Found my solution!
I was at Costco this morning shopping for some last minute items and saw a box of 60 handmade gift tags. They are all heavily embellished (pom poms, strings of tiny lights, ribbons, googly eyes, etc.) and are on small fabric cords.
Here they are on
Amazon.
http://www.amazon.com/Hand-Made-Holiday-Gift-Tags/dp/B005HRL3CK
$8 at Costco and I'm going to safety pin them to my blazer and my husband's sweater. It will look ugly, stupid and tacky--just what the occasion calls for!
The best part is that when we get home I can un-pin them and still use the tags on gifts.