Upcoming cruise but tragic news. What would you do?

kalishea

Earning My Ears
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Hi,
My family just suffered the tragic loss of my mother. In the middle of this, we have a DCL cruise booked for November 30 with final payment (and cancellation window) due August 31. We have been talking about if we still want to go on the cruise or not. Our cruising party was always me, my husband, my 10 year old son and my mom and dad, both in their early 60's. With the passing of my mom, this leaves just four of us. This would've been our 4th DCL cruise. Now in trying to decide what to do, we have been going back and forth but the real kicker came when it dawned on me that if my dad still went, he would have to pay the same price for the room as if my mom were there. And if we moved my son to his room (we have adjoining rooms, so it doesn't matter either way), it would actually cost us $900 more since he would be charged as an adult! I understand the need for the double occupancy in the cabins, but this really hurts at this point and I'm not sure what to think. We all thought we might still go, as hard as it would be, as she would've wanted us to but after analyzing, I just don't know. Anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks.
 
  • GatorMomInNC

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Apr 18, 2011
    I think you should go. My mother died 2 years ago and it was strange going on our first DCL cruise without her (our fish extender still has her name on it) but I know she wouldn't have wanted us to stop going.

    Do you have a sibling or niece or nephew who could go and share a room with your father? You would be spending the same money (unless they chipped in) but he may enjoy the company in his room.
     

    bethannie203

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jul 2, 2016
    If she would have wanted you to go, you should go. It could be a significant moment in the remembrance, and something to bring you all together.
    First, I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how difficult that must be for you all. I lost my grandfather last weekend, so this is a tender spot for me right now, and losing a parent would be so hard. I have never been in this type of situation with a loss so close to a vacation, but my husband has. When he was 13 years old, his family lost his 17 year old sister in a car accident. For her birthday, they took a WDW trip in her honor, at the suggestion of a family friend who said it would be good to do something that Kimberly loved and they all loved together as a family. For my hubby's family, that place was of course, WDW. They have talked about that trip often, and are SO glad they did that. They celebrated the memories they had with her there, and made new ones together as a family. WDW remains our favorite family vacation destination, and Kimberly lives on in all their hearts. Hubby's mom usually picks up a small souvenir for Kimberly to decorate her grave. It keeps her connected to her on these vacations, even to this day, when Kimberly would be in her 30's.

    I'm not saying that is what you should do in this situation, because every family is different, and of course you have the money to think about, but I do know that family vacation brought them even closer together and it remains a very special trip for them even today. Prayers for you and your family during this difficult time. ❤
     

    Dizzydizney

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Jun 29, 2019
    So sorry for your unexpected loss of your Mom. I would first contact DCL or your TA if you used one and explain the situation. Maybe they can come up with something that would work. I totally understand wanting to have your own stateroom. And if that doesn't work out, think about the $900 extra. I don't know you or your dad's financial situation. Would it really "break the bank" so to speak? Is it worth the $900 to take a wonderful journey with your Dad? Not to sound like the grim reaper or anything but .....fill in your own thoughts here. As a grandparent, I cherish any time at all that I can spend with my grandkids.
     

    bethannie203

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jul 2, 2016
    So sorry for your unexpected loss of your Mom. I would first contact DCL or your TA if you used one and explain the situation. Maybe they can come up with something that would work. I totally understand wanting to have your own stateroom. And if that doesn't work out, think about the $900 extra. I don't know you or your dad's financial situation. Would it really "break the bank" so to speak? Is it worth the $900 to take a wonderful journey with your Dad? Not to sound like the grim reaper or anything but .....fill in your own thoughts here. As a grandparent, I cherish any time at all that I can spend with my grandkids.
    Yes, I meant to suggest this as well... definitely talk to DCL Guest Services and explain the situation. They might be willing to work with you about that charge, given the situation.
     
