The etiquette/other issues of suggesting a cruise with a child's friend? (Warning- long)

[Cheburashka]

It may come off as if you want your son to have a friend on the cruise, but you want the mother to pay, travel, and watch the other kid when he is not entertaining your son.

I know her well & she won't interpret it like that. As I said in my original post, we're pretty close, so it would be nice for us to spend time together, too. I also wouldn't invite the friend if I didn't think he would love the cruise on its own merits. I'm sure he'd have a blast there, so it wouldn't be about him "entertaining" my son.

 

[sugliac]

I wish you the best in what you decide to do! If you know the other family's financial situation (or if you know they regularly vacation), it may be something to bring up. But of course, your judgement is best!

 

[Rick195275]

I’m not understanding the negative comments in here. I don’t think OP is doing anything wrong at all by simply asking if a friends family would like to join a vacation. The friend is completely able to decline the offer if they like with zero awkwardness in my opinion. What’s the problem? Other than negative people just wanting to be negative
I think many have given you helpful suggestions. Good luck and enjoy your trip either way

 

[AgentMama]

We regularly travel with other people's children joining us and we pay for their travel when we bring them without their parents. In this circumstance if you're asking your son's friend's parents to come and pay, I would just lay it out - "this is what we're doing, we would love if you guys can come along, no pressure, this is when and where we're going."

I guess in my mind, it doesn't have to be complicated, we would feel comfortable saying this to our kids' friends' parents and no hard feelings if they didn't come. If you really want your son's friend to come and his parents aren't on board, maybe consider a second room for both boys to stay in. Would cost your more but not as much as taking another family with you.

 

[Cheburashka]

Thanks to those of you who have been helpful and positive. Like I said in my original post, my son has had a very hard time with his ear disorder for the past 6 months, and I've only seen him smile a handful of times since this nightmare started, and the end isn't in sight. He still gets joy from being with his best friend, who is also disabled and has difficulty socializing with others, and I thought both boys and us moms could have a special experience together on a cruise. Was just looking for the right way to broach it and I think I got that help here- thanks for the positive input.

 

[AgentMama]

Thanks to those of you who have been helpful and positive. Like I said in my original post, my son has had a very hard time with his ear disorder for the past 6 months, and I've only seen him smile a handful of times since this nightmare started, and the end isn't in sight. He still gets joy from being with his best friend, who is also disabled and has difficulty socializing with others, and I thought both boys and us moms could have a special experience together on a cruise. Was just looking for the right way to broach it and I think I got that help here- thanks for the positive input.

Good luck, based on what you've shared, I hope your question is received the way you intend it. Even better, I hope they can go with you!

 

[hrhdhd]

I’m not understanding the negative comments in here. I don’t think OP is doing anything wrong at all by simply asking if a friends family would like to join a vacation. The friend is completely able to decline the offer if they like with zero awkwardness in my opinion. What’s the problem? Other than negative people just wanting to be negative
I think many have given you helpful suggestions. Good luck and enjoy your trip either way

Posting on a discussion board will lead to discussion.

 

[Rick195275]

Posting on a discussion board will lead to discussion.

I understand discussion and I feel discussion might go something along the line of “I would be hesitant for x reason.” Not directed attacks such as someone saying they want the friend/other mom to go to watch:entertaining OPs son. I suppose that is a form of discussion, sure, but a pretty unnecessary one that adds zero in the way on incite either positive or negative.... much like the others jumping down OPs throat for having some knowledge of what sounds like a good friends finances. For all anyone on these boards knows the OPs friend openly discusses finances with OP.... but she’s the one being presumptuous right?
I understand what you’re saying and you aren’t wrong but come on..... there is no reason for the nastiness of some people. To each their own I suppose and everyone is entitled to add their 2 cents on a discussion board.... but there will be those who will call you out and point out just because someone isn’t wrong doesn’t mean they aren’t being an ***. That’s not directed at you! Just adding to the discussion

 

[piccolopat]

I think it can be as simple as letting her know that after a long tough year and your son's ear problems you are looking forward to the cruise. Depending on her reaction, you might ask if she's ever been on a cruise before since her son has similar issues to yours and tell her you are looking for advice for your son. If it seems she might be interested in going, you can share your plans at that time. I don't think there is anything wrong with casually talking about future vacation plans except in some extreme situations like when you know of a serious illness or financial situation with the other person or their family.

