This is out of control-info & warning if you have teens

[Wishing on a star]

Quote:
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Could you imagine if the school did not report it and something WORSE happened down the line? Then you all would be upset that nothing had been done after the school had such information
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Exactly!


I have to repeat this here... We do NOT know why this kid was handcuffed and hauled away!!!! I very SERIOUSLY doubt that it is because of this one report. If this is in the court system, it is because of some kind of crime/offense... There is no crime without a victim. Once again, I remind everyone that IF THIS KID WERE ARRESTED BECAUSE OF THIS COMPLAINT, THEN THESE GIRLS AND THEIR PARENTS WOULD HAVE TO BE PRESSING CHARGES AND PROVIDING DEPOSITIONS, ETC...

God knows what all this kid has on their record and why they were arrested??????

These girls should be applauded and be continually reminded that they are not to allow themselves to be violated under any circumstances!!!!


Why is it that the victim in these types of situations always has to end up feeling like a guilty criminal???

 

[battricia]

I'm in agreement with miss jasmine. The right thing was done, and the situation was handled well. I hope this kid gets his day in court.

For those that asked if there was 'any other action that could have been taken'... the op SAID her daughter told the kid forcefully to cut it out. Apparently that wasn't good enough. Would the 'icey glare' have been good enough? Apparently not. What other action would you have liked her to take?

If you ask me this IS cause for the word pervert/sex offender to be waved around. Newsflash: you don't have to RAPE someone to be a pervert or a sex offender. No normal human being touches another person in a private part where they obviously didn't want to be touched. And then after he's told it's not appropriate behavior, he goes and does it to other girls for kicks??

Behavior like this can bring serious serious problems to it's victims. As someone else mentioned, post traumatic stress, guilt, self consciousness about sexual behavior, suicide, etc. It only has to happen once, and it doesn't have to be full on rape for people to start feeling these things. Would the situation be different if one of his victims decided to commit suicide instead of telling someone at school, because she didn't want to 'ruin his life'?

tricia.

 

[luvdzny]

One more update....the girls talked to the police officer because he happened to see them come in to the office looking upset & ask if he could help. The girls were taken (seperately) in to his office to explain what happened. I do not think either of them realized that they were actually filling out a police report. I spoke with the principal (who didn't even know this went on at all until the other girls parent called.) He told me that if the girls had spoken to a teacher/counselor it would still have to be reported to the police. Because the girls went to the police officer first it became a confidential matter and the school could not be notified. The only reason I found out about it going to court was because the other girl told DD that her dad called the school. He was surprised that the boy was still allowed in school and still allowed to play on the school baseball team. As soon as the principal found out the boy was suspended. I called the principal as well and he told me to talk to the DA's office. I hope this all makes sense, it is kind of hard to explain in writing.
Wishing on a star - when I spoke with the DA's office I was told that if it goes to court I can not have the charges against him dropped. the only thing we can do is write a letter expressing our feelings. So if it goes to court we can not stop it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I forgot one other thing that I meant to say....

The OP closed their post with this quote:
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......make sure they know not to touch someone in the wrong pkace - even it they are just joking around, it can have serious consequences.
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Amen!!!! as it should be.... truer words have not been spoken!

 

[Pixie_Dust]

Originally posted by luvdzny
We do not want this boy to have to go to court over this, we only wanted to make sure that he realized that what he was doing was wrong. We are not allowed to drop the charges

What you feel is precisely why you are not allowed to drop the charges. If the law left it up to individuals, no sex offender would ever get the help they need before their behavior escalates into something heinous. Even if this particular boy was not headed in that direction, and there is no way you could know that in advance, no one should be allowed to get away with the physical assault and sexual harassment of others. Bravo for your law enforcement.

Also, if the school did not do something, they would be liable and probably end up getting sued, costing the community a bundle that could go for other, more appropriate school expenses.

 

[MHopkins2]

I don't have children, but I have babysat toddlers many times. You ever notice how, if the kid falls down because she can't quite walk 100% well yet, your reaction drives hers? If you tell her, "Oopsy! You fell down and went boom, let's get back up again!" with a kiss on the boo boo'd knee, she'll get back up and carry on her merry way. If, on the other hand, you come flying across the room with a very worried look on your face and say something like, "OH NO! You fell down! Are you okay, my poor precious angel?!?" she'll cry her eyes out, getting more hysterical as you continue to fuss?