  • PrincessShmoo

    DIS veteran
    Joined
    Feb 12, 2009
    Hi,
    My family just suffered the tragic loss of my mother. In the middle of this, we have a DCL cruise booked for November 30 with final payment (and cancellation window) due August 31. We have been talking about if we still want to go on the cruise or not. Our cruising party was always me, my husband, my 10 year old son and my mom and dad, both in their early 60's. With the passing of my mom, this leaves just four of us. This would've been our 4th DCL cruise. Now in trying to decide what to do, we have been going back and forth but the real kicker came when it dawned on me that if my dad still went, he would have to pay the same price for the room as if my mom were there. And if we moved my son to his room (we have adjoining rooms, so it doesn't matter either way), it would actually cost us $900 more since he would be charged as an adult! I understand the need for the double occupancy in the cabins, but this really hurts at this point and I'm not sure what to think. We all thought we might still go, as hard as it would be, as she would've wanted us to but after analyzing, I just don't know. Anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks.
    I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

    When my mom was getting older and frailer, we had a talk and we talked about "what if I (that's me) have a trip/cruise planned and you (my mom) were to die just before, or during my trip?" She emphatically told me - "Take your trip, don't come home early." Evidently you never had that opportunity to discuss such things with your parents. You'd have to take your cues from your dad, I think, as to what he's up to doing regarding whether to even take the trip. But you'll need to discuss it fairly quickly, with the PIF date coming up.

    I, also, think calling DCL directly and asking what (if anything) can be worked out for you. Have you thought about, maybe moving to a larger room for all 4 of you? Since you're before final payment, you should be able to do that, if there were one available. Also, since you'd be changing categories (if you do that), be aware that you're locked into the price difference for those rooms that was in effect at the time you made the original reservation. Not what the cost is now.
     

    ruadisneyfan2

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 20, 2006
    First, I am so sorry for your loss. I just recently lost my mom, the day before Mother's Day. Nothing in life prepares us for this. My dad is still so deep in grief, very slowly getting better. The hardest part beside missing her so much, is seeing him grieve. For once in my life I am envious of people whose parents are divorced. They won't have to witness such a thing. My parents were together almost 60 yrs.

    We were not in your shoes as with having a cruise booked together, but my parents have cruised with us many times on DCL, then later on Celebrity without us.

    After the initial shock and utter grief, I felt like I really NEEDED a cruise. Knowing my dh is only about 15 yrs younger than my mom, I had a sudden urge to thoroughly enjoy every last minute we have together. So in late June I booked the Northern Europe cruise for dh and our kids, 22 & 19, for this Sept. Twice I have invited my dad. I know he misses cruising and he was disappointed to have to cancel the 3 cruises that they had booked before my mom became ill. He keeps declining saying that it won't be the same without my mom. (Then again, NOTHING is the same without her.) He is in his late 70s so who knows how many more times he would be physically able to cruise. He already can't do all the city walking tours we have booked but after cruising so much, he and my mom would often stay onboard while in port anyway. I feel like he could still do this on our busiest days and maybe do 1 easy excursion with us.
    It does suck that DCL charges for 2 even for 1 person. It actually is slightly less because taxes & port fees are charged pp so my dad's cabin would be a few hundred less than what dh & I are paying.
    I think it might be good for him. I don't know.

    How does your dad feel? Does he still want to cruise? If he is still willing and your son doesn't mind sharing a room with him, (and your dad doesn't mind) I wouldn't hesistate to pay the extra to make this cruise happen. Was $900 a quote from DCL/TA? or just your own estimate? It may not be as much as you think. I would definitely call and find out for sure.

    Praying for strength for your family.
    :hug:
     

    FigmentSpark

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Apr 9, 2016
    So sorry for your loss. To reiterate what others have said, I think, as long as your father is willing to go, you should go. Can he still afford to take the trip?

    Does your son have to be in his room? I know it will cost you more, but only so it will cost your father less. But maybe, since he was paying for your mom anyway, he wouldn't mind moving your son to his room and letting you keep the savings. Or, you could offer to move your son and pay your father the amount it would cost to keep him as a 3rd in your room. It's still saving your dad money, but not costing you any more.
     
  • LeiaOfAlderaan

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Nov 6, 2017
    I’m so sorry for your loss. Did you or your father purchase travel insurance? I’m not sure but I’m wondering if they would reimburse you for the single supplement if your father still wants to go. But I also agree that you should talk to DCL, they might be able to work something out for you.
     

    Karin1984

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 5, 2012
    :( I'm sorry for your loss.

    My father passed away last year May, and what I have learned in that year, you cannot put a price on ways to remember your parent and celebrate their live and being together in a way you loved to be together with your parent.

