Too sensitive or is society insensitive?

[bonoriffic]

http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20101015/discuss/710169969

 

[bicker]

I think that, in the effort to be darker and sicker than everyone else, some people do go beyond the bounds of what is well-advised in an overall sense. It's a reflection of how our society has gained a blood-thirsty taste for shock-value. It's not wrong; in a society where people are regularly expecting more than they're entitled to (see myriad other threads in the CB), this is something they actually are entitled to, so there isn't much to condemn. I think there is nothing wrong, either, though, with planting a seed in their minds that there are other people who will see their effigy and instead of that eliciting the desired reaction (shock) it will elicit sadness. (In a way, the plea is another instance of someone trying to elicit shock, trying to shock people into committing compassion.) Anyone with a compassionate conscience will probably factor that into their efforts in this regard. But having a conscience like that is not a requirement.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I feel for her, I really do.

But that's like asking movie producers to stop filming car chases because you lost a loved one in a car accident.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I feel for her, I really do.

But that's like asking movie producers to stop filming car chases because you lost a loved one in a car accident.

I respectfully disagree.

You can choose to go to a movie. You can't avoid the street you live on.

 

[ozarkmom]

I feel for her, I really do.

But that's like asking movie producers to stop filming car chases because you lost a loved one in a car accident.

I agree. I've seen Halloween costumes that are cheerleaders or football players that look like they've been killed in a car wreck, insensitive to a parent that lost a child in a wreck? We could make a list all day long of what might bring back horrible memories for loved ones.

 

[cabanafrau]

I don't think there's anything wrong with this mother putting her perspective out there. Maybe some people who have or would have used this scenario as a Halloween decoration will take her feelings to heart & decide they really aren't wedded to the idea enough to want to hurt anyone. Other people may feel that their use of this decorating idea is just part of Halloween & shouldn't be taken seriously enough to hurt feelings.

It's a moot point for me personally because I don't have the time or energy for that kind of elaborate decor. I do have to say that after reading this I would not put up something like this in the interest of being sensitive to others' feelings.

 

[MM27]

How people choose to decorate their house for Halloween or any other holiday is nobody's business, as long as they are doing so in ways that are legal. Yes, it's sad that her child thought suicide was the best method of fixing his problems, but everyone else shouldn't have to change their lives to be PC. Someone is always going to find something to be offended by.

 

[luvsJack]

I do agree that it is a good thing for her to put her feelings out there for others to see and perhaps understand. Most people would probably not ever think of it from her pov otherwise.

OTOH, I don't think she should expect some people to change their halloween decor. They don't see it as something to remind someone of an actual death, they see it as fun.

My heart goes out to her.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I do agree that it is a good thing for her to put her feelings out there for others to see and perhaps understand. Most people would probably not ever think of it from her pov otherwise.

OTOH, I don't think she should expect some people to change their halloween decor. They don't see it as something to remind someone of an actual death, they see it as fun.

My heart goes out to her.

That's the way I see it too.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I respectfully disagree.

You can choose to go to a movie. You can't avoid the street you live on.

You don't have to actually go to the movie to see the scenes I'm describing, though.

Kurt Warner's autobiography has a section in it where his wife talks about how she felt when her child was injured. She's looking out the window of the hospital watching the cars driving by and the people out on the sidewalk going on their merry way and she says she wants to yell to everyone "don't you know my baby is hurt???"

That has stuck with me since I read it YEARS ago. At any given time, there is always someone going through something horrible and just about any situation could hurt someone by remembering it.

After my brother's cancer diagnosis, I had to avoid any form of entertainment that dealt with someone having cancer... whether it was a book I was reading, a movie I wanted to watch, a TV show...

My point is... if we stopped doing everything that could remind someone of something awful, we may as well all curl up in a ball and do nothing.

I have no problem with her sharing her perspective. But the OP asked if she was being too sensitive or if society was too insensitive. I don't really think either one is true in this particular scenario.