 

[hrhdhd]

I understand discussion and I feel discussion might go something along the line of “I would be hesitant for x reason.” Not directed attacks such as someone saying they want the friend/other mom to go to watch:entertaining OPs son. I suppose that is a form of discussion, sure, but a pretty unnecessary one that adds zero in the way on incite either positive or negative.... much like the others jumping down OPs throat for having some knowledge of what sounds like a good friends finances. For all anyone on these boards knows the OPs friend openly discusses finances with OP.... but she’s the one being presumptuous right?
I understand what you’re saying and you aren’t wrong but come on..... there is no reason for the nastiness of some people. To each their own I suppose and everyone is entitled to add their 2 cents on a discussion board.... but there will be those who will call you out and point out just because someone isn’t wrong doesn’t mean they aren’t being an ***. That’s not directed at you! Just adding to the discussion

I see your point, but I don't understand the point of posts like these asking total strangers about a situation that no one will know more about than the OP. People will fill in the blanks with their own experiences and perspectives, and those may lean in a more negative direction. Or be positive but useless.

 

[Girl of the South]

To Wendy Darling CA - is it OK for kids to be in their own room? I always thought there had to be an adult in the cabin if they were under 18 but maybe I'm totally wrong. Just curious! Thanks!

"We were even able to get the boys their own inside stateroom for about the same price as 4 to a room, as we have a verandah. They boys are very excited about the trip AND having their own stateroom."

 

[Karin1984]

I’m not understanding the negative comments in here. I don’t think OP is doing anything wrong at all by simply asking if a friends family would like to join a vacation. The friend is completely able to decline the offer if they like with zero awkwardness in my opinion. What’s the problem? Other than negative people just wanting to be negative
I think many have given you helpful suggestions. Good luck and enjoy your trip either way

I think it was because reason 1 to ask them seemed to be: I want my son to have a better time on the cruise.
It would have come across differently if the motive was more altruistic: I have a friend who also had a rough year, I think cruising will be the perfect way for her to relax, how do I bring it up. As a bonus, our sons get along together well, we are sailing concierge, I want to get a cabana so we can all share etc.
Because the mother and her son's wants and needs weren't at the front of the request, I also thought it was a bit sketchy to ask someone to spend money, so you can have a better time.

If it isn't brought up carefully, the friend could get the feeling of being used.
But as someone else mentioned, we do not know the other person and do not know what she will think.

 

[Dug720]

I think it was because reason 1 to ask them seemed to be: I want my son to have a better time on the cruise.
It would have come across differently if the motive was more altruistic: I have a friend who also had a rough year, I think cruising will be the perfect way for her to relax, how do I bring it up. As a bonus, our sons get along together well, we are sailing concierge, I want to get a cabana so we can all share etc.
Because the mother and her son's wants and needs weren't at the front of the request, I also thought it was a bit sketchy to ask someone to spend money, so you can have a better time.

If it isn't brought up carefully, the friend could get the feeling of being used.
But as someone else mentioned, we do not know the other person and do not know what she will think.

Exactly what you said in the first paragraph is why I think people went the route of thinking the OP wanted the other mom and son to come along at the other mom's expense. It was not presented as really anything in it for the other mom and son - all about making her son happy.

 

[AgentMama]

I think it was because reason 1 to ask them seemed to be: I want my son to have a better time on the cruise.
It would have come across differently if the motive was more altruistic: I have a friend who also had a rough year, I think cruising will be the perfect way for her to relax, how do I bring it up. As a bonus, our sons get along together well, we are sailing concierge, I want to get a cabana so we can all share etc.
Because the mother and her son's wants and needs weren't at the front of the request, I also thought it was a bit sketchy to ask someone to spend money, so you can have a better time.