    It totally sucks that there is a financial implication, but I guarantee you, that it is nothing compared from what you can gain from this trip. The trip will be different from other trips, and I'm sure there will be tears, but it is also really nice to go away with the family, away from everything and about 3 months after the event and commemorate your mother and make new memories.

    If you decide to go: For the room issue, this is not just your decision, put your father's needs and wants first here. He probably has more of an adjustment to make than you and your family. Maybe he would prefer to have a room on his own. I would be hesitant to put your 10-year old with your father. No matter how close he is to his grandfather, a 10 year old cannot fully comprehend yet what it means to lose your lifepartner of xx years. And especially at night, I can imagine your father will have a hard time getting into bed alone. On the other hand, maybe your 10-year old is a welcome distraction. Really differs per family, and something to be discussed carefully with your father.
     

    DynamicDisneyDuo

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Oct 14, 2009
    My dad passed 2 weeks before our cruise last year, also unexpected. He would have wanted us to go and after the stress of him being in the hospital, then rehab, then back to the hospital where he passed; we needed time to clear our heads. My mom and brother told us to go too.
     

    mousefan73

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 9, 2012
    so sorry for your loss. I have this ahead of me and I know I will be devasted.
    You have two issues:
    1. Should we go after suffering a loss; can we deal with it, how will dad deal with it. will son be not only upset of losing grandma but losing a cruise.
    2. How to deal financially.

    I think you should first take care of issue one and then deal with number 2. As others said there are many possibliites. .. if money is not a deal breaker, move son in with grandpa.. or move grandpa in with you guys.. get the delux family. .but call DCL to get your options.

    I would think your PIF date is coming up right? check when that is, and dont deal with the cruise right now if you have time.. Deal with the services, your dad, give yourselfs some time the next coming days.

    I now everyone is different.. but November is still a bit off. It just might be the quiet, family you guys need..
     

    MAmama78

    First time cruiser in 2020
    Joined
    May 4, 2019
    We unexpectedly lost my mother-in-law in June 2018. We had plans for an annual road trip to visit my sister and her her kids a few days after her death. DH felt strongly that he wanted our kids to move forward with this trip. He would have cancelled if his dad had asked him to, but FIL needed some privacy to grieve in his own way. It was rough, but it helped that we had something to focus on. Every family is going to have different dynamics at play, but you may appreciate the distraction this fall. Also, we are going on our first DCL this winter at FIL's suggestion. He used to cruise with MIL and he is looking forward to sharing the experience with us and the grandkids.
     

    BadPinkTink

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 13, 2015
    My dad passed away at the start of August 2011. During the last months of his life, he and my mom planned a family get together for the end of August 2011. Holiday cottages were booked, various family members were flying in and had flights booked, rental cars had been booked etc ect. My dad was very excited about this family get together but unfortunately he didnt make it. We decided as a family to go ahead and continue with the get together. My dad had put so much into the planning, that we felt it was the right thing to do, to go on the holiday he planned for us.

    Yes it was sad, it was 2 weeks after his funeral and we all wished he could have experienced it, but we felt it was a great way to honor him.
     

    bakerworld

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 24, 2010
    Sorry for your loss :( and I would go on the cruise.

    My mother passed after a somewhat extended period. Helping with doctor visits, chemo/radiation therapy visits and my parents at home while watching my family interactions with all of us knowing that all that activity would not change the outcome, other than extension of life, was a negative. My oldest graduated HS and went off to College knowing she was saying farewell to her grandmother. I planned a WDW vacation for us/me because we needed some happy. Mom passed 2 days before we left. We met with the Undertaker and flew out the day after, flying in my College daughter from school to FL to join us for the weekend. I've always been glad my mother's passing was offset by our family gathering at WDW, a place she was an integral part of allowing our family to experience.

    I didn't even blink at the expense of flying our College girl into Florida to join us for the weekend. Some actions are worth more than budget. Frankly, your father might prefer the privacy of his own room with his grandchild keep him company as an option versus a plan.
     

    ladyofthetramp

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Apr 3, 2014
    So very sorry for the sudden and unexpected loss of your mom. Not sure if anyone can give you advice on what to do. Somewhere in your heart you will find the answer. Calling DCL may help alleviate some of your financial questions. My family has always said that "life is for the living". You need to find in yourself when it is comfortable to move on-finances of this trip aside. Wishing you peace in your decision and may you find comfort in your memories of her.
     

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