Thanks for the advice.

[Pea-n-Me]

The thing about it is, when you give in after a bunch of whining and what not, then the stakes become higher: the child learns that it they keep it up long enough, they get what they want. So they try, and try and try (can't really blame them). Child has to understand no means no - not maybe.

I agree, with the car issue, dawdling in a parking lot can be a safety issue. It's not negotiable. Pick up and put in the carseat. I had twins, so went through all this stuff with two of them around the same stage. I had to just stick to my guns and make it work.

One thing I'll say that I did not do, was pack up and go home if there was misbehavior. My time was limited and it was such a hassle getting out, that I had to keep going. But I would stop in my tracks right in the store or wherever and we didn't move again until there was cooperation. I didn't mind if others heard me correcting. As they got older that routine became kind of embarrasing to them, so they'd usually stop pretty quickly if I started it, LOL.

It seems to me from your OP that because you've never had this type of behavior from her before, you really don't know how to handle it - yet. Now that it's here, you'll learn pretty quickly, as you did yesterday. One thing that came out at me is that you "ask" her "please" to do something. That type of kindness, IMO, can be taken as a sign of weakness by children at an age where they are self-centered. It doesn't mean you have to be unkind, but alter your demands to your child as more of a "telling" than "requesting". e.g. "Suzie, please put that back"; "Suzie, put that back right now". Also, don't get into "threatening" all the time, as in "Suzie, put that back now or we're going home". Rather, if she doesn't put it back right away, actually go home (or whatever) without warning. Much more effective than idle threats.

As for the book series I mentioned earlier, I really liked them because it made me realize my kids and their behaviors were normal, even when I was feeling overwhelmed. One thing, even today, that stands out in my mind was a little cyclical drawing, that signified how all children go through behavioral cycles - sometimes they're wonderful, little angels, and a week later they're like devils. This is normal! So just sit tight, because eventually the pendulum will swing back again to either side, this goes on and on and on, all ages.

Hope you find this reassuring, I still advise you to get the series. Hope you're feeling better today.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The thing about it is, when you give in after a bunch of whining and what not ... the child learns that it they keep it up long enough, they get what they want. ... Child has to understand no means no - not maybe.

I agree, with the car issue, dawdling in a parking lot can be a safety issue. It's not negotiable. Pick up and put in the carseat. I had twins, so went through all this stuff with two of them around the same stage. I had to just stick to my guns and make it work.

One thing that came out at me is that you "ask" her "please" to do something. ... alter your demands to your child as more of a "telling" than "requesting". e.g. "Suzie, please put that back"; "Suzie, put that back right now". Also, don't get into "threatening" all the time, as in "Suzie, put that back now or we're going home". Rather, if she doesn't put it back right away, actually go home (or whatever) without warning. Much more effective than idle threats.

Excellent post....

Never try to reason or argue with a small child... they ALWAYS win!!!

You need to learn to take control of your child. Otherwise you will indeed see these control issues.

Do not engage in a verbal battle of the wills. If you do, you will find that you live constantly on that battlefield. Just immediately, and consistantly, and silently, take authority and carry out disciplinary measures.

Do not whine and beg the child to put something down... Actually physically take it from them and place it back on the shelf.. Leave the store.. etc.

Do not whine and beg a child to do anything, you are placing yourself on their level.

IMHO, you are giving your DD way to much leeway... Do not give a child any leeway or freedom before they are ready to handle it responsibly. You give a child an inch and they will take ten miles!!!!

IMHO, I would have a complete 'do not touch' policy while in stores if this kind of thing was happening.

If something is not going to be purchased for the child, and they are too immature to handle this kind of thing without a scene... Then a simple 'do not touch' is the way to go.

My DS just LOVED to pick out a toy to look at while we did other shopping at WalMart. He knew that he did not get to take toys home. This was for special occasions. He was happy to 'window shop' and this kept him occupied while I was getting my shopping done.

He was one child who did not need a 'do not touch' policy.. but MANY children do. I count myself as being very lucky!

 

[sha_lyn]

One thing I'll say that I did not do, was pack up and go home if there was misbehavior. My time was limited and it was such a hassle getting out, that I had to keep going. But I would stop in my tracks right in the store or wherever and we didn't move again until there was cooperation. I didn't mind if others heard me correcting. As they got older that routine became kind of embarrasing to them, so they'd usually stop pretty quickly if I started it, LOL.

ITA... Often it wasn't feasible for me to just go home, but I've put my kids in time out in the car. ladies room, empty dressing room etc before.
Also I found it much easier if I kept tme contained when they were in the "give me" stage. I would use a shopping cart or stroller when they couldn't keep their hands off things, or when they went through phases of throwing tantrums in stores.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Yes! The other thing I forgot to mention is that my DS was always a "homebody" and made no bones about preferring to be there than out shopping or running errands. If we went home because of him acting up, that in itself would have been a reward and he would have gotten his way.

 

[sha_lyn]

LOL....For a while the last place my DS wanted to be was out shopping with me. He wasn't a home body. He wanted to run the neighborhood LOL. Leaving would have been giving in

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

I brought my then 8yr son to tears by taking him shopping for furniture for his room. I couldn't make up my mind, so we went to about 5 different stores. We ended up going back to the first store to buy the furniture from there. By that time he was actually crying.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

LOL....For a while the last place my DS wanted to be was out shopping with me. He wasn't a home body. He wanted to run the neighborhood LOL. Leaving would have been giving in

LOL, guess that's what I meant too. Anywhere but shopping, still like that today.

 

[Lanshark]

Unfortunately, when an OP removes the original post, the thread makes no sense. Just ask to have the thread removed.