Too late for sympathy card?

[DisneyBeagle]

I have an old friend who lost their young daughter (5years old) about 5 weeks ago. I haven't spoken with this friend in over 10 years, but I heard about the child's passing shortly after from another friend. I had the best intentions of sending a sympathy card to my friend immediately, but I kept putting it off. Now 5 weeks later, I am wondering if it's too late to send the card. I don't want to make things worse by having them read a card about their child's death after they have started to get their life back into their normal routine. I know that the holiday season is going to be hard enough without having to keep having people bring up their daughter's death.

What would you do?

 

[mom2grace]

Send it!

 

[C.Ann]

Rather than a sympathy card, how about one of those "I know you're going through a difficult time and if you need a friend, I'm here" - type of card? You could include your telephone number and email address if you're so inclined..

What a horrible thing to have to deal with.. Was the child ill - or was it an accident?

 

[lovesmurfs]

Me, I would definitely send it. From the people I know who have lost children, their main desire is that their children are remembered. Their life will never be "normal" again.

Just a loving note that says that you heard about what happened and that you wanted to let them know how sorry you are about their loss.

 

[DisneyBeagle]

Rather than a sympathy card, how about one of those "I know you're going through a difficult time and if you need a friend, I'm here" - type of card? You could include your telephone number and email address if you're so inclined..

What a horrible thing to have to deal with.. Was the child ill - or was it an accident?

Illness

 

[Bluestars]

I don't think it's too late to send a card. I'm sure they will appreciate it. I don't think it will make things worse at all. If anything, if will probably make them feel good that you care enough to send a card.

 

[Aimeedyan]

I don't think it's too late either - you can even say in the note that you just heard about her loss and wanted her to know you were praying for her, thinking of her, etc.

 

[veraletta]

It's never too late to send a card to someone you care about.
You never know, she could be having a really hard day the day she gets your card and I'm sure most of her day will be hard ones, but most people are there when it first happens not later.

I feel sometimes they are in shock the first few weeks, and need a card or call later on to see how they are.
Most people go on and forget that someone that lost a child, their life will never go on; they are at a stand still in time.

 

[Family Fun Mom]

I don't think it's ever too late to reach out to someone. I think you should definitely do it.

 

[Imzadi]

I don't think it will ever be too late to send a card for someone who lost a child. They will never forget or get over it. If anything, they might need the sympathy now more than ever. As they probably got many cards, calls, & support right afterwards. But, as time has gone by, there has been less (outward) support as people have gotten busy, the holiday crush, etc. Meanwhile, this family will have to spend their first holidays without their child. knowing that people are still sending support would be comforting.

 

[Soarin08]

I agree- send it!!

 

[Rella Bella]

Send a card! They will be glad to know you are thinking of them.

My godson passed away five years ago and rarely does a day go by that we don't think of him. So, there's no chance of you'll offend them by caring.

 

[quasar4legs]

I would send a little not or card, I am sure they would appreciate knowing that people cared about their loss.

Trish

 

[mousehouselover]

My MIL passed away in Sept. There was just so much to deal with at the time. I didn't get to read any of the cards until weeks later. I was touched by all the people who sent something for us.

Send the card, it's never to late to express condolences.

 

[bumbershoot]

I don't want to make things worse by having them read a card about their child's death after they have started to get their life back into their normal routine.

In only 5 weeks they are likely nowhere near getting to their new normal.

5 weeks after my mom died I was still crying most every day (didn't help that I worked customer service at amazon and people were buying for Mother's Day at that time; I nearly lost it at customers a few times).

When you've lost someone, you are never far from thinking about them, and someone bringing the person up doesn't make you sad. It can warm your heart that someone else is thinking of them.

So send it.

 

[clh2]

I agree - please send the card. IMHO, it wouldn't matter if it was just a note, or a sypathy card. Either kind will indicate that you care.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Reading all these made me cry...I can't imagine...

I'd be torn on sending it too..... but maybe just a 'thinking of you' card would do if that seems more appropriate......

So sad

 

[Imzadi]

They will know when they see the envelope that it's a card. If you haven't been sending yearly Xmas cards, they will know what it is when they see your return address. This way, they can choose when to open it, unlike an unexpected phone call. There may be times when they will still need the comfort & support & can save the cards & notes till then.

 

[JennaTX]

I would definately send it.

When my Dad passed away I got cards, calls, emails, etc for almost a year.

A friend that I had in high school sent me a card almost a year after my Dad passed away, but that is when she first heard of it because we don't talk very often.

I really appreciated it and it touched me because she had written about things she remebered when we were teenagers with my Dad.

 

[Michelle67]

I agree with the others, definitely send it. If not a sympathy card, then as someone else suggested just a "thinking of you" card. Letting them know that you care and are thinking of them in such a terrible time.

I had a young friend (22) die of cancer several years ago. Being terminally ill yourself is different from losing a child of course, but one of the most useful life lessons I ever learned came from this situation. She told me that the worst thing about it was all the people who backed away because they didn't know what to say and were afraid of saying the wrong thing. Don't be afraid to say the wrong thing...just knowing that people care and are thinking of you is huge.

I'm so very sorry for your friends' loss. What a horrible thing to have to go through.