Tacky or Not? Vow Renewal Questions

[MouseEarsJenny]

After reading a few recent threads about weddings and etiquette, I decided the DIS community forum would be the best place for honest (maybe even brutally) opinions. My dh and I are planning a vow renewal for our 15th anniversary next year, and I'm conflicted about whether our tenative plans are tacky or not.

We married in college, opting to "elope" rather than plan a big party. I say "elope" because we did invite our parents, and had a simple ceremony with parents and siblings one fall Saturday. We were pretty broke at the time, for one reason. For another, we wanted to move out of the dorms and we had to be married to rent coed housing. So we never had the big wedding, which never really bothered us. But recently, we've been inspired to celebrate our marriage for a variety of reasons (we've been through a couple surgeries, went through some serious family chaos among our in-laws, yada yada, and still are crazy about each other).

Okay, enough background. Getting down to the nitty gritty:

Vow Renewals: Tacky or Not? (Details - about 100 guests, outdoor renewal with family minister, followed by dinner and dancing, no gifts please on invite)

Wearing a "Wedding" Dress: Tacky or Not? (Details - No train, something simple and informal, but definitely white and wedding-y)

No Alcohol: Tacky or Not? (Details - We are much better off financially, but don't need to go into debt for one party, plus there are several recovering alcoholics in our near family circle. Not to mention there are those in our church who still frown on alcohol.)

Involving Our Kids: Tacky or Not? (Not sure how I want to do this, but I know I'd like our two to at least stand with us during the ceremony)

I'd truly like any opinions! If I asked our friends and family, they'd probably say it was all fine, just because they wouldn't want us to feel hurt. I think I need more of the "friend-who-will-tell-you-when-you-look-like-a-moron" friends. Problem is, that's what my husband and I are to each other! And obviously, we're both clueless here.

 

[Luvchefmic]

I think it all sounds wonderful, good for the 2 of you...as a side note when I married DH it was my second marriage and I had a 7 & 9 y/o DD, they were in the wedding party and then stood with us during the vows..Congrats

 

[WeCantWait]

I think it sounds beautiful! We are also a family filled with recovering alcoholics so the no alcohol is the norm arround here. Enjoy!

 

[laurie31]

I also think it sounds beautiful. You are celebrating your marriage. Absolutely involve your children, and there's nothing wrong with not serving alcohol, especially considering there will be recovering alcoholics present.

The only thing I find tacky about vow renewals is when the couple uses it as an excuse to rack in more gifts (which you are NOT doing). Otherwise, it's a happy celebration.

Wear whatever you like, and have a great time!

Congratulations on 15 years!

 

[Tink888]

After reading a few recent threads about weddings and etiquette, I decided the DIS community forum would be the best place for honest (maybe even brutally) opinions. My dh and I are planning a vow renewal for our 15th anniversary next year, and I'm conflicted about whether our tenative plans are tacky or not.

We married in college, opting to "elope" rather than plan a big party. I say "elope" because we did invite our parents, and had a simple ceremony with parents and siblings one fall Saturday. We were pretty broke at the time, for one reason. For another, we wanted to move out of the dorms and we had to be married to rent coed housing. So we never had the big wedding, which never really bothered us. But recently, we've been inspired to celebrate our marriage for a variety of reasons (we've been through a couple surgeries, went through some serious family chaos among our in-laws, yada yada, and still are crazy about each other).

Okay, enough background. Getting down to the nitty gritty:

Vow Renewals: Tacky or Not? (Details - about 100 guests, outdoor renewal with family minister, followed by dinner and dancing, no gifts please on invite)

Wearing a "Wedding" Dress: Tacky or Not? (Details - No train, something simple and informal, but definitely white and wedding-y)

No Alcohol: Tacky or Not? (Details - We are much better off financially, but don't need to go into debt for one party, plus there are several recovering alcoholics in our near family circle. Not to mention there are those in our church who still frown on alcohol.)

Involving Our Kids: Tacky or Not? (Not sure how I want to do this, but I know I'd like our two to at least stand with us during the ceremony)

I'd truly like any opinions! If I asked our friends and family, they'd probably say it was all fine, just because they wouldn't want us to feel hurt. I think I need more of the "friend-who-will-tell-you-when-you-look-like-a-moron" friends. Problem is, that's what my husband and I are to each other! And obviously, we're both clueless here.

