Sweet Mother of Fudge! 2/15 A Goodbye Summary~Pimples and Farts

[PittypatBR]

Mrs. TK, thank you so much for writing another TR. I read and reread your last one until the edges were frayed. These are the only TR's that make me laugh out loud until other people give me dirty looks and ask me what the heck is so blasted funny. I TOTALLY agree with all the suggestions for a book. You could write about toe jam and I would buy it. There are a lot of amusing TR's on here, but only one Mrs. the King.

 

[winkers]

I made the Pumpkin Gooey Butter Cake, and it was a hit!! It was soooo good!

 

[whogirl'smom]

YUM! Did you save some for me?

The choc. bread pudding turned out divine, too. The pecan rum sauce over it was quite an addition, esp. since I was too afraid to light it to burn off the alcohol....I didn't want to catch my mom's new kitchen on fire, you know .

 

[Mrs. The King]

I love Magic. I find magic everyday. It helps that I have so much time in my head. I told someone the other day, If I’m not talking, I’m not thinking. Just wave noises going on up there. Like listening to a shell at the beach.

So, some of my favorite magic happens when I am washing the dishes at my kitchen sink. If I squeeze my dish soap as I pick it up, a little fountain of tiny pink bubbles shoots around my head. This delights me. I giggle every single time.

Christmas time is like the soap bubbles for me. I love the little displays of cheer in unexpected places. The drive to your house can become an enchanted car show with the whole family ooohing and aahhing over the shiny lights at night.

I love how much trouble people go through for just a few tiny weeks. I like picturing grouchy Dads perched on their roofs, untangling the pesky long string of bulbs. And why do they do it? Just for the thrill it gives their family to turn into a driveway that looks so welcoming. To give reason for the cars passing by to slow down just a little bit.

Christmas time at the Kings is a ton of traditions. We pile one tradition on top of the next tradition. Pretty much every thing we do, we stamp it as special and try to do it again the following year.

Which makes our list very long.
We started the Christmas Show in 2005. Every year since it has gotten bigger, badder and better. We interview the family members present, asking them bizarre questions to draw out stories from their pasts that we might not learn in everyday conversation. A record, if you will. I make the guests say the nice things we think about our loved ones but rarely say out loud.

And Reindeer poop too. Last year that was a new tradition. While following Santa on Norad, we were blessed with some magical reindeer dropping on our porch. It most resembled melted Hershey Kisses with glitter on it. Boy, were the kids surprised when Mommy took a bite!

We recently arrived back from our Thanksgiving trip to New York to see my in laws. We had an amazing time.
On the way home, the celestial show the sky put on was beautiful. The two planets so close to the sliver of moon. I got a good eyeful of it, as I was traveling in my van for hours that night.

I watched with fascination. These were some very huge soap bubbles!

Until I realized it most resembled a giant frowny face. I could not shake the feeling that the sky was disapproving of me, in general. Low and behold since the moon and his friends gave me the giant astrological finger, one thing after another has been piling up. Crappy style.

My dryer was eating my clothes. So we had to buy a new one. Mr. The King drove his work van into the ground. Necessitating the purchase of a new vehicle. Now. Smack dab in the middle of December. It’s like we won the price is right, except without the free part.

Honestly, I can’t complain. My in Laws immediately wrote checks to cover both expenses. And no, I am not sharing my in laws with anyone. They are like the Fudge, MINEMINEMINE.

Back to Disney….So we would not be doing the walk of shame. Which I loved.

Our sneaky last day was laying in front of us. We made sure to check out of Pop Century. Sad. But you have got to be happy when you are headed back in the World! My parents started the convoy home. They were going to get ready for our second arrival.
The Kings headed to EPCOT. We wanted to relive the Soarin’ experience. It was twinkling like a glitter covered memory in our consciousness. One more time, we wanted to see the glow in the kids’ faces. So that was sort of our special goal.

The other special goal? Taking PS’s picture with her custom outfit matching the correct fuzzy character it was a tribute too. In my bagallini, all three outfits were rolled into tight, hopefully non wrinkled logs of fabulousness.

