Visiting your college kids apartments.

[Tiggeroo]

My dd just moved to college apt. 4 roommates (see earlier post) I live only 20 minutes from the school, and sometimes work right there. She talks like I will be stopping by now and then to visit and I want to. But I wonder about just stopping by. I would like to stop by once in awhile just to make sure that the situation is ok. She doesn't keep her cell phone on, only turns it on when she is making a call, and doesn't know anything about her dorm phone, but I believe she pays for every incoming and outgoing call on it. So calling may be a problem. And I don't always know in advance whether I will be near her school. Any thoughts on this?

 

[CEDmom]

Although I don't think it's polite to drop in on anyone without calling first in this situation it doesn't sound like that is much of an option. So I'd ask your DD want she thinks about it and what her roommates think about it as well. Also, I'd get an idea from your DD as to when she's usually at her apt. Good luck with this big life change .

 

[Lewski709]

IMO, she moved there with 4 other girls who have a right to privacy and I wouldn't have appreciated my mom just popping in on me (or them). If everything isn't ok, she'll probably be calling you. I would arrange visits rather than drop in with no advance notice. It must be very difficult to let go.

 

[Tiggeroo]

Yep, Lewski, you said what I was thinking. It is the other room mates I wouldn't want to offend. We're going to have to figure out a way to work out visits.

 

[CBRorBust]

I would strongly advice you NOT to drop in at a College Dorm/Apartment without first calling. You may see/find out things you don't want to see/know.

 

[MScott1851]

Such a good mom! I wish my mom would have taken a page from your book...

I went to college in my hometown, but didn't live at home. Sort of pseudo-independence. Lived on my own, but still went home for food/laundry/etc. When I lived in the sorority dorm, the phone would ring, and she would be at the callbox downstairs, wanting to take me shopping, out to eat, etc. I didn't mind her visiting, I just felt SO bad when I would miss her...My dad travels during the week and my brother was in the Army, so I was all she had. Some days I would have been home if she had given advance notice...

 

[Keli]

I have a friend who's son is here for college and she lives about 45 min/ 1 hour away. She tends to just drop in on her son when she's in town. He doesn't seem to mind (but then she usually cleans his place up in the 30 minutes or so she's there so maybe it's worth it to him, lol). Sometimes he's not there and the roomates have let her in, made her feel welcome and I'm pretty sure she still stays long enough to clean up, lol.

 

[Tiggeroo]

CB -- I agree. I've always told my kids that I don't really want to know everything. If they're being safe and careful if I don't approve I'd rather not know. I even feel this way about my 16yo's to some extent.
MS - that's sort of what i wanted to be able to do. If I was going to the store, or out to lunch near her I would like to see if she wants to join me. Or to the movies.
Keli - I don't think I would drive over an hour just to drop in. Oops I see you said when she's in town. Sort of the same thing.College kids can be hard to reach and sometimes you can't set things up ahead of time.