 

[Tiger926]

I'm not sure you can break it down to being too sensitive or not sensitive enough...it's not that easy.

I think North American society is very selfish, and there is a serious lack of altruism. To say that someone wouldn't think about others who have killed themselves when decorating is very insensitive and selfish, just like the mom expecting others to not decorate in that matter, is having massively high expecatations of a society that for the most part, is very insular in its thinking.

I am someone who thinks about others before I do or say anything; therefore, I would never decorate my house like that, as I know it might scare or hurt others. It's no big deal...part of being a human being is being sensitive to those around me.

I totally feel for the mom because hubby and just had this exact conversation this week as we were driving around our suburban neighborhood. My kids hate looking at those houses as they are scary. My little child asked why would someone decorate their house to be scary like that when it scares kids?

Halloween has turned into an event in which seemingly normal people, become obsessed with sadism and evil. I don't quite get how hanging dead bodies all over your yard is a great idea, yet there are a bunch of those houses in my neighborhood, which is full of young children. We've gone from decorating pumpkins, to unleashing inner personal demons in the form of disgusting decorating. There is nothing fun about dead bodies, decaying flesh or demons. If people think that's fun, then they need to seek some professional help. Let us also not forget the highly sexualized theme that Halloween has also become. I think Halloween has become something else entirely...

Do they have the right to decorate that way? Sure. Should they? That's another question altogether.

For me, I think it's a combination of both, but more towards society being insensitive. It doesn't take much to prove that point on a daily basis...Tiger

 

[DawnCt1]

I respectfully disagree.

You can choose to go to a movie. You can't avoid the street you live on.

I agree. Her neighbors know what happened. She shouldn't have to ask for others to refrain from those type of decorations. If something similar happened in my neighborhood, I can't imagine any of my neighbors decorating in the way she described. City wide? No. Not everyone knows and not everyone thninks about it.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I totally feel for the mom because hubby and just had this exact conversation this week as we were driving around our suburban neighborhood. My kids hate looking at those houses as they are scary. My little 3 year old asked why would someone decorate their house to be scary like that when it scares kids? He's only 3, yet he gets it more than the adults do.

Not to sound harsh, but the world doesn't revolve around 3-yr-olds. Children are afraid of Santa Claus sometimes, too. Does that mean people shouldn't put Santa decorations out at Christmas?

I've seen a lot of those "ghost rider" blowups on people's lawns this year. If your loved one died in a motorcycle accident, wouldn't seeing that make it hard on you?

Or what if your child died because they had an allergic reaction to pumpkin? Wouldn't seeing all the pumpkins on people's doorsteps upset you? I mean, I realize that's taking things a little far but I'm sure somewhere that's happened.

There's a fine line between society being too insensitive and individuals taking things too personally. Where is the line drawn? I think that might be what the OP was getting at.

 

[Planogirl]

I don't like some of the decorations either. I don't like the "real" dead bodies and I have no use for anything demonic. I haven't seen anything involving demons but the bodies are around. There are also zombies, witches, ghosts and so on. This is a part of Halloween.

Personally, I adore Halloween. Those who decorate in that manner are just doing it because it's fun for them. They aren't thinking about someone possibly being offended for some reason. I would hope that they would not use some of those decorations if a neighbor lost someone but truthfully, I doubt that this would even occur to many people. Some of the Halloween enthusiasts don't make the connection between real life and the fantasy and don't expect others to.

Either way, how people decorate is no one else's business no matter what. That is as long as they are legal. There is a man just down the street that every year puts out tombstones and webbing and various bones and so on. He clearly has fun and I think it's great.

 

[Mama-san]

I don't have a strong opinion one way or another on this, just saying that the lady who wrote article should stay away from the stretching room at the HM.

 

[Tiger926]

Not to sound harsh, but the world doesn't revolve around 3-yr-olds. Children are afraid of Santa Claus sometimes, too. Does that mean people shouldn't put Santa decorations out at Christmas?