We rolled up on Epcot and unleashed ourselves. First, we stopped at the Coke tasting sample place. And we tasted.
Raise your hand if you picture UtahMama every time you go there.
Raise your hand if the one that tastes like sprite is your favorite.
Raise your hand if the Sprite impersonator gives you Dog fart gas.
Man. That is a real conundrum for me. I am such a fan of free things and samples, I’m just a few steps from becoming a burglar. I hit those things hard. I try and fill up that little cup 342 times. I am doing Chinese Coke shooters. Or whatever country is serving up the good flavor. With the after shocks.

We slosh our way out. A few minutes into our stroll, Mr. The King decides he wants to take an extremely close up shot of the board that shows you the wait times for the popular rides. I raise one questioning eyebrow.
I meander over to the information desk and ask about Donald. The toughest duck to find. We found a different duck, and tried to catch him, but they are faster and crafier than they let you believe with all their waddling and eyes on the side.

While walking, the fake sprite takes effect.
I am popping off little machine gun farts with every step I take. I don’t remember this type of thing happening when I was younger.

Walk. Pop. Walk. Pop. Walk. Pop.

Good Heavens why is it so loud? Maybe people will think it is my shoes making the noise.

I look down. I am wearing Crocs. They never make noise. They are like strapping two clouds to your feet. The only way Crocs make noise is if you scream when they are tripping you, or if you do the newborn baby deer on ice maneuver when they get wet and you step on linoleum, then they make the sound of your body thumping on the ground.

At this point I would rather have one big, disgusting fart, then having people run for cover and shield small children with their bodies.

The information booth chick took my Duck request as seriously as anyone has ever taken any question I have ever asked. Which is impressive thinking of some of the more important questions I have asked such as:

“Is the kitchen on Fire, Mom ?”

“Am I on American soil yet?”

“I think I pooped my pants.” (That one wasn’t a question, but gee whiz I was serious at the time. In my family we call that unfortunate situation “Pulling a JC Penny.”

“When can I see Donald?” was a powerful question. Information chick battened down the hatches, shot up a complicated series of flares and at one point had Dale in what looked like an electric chair hooked up to a pair of jumper cables and a car battery.

No, not really.

But she did use a walkie and her landline. She wrote down the information, double checked with her boss, related it to me, handed me a map.

Her information, after all that was “Donald is in Mexico all day from 12:00 to 5:00pm.”

She wanted to help me more. I was all done needing the help. She grilled me with a few questions, not trusting that I could be left on my own with out more information from HER.

Which is sweet. I appreciated it. But she was starting to be an overachiever with the imparting of information. I had to pry my mind away from her verbal vice grip. Mr. the King had zoomed himself cross eyed to get this picture.

I am sure it was worth it. Now he has to cross his legs to tie his shoes.
So I took PS into the nearest bathroom and preformed the “quick change”. Which as every mother knows, is about as fun as biting a live wire.
If you are a little germ phobic, which I can be. I am trying to rearrange her outfit without any part of her or her outfit touching the floor, walls, sanitary napkin disposal. (“Mommy, Is this a mail box?”)

Really I just want to have her levitate like one of the X men, but she stubbornly remains a slave to gravity. I manage to have her outfit touch everything I did not want it to. I wound up dipping my hair in the toilet. Again.
I push in the new, Duck inspired hair clips and we are good to go.

We make our way over to Mexico. I think Mexico is my favorite country in Epcot. As a child, the change from hot summer day to cool, night festival with just the push of a door mystified me. The costumes the girls wore were exactly what I pictured myself wearing as an adult.

Donald is not in the shade of the building. They put that duck out to roast. I think he was half out of his duck brain. He did register that PS had on a special outfit, but I am not sure he knew it was about him. Of course Mr. The King kept waving sweet and sour sauce at him and licking his lips. Which gets a duck nervous.

We took the kids into the building to ride the new and improved boat ride. PS decided against it. Mr. The King and PC went for the ride. PS and I went to our first kidcot station. Which is always supplied with Sharpies.

Anybody else think that is a bad idea? Me too. Why on God’s green earth would you hand a child a permanent marker? Permanent!!
Why not just hand out hungry tigers and tie some raw steaks to the children?
PC came back for the Mexico boat ride thrilled. He liked it. He started working on his Mask as well.

