The nerve of some people! (vent)

[Forevryoung]

So I am in a volunteer fire department. I am also one of the few females.

My best friend (who is also a captain) is being brought up on sexual harassment charges by another firefighter who claims my friend asked his daughter, who used to be in our department, for "a favor" (catch my drift??). The kicker is that the event goes back to a parade in the summer of 2004! My best friend was drunk, we were in close quarters on the back of a brush truck, he was upset because this married woman didnt love him like he loved her (oh the drama ) and I was trying to comfort him and make him feel better. It was the usual banter between all of us. He would never say anything like that to a girl who is 8 or so years younger than he is nor would he say that to anyone in general. It's not his nature. So this Dad is pretty much bringing him up on false charges and tarnishing my best friend's reputation. He is doing to be spiteful and mean.


Grrrr I am so mad. I feel bad for my friend... I am writing a statement for this whole saga. Why do people feel the need to do this to others? Besides, why wait until now???

 

[Buckalew11]

A captain in the fire department, drunk at a public parade? On a brush truck? Drunk? Yeah, sounds like he has some troubles all right. The "usual banter"? Sounds like there's a problem in the department to me. Sorry, I have no idea what transpired between your friend, the captain, and other FF but it sounds like he needs to clean his act up even if he is innocent.

 

[Forevryoung]

A captain in the fire department, drunk at a public parade? On a brush truck? Drunk? Yeah, sounds like he has some troubles all right. The "usual banter"? Sounds like there's a problem in the department to me. Sorry, I have no idea what transpired between your friend, the captain, and other FF but it sounds like he needs to clean his act up even if he is innocent.

the truck was how we got home, he had had a few beers (ever been to a firefighters parade? Beer flows freely for all), Usual banter= talk between friends...

no act needs to be cleaned up- he's a great guy, takes care of the community, wouldn't hurt a soul

I'm just bothered that someone would want such harmful revenge on another human being...

 

[WebmasterAlex]

It depends where you are from Buckalew, I was in a volunteer fire department back in pennsylvania and a little drinking at a parade was pretty normal except for the driver. The coke machine at the station had a soda machine with one button marked "out of order" that had beer

 

[Jasminesmommy]

What exactly happened to make this dad made at him? Since he was drunk is it possiblehe did or said something the girl took the wrong way

 

[Forevryoung]

What exactly happened to make this dad made at him? Since he was drunk is it possiblehe did or said something the girl took the wrong way

Nothing we can think of- this guy has known my friend over 10 years (I think 12 years actually). Something must have happened to make him angry though.

He was drunk but he knew full well what was going on. I was there the whole time and I dont really remember anything being said that was out of the ordinary or shocking. We were just a bunch of friends having a good time (I was underage and had not had any alcohol if that makes a difference).

 

[mrFDNY]

The coke machine at the station had a soda machine with one button marked "out of order" that had beer

hey alex, when did you stop by my station?
i have to agree when any group of city workers get together there will be drinks all around.drinking at parades??when you get a chance come up to manhattan on st pattis day,this is not a bar for miles in lower manhattan that has anyone other than nypd and fdny men.remember we are offically off duty at parades,while i say don't get smashed, some do have a beer or two.
second remember young innocent before guilty,and these are only he said she said,this will all blow over just give it time. and thank you for doing what you do and on your own time,stay safe!!

 

[Marseeya]

second remember young innocent before guilty,and these are only he said she said,this will all blow over just give it time. and thank you for doing what you do and on your own time,stay safe!!

I hope you're not that naive! When it comes to sexual harrassment these days, the female's word carries far more weight in these matters.

My DH was falsely accused of sexual harrassment by a woman he had fired. He was suspended without pay for a week while the company investigated (the investigation would have dragged on even longer if his supervisors and coworkers hadn't really petitioned on his behalf). It was only because of his exemplary behavior and solid paper trail that they finally let him off the hook, but even then he had a blemish on his reputation. My poor DH was devastated over this and he lost a lot of the trust and faith he had in people because of it.

Men have to really be careful these days. It's sad that there are people out there who would take advantage like this when there are true victims whose voices aren't being heard.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Something to keep in mind: there are 2 sides to every story.

 

[bicker]

Men have to really be careful these days. It's sad that there are people out there who would take advantage like this when there are true victims whose voices aren't being heard.