Apropos of nothing; I seem to be rambling a lot today.


ETA because "boo boo" gets edited if it's all one word. Oy.

 

[brentm3]

Originally posted by momof2inPA
Whenever we encounter a group of kids on a class trip from the age of 13 on up, they are all over each other. Groping each other in the dark buildings at the zoo, grabbing the girls in inappropriate places when the teacher's back is turned. I am not saying this behavior should be accepted and tolerated, but it happens regularly

I'm willing to bet that after this kid was hauled off in cuffs, it won't be happening very regularly at this school...

I'm on the 'lets get tough' side of the fence, this type of behaviour, be it bullying or sexual deviance, should not be the norm. I'm not calling for a Biblical era stoning, but when someone is help accountable for their actions, other's will think twice about commiting the same crime.

I'm far more concerned about your DD than I am about whatever happens to this kid. I have -no- compassion for him. I'm certainly not out to argue with anyone, just my thoughts here. This crew would make an exciting jury on this hypthetical case, that's for sure.

I have a close female relative who is repeatedly abused by her DH (I'll let you figure out what the "D" stands for in "DH" there.) I pray some day she will develop the confidence to file a complete police report and press charges. All his life he has gotten away with it without reprocussions, and she has come to accept that abuse is what she deserves. He even tells her so. I especially love when she makes excuses for his behavior. Take care of your DD.

brentm3

 

[cardaway]

Originally posted by MHopkins2
I don't have children, but I have babysat toddlers many times. You ever notice how, if the kid falls down because she can't quite walk 100% well yet, your reaction drives hers? If you tell her, "Oopsy! You fell down and went boom, let's get back up again!" with a kiss on the ****oo'd knee, she'll get back up and carry on her merry way. If, on the other hand, you come flying across the room with a very worried look on your face and say something like, "OH NO! You fell down! Are you okay, my poor precious angel?!?" she'll cry her eyes out, getting more hysterical as you continue to fuss?

Now you're in my head.

Kids learn everything from adults, including how to overreact.

 

[MHopkins2]

I'm far more concerned about your DD than I am about whatever happens to this kid.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not at all concerned about the OPs DD - she stood up for herself, and the schmuck left her alone. I'd say she's doing just fine.

I have a close female relative who is repeatedly abused by her DH .....

and a !! Can you file the charges? I know sometimes in domestic abuse cases, the abusee doesn't have to "consent" to the prosecution if there's enough physical evidence to nail the SOB to the wall.

 

[Bichon Barb]

MHopkins, I've heard of those symptoms before. I think there's a name for it. DBW -- Debate Board Withdrawalitis.

I had to laugh, the OP said something like "Thank you for all the replies..." My first thought was "this is what happens when you take the DB away--anything on the CB is up for debate!" LOL.

In any event, assuming that this kid doesn't have a record of this kind of behavior, I think an in school suspension would have sufficed. How would everyone feel if it was their son who was the grabber? Do you think he should be cuffed and sent down to the station?

I know, I know, none of our sons would ever do such a thing.

BTW, do the girls get sent to the station if they grab a boy's butt?

 

[momof2inPA]

But why not just suspend him from the baseball team? Who says that would not have gotten the message across? And were his parents even aware of his behavior? They could have punished him even more.

 

[cardaway]

Originally posted by Bichon Barb
BTW, do the girls get sent to the station if they grab a boy's butt?

Nah, they get real popular.

 

[phamton]

Originally posted by Miss Jasmine
I said it was predatory behavior, and I stand by it. I didn't know any guys growing up that went around groping girls for laughs. That is not a normal behavior even with raging hormones.

I'm older than dirt (born in 1950). Although we were seldom groped in school, I can't count the times that the guys rubbed our behind with their knees when they were seated behind us in their desks (remember how all the desks were lined up in rows?)

Not to mention, it was a daily occurrence in jr. high to have our bra straps popped from behind as the guy ran off laughing.

 

[brentm3]

Originally posted by Bichon Barb
How would everyone feel if it was their son who was the grabber? Do you think he should be cuffed and sent down to the station?

He would have already run to the station and begged for a jail cell for protection from me.