Doesn't sound tacky at all. It's your day. It's special. Celebrate in the way that you both want to and enjoy. Congrats to you both!

 

[DisneyTravelers2008]

15 years and still in love...that calls for celebration to me!!! I think you should go for it. Have your kids stand up with you. Serve (or dont serve) whatever you choose...get the white dress...go for it! Sounds like you deserve it!!!

 

[themilesfamily]

Ditto....15 years and still crazy about each other. I think that's something to celebrate!

I don't think anything you suggest sounds tacky.

I'm a hopeless romantic and am all for things like this.

 

[disykat]

Since you asked opinions, I'll be the first naysayer. I'm not a fan of public vow renewals. They seem silly, wearing a wedding gown after being married 15 years also seems silly to me. Alcohol or not, your choice, your party - not tacky whatever you decide. If you do it, involving the kids makes more sense to me than not.

I'm guessing that the people who are closest to you will want to come regardless of their opinions on vow renewals. I'd probably go for close friends and keep my mouth shut, though I'd probably be hoping for a good flu bug so I'd have an excuse to stay home. (remember - you asked my opinion!) People who love weddings or who love parties in general will want to come. There are going to be others who think it's weird. I think if you are going to do it, you have to be strong enough not to let it bother you.

 

[JoShan1719]

Vow Renewals: Tacky or Not? Not! Not! Not! Celebrating marriage is always beautiful!

Wearing a "Wedding" Dress: Tacky or Not? Not! Especially if you didn't have the opportunity the first time around.

No Alcohol: Tacky or Not? Not! DH and I didn't have alcohol at our wedding. Everyone still had fun.

Involving Our Kids: Tacky or Not? If anything else is tacky this definately isn't. I love when children are involved, it celebrates what the marriage has produced: a family!

 

[Scurvy]

Vow Renewals: Tacky or Not? I personally am not a fan. I don't necessarily think they are always tacky but as a previous poster said, I find them silly. Private vow renewals with only your immediate family can be sweet. Public ones just scream "Look at us! We're still so in loooove!" in my opinion. It's almost like play acting. You're already married and your friends don't need to see any promises you might want to make to each other now. Celebrating your marriage is great, and is a great reason to have an anniversary party or to do something special with just your husband or immediate family.

Wearing a "Wedding" Dress: Tacky or Not? Wearing a wedding dress, tacky. Wearing white, not necessarily tacky. A wedding dress is for a wedding. A vow renewal is not a wedding.


No Alcohol: Tacky or Not? Not at all tacky. Offering no beverages at all is tacky. Not offering alcohol is no more tacky than not offering Mountain Dew or Pomegranate juice. Offer what you want to offer, don't offer what you don't want to offer. As long as your guests have enough to eat and drink (if it's that sort of occasion) the specifics don't matter.

Involving Our Kids: Tacky or Not? Not tacky.

 

[Rora]

I think it sounds great!!

Here's my opinion:

1. I don't think you should wear an actual wedding dress. However, a nice, white, cocktail dress would be beautiful!!

2. No Alcohol: Not tacky at all. I'm getting married in less than a month and we're not even serving alchohol. We don't drink, we don't want to pay for it, and we've been to too many weddings where drunken guests make scenes. Not happening at ours.

3. Involving Kids: Not tacky at all!

Enjoy your special day!

 

[AshleyW]

Well, here's my honest opinion.. I'm not a fan of vow renewals, and I think it would be tacky to wear a wedding dress. Sorry. If invited, I probably wouldn't go to a vow renewal - unless it was a close family member or friend and I felt obligated. HOWEVER, I would definitely attend a 15th anniversary party or reception. Basically, if it was me, I'd skip the ceremony and just have dinner and dancing - and I'd probably do a toast at dinner and say vow renewal-type things, without the "officialness" of a ceremony

 

[Christine]

I personally think the vow renewal portion, at this point, should be private with just really close family if that. I would assume the vow renewal is your "recommitment to each other and to God (or not)" so I'm not understanding the 100 people witnessing it.

