Thinking about the "having affair" thread

[CapeCodTenor]

My wife doesn't have a problem with it. She knew going into the relationship that I have a lot of female friends. I know she would like it if I had more male friends, but I don't. And I'm cool with her having male friends.

 

[kpm76]

DH and I both works in professions that have a mix of male and female so we interact with members of the opposite sex all the time. I have a close guy friend from before DH and I met and we have remained friendly....DH has also developed a nice friendship with him as well so that works out nicely. We trust each other. I agree with some of the other posters...this is not a jealously issue but a control one. That's scary. Jealously can be a normal human emotion if not taken to extreme but control is much more serious and as some others have suggested, I think counseling might be a good idea....best of luck to you and your family

 

[Christine]

When I was growing up, I remember there was this family in our neighborhood. The wife was really cute. She was a SAHM with 2 boys. I remember my mom and some of the other moms talking about how insanely jealous her husband was for no apparant reason. It really *was* weird. Sounds similar to the OP. They ended up divorcing after a few years of living there because the wife could no longer take the jealousy. As far as I know, that was the whole reason for the divorce. He was very jealous and became controlling of her in the same way. In the end, it drives people crazy and drives them away.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Dh and I were just talking about this the other day. I generally get alone better with men than women. My closest friends have usually been men. Until my 1st marriage my best friend since high school was male. I asked Dh if he minded my having lunch with a man. He said no he didn't mind. When I asked if he minded my being friends with a man he didn't have a problem. When I asked what he thought of my closest friend being male he didn't like that idea. He said it was due to appearances. I think it's because he'd be jealous. I think the closer the relationship the more I'll have to tread lightly with Dh. My relationship with my Dh takes precendence and I'll just have to be careful how my friendships with other men take shape.

 

[VSL]

I get on better with boys, my BF gets on with everyone but has mostly female acquaintances. This doesn't bother either of us.

I would, however, be very upset if he was having deep conversations and whatnot with any of them - I'm his GF and we should discuss stuff like that between us. He feels the same.

 

[SC Minnie]

DH is not jealous (at least he doesn't say anything). For the longest time I was the only female in my dept at work and often went to lunch or dinner with male coworkers or suppliers. He never said a word.

He is friends with some female coworkers and has done favors for one. I was a little perturbed bit never said anything.

 

[SpecialK]

This doesn't sound too good.

Is this possessiveness steadily getting worse? I would consider dealing with it now through counseling or in some other way you feel comfortable with. Worrying about a waiter is way over the top IMO.

ITA. From what you've written, I'd say counseling is definitely in order. This sounds obsessive. Good luck.

 

[AdventurerKat]

I had alot of guy friends when my DH and I met and I still have alot of guy friends. He doesn't care. He knows where my heart and my home is.

 

[sm4987]

Yes, my dh does have control issues. They were horrible when we first got married. Everything had to be his way or else. It got better when he realized I was ready to walk. However, now that I've lost all the baby weight from the kids and I'm looking better than I did in high school, over the last year and a half it's gotten back worse again. Insecure, YES. Have a reason to, NO. I keep telling him that after 11 years if I stuck through the good and the bad, he should let this go, but he is having a hard time with this Can't reassure him anymore than I already have or have been throughout the years.