Tell me it's going to be ok...college UPDATE pg 3******

[Sabeking]

I just wanted to offer you a hug, mom to mom. We dropped our oldest daughter off at college yesterday. It was not easy! I'm going through a lot of inner turmoil and I'm weepy at the drop of a hat! My daughter is very introverted too, but unfortunately can be easily pressured into things in the hopes of "fitting in." I'm a bundle of nerves.
This is a tough stage of life, isn't it? I'd go back to infants/toddlers in a heartbeat!

Thank you and hugs to you too. I hate you are feeling it but glad to know I am not alone! I have always said, little people little problems....bigger people, bigger problems! Lol!

 

[gillep]

I am a classic introvert and my first couple weeks at college were rough! My roomate had to go home that first weekend as her mom was getting re-married, and I was way too shy to go out to the common room to watch movies with everyone else, so I sat in my room alone a lot that first weekend. It was especially tough because I went to an engineering college which was 75% men, awkward engineers at that, and all of the other women were in suites of 4, whereas my roommate and I were in the only double, so I felt really isolated. Thankfully, once classes started I met a lot more people and my roommate came back and her and I became fast friends (she was the MOH at my wedding). I never went to parties in HS, but there were a lot of fraternities at my college, and I actually enjoyed going to those parties, or just hanging out with the brothers at a couple of the houses. I even met my now husband the end of the first week of college, and we have been together almost 15 years! I actually got an apartment off campus the end of my freshman year, and didn't even go home that summer, or any subsequent summer, and I came to absolutely love college, but that first week especially was very very hard .

 

[punkin]

My younger DD's roommate (a very shy introvert) told me that until my DD moved in, no one would talk to her and she ate all alone. My DD moved in with her a week or two after the semester started and took her under her (very extroverted) wing. They got along famously. Your baby will be fine.
My niece is very introverted and we are dropping her off at college tomorrow. I'm worried too, but I know she'll make friends. It may just take her longer.

 

[Moana of Motunui]

I was a "first year" as my college called it in 2010. I hated staying on campus. I would call crying to come home almost every night (and I lived 20 min away). I wanted to leave college and go to community college with all my friends. Im glad I stayed. Those tears were worth it. After that first year, I excelled. I'm the only one of my friends who has a college degree (well, technically two because I double majored), has a successful job in my field I studied, and am about to go to grad school at the same college I once hated. She'll be fine. If I survived, she will survive. I made friends with the people who mattered: my professors. And still talk to them about things.

 

[ols386]

It will be ok, Mom. Not sure what else to say, but I'm sure it's difficult for you. It might even be harder for you than it is for your daughter. She will be ok.

 

[debster812]

Mom of an introvert, who transferred from one VERY large, Flagship State University to a much smaller one and is now also a collegiate athlete. Last year was his 1st year at his new school, and it only took about 3 days into pre-season before they were all bonding. That being said, he was very much a loner at his first school. Was friendly enough with his roommates, and a couple of other kids he knew, but no real lasting connections.

He is absolutely a testament to 'Finding your Tribe'. He and 90% of his teammates are all very close. They eat all their meals together during preseason, usually have dinner together after practices, and generally hang out with one another all the time.

She will be OK, she'll find her feet, and she'll find her group, it sometimes just takes a little while.

Meanwhile, I'm annoyed her other two roommates left her on her own for dinner, that's just insensitive!

 

[lifesavacation]

((Hugs)) It's so hard when you hear news like this from your kids. I know how you want to get in and "fix" it.

Second everyone's advice--join a club she is interested in, find another person sitting alone in the cafeteria and join them, keep door open and socialize with others on the floor. My first semester I found people to eat breakfast with by asking the other girls on my floor about their classes and times. If she can find others with an early morning class, she can suggest they go eat breakfast together or get some coffee before heading out.

I had the worst roommate on campus my first year of college. Sometimes you won't click with the person(s) you room with. That's just a part of life. I became really comfortable doing my own thing on campus and it's definitely something that has served me well in adulthood. I'm an introvert so not having to travel in a girl group was fine by me. I made friends (both boys and girls) with other students that I met in my major and during study groups.

