Sweet Mother of Fudge! 2/15 A Goodbye Summary~Pimples and Farts

[tybrilinja]

I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. You and your family are in our prayers.

I am in awe of your writing. You really should do this professionally. I would be your first customer! Thank you for the laughs, and the tears.

 

[PrincessV]

PS~ “Jellybags!!!AGGGHHH!!!” she peaks at me “Can they pop?”
Me, (against anyone’s better judgment) ~“Yes, that is why you have to be careful with them”
PS~ “AGGHHH!! Jellybags”

Oh yeah, I can see THIS is going to come back at you!

Now I know what you are thinking, “This short sighted mom’s torture of her daughter is going to bite her in the butt when that child needs and eye appointment someday”

And you would be right.

Bystanders are looking at the cute princess screaming “Jellybags” I saw a lady trying to help hold up a jellybean. I shake my head no, and mouth “thank you”.

Dude, I just know I'll be hearing "JELLYBAGS!!!!" over and over, throughout my day. Thanks!

Last night, after being apart from her love for 6 years, Florence, my grandmother joined Ted, my grandpa for a dance. I am positive she flew straight into his arms.

I dedicate this silly chapter to her. I hope I get to hear laugh in my dreams tonight. I love you Grandma.

What a beautiful story. I'm so sorry for your loss

 

[OhMari]

That was really a sweet dedication to your grandma. Thank you.

 

[Goofyluver]

Darlin...you have put some tears and a crinkly smile at the edge of my jellybags.

You...my dear...have started a new fad...and should have your own section in the dictionary. Included must be the "jiggler" and "jellybags"...

I'm all caught up on your trippie...and I can't wait for more!!!

Hope you and your family are doing well after your loss. You're in my thoughts.

 

[missj1975]

I can't believe I am crying over a trip report. You rock

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Ok First of all to you and your family for your loss.

Secondly, I feel PS's pain Total Pain. I have a massive eye phobia. I've had 4 eye surgeries since birth and every time I am dragged kicking and screaming into the eye DR I'm afraid they are going to tell me I need another. I hate them. They are evil with that machine that shoots the wind tunnel at your eye. EVIL. I've scratched the cornea so many times I cannot even count. Glitter would kill me too. I feel for her. I would have gotten a bucket and helped with the faucets if I was in the ladies room with you all. I know the emergency to get glitter away from the eye region. I feel it!

I'm glad she survived. I'm glad Grandma got the money back and Ds did not have any mishaps. I hope the jiggler gets the fudge. Soon.

 

[Harters2WDW]

Great TR! You are a really good story teller! Can't wait to read more!!

 

[Mrs. The King]

Found this trip report, and went back and read your first one. It was sooo funny. I'm lovin' this one too. Can't wait for more. I am so sorry about your grandmother.

I am thrilled you are enjoying the trip reports. Saying your a survivor of one of them is really something to be proud of Thanks for being here!!!

bawwww....

Loved the chapter. What a total BBB disaster! Total!


But I am tears for what you wrote about your grandmother. I bet she is dancing with your grandfather all day long.

Spank you very much for posting. I bet she is too. I know they are so happy to be together.

I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. You and your family are in our prayers.

I am in awe of your writing. You really should do this professionally. I would be your first customer! Thank you for the laughs, and the tears.

Thanks for the prayers. And I am so holding you to that! You will be the only customer of "The Jiggler and Jellybags, Tale of an old bitty" And I will be so proud of you.

Oh yeah, I can see THIS is going to come back at you!








Dude, I just know I'll be hearing "JELLYBAGS!!!!" over and over, throughout my day. Thanks!



What a beautiful story. I'm so sorry for your loss

I love that I stuck the jellybag in your head Thanks for your hugs

That was really a sweet dedication to your grandma. Thank you.

Thank you for moderating a forum that allowed me, in a time when I needed to express my loss, to have an outlet. You Rock.

Darlin...you have put some tears and a crinkly smile at the edge of my jellybags.

You...my dear...have started a new fad...and should have your own section in the dictionary. Included must be the "jiggler" and "jellybags"...

I'm all caught up on your trippie...and I can't wait for more!!!

Hope you and your family are doing well after your loss. You're in my thoughts.

We are doing well, thanks for the thoughts. Grandma is well loved. We feel selfish for missing her knowing how happy she is.

And I really want a copy of that new dictionary

I can't believe I am crying over a trip report. You rock

Sorry about that next up are some disgusting laughs.

Ok First of all to you and your family for your loss.

