There is a bit of religion in this but it is really part of the ?

[dngnb8]

I guess I would allow cupcakes being made and not play up the "birthday" aspect of it.

Slippery slope.

 

[gillep]

Way to miss the point.

@op This is about religion. The issue is, do you and your child disrespect the parents beliefs? Like the quoted poster here, you can always superimpose what you think is right or wrong and completely ignore the parents rights to raise their child as they see. But if you do, I would ask you this,

How would you like it if someone like this quoted post started to decide what is right and wrong with your children, against your wishes?

Yes but this 'child' is 16 not 6, at 16 she is capable of deciding for herself the path that she wants to take. Her parents are certainly instrumental guides in this process however, at this age she should be given some latitude to have her own opinions and beliefs.

I was in 4th grade when I decided that my parents' religion was not for me. We had a lot of great conversations about it over the years but they were always supportive of me choosing my own path and it really was a great thing for our relationship. I knew that I could trust them with ANYTHING, even not wanting to be a part of their religion, and they would respect me and help to guide me even if it wasn't down the path that they would have chosen for me.

I don't know that I would go against the parents' wishes but I would certainly let this child know that as an adult I was available if she wanted to talk about her feelings regarding this subject and I would encourage her to talk to her parents about it.

 

[ReneeA]

Slippery slope.

If it's something that's commonly done during normal "playdates" (which is what we call them now, not what we'll call them when they are 16) why would it be a slippery slope? It's nothing out of the ordinary.

 

[Judy Pink]

As a former JW, my heart breaks for this 16 year old girl. The best thing she can do is excape this cult the minute she turns 18. It took me until I turned 24 and I regret that I did not do it sooner.

So oppressive and so controlling. No human should have to endure the childhood that I did. I missed out on so much and will never forgive my parents for what they did to me by forcing me to be a JW.

Hug that child. Hug her tight.

But, DON'T give her gifts or throw a party. I am crying as I type that, because she deserves to be happy and celebrate milestones and holidays. But the grief that she and you will receive from her brainwashed parents will be horrible. Tell her when she turns into an adult, you will give her whatever she wants.

Once she turns 18, throw her a MASSIVE celebration if she wants it. Hopefully, she will fly free from The Cult

 

[dngnb8]

Yes but this 'child' is 16 not 6, at 16 she is capable of deciding for herself the path that she wants to take. Her parents are certainly instrumental guides in this process however, at this age she should be given some latitude to have her own opinions and beliefs.

In your eyes this may be true. In the parents eyes, it may not. So who are you to over ride what the parents feel?

I was in 4th grade when I decided that my parents' religion was not for me. We had a lot of great conversations about it over the years but they were always supportive of me choosing my own path and it really was a great thing for our relationship. I knew that I could trust them with ANYTHING, even not wanting to be a part of their religion, and they would respect me and help to guide me even if it wasn't down the path that they would have chosen for me.

Again, this was your parents and you. They do not define those parameters for the children of the world.

I don't know that I would go against the parents' wishes but I would certainly let this child know that as an adult I was available if she wanted to talk about her feelings regarding this subject and I would encourage her to talk to her parents about it.

Slippery slope again. Who are you to get involved in this? Youre talking about family philosophy here. Any support you give this child to vere away from the parents teachings is out of line.

 

[dngnb8]

If it's something that's commonly done during normal "playdates" (which is what we call them now, not what we'll call them when they are 16) why would it be a slippery slope? It's nothing out of the ordinary.

To you maybe, but to the parents of the child, the perceptions may be much different. Has this child stayed with you before? Did they make cupcakes then?

 

[dngnb8]

As a former JW, my heart breaks for this 16 year old girl. The best thing she can do is excape this cult the minute she turns 18. It took me until I turned 24 and I regret that I did not do it sooner.

So oppressive and so controlling. No human should have to endure the childhood that I did. I missed out on so much and will never forgive my parents for what they did to me by forcing me to be a JW.

Hug that child. Hug her tight.

But, DON'T give her gifts or throw a party. I am crying as I type that, because she deserves to be happy and celebrate milestones and holidays. But the grief that she and you will receive from her brainwashed parents will be horrible. Tell her when she turns into an adult, you will give her whatever she wants.

Once she turns 18, throw her a MASSIVE celebration if she wants it. Hopefully, she will fly free from The Cult

This is the proper route.

 

[ReneeA]

To you maybe, but to the parents of the child, the perceptions may be much different. Has this child stayed with you before? Did they make cupcakes then?

Everyone that spends time in my home gets fed. Normally something sweet and fresh. If the parents had an issue with that, they could call me and I would calmly explain that. I will say that I will not deny a child something that we would do on an ordinary day in order to placate the family. However, I would pull my DD aside beforehand and encourage her to not play up the birthday.

 

[DawnM]

I would NOT go against the parents on this. Yes, the girl may want it and she may want it bad (I can think of a lot of stuff I really, really wanted at 16), but I would be very worried that if your daughter goes against the parents and the parents find out, they may not allow her to hang out with your family at all in the future. I don't think your daughter or their daughter wants this.

I would be upset if my kids were at a home and I found out the parents allowed them to do something blatantly against our ideology.

Dawn

 

[MrsDuck]

I'm really torn on this but considering she is turning 16 and not 18 (hence not a legal adult) I'd skip the cupcakes.