Oh, and I should mention that my oldest is a senior in college. His first year, he told me he ate alone a lot and didn't make any friends. When I came to visit him on campus, though, he showed me around and several kids came up to him and were very friendly. So keep in mind that it may seem worse to them than it actually is.

Keep an eye on her and stay connected via video chat and texting so she still has a lifeline home. The first semester will be the hardest. She'll find her "people" eventually.

 

[powellrj]

My DD is a senior RA at a very small school. The first thing she always tells people is to keep your door open. Is like the universal sign that you are open for company. Put on a netfix (rom-coms are great for this kind of thing) and girls will wander by and stop and see what she is watching. Have her wander the halls and see if any other girls are alone and stop and visit with them.

Don't worry about the bathroom thing. DD and her other roommate introduced themselves to the other 2 girls they shared with and they ignored them. In fact they ignored them the whole year. It became a private joke, I would always ask how the bathroom girls are doing and DD would always answer still ignoring us.

DD never eats in the cafeteria, she always eats in the food court, so that is another place to look for someone that is alone to hook up with.

Also have her volunteer. DD never joined any clubs, but she always volunteered. In fact that is how she got her job. But working together is a great way to meet people and bond.

 

[indimom]

My daughter is also an introvert (at least among her peers, with her family she's a bossy little loudmouth, lol). I highly encouraged her to join a couple clubs so she could meet people in smaller group settings and have something "in common" to talk about. It was really hard for her to do, but she made herself pick three things during Orientation Week, and forced herself to go to the meetings even though she was nervous. It worked out very well for her.
She joined a Christian group, the Med Tech Club, and a women's exercise group (they've tried out some pretty cool/different styles of exercise and she loves it). She's still friends with people from all three groups, and is secretary for the club this year as a sophomore.
Her college also has a "day of service" during the first week that all freshman are involved in. They choose where they want to serve (dd chose an animal shelter) and this was another great way to get the students to meet people with similar interests.
DD and another introverted girl from her floor (roommate to one of the girls from her gym group) became what they called "Food Buddies" during the first few weeks, and would often do lunch or dinner together so they didn't have to eat alone. They never became much more than that, but both appreciated not having to eat alone.
She and her roommate got along okay throughout year one, but they were never close. They are splitting up and moving in with different friends this year.
Just encourage your daughter to make an effort to meet a few people and learn a few names, some will stick and some will not, but at least she won't feel isolated. And remind her not to worry if it takes a little time to find 'her people.' Everyone else is going through the same thing, even when it doesn't always look that way.

 

[mom2rtk]

Big hugs to you and your daughter!

We are on the other end of this. My son who went away to school is pretty quiet and that first year is so hard. Hang in there. He finally found his core group of people but it took a while. Then it was so worth it to watch him blossom and get involved in things like we had never seen before. He really surprised us by taking a job in another state when he graduated this spring. That makes me sad too, but it's balanced out by how proud we are than he's able to spread his wings like that.

You know, of all the parenting moments we have dealt with through the years, the college dropoff is last on the list of things I want to repeat.

Keep encouraging and suggesting. She will find her way.

 

[Sabeking]

Big hugs to you and your daughter!

We are on the other end of this. My son who went away to school is pretty quiet and that first year is so hard. Hang in there. He finally found his core group of people but it took a while. Then it was so worth it to watch him blossom and get involved in things like we had never seen before. He really surprised us by taking a job in another state when he graduated this spring. That makes me sad too, but it's balanced out by how proud we are than he's able to spread his wings like that.

You know, of all the parenting moments we have dealt with through the years, the college dropoff is last on the list of things I want to repeat.

Keep encouraging and suggesting. She will find her way.

Thank you so much! I actually have an update. How do yo put that in the thread title?

 

[mom2rtk]

Thank you so much! I actually have an update. How do yo put that in the thread title?

Look to the upper right of your first post (next to the link to watch the thread) for a link to "thread tools".

 

[Sabeking]

Thank you everyone for your experiences and stories. It really helped me get through the day yesterday!