Secondly, I feel PS's pain Total Pain. I have a massive eye phobia. I've had 4 eye surgeries since birth and every time I am dragged kicking and screaming into the eye DR I'm afraid they are going to tell me I need another. I hate them. They are evil with that machine that shoots the wind tunnel at your eye. EVIL. I've scratched the cornea so many times I cannot even count. Glitter would kill me too. I feel for her. I would have gotten a bucket and helped with the faucets if I was in the ladies room with you all. I know the emergency to get glitter away from the eye region. I feel it!

I'm glad she survived. I'm glad Grandma got the money back and Ds did not have any mishaps. I hope the jiggler gets the fudge. Soon.

Thanks for the hug! You and PS can start a "Jellybag phobia" support group.

Great TR! You are a really good story teller! Can't wait to read more!!

Thank you so much for reading and posting It makes the Jiggler so happy

 

[Philadisney]

I just came across your trip report and spent most of last night reading it. Your family is so funny and the heartfelt stories about your grandparents are very sweet. I am definitely working the word 'jellybags' into my vocabulary and I can't wait to read more!

PS: I also have a jiggler! I think I would like it more if I gave it a cute name like you did

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Thanks for the hug! You and PS can start a "Jellybag phobia" support group.

I feel like I shouldn't post to your TR until its late at night and the house is dark and quiet but I'll break a few rules and do so again now.

I'm in on the Jellybag phobia support group. "Hi, I'm Shawna" PS and I are the charter members anyone else is welcome to join but you must have an irrational (or in my book completely rational) fear of the new word "Jellybags"

My kids know to stay away from my eyes so much if we are playing or wrestling my son will scream "Stay away from mommy's eye, Stay away from mommy's eye!" as a reminder to himself and his sister. Usually I end up getting scared and have to leave the fun because of my eye phobia. sigh.

 

[Mrs. The King]

Chapter 9 “A poop is a wish your fart makes”

Where were we? That’s right, denying the Jiggler it’s treat, Main Street Fudge, sucked off that little plastic knife you're supposed to use share the fudge with friends and family. I use the knife for personal sucking and stabbing any invading enemy hands. Really, I just want to hork the fudge back like a dog, using no hands or knives. But that is frowned upon. By Mr. The King.

Pretty sure the conversation went like this:
Him (watching me eat fudge my way)~ “Honey, are you choking!!? Why are you sitting on your hands? Are you growling?”
Me~ “Growl, Slurp, Suck, Hork, Choke, Gulp”

The horror I saw in his eyes (we were on our honeymoon) led me to resort to the knife. Marriage is about compromise.

Anyhoo. We headed back to the resort. We scored a poorly located room which had the benefits of being close to the pool, but on the other side of it, so it was quiet. The walk to the parking lot took six years, no matter where you parked. The walk to Classic Hall wasn’t long, but it wasn’t short. We were in the 50’s on the third floor.

We had to walk past, every time we went to the vehicles, the abandoned part of POP. This drove me crazy. I have a real problem with abandoned buildings, I always imagine fixing them up. We have a house that is abandoned in our neighborhood that I have remodeled so many times in my head.

But the POP is the ultimate abandonment. I was driven to annoy my family with comments like “Bet we could stay there for cheep.” I stood there fixated so long my father finally had mercy on me.
Grandpa~ ”You know there is no air conditioning or plumbing over there.”

It bothered me the whole time. I even made Mr. The King take pictures of it. But the no air conditioning is a deal breaker. The Jiggler likes to be climate controlled.

We got to our rooms, Grandma and Grandpa were one door down from us. We decided to get the glitter out, go swimming and get some food.

That’s right, and hour and a half after getting the bibbity put into our bobbity, we are washing it out. I walk in to my room and survey my domain. Mousekeeping did a great job and we had towel animals. We love towel animals. They did have a “mass produced” quality about them. I still loved the hell out of them. They took a place of honor in our window, next to our countdown sign.

Now, two tips I learned here on the Dis that I just love. In POP, I use the command hooks! And I hang a shower curtain liner to create a changing area by the sinks!!! I can’t say enough about this tip. We love it. The other tip was the over the door shoe hanger thingy. I hang it from the closet rack and can see all my lotions and potions. Highly recommend both of those tips!

So we pack ourselves into our bathing suits and head towards the Bowling Pin pool. I love Disney. No matter what weirdness you are rocking, you can find more people just like you, or worse! No matter what kind of cheese your thighs resemble, your twin is out there rocking her matching cheese.

Looking for a bloated, florescent chick?…..Check! There are bunches!

Luxurious Jigglers? ……..Check! Three just like you!

Are you an old, hairy dude wearing your Speedo thong backwards?....Dear God…..Check! Another you!

You know the part I hate? When you walk up to the pool you are all normal, wearing your cute sarong, Fake Dior glasses, even the twins, the girls, have risen to the occasion, God Bless them.

