Turning down playdates

[NikitaZee]

My daughter has a friend who invites her over a lot. Problem is, her mother doesn't supervise the kids as much as I do, and my daughter is very 'busy' and always looking for stuff to get into (she's 5). When I drive by, I often see her little friend playing in her driveway unattended, and they live on a busy street. I invite her friend over, and she comes and plays, but I don't feel comfortable sending my girl over there and I don't want to offend her mother. I'm running out of polite excuses, and know I have to give a real explanation sooner or later. What would you say? Thanks.

 

[carj]

I would just tell the mom that your daughter is not allowed to play in the front yard, or whatever it is. I have found when I am uncomfortable with the supervision, something like this works.

"Jenny, I would love for her to come and play but I don't allow little Susie to play in the front yard. The girls have so much fun when they are together, but little Susie doesn't really have the concept of stranger danger yet. Would little xxx like to come over on Thursday? I am not busy that day and I would love to have them get together."

Be friendly, nice and don't criticize her parenting. Make it about what you feel is appropriate for your child at this time. Don't be talked into something that you are uncomfortable with either! Good luck!

 

[metime]

I had the same issue but the friend's mom was a huge smoker and walking into their house was blinding. It was as if a big cloud lived in their house.

DD was scheduled for chest surgery so we never went to their house again. I tried having the other child over but the child reaked of smoke and I just felt with our specific situation I couldn't chance the effects of second hand smoke.

If the parent wanted her child to be around that all day fine, but I chose differently for my child's health. They ended up not really playing after that. The last time I saw the mom she said she had a recent heart attack. She was still smoking though.

 

[DisneyMom81]

They let 5 year olds outside by themselves to play??? On a busy road???? My oldest is 4 1/2, and we live in a little side street, and when she has a friend over, theres no way I'd allow them outside alone - thats just crazy! I'm out there with them, end of discussion.

 

[disykat]

I would just say "x requires a lot of supervision so she's not ready for playdates at other people's homes yet, but we'd love to have your daughter come to our house." It sounds like the other mom would be relieved to not have to give a lot of supervision, so hopefully your problem should be solved.