So dd called me last night at eleven pm and I braced myself for tears and all that comes with that. I was absolutely floored. She had just gotten back to her room from a full day. She and her roommates brought lunch back to the suite and watched a movie. She and one roommate hung out for an hour in her room talking. She met new people and a girl across the hall asked her and others to go play bingo at the student union. They did that and were invited to a frat party. She said they all agreed they were not ready for that! Lol ! She and a boy she met in a peer group hung out for an hour and just talked and laughed. She has a full schedule today and is going to the club fair so she can sign up for a few things. I am blown away, this is not my daughter. She did say that she is ready for classes, that all this socializing is mentally exhausting!!! Lol, now that is more my daughter. I told her I was so proud of her putting herself out there. I told her to pace herself and take it all in a day at a time. It definitely makes my missing her a little bit more bearable. Amazing how things can change in one day. Thank you all again for your encouraging words. It is nice to see that even though we all here at the DIS have such differences we do have some commonality to bring us comfort. Hugs and thankfulness to you all!

 

[penn19]

Thank you everyone for your experiences and stories. It really helped me get through the day yesterday!

So dd called me last night at eleven pm and I braced myself for tears and all that comes with that. I was absolutely floored. She had just gotten back to her room from a full day. She and her roommates brought lunch back to the suite and watched a movie. She and one roommate hung out for an hour in her room talking. She met new people and a girl across the hall asked her and others to go play bingo at the student union. They did that and were invited to a frat party. She said they all agreed they were not ready for that! Lol ! She and a boy she met in a peer group hung out for an hour and just talked and laughed. She has a full schedule today and is going to the club fair so she can sign up for a few things. I am blown away, this is not my daughter. She did say that she is ready for classes, that all this socializing is mentally exhausting!!! Lol, now that is more my daughter. I told her I was so proud of her putting herself out there. I told her to pace herself and take it all in a day at a time. It definitely makes my missing her a little bit more bearable. Amazing how things can change in one day. Thank you all again for your encouraging words. It is nice to see that even though we all here at the DIS have such differences we do have some commonality to bring us comfort. Hugs and thankfulness to you all!

So happy to hear! I don't even know you but I was thinking of you and your daughter this morning when I woke up. Great update!

 

[mom2rtk]

Thank you everyone for your experiences and stories. It really helped me get through the day yesterday!

So dd called me last night at eleven pm and I braced myself for tears and all that comes with that. I was absolutely floored. She had just gotten back to her room from a full day. She and her roommates brought lunch back to the suite and watched a movie. She and one roommate hung out for an hour in her room talking. She met new people and a girl across the hall asked her and others to go play bingo at the student union. They did that and were invited to a frat party. She said they all agreed they were not ready for that! Lol ! She and a boy she met in a peer group hung out for an hour and just talked and laughed. She has a full schedule today and is going to the club fair so she can sign up for a few things. I am blown away, this is not my daughter. She did say that she is ready for classes, that all this socializing is mentally exhausting!!! Lol, now that is more my daughter. I told her I was so proud of her putting herself out there. I told her to pace herself and take it all in a day at a time. It definitely makes my missing her a little bit more bearable. Amazing how things can change in one day. Thank you all again for your encouraging words. It is nice to see that even though we all here at the DIS have such differences we do have some commonality to bring us comfort. Hugs and thankfulness to you all!

Great to hear. She's off to a great start!

 

[MIGrandma]

OP, my heart went out to you when I read your first post. Then I read your update and was happy for you. I'm going to share my story anyway, hope you don't mind. When my DD started college her best friend from high school was supposed to be her roommate. The friend, at the very last minute, decided NOT to go to college so DD did not have a roommate when she started. Her two suitemates had boyfriends on campus so they left the room to go spend time with them, so my DD was completely alone. We both cried when we took her to her dorm and had to leave. We've always been very close, so it was hard on both of us. Her major was journalism and she became a writer for the school newspaper so that helped, but at Christmas she ended up moving back home (even though she had gotten a roommate by then) and commuting (about a 30-minute drive). She had a few friends in college, but none she was close to. She had a part-time job here at home so that kept her busy on weekends, and homework kept her busy too. Fast forward a couple of years and she ended up dropping out of college and got a job at a local newspaper office, ended up leaving there a few months later for an office job at Wal-mart and this was back in 2000 so she has moved up the ladder there and is now the personnel manager and insurance tech. Married since 2000 to a sergeant at our local prison (he's working on his next promotion) and they have a 12-year old son and 8 year old daughter. They live a quarter mile down the road from us.