Then there is the moment.

You try and prevent it from coming.

But removing Flip Flops only takes so long.

Then you have to let them have it.

Remove the sarong.

And try not to run into the pool.

Cause running sets your evil in motion.

You try and be nonchalant about it. Gee Whiz, we all do. We are all pretending we are not almost naked. It is so bizarre that we wrap ourselves in a small amount of spandex and then try and act normal. It’s almost like we should speak another language when we engage in this bizarre ritual.

Pool Speak.
It’s almost nakey time!!!

Blorf Naorfg Kkofjirj!!!

I think I have gone to the bad place in my head. It is times like this that I say “Oh My Dog! Oh Long John!”

This will make sense after you view this family friendly clip on youtube:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONmhQJy1ViA

So we are in the pool. Talking pool speak, when I notice an alarming amount of already wet people headed for our pool. Our already slightly crowded pool. The wet people are arriving at a steady rate. Like somewhere, someone was handing out money for people to junk up our pool with their bodies. Nuts. Now there are three of those old hairy dudes.

As they start to wade in, we catch snippets of conversation.

“Closed”
“Cleaning”
“Don’t know when they will open”
“Hippy Dippy”

So we piece it together. The Hippy Dippy pool is closed because someone took a dookie in it.

We are experts at the dookie in the pool.

No!
Not for that reason.

For Pete’s sake people have some trust.

We faced the “Cleaning The Pool” on our last long Disney trip. We learned that it is quite common. We hoped it was mostly babies. Butt, you never do know for sure unless you are the unlucky skimmer guy.

Poop Skimmer guy has got no game with the ladies.
You always know the answer when you ask him “How was your day at work?”

We see the Bowling Pin lifeguards looking in the pool next to Mr. The King's foot.

Then they look at Mr. The King.

Then they look at his foot.

Finally, Mr. The King looks at his foot.

Very close to it there is a leaf. A sunken leaf. I can tell this. Mr. The King can tell it’s a leaf. Butt the lifeguards have no idea what it is. Well, they think it is dookie. Man dookie. Not baby dookie.

They send up the smoke signal for the poop skimmer guy.

Mr. The King decides to put the lifeguards out of their misery. He does not want to become a wet refugee to the Computer Pool. He reaches for the leaf with his foot.

Now, I do not know what the public has been doing to these lifeguards, but from the look on their faces, you would think Mr. The King was about to pull the pin on a grenade with his toes.

Mr. The King grabs the leaf and shows it to the mortified lifeguards. They nod and look at him suspiciously.

I don’t know what kind of poop-throwing gorillas people have been smuggling into the Bowling Pin pool at Disney, but it needs to stop. These boys were traumatized.

We exit the pool, and head towards the Classic Hall for Linner or Dunch. Or whatever that poorly timed meal should be called. I was still hoping to return to the Magic Kingdom. So, we figured we would eat Dreakfast or Binner there.

And the Hippy Dippy is closed for cleaning. My kids' idea of heaven is the Hippy Dippy pool. They love all pools, but that one, for them is the end all. I have flashes of a closed Hippy Dippy for the length of our stay. What if they can’t reopen and it is really some sort of large scale CLEANING, not related to poop?

This is the first time I am actually hoping that is was poop in the pool.

We all bust out or Dinning Plan Cards. The freedom of having those cards was almost too much to bare. Drinks, meals, don’t forget dessert! We all had to keep track of each other’s trays to make sure we got was coming to us. I was forced to get a little personal chocolate cake. With a curl on the top. It was coming to me. God, I love when food comes to me. Especially chocolate.

I also began a very monogamous love affair with the POP century Crusted in Something wonderful Chicken breast, with a salad and a personal loaf of bread. I could not stop ordering this chicken every time I had the chance.

We sit down to eat in the super large booth. I cut into Something Wonderful Chicken, put the piping bite almost to my lips when, as usual,

PS ~ “I have to use the bathroom”

Always. Like clockwork.

I sigh, and whisper to my chicken “Just a moment, my love”
PS grabs my hand. Don’t you just love when they do that? Such a natural movement. Her hand slips in mine. I always squeeze it just a little, like a hand hug. I try not to take hand holding for granted.

We get to the bathroom. We all know how I feel about this place. And I have something to say about it. Surprise, Surprise.

Us ladies have to take a seat, we all know this. Butt, I have noticed that we have a ritual when choosing said "seat". When looking at a line up of stalls, almost always the doors hang halfway open. Not open enough to see the seat, but you can tell it is not occupied.

We all do the same thing. Like a dog sniffing a tree. We head close to the stall, but we never bust in and lay down the law on just any open toilet.