I've seen a lot of those "ghost rider" blowups on people's lawns this year. If your loved one died in a motorcycle accident, wouldn't seeing that make it hard on you?

Or what if your child died because they had an allergic reaction to pumpkin? Wouldn't seeing all the pumpkins on people's doorsteps upset you? I mean, I realize that's taking things a little far but I'm sure somewhere that's happened.

There's a fine line between society being too insensitive and individuals taking things too personally. Where is the line drawn? I think that might be what the OP was getting at.

Did you read my whole post? I was specifically talking about dead bodies and the fascination with decorating with blood on Halloween. That is scary to many adults, let alone young children. And I'm sorry, but my 3 year old baby boy gets it more than the adults do. He questioned why would people decorate in such a scary way? He is sensitive and understands that his actions will affect others. Too bad some adults don't live that way...

That is vastly different than Santa Claus. Santa Claus is not a scary looking man with blood and axes in his head. Totally different. Kids are afraid of him as he's a stranger, and that is different than blood splattered on my neighbor's window under the guise of 'fun'.

I can't stand the yucky looking Halloween decorations as I don't think they are tasteful, and frankly, it scares me that people are so obsessed with death and such. We don't decorate that way because we don't like it, and, because we are sensitive to the other people who live around us.

Halloween used to a fun fall celebration of apples, pumpkins and costumes, but now, it's about sadism and sexuality, as it's become an adult-centred event. Neither of those themes are appropriate for children, so people should be sensitive to children since Halloween, IMHO, has been essentially stolen from children.

Tiger

 

[Planogirl]

Did you read my whole post? I was specifically talking about dead bodies and the fascination with decorating with blood on Halloween. That is scary to many adults, let alone young children.

That is vastly different than Santa Claus. Santa Claus is not a scary looking man with blood and axes in his head. Totally different. Kids are afraid of him as he's a stranger, and that is different than blood splattered on my neighbor's window under the guise of 'fun'.

I can't stand the yucky looking Halloween decorations as I don't think they are tasteful, and frankly, it scares me that people are so obsessed with death and such. We don't decorate that way because we don't like it, and, because we are sensitive to the other people who live around us.

Tiger

We have a haunt in the area where the final actor is a deranged Santa Claus. Of course he isn't visible unless you visit the haunt so no one who dislikes such things is exposed but your comment reminded of that.

I can't remember a time when people weren't into death and horror when it came to Halloween. Maybe it's become more "in your face" when it comes to decorations but I think that it's always been there. There is no indication that people enjoying that side of Halloween are odd or dangerous or anything. At least I would hope not.

 

[Tiger926]

We have a haunt in the area where the final actor is a deranged Santa Claus. Of course he isn't visible unless you visit the haunt so no one who dislikes such things is exposed but your comment reminded of that.

I can't remember a time when people weren't into death and horror when it came to Halloween. Maybe it's become more "in your face" when it comes to decorations but I think that it's always been there. There is no indication that people enjoying that side of Halloween are odd or dangerous or anything. At least I would hope not.

But, they are mixing an innocent mythical creature, Santa, with the evilness of Halloween. That is the intent...if it wasn't, why use Santa? It's essentially bringing the dark side to children, and this is my whole problem with what Halloween has become.

It's very in your face around here with people hanging dead bodies from trees, tombstones, crashed cars and dead bodies piled up, heads on fence posts, etc. That is scary stuff. If it wasn't, they wouldn't decorate in that manner.

