tell me... am I wrong in thinking this?

[carolfoy]

Something has been bothering me all day, tell me where you stand on the following.

Last night we attended Callums primary school, it was a film show presented by the children showing what they got up to in activities week back in may. Before we went in I was talking to the other mums at the gates and we were discussing the SATs results (the school had a record breaking year and everyone was very chuffed at their son/daughters results) One Mum who has a daughter in Callums class also has an older daughter already attending the secondary that Callum will be going to. We asked Kate how she was enjoying 'big school' and what her favourite lessons etc are.
Kate replied that she was really enjoying the childminding NVQ work that she was doing and really wanted to work as a classroom assistant or teacher when she leaves.
Kates Mum looks at me so proudly and says 'Yes, it'll be lovely if Kate can come here to work for a couple of years before she gets married and has children'
I must have looked horrified and blurted out, to Kate 'Surely you'll want to go off travelling/see the world/party like mad with your friends before you have kids?'
her mum looked really annoyed and said 'I want her to get married and settled as soon as possible, I WANT to be a grandmother'

I was horrified to think that this 14 year old girl was being conditioned to think that the only way to live her life is to do what her mother wants, I know she may NOT want to go travelling/party like crazy etc but surely its our responsibility to teach our kids that the world is theirs for the taking? that there are really no limits when you're 14 as to what you set your sights on.
I certainly don't think that she'd be a failure if she were to follow this path her mother has in mind for her but she obviously hasn't had any suggestions that there are other things to do.
She looked dead excited by the way at the words 'Travelling' and 'Party' as though these things hadn't occurred to her.
Was I wrong to be bothered by this? opinions please.....

 

[T16GEM]

Well to be honest when Shelby is 14 the last thing that I will be doing is encouraging her to go out and have babies as soon as she can! Even if she is married!

Carol, I aggree with you that they should go and do all the things that THEY want to do before they settle down, DH and I got together when I was 15 and I feel in some ways (even though I wouldn't change anything now) that I missed out on certain things in my late teens, clubbing etc as we just never did it, we were always out at he Movies or something - however we did travel a lot to WDW and other Med countries.

She sounds rather selfish with the Grandmother comment - doesn't she have a DH who can give a rational point of view to the daughter?

 

[Dimplenose]

It does seem rather strange. I know my two (16 & 13) have their own ideas of what they want to do and the quickest way to get them not to do something is to tell them to do it.

I also think it odd that a 14 year old is aiming to be a classroom assistant. I came to this job after having children and it fits in very well with being a mother, but I certainly couldn't live on the pay alone.

Libby

 

[pokemon_master]

I think that's kinda sad that the mother wants grandchildren that badly. At Age 14 there are FAR more important things to think about than that..

Mind you, when I was 14 all I did think about was Video Games and Pokemon..

 

[carolfoy]

She sounds rather selfish with the Grandmother comment - doesn't she have a DH who can give a rational point of view to the daughter?

she does and he just stood there nodding his head in agreement with his wife.

I also think it odd that a 14 year old is aiming to be a classroom assistant.

Well that did cross my mind Libby but to be honest I've never had any yearning to work with kids so I can't judge on that, all I know is people either really want to do that or not

Mind you, when I was 14 all I did think about was Video Games and Pokemon

but at least you were doing what YOU wanted and what made YOU happy Matt

 

[emily1982]

Blimey, i think that would be the last thing my mom would ever have preached to me, she wouldnt even do it now when im 24. Saying that though i work in a school as a nursery nurse and that job makes you want to 'wait' to have kids not rush out and have them lol

 

[wideeyes]

I agree with you, it is very strange though they are parents who have old fashioned values still. My mum used to say that it was a waste of time me and my sister going to university as we would be soon having kids and getting married, we ignored her anyway!

 

[pixiepower04]

How selfish and bizarre can you get.

It does make me question her morals though, she clearly is expecting and perhaps even encouraging her daughter to (i'm trying to find a delicate way of saying this as I know it should be child friendly but) be physical in the romance department!

Although my DD is only 9 she keeps insisting that she doesn't want to have babies, when I ask why she says "because I don't want you to be a granny".

