Vows column in last Sunday's NY Times

[karenos]

Before they started talking about this on the View today, my DH and I had a discussion about this over coffee Sunday morning. It really irked me.

To sum it up: Married woman with kids falls in love with man with kids (both families had children same age - even went on vacation together). She claims there was no affair but that they had found each other's soul mate. They both dump their respective mates to marry and then it is celebrated in the NY Times. Does it really need to be publicized? What about the prior spouses and most of all the children involved? Of course, there were no quotes from either parties other than the bride and groom.


http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/19/f...l=1&adxnnlx=1292950546-RUE80GXzRMy3f3Fsv3BUGA

Thoughts?

karenos

 

[eliza61]

Before they started talking about this on the View today, my DH and I had a discussion about this over coffee Sunday morning. It really irked me.

To sum it up: Married woman with kids falls in love with man with kids (both families had children same age - even went on vacation together). She claims there was no affair but that they had found each other's soul mate. They both dump their respective mates to marry and then it is celebrated in the NY Times. Does it really need to be publicized? What about the prior spouses and most of all the children involved? Of course, there were no quotes from either parties other than the bride and groom.


http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/19/f...l=1&adxnnlx=1292950546-RUE80GXzRMy3f3Fsv3BUGA

Thoughts?

karenos

Karenos, I read this stupidity in the Times.

Grooom claims they wanted an open and honest account. They are proud of themselves for not cheating....(give me a freakin break) and that they left their respective spouses immediately. At this point I think I was sick to my stomach.

Anyway.

first, when in the hell did it become ok to brag about bad behaviour? You know what I think, I think we need to go back to the days of the scarlet letter. Stop with the "soul mates" BS and call it what it is.

2nd, if they were so honest and open, why don't we hear from the execs? Bet that would be a really honest account.



Interestingly enough, the groom now says he regrets putting the story in the commitment sections of the times. So, let me get this straight, you have no problem busting up your marriage but think publicizing it was tacking.

I hope they get every thing they deserve.

 

[frndshpcptn]

I read this in the Times too - and then I saw it on the Today Show this morning.

It's A LOT of personla information to put out there - and that husband has a pretty high profile job. I'm not sure I'd want all my employees knowing that much about my "controversial" personal life. It seems like a dumb move.

I'm wondering if less people have been applying for the Times Vows section and they wanted to create a bit to "news" to get thier name back out there and in front of people?

 

[brockash]

Very selfish and very sad. I feel very bad for all the kids involved.

 

[kirstenb1]

Very selfish and very sad. I feel very bad for all the kids involved.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Me neither. Ugh.

 

[ctinct]

So they say they didn't have an affair, but they moved in together in July of 2009 but only got divorced this year. Call me crazy, but if you're still married to someone else, it's an affair.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

If my wife met someone that she loved this much, I wouldn't stand in her way. What purpose would that serve? I want her to be happy, even if it isn't with me. It would break my heart, but just knowing that she loved someone else more than me would accomplish that.

Better for everyone that they left their previous spouses, IMO.

 

[shortbun]

Shallow

 

[shortbun]

So they say they didn't have an affair, but they moved in together in July of 2009 but only got divorced this year. Call me crazy, but if you're still married to someone else, it's an affair.

I think fidelity is emotional and not bounded by legal papers. If they had left their spouses, there was no infidelity imho. However, to broadcast to the world at the expense of other parties is, as I said before, shallow.

 

[JoiseyMom]

So they say they didn't have an affair, but they moved in together in July of 2009 but only got divorced this year. Call me crazy, but if you're still married to someone else, it's an affair.

They were legally separated...once that happens you can do what you want.

I think they were selfish to do the article. I also think they should have gone to some counseling. But obviously we do not know all the details. Staying with a spouse but beimg in love with someone else and being miserable, is not a wise thing to do. If you are not happy then the spouse isn't and the kids aren't.

What they did caused pain all around and it was sad..but they told their spouses and then moved on. I am sure it hurt, all of them. Was is selfish?? Yes, but ya know...what is wrong with that. Hopefully they and thier kids will be happier, and their ex's will move and meet the right person for them also.

I wouldn't want to live with a person that wasn't in love with me and wanted to be with me, but was only doing the right thing. That kind of life sounds horrible.

 

[MickeySP]

Can't wait til one of them meets their next soulmate - now I hope the Times does that follow-up.

I would say what I think of them but I I don't think the DIS has that many points to give.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Can't wait til one of them meets their next soulmate - now I hope the Times does that follow-up...

I am also skeptical of the staying power of a relationship that begins this way. I wonder, how many people really believe in the concept of a "soul mate"?

 

[Manhattan Princess]

If my wife met someone that she loved this much, I wouldn't stand in her way. What purpose would that serve? I want her to be happy, even if it isn't with me. It would break my heart, but just knowing that she loved someone else more than me would accomplish that.

Better for everyone that they left their previous spouses, IMO.

I agree with this in theory. However, in practice the way they shared the news seemed over the top and almost rubbing their families' noses in it. I think their "reward" should be that they found happiness without needing to be unkind about it. It reminds me of an exchange from Broadcast News:

Tom Grunnick: What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?
Aaron Altman: Keep it to yourself.

 

[Acklander]

I am also skeptical of the staying power of a relationship that begins this way. I wonder, how many people really believe in the concept of a "soul mate"?

It can happen, I met my current husband while married to my previous husband. We just celebrated 24 years married. While it wasn't the best way to start a relationship - it is, what it is - I knew from the moment I met him, that he was who I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. I don't know if I would call it "soul mate" but there was something special there right from the beginning.

 

[NotUrsula]

It isn't the husband who has the really high-profile job; it's the wife. She's a news anchor at a NYC network television station. Locally, she's a celebrity, and I'm sure that in the NYC news world, her situation has been really hot gossip for a long time now.

 

[wilderness01]

Terrible isn't it?

 

[Mermaid02]

I don't understand why they did the article. To bring attention to themselves I guess... there is a name for that but I believe it's banned here. Keep your private life private- don't flaunt your infidelity (and that is what it was). Are they hoping the world will condone what they did? They should have just kept quiet and worked on making things better for the children.

 

[krcit]

They were legally separated...once that happens you can do what you want.

I think they were selfish to do the article. I also think they should have gone to some counseling. But obviously we do not know all the details. Staying with a spouse but beimg in love with someone else and being miserable, is not a wise thing to do. If you are not happy then the spouse isn't and the kids aren't.

What they did caused pain all around and it was sad..but they told their spouses and then moved on. I am sure it hurt, all of them. Was is selfish?? Yes, but ya know...what is wrong with that. Hopefully they and thier kids will be happier, and their ex's will move and meet the right person for them also.

I wouldn't want to live with a person that wasn't in love with me and wanted to be with me, but was only doing the right thing. That kind of life sounds horrible.

I agree with this. I won't judge them for their relationship or how it started but I think it borders on cruel for them to have done this article.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

The Times wedding section is known to write these kinds of announcements, it gets readers (and I guess continued advertising dollars).

They live in my friends neighborhood, this was known and talked about locally already. Although I won't comment about their divorcing their spouses to be with each other, the article itself is in poor taste imo. The kids will read it one day no doubt, and it's incredibly hurtful to their ex-spouses. Totally unnecessary.