I understand your "empty nest" syndrome, as we, too, were empty nesters when our daughter went to college. So hard to get used to her not being here, but then it was nice when she decided to move back home and commute. Loved having her back! Then we lost her again when she got married, ha ha! It's all part of life though, and you get used to it - then someday maybe have grandchildren to spoil.

 

[Sabeking]

OP, my heart went out to you when I read your first post. Then I read your update and was happy for you. I'm going to share my story anyway, hope you don't mind. When my DD started college her best friend from high school was supposed to be her roommate. The friend, at the very last minute, decided NOT to go to college so DD did not have a roommate when she started. Her two suitemates had boyfriends on campus so they left the room to go spend time with them, so my DD was completely alone. We both cried when we took her to her dorm and had to leave. We've always been very close, so it was hard on both of us. Her major was journalism and she became a writer for the school newspaper so that helped, but at Christmas she ended up moving back home (even though she had gotten a roommate by then) and commuting (about a 30-minute drive). She had a few friends in college, but none she was close to. She had a part-time job here at home so that kept her busy on weekends, and homework kept her busy too. Fast forward a couple of years and she ended up dropping out of college and got a job at a local newspaper office, ended up leaving there a few months later for an office job at Wal-mart and this was back in 2000 so she has moved up the ladder there and is now the personnel manager and insurance tech. Married since 2000 to a sergeant at our local prison (he's working on his next promotion) and they have a 12-year old son and 8 year old daughter. They live a quarter mile down the road from us.

I understand your "empty nest" syndrome, as we, too, were empty nesters when our daughter went to college. So hard to get used to her not being here, but then it was nice when she decided to move back home and commute. Loved having her back! Then we lost her again when she got married, ha ha! It's all part of life though, and you get used to it - then someday maybe have grandchildren to spoil.

This makes me want to cry! My dd and I are very close as well. I will miss her so much. I guess the flip side is that she could be living in my home till age thirty and sponging off me...which would be awful!!

 

[bjscheel]

Good to hear. My quiet DD is leaving today. She has 3 roommates she has spent an afternoon with previously, and thinks they will be good companions for the most part. One she couldn't tell if she was just quiet or stuck-up...I told her to assume the best for now and see. DD tends to be one who waits to be invited and I have encouraged her to be an inviter at school. She has gotten better at it over junior/senior year so I think she will be able to make the effort. The three roommates all have boyfriends while DD does not, but I think 2 of them won't be close by, so they might not be around much.

When I went to college, I met a girl at an orientation event who said, "Let's just stick together" and we did. Over the years we each brought a couple more people into our little group.

My nephew transferred to a 4 year college his junior year and lived in an off-campus apartment with a high school friend who was never home. So at first he stayed alone in the apartment all the time. But then on Parent's Weekend they found out about a Christian house on campus where you could just hang out whenever you wanted, along with doing scheduled events. Those were HIS PEOPLE and he has had so much fun.

Hugs to everyone in this boat!

 

[sksjasams]

OP, so glad I continued reading and got to your update! Great news!

We dropped our DS off at college out of state last Wednesday. He had a very similar first night. Told me his roommate knew lots of kids from high school and was hanging out with them and didn't invite DS along. Even with his door propped open no one stopped by and asked him to eat, so he ate cereal in his room. My heart was aching for him to be so sad, but by the next day things were better. He ate with his roommate and met his roommate's friends and they all started hanging out together.

The one thing I wanted to mention was about Labor Day weekend. Let your DD come home if she wants to. It's a long weekend and most kids will be going home. I think its completely different if kids start school after Labor Day - then sure, stay for at least a month. But if most kids will be going home for the long weekend, there is no reason for her to stay.

Not sure if this was already mentioned, but a campus job is a great way to make new friends!

 

[powellrj]

Be glad she let you know! My kids would call with something that had upset them and I would spend the week worrying and being upset, only to ask them about the situation later in the week and they had forgotten all about it and moved on, while I was still worrying!

Its not just the shy ones that move home. I have a social butterfly, 26 year old frat boy that moved home after he broke up with his girlfriend who shows no sign of leaving!