Also, don't think the wedding style dress is appropriate.

Everything else--okay. I think an anniversary party is more appropriate with a private vow renewal.

 

[M5ward]

and still are crazy about each other

This phrase says it all!! Nothing tacky about it..in this day and age a lot of people can't say they've been together 15 year..and still love each other.
Wear the dress, involve the kids, skip the alcohol..AND HAVE A GREAT TIME!!

 

[swald91]

I LOVE IT!!!!!! My husband & I renewed our vows in Hawaii for our 15th. Since you didn't have a big-to-do the 1st time-why not? You are always going to have opinions-positive/negative. Honestly, for me, I wouldn't do the wedding dress-although I would get one that was long -no train-maybe not even white...but that's just me. For alcohol and kids depends if you want to deal with all that goes along with it-remember it's YOUR celebration & you should what you want. As far as inviting the family & friends-the ones that want to celebrate with you, will & those that don't -well, sounds to me like that will miss out on a good time. Enjoy planning whatever you decide!! CONGRATULATIONS!

 

[MariDisney]

I am in an opinion giving mood...so here goes. First let me say congratulations on your nearly 15 years. I wish you many more!!

Vow Renewals: Tacky or Not? (Details - about 100 guests, outdoor renewal with family minister, followed by dinner and dancing,

NOT tacky!

no gifts please on invite)
Extremely tacky. Gifts should never be mentioned on an invitation of any sort.

Wearing a "Wedding" Dress: Tacky or Not? (Details - No train, something simple and informal, but definitely white and wedding-y)
I think a little bit tacky. I personally would prefer to see you in something pastel over white. But, this isn't the point I'd get hung up on. Maybe something white but more suit like than wedding like.

No Alcohol: Tacky or Not? (Details - We are much better off financially, but don't need to go into debt for one party, plus there are several recovering alcoholics in our near family circle. Not to mention there are those in our church who still frown on alcohol.)
I think a tiny bit tacky because most people expect alcohol at a party. I suppose if you have many people with issues around alcohol I can see where you're going. But, again, not a deal breaker. Could you manage just wine and beer? One thing I would NEVER do is a cash bar.

Involving Our Kids: Tacky or Not? (Not sure how I want to do this, but I know I'd like our two to at least stand with us during the ceremony)

Not tacky at all!! I've been to several renewals with beautiful rituals around the whole family. Some have included a unity-like candle that involved the whole family. Other times, the children has served as attendants. Do it!! [/COLOR]

 

[Pakey]

100 guests and a wedding dress. Sorry, to me it is tacky.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

None of this is tacky to me. I think that your party sounds lovely. Do what you want to do, this is your party!

I have also heard that any mention of gifts is not proper etiquette. Does anyone know how to get this message across without doing this?

 

[focusondisney]

Since you asked opinions, I'll be the first naysayer. I'm not a fan of public vow renewals. They seem silly, wearing a wedding gown after being married 15 years also seems silly to me.

Well, here's my honest opinion.. I'm not a fan of vow renewals, and I think it would be tacky to wear a wedding dress. Sorry. If invited, I probably wouldn't go to a vow renewal - unless it was a close family member or friend and I felt obligated. HOWEVER, I would definitely attend a 15th anniversary party or reception. Basically, if it was me, I'd skip the ceremony and just have dinner and dancing - and I'd probably do a toast at dinner and say vow renewal-type things, without the "officialness" of a ceremony

I agree with these posters. Vow renewals always seem kind of phony to me. Like you are trying to "prove" something. My DH always says he wouldn't need to repeat his vows, because they stuck the first time!

You chose the kind of wedding you wanted 15 years ago. You opted for a small ceremony & reception because you wanted to start your life together right away, instead of waiting to afford something bigger. That's great, your option. But to go back 15 years later because you now regret it & want a bigger, fancier ceremony sounds tacky to me. JMHO.

After saying that, an anniversary party is a great idea! You still celebrate your marriage but without the "redo" silliness. But congratulations & Happy Anniversary what ever you decide!

 

[Pigeon]

IMO, vow renewals are just an excuse to be the center of attention. But my vows didn't come with an expiration clause.