What a stinky situation.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I would have some of the girls over for pizza and cupcakes. No birthday candles or presents but at least a "birthday" feeling. How sad for that poor girl. Just don't call it a birthday party, just a get together.

When she turns 18 I would throw her a real birthday party.

 

[ElizabethB]

I, too, escaped from a cult -- but a different one. I won't say which one because religious discussion is not allowed -- but it has been in the news a lot lately.

Anyway, I say bake her cupcakes, give her presents, sing happy birthday and tell her parents if they don't like it they can lump it.

I have no respect for religions that take away the joys and pleasures in life. I have no respect for parents who impose cults and cult behavior on their children.

Would we all stand by and let parents give their kids koolaid that's been laced with cyanide just because we "respect" the parents' religion.

Good grief -- make it clear the girl wants a birthday celebration and she is going to have it. If her parents don't like it, who cares?

 

[java]

A little more info. The older brother has been asking me to throw him a party since he was 5. We talked about it a lot with him and we spoke about how we love him and respect him and wanted to respect his parents wishes. This is a boy that calls me Mom. *he's 17 we just are nice year round not focusing on holidays now.

His sister is a little more forceful. She is having issues at home and has been for some time. I am just a soft place to land if she needs it. But I really don't want to upset her family. We are the only neighbor that they actually talk with. I think it's because we don't pass judgement on what they chose to believe. Now that is why I am having such a hard time with this. I don't want them to think I was full of bull all those years.

I am going to encourage my dd to think of some other solution. Like other posters mentioned- maybe coming over and just baking for fun. She is really grateful for the little things. I made waffles once and she said that she didn't know you could make waffles? So yes she comes over for waffles a lot. I suppose we could just have a waffle day on Monday. An extra hug is allowed I think.

Thanks for all the opinions. I am too close to this whole thing and can't think straight. I'll let you know what happens........

 

[luvmy3]

http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/cake-mix-waffles/2bbb7bfa-5a9b-4836-b7a9-c2a5ac1aeb66

 

[Judy Pink]

I, too, escaped from a cult -- but a different one. I won't say which one because religious discussion is not allowed -- but it has been in the news a lot lately.

Anyway, I say bake her cupcakes, give her presents, sing happy birthday and tell her parents if they don't like it they can lump it.

I have no respect for religions that take away the joys and pleasures in life. I have no respect for parents who impose cults and cult behavior on their children.

Would we all stand by and let parents give their kids koolaid that's been laced with cyanide just because we "respect" the parents' religion.

Good grief -- make it clear the girl wants a birthday celebration and she is going to have it. If her parents don't like it, who cares?

I want to agree with you. Heck. I do agree with you. But, you and I both know of the ramifications this child will deal with at home. 18 is the magic number.

 

[dngnb8]

Everyone that spends time in my home gets fed.

Mine too

Normally something sweet and fresh. If the parents had an issue with that, they could call me and I would calmly explain that. I will say that I will not deny a child something that we would do on an ordinary day in order to placate the family. However, I would pull my DD aside beforehand and encourage her to not play up the birthday.

This statement shows that you recognize the risk. My suggestion would be to have ice cream, popcorn, rice crispy bars etc. no cake like product.

Why tempt the tiger. There are so many other sweet fresh things you could do that dont walk a fine line. In the grand scheme of things, it isnt the parents I would worry about, it is the child. I dont agree with the parents, but the child is the one who would suffer here, not the parents, not you. Even your child may suffer because her parents may forbid the friendship.

 

[dngnb8]

I, too, escaped from a cult -- but a different one. I won't say which one because religious discussion is not allowed -- but it has been in the news a lot lately.

Anyway, I say bake her cupcakes, give her presents, sing happy birthday and tell her parents if they don't like it they can lump it.

I have no respect for religions that take away the joys and pleasures in life. I have no respect for parents who impose cults and cult behavior on their children.

Would we all stand by and let parents give their kids koolaid that's been laced with cyanide just because we "respect" the parents' religion.

Good grief -- make it clear the girl wants a birthday celebration and she is going to have it. If her parents don't like it, who cares?

So I can just do things with your kids or future kids if I dont respect you or your beliefs. Good Grief indeed.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My teen has a friend in our neighborhood that happens to be a Jehovah Witness. No celebrating holidays or birthdays. We've known them since they were little.

Well the girl is turning 16 next week. And she wants a party. But that's not happening. She has asked for gifts from her friends. And asked my dd to bake her some cupcakes. She's never had a birthday cake or cupcakes.

This has come up in the past and I have always told my dd that we have to respect her parents wishes.

My daughter really wants to make the cupcakes and for some reason this year I feel like it's ok. Though it's probably not. She spends a lot of time with us. Oh what to do what to do.

I would tell my kid no. Now I would address this with the kid & my dd and tell them she would need her parent's approval.

This is her battle to fight not mine and I would not interject myself in as a scapegoat for her.

When you are met with protests, then tell the kid that when she is 18 then we will have a party.

This is a catalyst for teen angst (teen vs parents) and should not be encouraged.

 

[Judy Pink]

So I can just do things with your kids or future kids if I dont respect you or your beliefs. Good Grief indeed.

Take it easy on her. You have no idea what it is like to be mentally abused in the name of religion

 

[ElizabethB]

Thanks, Judy. Yep, escaping from a cult is no easy task.