Next stop was, you guessed it, Waste Management!
The girls vs. the boys. I am pretty sure the boys won. We loved the trash game just as much the 17th time as we did the first.
PS wanted to play a little Wall-e on the video games they had set up. Mr. The king and I sat back and had some sugared, roasted almonds. Those things are like sucking on an Angel’s nose. Little tiny bits of heaven.

PC found a computer game where he could design a fireworks show. He rocked it out. What a cool little show he put on.

We were waiting for our time to go over to the Disney Visa Character meet and greet. We were excited to see who would be behind the curtain. I changed PS into the Pluto outfit in hopes of catching the big yellow dog.

Up next: Who is behind the curtain and will my behind get a parting gift?

Please check back tomorrow when Mr. The King adds his pictures. He is asleep like he has work tomorrow. Which he does. Hot Tomatoes, so do I! I better get to bed.

Special handshake to My Vampire friend.


Chapter 29 I didn't get arrested...this time.

 

[Backstage_Gal]

another hilarous update, MTK. Many thanks.

See you around

Bed? Work? Dang, dirty words. I guess I have to give in too! Why do they insist I actually do work for a paycheck?

 

[winkers]

I bow down to your amazing skills!

That was seriously hysterical!

Your walking farts reminds me of my grandma

 

[Goofyluver]

You're FAR too young, hip, and cool to admit publicly that you get the walking farts. I'm hoping you blamed it on Mr. The King.

 

[MissMagnolia]

“I think I pooped my pants.” (That one wasn’t a question, but gee whiz I was serious at the time. In my family we call that unfortunate situation “Pulling a JC Penny.”

In our house we call this a "Target moment".

 

[Mrs. The King]

another hilarous update, MTK. Many thanks.

See you around

Bed? Work? Dang, dirty words. I guess I have to give in too! Why do they insist I actually do work for a paycheck?

I am not sure why they force us to work for money It's almost cruel.

I bow down to your amazing skills!

That was seriously hysterical!

Your walking farts reminds me of my grandma

I am sure the smell wouldn't remind you of your sweet grandma Thank you so much for reading this craziness

You're FAR too young, hip, and cool to admit publicly that you get the walking farts. I'm hoping you blamed it on Mr. The King.

Now I like you even more

In our house we call this a "Target moment".

I am sorry to hear that Miss Magnolia

 

[ZZUB]

As usual, another great installment! You are one of the best writers on these boards!

 

[whogirl'smom]

Yes, the Sharpies make me crazy, too! Couldn't Crayola washable markers have sponsored all of those Kidcot stations?

We cracked open a chocolate orange tonight. Have you had one of those?

 

[Pollito916]

Of course Mr. The King kept waving sweet and sour sauce at him and licking his lips. Which gets a duck nervous.

Love this line!

 

[Mrs. The King]

As usual, another great installment! You are one of the best writers on these boards!

The check is in the mail for that complement

Yes, the Sharpies make me crazy, too! Couldn't Crayola washable markers have sponsored all of those Kidcot stations?

We cracked open a chocolate orange tonight. Have you had one of those?

I have had that evil! Chocolate disgised as fruit! I love thme!!!

Love this line!

Have a great time in Disney!!!

 

[Mr._The_King]

Pictures now added. Funny stuff as always my dear.
-MR.TK

 

[Mrs. The King]

Pictures now added. Funny stuff as always my dear.
-MR.TK

 

[lazydoxy66]

Great update. I would have blamed the noise on the duck/s.
Oh tell me it isn't so - are we almost to the end of this wonderous adventure??!!

 

[TarzansKat]

That was gud.

G-U-D, gud.

You know?

Thanks for another great chapter!

 

[Mrs. The King]

Hey everyone, please put in a good thought for my beloved Grandpa (In the party chapter), he is having some difficulty and is in the hospital. Thank you.

 

[Goofyluver]

Hey everyone, please put in a good thought for my beloved Grandpa (In the party chapter), he is having some difficulty and is in the hospital. Thank you.

 

[TarzansKat]

You'll all be in my thoughts and prayers.