the best is yet to come for all of us and it's the mental disorder that doesn't allow us to see beyond the next day, because just getting through this one takes a lot of energy, ya know?

If you need someone to talk to, maybe you can connect with me. It seems that we are both going through the same thing and maybe we can help encourage one another. Feel free to PM me. Big hugs to you girl, you're not alone.

~Toni

 

[hiwaygal]

DisneyBrideToni first off, you are not a dork.

You've gotten some great advice here!

I cannot fully understand what you are going through but I can empathize.

The thing I would encourage you to do is talk talk talk to your DH2B. Let him "in"...let him know how you are feeling and give him the opportunity to surround you with the comfort and support that he is kinda sorta going to be responsible for as your husband.

Maybe sit down with him and your mom and have a conversation about what you need from him to help you deal with your anxiety.

Are you moving into his place after your wedding? Can you go and stay there a couple of nights here and there to try to start getting used to the noises, feels, smells?

You know your mom isn't going anywhere and you will still have the support you need...but the changes are scary. You'll do fine!

 

[disneygal922]

 

[BCV513]

Toni, I'm not a Disney bride, I'm just a lurker, but I hope you don't mind my posting here.

I also suffer from generalized anxiety and panic attacks. I'm 25 and I live at home with my parents. I'm an only child, and aside from the four years I lived at college, I've always lived at home. Even in college, I came home every weekend. I have absolutely no desire to move out. I worry that someday I'll "have" to move out or that I'll never find a guy who will accept me and my many flaws.

You'll be fine. Your parents will always be your parents and will always be a special part of your life, no matter where you live. It's totally normal to be nervous.

 

[Lynn5700]

Toni I was emotional when I moved out...I didn't want to. It took me I would say a couple weeks to get used to being on my own without mom and dad. It is a big change but you will be just fine.

Don't worry Bobby will take good care of you.

 

[DisneyBrideToni]

wow everyone thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have all made me feel much better to know that I am not alone. Its so weird because its kind of like, I am more upset about giving up my room. My room is like my resting place. I know that everything is ok as long as I am in my comfy room. Anxiety sucks big time. I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. I was so bad this weekend that I just wanted to not go to Disney for the wedding, give up all the money and just get married in city hall when I felt good enough to get married... I know I would regret that. I am also freaking out about flying down there. I think that has to do with control issues that you tend to have with anxiety. All I can think about is me having a panic attack and being trapped on the plane.

Luckily, my DF is WONDERFUL about all this. I swear I would have thought he would have been like SEE YA!!! but he has even gone as far as to say hey if you can't do this whole trip we can cut it short so that I can drive back home with my parents and not go on a plane. (i might drive down with my parents).

I am hoping with my shower coming up on Saturday, I will get gifts for my new home and maybe knowing I am going to create something that is comfortable for me might make me feel better.

Thank you so much girls!!! You are all the best!!!

 

[Keira1387]

Toni- I completely understand! I went through the same exact thing. It is a hard adjustment. I'm really close with my parents, and it was hard to move out. It did take a little while for my new house to feel like home, but you will get there!

 

[kiaihana]

Hi, I'm moving out of my own apartment into Jeff's home that he owned before he meet me. That is different from you, but for me it was very hard. I really felt that I was losing a part of my own identity. Where I had proved that I could do it on my own, I felt so independent. But, being together, supporting each other and making a new life together is what I stay focused on.

 

[DISNEYMAGIC2005]

Yea I think it's normal to feel nervous. I am such a mamma's girl (And proud of it)! I am most afraid of not knowing where we are going to live. But that's the military lifestyle. But you know as long as you have a good support system behind you and your DF understands then that's all you need. You're going to be fine!

 

[DisneyBrideToni]

Thank you girls!!!!

 

[Tiggerific04]

Toni, I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks my entire life so I know how you feel! I had mixed emotions about moving out. I was eager to get out on my own and be with DH all the time, but it was weird thinking that I would never sleep in MY room again. I think it helped that I didn't have a set date for moving out -- it just kind of happened one day. We didn't think we would have everything moved in so quickly, but it turned out that we did and DH was sleeping at the apartment by himself (DF at the time). I didn't want him to be alone, so I just decided that I would sleep there that night and that was it! It definitely took some getting used to, but we still had 2 weeks of pre-wedding to get through, so I had a lot of other stuff on my mind as well.

