VERY OT - Need help from any Jewish members of board

[simpilotswife]

What many people in my husband's family do is plant a tree in Israel as a memorial. The sisterhood handles it for the temple that in my ILs attend.

 

[rigs32]

The fact that they've been Bat Mitzvahed means that no matter how observant they are, the girls are Jewish. It's sort of like Christians who don't attend church regularly. That said, you're not going to mortally offend them by having sent flowers if their dad was not Jewish. At least, that's my best guess. I get confused about Christian funeral rituals, but friends and family don;t dislike me for trying my best to be sympathetic.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

You can call the local tample and have a tree planted in Israel in the deceased's name. It is relatively inexpensive. I did for for a friend who was Jewish when her Mom died. She thought it was a very thoughtful gift. I hope this helps and sorry for your loss.

 

[smellyann]

I will definitely do the tree. Is that an ASAP thing or can it be done later when I come down there? Will they be notified that it was done for them somehow nice?

 

[disneysteve]

I will definitely do the tree. Is that an ASAP thing or can it be done later when I come down there? Will they be notified that it was done for them somehow nice?

When you purchase a tree, a certificate is sent indicating that a tree was purchased in memory of the person you name.

You can see the certificates and order trees here:
http://www.jnf.org/site/PageServer?pagename=Trees

 

[Gillian]

A tree sounds nice, but I also liked the idea of something with their mom's birthstone, like maybe simple pendants that can be worn everyday. For when you go to visit over the summer, I mean.

 

[smellyann]

Thanks. Maybe I can do the tree for the anniversary or her birthday or some occasion, to let them know I'm thinking of them and remember.

 

[mamaminnie]

I'm in south FL, so if you need any local help, PM me and I'll see what I can do.

You sound really sweet, to go through all this effort instead of just sending some flowers and forgetting about it.

 

[BethR]

I haven't read every response, so I could have missed it, but could someone explain why you don't send flowers to the family of a deceased Jewish person?

(Please don't misunderstand me. I am not being confrontational. I'm being curious. I love learning about the traditions of various faiths.)

 

[disneysteve]

I haven't read every response, so I could have missed it, but could someone explain why you don't send flowers to the family of a deceased Jewish person?

(Please don't misunderstand me. I am not being confrontational. I'm being curious. I love learning about the traditions of various faiths.)

From “The Jewish Book of Why”

Why are people discouraged from sending flowers to Jewish funerals and to houses of mourning?
According to the Talmud, the purpose of flowers, like spices, was to offset the odor of a decaying body. The practice of sending flowers to funerals was common among non-Jews, who kept their dead for longer periods before burial. Jewish law demands immediate burial, at most within three days. To encourage a distinction between the Jewish practice and the non-Jewish practice, flowers are not encouraged at funerals, but they are not forbidden by Jewish law.

 

[punkin]

I'm sure Disneysteve's answer is correct, but my grandmother always said that flowers are for weddings and other happy occasions. Stones are for funerals.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I'm sure Disneysteve's answer is correct, but my grandmother always said that flowers are for weddings and other happy occasions. Stones are for funerals.

Stones are not for funerals. When you go to the cemetary to visit you leave a small rock or stone on the headstone of the deceased instead of flowers. There is no headstone during a funeral, so it is not done then.

Another aspect of a Jewish funeral, is that we "bury" our own. Some families will fill the entire grave, others will take a shovel of dirt and cover the coffin.

 

[sammielynn]

I hate learning during someone's time of loss but this thread has been a real education. Thanks to everyone for teaching the rest of us. I have learned so much.

 

[BethR]

From “The Jewish Book of Why”

To encourage a distinction between the Jewish practice and the non-Jewish practice, flowers are not encouraged at funerals, but they are not forbidden by Jewish law.

So, it's not theological, but traditional. And it's to maintain a difference from Christianity. Interesting!

 

[BethR]

Another aspect of a Jewish funeral, is that we "bury" our own. Some families will fill the entire grave, others will take a shovel of dirt and cover the coffin.

I have seen this done at Catholic funerals as well. I have never seen the grave filled, but I have definately seen a shovelful of dirt sprinkled on a coffin.

 

[mjmcca]

I am Catholic but I have a lot of Jewish friends and have been to Shivas several times. A very close friend's grandmother died and my family ( me DH and kids) and my sister sent a platter of cold cuts from a Jewish deli. I went to the service for his GM and a few days later to the Shiva.


On the subject of being offended ; this same friend planted trees in Israel when my mother and then later my father died. We are Catholic but I took it in the spirit in which it was intended. When my mom died I was involved in a community group that had a lot of Jewish memebers and serveral sent things to the house , fruit baskets and the like.