I've discussed this very thing with my students, and they totally get the connection, as they should. Pumpkins and apples are boring to many people, so the marketers have turned Halloween into an adult-centred buying bonanza. My students are into the sexualized nature of Halloween, as many of the girls wear barely there costumes. That's how it is around here, and it gets worse every single year...For me, it is insensitive from the standpoint that it's very gory, and that is difficult for children. Death is hard for most people, let alone kids, so when you decorate in that way, it sends very confusing messages. Most kids I know don't go up to those houses for candy or such, as they are afraid of the decorations, so how is that even a welcoming atmosphere? My kids aren't afraid of the Haunted Mansion, because it's done tastefully (a few areas due scare them, so they close their eyes), but heads hanging from trees with fake blood dripping down, is not tasteful, IMHO.

Around here, it seems that as of late, the adult themed Halloween is taking over, Tiger

 

[Tink888]

I agree. I've seen Halloween costumes that are cheerleaders or football players that look like they've been killed in a car wreck, insensitive to a parent that lost a child in a wreck? We could make a list all day long of what might bring back horrible memories for loved ones.

How people choose to decorate their house for Halloween or any other holiday is nobody's business, as long as they are doing so in ways that are legal. Yes, it's sad that her child thought suicide was the best method of fixing his problems, but everyone else shouldn't have to change their lives to be PC. Someone is always going to find something to be offended by.

You don't have to actually go to the movie to see the scenes I'm describing, though.

Kurt Warner's autobiography has a section in it where his wife talks about how she felt when her child was injured. She's looking out the window of the hospital watching the cars driving by and the people out on the sidewalk going on their merry way and she says she wants to yell to everyone "don't you know my baby is hurt???"

That has stuck with me since I read it YEARS ago. At any given time, there is always someone going through something horrible and just about any situation could hurt someone by remembering it.

After my brother's cancer diagnosis, I had to avoid any form of entertainment that dealt with someone having cancer... whether it was a book I was reading, a movie I wanted to watch, a TV show...

My point is... if we stopped doing everything that could remind someone of something awful, we may as well all curl up in a ball and do nothing.

I have no problem with her sharing her perspective. But the OP asked if she was being too sensitive or if society was too insensitive. I don't really think either one is true in this particular scenario.

We don't really decorate for Halloween but I agree with all of the bolded.

I've known two people in the past month who have lost children and another family I didn't know personally whose son committed suicide. For those families, everything is a painful reminder of what they've lost right now and for a long time to come.

Everyone has lost or will lose someone and I would imagine that everything has the potential to be a painful reminder to someone.

Remember the boy who was hit by a bus at Ft. Wilderness and passed away? How do (general) you think that family feels every time they see a bus?

 

[Planogirl]

But, they are mixing an innocent mythical creature, Santa, with the evilness of Halloween. That is the intent...if it wasn't, why use Santa? It's essentially bringing the dark side to children, and this is my whole problem with what Halloween has become.

It's very in your face around here with people hanging dead bodies from trees, tombstones, crashed cars and dead bodies piled up, heads on fence posts, etc. That is scary stuff. If it wasn't, they wouldn't decorate in that manner.

I've discussed this very thing with my students, and they totally get the connection, as they should. Pumpkins and apples are boring to many people, so the marketers have turned Halloween into an adult-centred buying bonanza. My students are into the sexualized nature of Halloween, as many of the girls wear barely there costumes. That's how it is around here, and it gets worse every single year...For me, it is insensitive from the standpoint that it's very gory, and that is difficult for children. Death is hard for most people, let alone kids, so when you decorate in that way, it sends very confusing messages. Most kids I know don't go up to those houses for candy or such, so how is that even a welcoming atmosphere?

Tiger

Many people don't see Halloween as evil. Sure, there are evil characters around but it's not all about evil. Also, the Santa character is in a haunted house meant for adults or for older kids who can separate fantasy from reality. He's not meant for young children.

As for sexualizing Halloween, that's not only happening with Halloween. The holiday just gives these kids a chance to play out their fantasies. I don't think that minors should be dressing like that either.

I do agree that death is hard. I think that it could be not as hard if we dealt with it though. People tend to shy away from it and the fear of Halloween is only one indication of that among many IMO.