There is a bit of religion in this but it is really part of the ?

[java]

My teen has a friend in our neighborhood that happens to be a Jehovah Witness. No celebrating holidays or birthdays. We've known them since they were little.

Well the girl is turning 16 next week. And she wants a party. But that's not happening. She has asked for gifts from her friends. And asked my dd to bake her some cupcakes. She's never had a birthday cake or cupcakes.

This has come up in the past and I have always told my dd that we have to respect her parents wishes.

My daughter really wants to make the cupcakes and for some reason this year I feel like it's ok. Though it's probably not. She spends a lot of time with us. Oh what to do what to do.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

My teen has a friend in our neighborhood that happens to be a Jehovah Witness. No celebrating holidays or birthdays. We've known them since they were little.

Well the girl is turning 16 next week. And she wants a party. But that's not happening. She has asked for gifts from her friends. And asked my dd to bake her some cupcakes. She's never had a birthday cake or cupcakes.

This has come up in the past and I have always told my dd that we have to respect her parents wishes.

My daughter really wants to make the cupcakes and for some reason this year I feel like it's ok. Though it's probably not. She spends a lot of time with us. Oh what to do what to do.

I wouldn't do it...Or let my daughter do it.

It seems a little disrespectful to her parents and to her religion(I know she isasking though). Your DD may lose a friend becuase of how her parents react to the gesture KWIM?

I would tell her to come to you when she turns 18 and then you can show her what parties are ALL about!

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

DH's boss will not allow his children to even go to school because of kids or parents who try to go against what they believe. While the girl may want it, I wouldn't upset the parents.

You may want to just have her bake one cupcake and "offer her a token of her appreciation" for being a friend. They are allowed to accept that (and or DH's boss is) but clear it with the parents first.

 

[luvmy3]

Wow I think that is incredibly sad. At 16 I think an individual is old enough to know the path they want to follow as far as religion goes. Obviously this girl isn't feeling the love for the JW faith. However unless she renounces her religion I'd follow the "rules" of it out of respect for her and her parents. Maybe she'll be able to get her cupcakes next year.

 

[Stitchfans]

Really tough situation. There is such a big risk in the friendship being ruined if you go against the girl's parent's wishes. If the child wants a party like said by Soldier's Sweetie you may have to wait until she is of legal age and on her own where she can make her own decision of what religion she wants to follow.

I really feel bad for the girl, but it is forbidden for that religion. I also would not do it or let my daughter do it.

 

[luvmy3]

OP, what about a loophole? Can the girl come over and bake cupcakes with your dd? Technicaly it is for her birthday but since she is making them, the wouldn't be a gift or part of a celebration. Is something like that allowed?

 

[*JoGo*]

I wouldn't do it either.

Can't you have her over another day and just happen to have cupcakes? Or have a Valentine's Day party? I understand she wants something that says happy birthday, and to have her birthday acknowledged, but she really needs to talk to her parents about that. Telling her friends to have a party for her will really backfire if they do it and her parents find out. She might think she can get away with telling them she can't help what her friends do, but the parents will probably ground her and not let her be around her friends any more as they are a bad influence. What an awkward position to put all your friends in.

I really do sympathize with the girl... And the predicament she has put you and her friends in. But I wouldn't do it.

 

[Coconut36]

Wow I think that is incredibly sad. At 16 I think an individual is old enough to know the path they want to follow as far as religion goes. Obviously this girl isn't feeling the love for the JW faith. However unless she renounces her religion I'd follow the "rules" of it out of respect for her and her parents. Maybe she'll be able to get her cupcakes next year.

I was thinking along these lines. I am guessing however in most situations where parents are not open to their child having a religious belief outside of the "family" belief she will not be free to renounce or do things outside her faith until she is a legal adult and/or not living in their home.

I would see if there is a way around it..like a pp said regarding having her over to bake with your DD or something like that.

 

[disney1990]

I wouldn't do it either.

Can't you have her over another day and just happen to have cupcakes? Or have a Valentine's Day party? I understand she wants something that says happy birthday, and to have her birthday acknowledged, but she really needs to talk to her parents about that. Telling her friends to have a party for her will really backfire if they do it and her parents find out. She might think she can get away with telling them she can't help what her friends do, but the parents will probably ground her and not let her be around her friends any more as they are a bad influence. What an awkward position to put all your friends in.

