Um, Okey Dokey then!

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

A girl I have been friends with for over 20 years has apparently decided that we aren't friends anymore. Unfortunate ending.

She posted something on FaceBook yesterday that was REALLY immature and would ABSOLUTELY hurt her professionally if the wrong people saw it. So I sent her a private message and told her I know she is angry but she needs to be careful posting things that could come back to bite her. She unfriended me over it.

We are WAY too old to behave like that. If she couldn't take my words in the spirit they were intended then maybe it's time for us to go our separate ways. I never implied that her feelings were invalid, I simply pointed out that FaceBook might not be the best forum to broadcast her displeasure.

 

[zeitzeuge]

Good and true friends weather the test of time, patience, fights, arguments and a host of other things along our journey.

A friend who would do this probably wasn't much of a good friend to begin with. It's a very immature way to handle things, by "unfriending". I mean, it's not like we in junior high school anymore.

Sorry things ended like that.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

She had a horrible year last year. HORRIBLE. More crap than you could cram into a country song. I get that.

Telling her the post was a bad idea was in no way an attack on her personally, but apparently that is how she took it. Our friendship has been going downhill for awhile because she is CERTAIN nobody can possibly understand her particular angst, but it still surprised me. I mean, could she not thank me for my concern and leave the post the way she had it? Or tell me she doesn't CARE if she trashes her career? Or tell me she doesn't give a rat's hat what I think about anything?

I kind of think friendship is about being able to say really difficult things and NOT have them twisted into something other than how they were intended. What she posted was something that could bite her professionally. What I said was that her post could bite her professionally. There was NO hidden agenda there! I guess I was supposed to applaud her for her clever post and not point out that it was a reckless thing to do.

 

[starann]

Some people are TOOOOOO immature to have a FB page!!!!

like those who post something like "I have a secret"

Like they aren't fishing for people to respond asking what it is....now if it is a secret...........keep your mouth shut and don't let your fingers near a keyboard!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Shortly after I started ranting I got a text from my friend saying she deactivated her FB account - she didn't "unfriend" me. Hmm.

So does she lurk here on the DIS? Or can you still read your friends' pages with your account deactivated? Or was that just really coincidental timing?

And really, what's the point of deactivating the account? Delete the people you truly can not deal with, or delete the entire account. The only other person I know who regularly switches her account off and on is my sister. She is 18 and still in high school, so she thrives on that sort of thing.

 

[starann]

I don't think you can 'delete' an account, just deactivate one....but I could be wrong!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I don't think you can 'delete' an account, just deactivate one....but I could be wrong!

Her text made it sound like she is just taking a break from FB, but she'll be back. Is FB really THAT stressful? Because if it is I must be doing it wrong.

 

[hematite153]

Maybe you weren't the only person who cared about her enough to suggest that the post was potentially problematic. The stress of receiving multiple messages like that could frustrate someone who has been having a bad time such that they react badly.

But, yeah, FB is very public. So, if you don't have the maturity to be cautious about what you post, then, stepping away from it might be a good decision.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Maybe you weren't the only person who cared about her enough to suggest that the post was potentially problematic. The stress of receiving multiple messages like that could frustrate someone who has been having a bad time such that they react badly.

But, yeah, FB is very public. So, if you don't have the maturity to be cautious about what you post, then, stepping away from it might be a good decision.

Very true.

I think she is overwhelmed by everything that has happened, and she can't really figure out where to start to work through the different issues. I know there is anger, grief, disappointment, confusion, self pity, and who knows what else. And she is absolutely justified in ALL of those. I am HUGE on counseling, but she doesn't want to go to anyone. She doesn't want to talk to her friends. She wants to sort it out herself, but that's not going very well. So we'll see.

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

seems to me FB oughta be mostly for being silly and certainly shouldn't be stressful...
poor girl -- sounds like she just got overwhelmed. glad she didn't unfriend you though. It would have been a real shame to lose a 20 year long friendship over a perceived miscommunication.

 

[RAPstar]

I've almost deactivated my FB account, mainly cause my depression has made me feel like just disappearing from the world for a while. Though I haven't cause I thought it completely deleted the account. And when you try to FB pops up this page with photos of your friends and keps saying "so and so will miss you", so end up not doing it. Could be something similar.

 

[hematite153]

I am HUGE on counseling, but she doesn't want to go to anyone. She doesn't want to talk to her friends. She wants to sort it out herself, but that's not going very well. So we'll see.

Would she go to a retreat? If so, I've got a great option that I've seen people use to get themselves started when things seem too overwhelming. If you think there's any chance she'd consider it let me know and I'll get some specific info for you.

 

[wallyb]

Good and true friends weather the test of time, patience, fights, arguments and a host of other things along our journey.
i

What a great summation of true friendship!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Would she go to a retreat? If so, I've got a great option that I've seen people use to get themselves started when things seem too overwhelming. If you think there's any chance she'd consider it let me know and I'll get some specific info for you.

I doubt it. If I see an opportune opening in a conversation to ask her about it I will.

What a great summation of true friendship!

That's what makes Mr. Z a good friend!

 

[krhardy]

I am so sorry this happened...I dealt with this last year. About the only positive thing that came from the drama was showing my 16 year old daughter that *stuff* still happens to adults and some people will simply never mature. This was somebody that my family and I had been friends with for over a decade including traveling together and most other aspects of my life. The difference is that she never actually said anything to me or my husband...just all of a sudden we were off of guest lists, our emails were ignored, phone calls weren't returned, and then she defriended us on facebook. Childish! I did eventually find out that it stemmed from a remark I made-in defense of my 16 year old-to her. WOW! I thought our relationship meant more than that, but apparantly not. She never even said she was upset. To be fair, she had stuff going on in her life at the time but instead of sharing her burden, she cut off her main support system. It took many months and lots of tears for me to come to grips with the fact that it was HER loss, not mine.
I hope you find a place of peace!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I have just let it go. When she feels like reconnecting she knows where to find me. I tried and tried to "be there" and it got me nowhere, so now we'll try this approach!

 

[MAF]

You can not completely delete your FB account, only deactivate it. When you deactivate your account it seems to others that your page doesn't exist and some people think you may have unfriended them. I deactivated my account a while ago due to job hunting and a few people were upset thinking I had unfriended them.