My DD insists she wants to be a 'cake maker like mummy' and I keep telling her that it's great but maybe she would like to try other things first, after all I didn't start off making cakes, I had many jobs before I found my calling but she loves dancing and goes to classes so I said why not be a Dance Instructor so now she has that in her head, as long as she's happy then I really don't mind what she does.

My DS 7 insists he wants to be "an Ambulance Man like Daddy" but I want and expect him to change his mind many times over the next 10 years until he truly knows what he wants.

I would never push my children into doing or being anything, that is surely a sure fire way to get them to hate it.

I never travelled but yes I partied and I hope that my children will do both before they settle down.

I think this woman is soooo wrong to shove her own desires and aspirations onto her daughter, perhaps her own life is so unfulfilling that she feels the need to fill her daughter's up with the wrong choices.

 

[wils]

I was shocked and that was before I read that she was only 14! I am currently a SAHM but at the age of 4 Molly is already telling me that she is going to be a Mummy AND a teacher/doctor/butterfly. There are so many choices available these days it seems very selfish of the mother. I hope this girl gets some other ideas from friends quickly

 

[natalielongstaff]

what a sad sign of the society we live in !! poor girl

 

[scottishsue]

My 2 boys are 22 and 17, and don't even have steady girlfriends yet - never mind being tied down to a wife at an early age.

There's so much to see and do out in the world - they should go out and enjoy it first - before they do anything else.

 

[DisneyJo]

I'm the opposite my 10 year old DD loves kids and can't wait to have babies I keep telling her she needs a good education, job, DH, see the world whatever she wants to do first, hope she listens

 

[KayleeUK]

Very strange ambition to have for your young daughter

 

[tennisfan]

She sounds a selfish mother, I only hope that her daughter can begin to think for herself. The more you push someone to do something the more likely they are to rebel against it.

I'm 25 and get fed up with people telling me I should be married & have kids Like there isn't anything else to do with my life

 

[carolfoy]

I'm the opposite my 10 year old DD loves kids and can't wait to have babies I keep telling her she needs a good education, job, DH, see the world whatever she wants to do first, hope she listens

But Jo, I don't see that as wrong, if that is the life she wants for herself then thats fine, as long as she is making that decision on her own. The thing that shocked me was how willing the parents were to try and influence her into thinking thats the only option she has.

 

[jtlover]

I wouldnt worry, the more the mother tells her these things the more she will rebel as she gets older!

It is ok to have ambitions and hopes for your child but another to expect it!!!!! Makes you wonder if that was what her mother was like

 

[carolfoy]

I can guarantee this girl is not going to rebel, a bit of background, the mother is morbidly obese, not that makes any difference to her attitude or mothering skills but is one of those ladies that is a couple of years older than me, maybe forty at a push, but already looks mid to late fifties, and married a guy who was in his forties almost straight out of school. The daughter in Callums class is tall and slim, takes after her dads side, young Katie, however takes after her mum, she is massively overweight already and although a sweet and kind girl probably doesn't see herself as having many options in life. (whereas I feel she should be encouraged to be confident and ambitious whatever her natural body make up) I just feel its a shame she's pretty much being told theres no other way to live her life

 

[Chilly]

Oh dear, her Mum and Dad aren't helping her at all, hopefully she might have a teacher at school who will encourage her to continue with education.

My Mum was the exact opposite and told me I shouldn't have children until I was at least 30. As a child I of course thought that was really old but as I will be turning 27 this year I now know she had a good point and won't be having any for a few years yet!

 

[jen_uk]

What a selfish mum, I only hope that the daughter doesn't follow her advice!

 

[alisonbestford]

Well, I know we all have different dreams for our kids but I have to agree that that's an odd one

If it's the child's ambition then, as Carol says, that's one thing but, to be, almost conditioned into that way of life seems unacceptable to me

DD (23) went travelling for two and a half years and, reliably, informs me that she won't be having any kids , DS (20) would like to settle down and have kids one day and DD (8) says she's not having any because ''it must hurt.........'' - she'll just look after other peoples'...

Fingers crossed that Katie is strong enough to do what she would be happy with and doesn't end up unhappy and miserable