OT to MH2: We been in contact with a lawyer, police, a psychiatrist who specializes in interventions, etc etc etc...until there is some ounce of willingness by the subject, we are told there is really nothing we can do...there's an excuse for every bruise, both physical and emotional. Side note: She isn't allowed to spend money, but she would be at Disney 100% on her father's and my tab at this very moment, but she is "not allowed" to go to Disney. I know this is PM material, but if anyone sees this and has a really great and unique idea that worked (believe me we've tried all of the ideas from the books and shrinks) - please PM me.

brentm3

 

[suzannen]

Your DD and her friend did the right thing. I also have ZERO tolerence for this sort of behavior. I and several of my friends have been the victims of "inappropriate groping" - this was as adults. It made me feel horrible and violated. (I'm actually starting to feel sick again just thinking about it). Two of my friends were victims of date rape that they could not bring themselves to report and the young men involved still don't believe they did anything wrong.

If this incident had only happened once and the boy stopped after being told it was inappropriate (like with maleficent), I would be more lenient, but since he continued doing it to other girls, he needs to be taught this behavior is WRONG. It is important for him (and all teenage boys) to learn to respect girls and young women and that uninvited physical touching is not acceptable and that NO means NO!

 

[Sandy V.]

momof2inPa wrote:

But why not just suspend him from the baseball team? Who says that would not have gotten the message across? And were his parents even aware of his behavior? They could have punished him even more.

We don't know enough about the kid to know if suspending him from the baseball team would have mattered one iota. For all we know, he may hate baseball and is playing because his parents are making him. Or maybe not. Not enough facts.

And whether his parents could have punished him "more", I'm not confident that they would punish him AT ALL. Many parents have a "my child would never do that" mentality - and the boy's parents could (or could not) be some of those.

Again, not enough facts.

I still say that the girls were right for reporting this. And while our court system is not perfect, it's the best resource here to filter through everything and sort this out.

 

[momof2inPA]

We don't know whether jail would have any effect on the kid either, but a sexual-predator label could ruin the kid's life. Over a grope or two.

I think the girls did the right thing by reporting the incidents to someone, but the response thus far by authourities seems excessive (unless there is some unknown past history). I feel sorry for the boy.

For the record, I was also grabbed inappropriately when I was in high school, and just told the jerk to buzz off. It doesn't effect my psyche today.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by momof2inPA
We don't know whether jail would have any effect on the kid either, but a sexual-predator label could ruin the kid's life. Over a grope or two.

I'm sorry, but "Over a grope or two"?!?! Should we wait for 10 gropes?

And obviously groping does not affect people in the same way which we can tell from the OP's original post. The poor girl was in tears.

 

[goofy4tink]

Thanks for the clarification luvdzny.That's what I was interested in. Have to say that if my ds had been the 'groper' he would have been better off in jail!!! There is no excuse for what this kid did. None. Other than being mentally ill, but it's pretty safe to assume that that wasn't the case. I was just curious if there was a different avenue at the school to persue the 'groping'. Yes, I would think the school would have to report it. I would be upset if they didn't.

Luvdzny...I think your DD should be applauded for telling the jerk off, in no uncertain terms. And for supporting her friend when the friend didn't have as much 'gumption' as your DD did. Really admirable. I've tried to teach my dd, 10, to stand up for herself. Hopefully the message is getting thru. You have done a terrific job raising a great kid. You both should be proud!!!

 

[goofy4tink]

Originally posted by momof2inPA
We don't know whether jail would have any effect on the kid either, but a sexual-predator label could ruin the kid's life. Over a grope or two.

I think the girls did the right thing by reporting the incidents to someone, but the response thus far by authourities seems excessive (unless there is some unknown past history). I feel sorry for the boy.

For the record, I was also grabbed inappropriately when I was in high school, and just told the jerk to buzz off. It doesn't effect my psyche today.

I really don't want to get into a debate here, but just because it happened way back when (yes, I was born in '49, so I know) doesn't make it okay now!! I'm sorry but a couple of gropes isn't right. It's demeaning. As is bra-strap snapping, wedgie giving, bum tapping etc. It's not just 'boys being boys'. It's boys getting away with doing whatever they want. If they are made to toe the line at an early age, they will understand right and wrong later and hence stay out of jail. This kid, being taken to jail, isn't going to be marred for life. He, maybe, stayed overnight until his parents could post bail. I've had a child spend a few hours in a jail cell and it sure made an impression on her. Yep, that's right...her!!! She sure did get on the straight and narrow after that experience. So, his psyche isn't going to be marred forever. He needs to be taught a lesson. Girls are not toys. No means No!!