At least you're not going to be too far away! And just think of how exciting it will be to be in your own place with your new husband! You'll be just fine.

 

[rumrunnergirl]

I lived at home until I was 28 (except when I was at college). I loved living at home! Then I lived in houses my Dad bought while he was waiting for them to sell. I even worked with my parents in their real estate office. We went everywhere together, took all our vacations together, etc.

After a few years I went thru a horrible break up and moved across the state (2 hours away). It was hard. I lived on my own for 4-5 years before I met John and he moved in.

I will tell you, as much as I loved living at home, I love having my own place. I can do whatever I want, eat what I want, use the restroom and leave the door open, walk around naked, LOL. Whatever - it's my house. Even adding a DH - it will still be *your* place and you will have fun decorating it and making it a home.

 

[dopeysgirl84]

Hi Toni, and all others on this thread...
I am also a past bride who has struggled with anxiety. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder four years ago. I, like most of you probably have, have ups and downs with this disorder. One of my major anxiety producers was the idea of moving out of my parents house. I lived there my entire life except for a year and a half in college. My DH was a huge support through the good, the bad, and the ugly. One way that I was able to calm some of the anxieties was to bring my pillows from my parents house with me to my apartment with my DH. As anxious as I was, after spending the first few nights with my DH, I was no longer as worried or nervous. Hope this helps...and remember, you aren't the only one out there...there are lots of us out there

 

[DisneyBrideToni]

Toni, I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks my entire life so I know how you feel! I had mixed emotions about moving out. I was eager to get out on my own and be with DH all the time, but it was weird thinking that I would never sleep in MY room again. I think it helped that I didn't have a set date for moving out -- it just kind of happened one day. We didn't think we would have everything moved in so quickly, but it turned out that we did and DH was sleeping at the apartment by himself (DF at the time). I didn't want him to be alone, so I just decided that I would sleep there that night and that was it! It definitely took some getting used to, but we still had 2 weeks of pre-wedding to get through, so I had a lot of other stuff on my mind as well.

At least you're not going to be too far away! And just think of how exciting it will be to be in your own place with your new husband! You'll be just fine.

I lived at home until I was 28 (except when I was at college). I loved living at home! Then I lived in houses my Dad bought while he was waiting for them to sell. I even worked with my parents in their real estate office. We went everywhere together, took all our vacations together, etc.

After a few years I went thru a horrible break up and moved across the state (2 hours away). It was hard. I lived on my own for 4-5 years before I met John and he moved in.

I will tell you, as much as I loved living at home, I love having my own place. I can do whatever I want, eat what I want, use the restroom and leave the door open, walk around naked, LOL. Whatever - it's my house. Even adding a DH - it will still be *your* place and you will have fun decorating it and making it a home.

Hi Toni, and all others on this thread...
I am also a past bride who has struggled with anxiety. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder four years ago. I, like most of you probably have, have ups and downs with this disorder. One of my major anxiety producers was the idea of moving out of my parents house. I lived there my entire life except for a year and a half in college. My DH was a huge support through the good, the bad, and the ugly. One way that I was able to calm some of the anxieties was to bring my pillows from my parents house with me to my apartment with my DH. As anxious as I was, after spending the first few nights with my DH, I was no longer as worried or nervous. Hope this helps...and remember, you aren't the only one out there...there are lots of us out there

wow girls thank you so much! It does help to hear this and to know that even though others suffer with anxiety like me they got through it and now are happy. Its like so many emotions going on with me right now. I am nervous about traveling even though I have been to Disney ever year of my life. and nervous about the move and wedding of course so its all falling on top of me and I feel like crawling in a hole but its nice to hear that you ladies did it and if you all did so can I.

 

[MegKate]

And if you need to chat - we're all here for you!