If it isn't brought up carefully, the friend could get the feeling of being used.
But as someone else mentioned, we do not know the other person and do not know what she will think.

Exactly what you said in the first paragraph is why I think people went the route of thinking the OP wanted the other mom and son to come along at the other mom's expense. It was not presented as really anything in it for the other mom and son - all about making her son happy.

But isn't the point of having other people join you on vacation because you think it will add to the experience?

 

[Karin1984]

But isn't the point of having other people join you on vacation because you think it will add to the experience?

Yes, but to your experience or their experience? Those are two different things. It can also be both, of course, but to me, the OP's request was poorly phrased.

 

[winterwhite]

I’m not understanding the negative comments in here. I don’t think OP is doing anything wrong at all by simply asking if a friends family would like to join a vacation. The friend is completely able to decline the offer if they like with zero awkwardness in my opinion. What’s the problem? Other than negative people just wanting to be negative
I think many have given you helpful suggestions. Good luck and enjoy your trip either way

It's the repeated explanations that her son needs this for his own experience, that is personally getting to me. Nothing about anything the other family would enjoy except being with her son, because he is only happy when he's with this person's child. She's assuming they will enjoy it, because she will enjoy it, and it seems a bit self centered.

Maybe I'm wrong. You can't tell tone on the internet, but I agree with Karin1984, the request reads an awful lot as "this is all about me and my enjoyment of this trip" and not a whole lot about how the other family might feel about it, besides assurances that they can definitely afford to tag along to her vacation.

 

[JWG]

We've not asked friends to specifically travel with us, but we have asked family. For both WDW and cruising. We always set it up as:

• We're going to such and such on whatever dates
• Would love to have you join us if you'd like - here's our itinerary
• We booked through (if we used a TA) - cost roughly $x

We don't do anything other than say we think it'd be fun, we don't imply we'd pay for anything, we don't get worked up if they do or don't bite.
My wife's sister and family finally bit on a 4-day cruise and we've now done 3 cruises together. My wife's brother and family have only joined us for one.

For WDW, we've not had anyone bite to go with us, but we have also offered to let family rent points from us (we own DVC) at the cost of covering our maintenance fees. My wife's brother took us up on that. If they'd choose to go with us to WDW we'd not charge anything, no one has wanted to do that as of yet.

For our upcoming Wish cruise I just let a friend know we were going and he asked if we cared if he and his daughter booked the same cruise. We said of course not, let us know if you do and we'll link our reservations for dining and such. Which is what we did.

I'm of the opinion you tell your friends what you're doing, which includes if you're traveling. And, if you want them to come along you just say so.

 

[ahain]

I didn't read every reply, so perhaps you already discussed this, but.....When we wanted DD to have a friend along, we did not invite their entire family but instead invited & volunteered to pay for her best friend to come along with us to be a companion for DD. Best friend's family agreed and chipped in some $$ to help offset the cost of the cruise, but we were fully prepared to pay all of her expenses

 

[tinkerone]

I think it's great you are thinking about inviting the other family to come along. Since you and the other mom get along and your sons get along it would be a great opportunity for everyone to get to know each other even better.
If I were the other mom and you mentioned this to me I would do one of two things. Say no, sorry, out of the budget or get really excited and ask for more details. It wouldn't even cross my mind that someone else should pick up the bill for this. Add to that, it could be the other family needs a getaway as much as you do.
The one thing I would say though, if your cruise is in Feb. then make up your mind to ask or not. It might be getting a little late for this. They may already be planning something else for 2022 or they may not have enough time to save the needed funds.
Either way, I hope you and your family have a great cruise. It sounds like you need a bit of time to relax.

 

[ashley0139]

I haven't read every response, but I'll throw in mine. I think you're overthinking it. If you were just inviting the son there is a little more etiquette involved, but just saying that your friend and her son (who happens to be your son's best friend) should come on the cruise with you if they are interested and able does not require etiquette. I have conversations about vacations with friends all the time. Sometimes they work out and sometimes they don't. It's a nice thing to suggest. Don't worry about it.