I really do sympathize with the girl... And the predicament she has put you and her friends in. But I wouldn't do it.

Valentine's Day would be another holiday. So that's not good either.

 

[Robinrs]

My sister and her husband became JW when my nephew and niece were 4 and 6. Both separated from the witnesses as teenagers and neither practice it today, they're both in their 40s with families of their own.

It was around the age of your daughter's friend that they realized they wanted to branch out. Teenagers like to be alike, not different. It's her form of "rebellion" so to speak. At least it was for my niece and nephew.

If she wants to have a celebration I'd let the girls do it on their own. I'd stay out of it. I stayed away from my sister's deal and just waited for the kids to make their own decision. They're both devout Christians now... a bit OVER devout actually, like they're making up lost time.

 

[low-key]

Have a big birthday party for her then take her to Church, that will really freak them out

 

[Pigeon]

I'm very sorry for that girl.

I wouldn't let my child bake cupcakes and make a big, obvious to-do about a birthday party for the girl.

On the other hand, my teenager will often bake stuff with her friends if they are hanging around. Brownies, cookies, etc. If there happened to be a cake mix in the cupboard and they were in the mood for baking, I wouldn't put my foot down.

 

[Imzadi]

Have a big birthday party for her then take her to Church, that will really freak them out

We are sending a group of JW to your house TOMORROW! You need a good talking to.

 

[metalis4ever]

I bet she can't wait until her 18th Birthday....the worst my parents put me through growing up was making me eat fish on Fridays, it's been 13 years since I turned 18 and I still can't even stand the smell of fish never mind eat it.

Your DD's friend only has 2 years until she is free to be her own person and make her own decisions and enjoy holidays and birthdays.....hopefully

 

[low-key]

We are sending a group of JW to your house TOMORROW! You need a good talking to.

 

[hereyago]

There is nothing wrong with making Unbirthday cup cakes. Gifts, what gifts? girls always give each other things either to "borrow" or have. and there could be a contest of how could blow out the most unbirthday candles.

and music, teenagers play music all the time. and various food-teenagers can eat, my DD13 and her friends over bake up a storm and eat whatever is in sight,lol.

 

[AverageDiser]

I'm really on the fence on this one, to me, if the gov't says a sixteen year old has the thought processes necessary to drive, they have the thought processes to choose their religion. But..I can see not wanting to ruffle feathers and jeopardize the friendship. All that said, people make cupcakes all the time, and I wouldn't see anything strange about having some in the house, what a coincidence if it happens to be her birthday as well. Something else to think about, I seriously doubt the girl would go home and brag to her parents about having cupcakes or getting a gift. My mom was VERY strict on me growing up, and I was very fond of "don't ask, don't tell" though I would answer honestly if asked.

 

[Shmily1]

I would have a sleep over at my house that weekend. The girls and their friends could hang out, have music, either order in pizza or have them some finger foods like little sandwiches and maybe even some cupcakes. At 16, they could even use part of the time to make these finger foods themselves. If there just happens to be presents at the sleep over, there isn't anything you can do about that other than tell the kids to leave the presents at the door.

 

[dngnb8]

There is nothing wrong with making Unbirthday cup cakes. Gifts, what gifts? girls always give each other things either to "borrow" or have. and there could be a contest of how could blow out the most unbirthday candles.

and music, teenagers play music all the time. and various food-teenagers can eat, my DD13 and her friends over bake up a storm and eat whatever is in sight,lol.

Way to miss the point.

@op This is about religion. The issue is, do you and your child disrespect the parents beliefs? Like the quoted poster here, you can always superimpose what you think is right or wrong and completely ignore the parents rights to raise their child as they see. But if you do, I would ask you this,

How would you like it if someone like this quoted post started to decide what is right and wrong with your children, against your wishes?

 

[ReneeA]

We always have cake mixes/brownie mixes in my cupboard. My DD bakes every single time she has a friend over...it's their favorite thing to do. I guess I would allow cupcakes being made and not play up the "birthday" aspect of it.