That's really a critical point for folks to understand, and especially for folks to understand the ramifications of it. I remember bringing this up in a couple of discussions over the past year, with regard to some concerns about, under certain conditions, people seeming to lack compassion or appearing to be generally unhelpful. It is really important to keep in mind that when it comes to women and especially children, our society is such such that men, and to a lesser extent women, are well-advised to be cold and distant to anyone they don't know, for fear of their sociability being misinterpreted. Sad, but true. So the question is, "Which is better?" A society where people are generally cold and distant to each other, or a society where some abuses are overlooked because they're lost in the noise of what is cased as sociability. I think the best practical answer is the former, rather than the latter. What we lose, the way things are, is far less than what we gain.

 

[simpilotswife]

no act needs to be cleaned up- he's a great guy, takes care of the community, wouldn't hurt a soul

I'm just bothered that someone would want such harmful revenge on another human being...

You know I wonder how many times a claim like this was made about a Catholic priest or some other person that turned out to be guilty of sexual harassment or molestation.

 

[Marseeya]

That's really a critical point for folks to understand, and especially for folks to understand the ramifications of it. I remember bringing this up in a couple of discussions over the past year, with regard to some concerns about, under certain conditions, people seeming to lack compassion or appearing to be generally unhelpful. It is really important to keep in mind that when it comes to women and especially children, our society is such such that men, and to a lesser extent women, are well-advised to be cold and distant to anyone they don't know, for fear of their sociability being misinterpreted. Sad, but true. So the question is, "Which is better?" A society where people are generally cold and distant to each other, or a society where some abuses are overlooked because they're lost in the noise of what is cased as sociability. I think the best practical answer is the former, rather than the latter. What we lose, the way things are, is far less than what we gain.

One thing that saddens me is in education. Education students, especially those in elementary ed, have to be told that touching and hugging students is pretty much off-limits. There are some kids tht are just starving for affection and for a teacher not to be allowed to hug them is a shame. Even when I volunteer in the schools, I'll have some kids run up to me and throw their arms around me... always makes me wonder.

 

[Buckalew11]

I'm sure you are right, Alex. Being from NJ, alcohol flowed a bit more freely there than here. My grandfather was a volunteer FF there and I've heard some stories! However, DH has worked in both volunteer and paid fire departments around here and it has never been an issue so I guess you are right.
And the critical issue here is the sexual harrassment charge--not the alcohol although my guess is that too many beers may have encouraged this guy to say too much.

 

[bicker]

That's a good point: Being intoxicated is not an excuse for saying or doing anything that you wouldn't do while not intoxicated.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I'm just bothered that someone would want such harmful revenge on another human being...

I guess I don't understand where the revenge factor comes in?

Sorry, we aren't privy to all the details but your story really doesn't paint the choir boy picture you seem to hold. I mean, the guy is in the back of a Fire Truck with you, everybody slightly drunk, you comforting him that the Married Woman he is trying to go after isn't returning his affection.

But oh yeah, he'd never proposition a gal 8 years younger.

yeah, that story will be an interesting one to investigate.

 

[Forevryoung]

I guess I don't understand where the revenge factor comes in?

Sorry, we aren't privy to all the details but your story really doesn't paint the choir boy picture you seem to hold. I mean, the guy is in the back of a Fire Truck with you, everybody slightly drunk, you comforting him that the Married Woman he is trying to go after isn't returning his affection.

But oh yeah, he'd never proposition a gal 8 years younger.

yeah, that story will be an interesting one to investigate.

Ok- revenge: a year and a half later this is coming up?? Right before elections?? It is firehouse politics. And it never happened... I was there the whole time

He's no choir boy- nobody is He's just a decent guy who has his own issues like everyone. Who cares where it took place? It could have been at the station or at the parade or anything... we were heading back to the station at the time... besides, why would he say something to a girl he barely knows when his best friends are sitting next to him (2 of us female). It doesnt make sense

Yep females are believed more frequently than the males in situations like this and rightly so in many cases. If a charge had been created soon after, instead of a year and a half later, it might be possible to believe her. But not after the facts of the situation and words exchanged become fuzzy in everyone's minds.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

A captain in the fire department, drunk at a public parade? On a brush truck? Drunk? Yeah, sounds like he has some troubles all right. The "usual banter"? Sounds like there's a problem in the department to me. Sorry, I have no idea what transpired between your friend, the captain, and other FF but it sounds like he needs to clean his act up even if he is innocent.

I was just thinking that.