We peek.

I do not care how many times you filled your refillable mug, you will always peek. You take the smallest tip of your finger and push, ever so gently, on the stall door. So gentle, there could be a sleeping baby on the other side. But we are not looking for babies.

We are looking to see what awful atrocities have occurred to the possible "seat" before we arrived on the scene.

And you know ladies, sometimes you peak and hit the lotto. You get a clean seat. Brand new clean. The seat is still up clean. You have to knock it down with your foot clean. And that is nice. Man, that is a sight to see. Sometimes, you can forgo the jiggler protector because you are the first one there.
You can claim that throne.

And you know ladies, sometimes you peak in and there is no lotto winning.
There is only horror. How it got there we do not know. Some woman must be just like the gorilla in the pool. You peek with your gentle hand, just the tip, to reveal what looks like some kind of murder scene.
And we all think the same thing “What the hell was that woman up to in there?”
"Did she somehow suspend herself from a trapeze before she handled her business?"
What do we do? We shake it off. We move on to the next stall. Or maybe two down if it is really bad. There must be a compartment in our brain that tucks those sights from our memories.

Now a suggestion, if I may, try and dry yourself off before plunking yourself down on a jiggler protector. Because when you are wet from the pool, they become a tattoo. And you have to make sure you get every sticking piece off before prancing around in your bathing suit again. The wet protector protects nothing when the germs get stuck to you like a second skin.
Just a suggestion. It's not like this has ever happened to me.

Another suggestion. If you happen to be in an extremely quiet bathroom and you are not alone, hit the hand dryer button on your way in. For some background noise. Give a courtesy hit on your way out for the poor soul on the can, too. Random act of kindness and all that jazz. Because we all hate when it is quiet. It is awkward. And gets competitive.

And please. Please.

Don’t talk to me if I don’t know you.
Why do people open up to me in the toilet? I will tell you why!
You have heard of the Horse Whisperer? How about the Dog Whisperer?

Well, I am the Weirdo Whisperer.

If you are weird, you will find me anywhere and feel vocal diarrhea coming on. Hard.
And you might feel it is ok to hug me.

Just yesterday, I was shopping in the Wal-Mart, looking for Cd Mailers. I walk past the books and an old lady stops me. I look at her pleasantly “Can I help you?”
She tells me she is looking for a book. She can’t find it and is frustrated. I can’t find her book either, so I asked her what type of book she likes. Turns out she likes The Bourne Identity series. So I figure she likes action, and I spot “Angels and Demons” by Dan Brown. I loved the book and it was action packed, so I tell her about it.
Doesn’t this sound lovely? Normal? Sweet even!

Well, in her gratitude, she winds up spanking me in the jiggler with “Angels and Demons” by Dan Brown.

Numerous times.

Now mind you, I was not bending over like a naughty child.
No.
She kept finding the jiggler and smacking it.

Walking away from that encounter, wishing the woman well, I couldn’t help butt wonder why it is ok for people to spank me? I must be comforting to them in some way. Like Dr. Phil with hair.

Anyway. I think I will leave me and PS in the bathroom for the end of this chapter. We like it there.

Next up: Serial Pool Pooper Mystery, Nighttime magic.


Chapter 10 A Buffet Style Bathroom

 

[winkers]

can't.........breathe...............

You should see the look my dogs were giving me as I nearly hyperventilated and chocked on my dr.pepper!

 

[Mrs. The King]

I just came across your trip report and spent most of last night reading it. Your family is so funny and the heartfelt stories about your grandparents are very sweet. I am definitely working the word 'jellybags' into my vocabulary and I can't wait to read more!

PS: I also have a jiggler! I think I would like it more if I gave it a cute name like you did

I am so glad you are reading it Jellybag and Jiggler convert!! Yes! I love it.

I feel like I shouldn't post to your TR until its late at night and the house is dark and quiet but I'll break a few rules and do so again now.

I'm in on the Jellybag phobia support group. "Hi, I'm Shawna" PS and I are the charter members anyone else is welcome to join but you must have an irrational (or in my book completely rational) fear of the new word "Jellybags"

My kids know to stay away from my eyes so much if we are playing or wrestling my son will scream "Stay away from mommy's eye, Stay away from mommy's eye!" as a reminder to himself and his sister. Usually I end up getting scared and have to leave the fun because of my eye phobia. sigh.

I was surprised to see the post in the light of day. This trip report is best read in dark allies Eye phobia is a real stinker! Who knew eyes were involved in so much. PS will love your support!

can't.........breathe...............

You should see the look my dogs were giving me as I nearly hyperventilated and chocked on my dr.pepper!

Winkers!! You are one fast reader. I am so glad you posted and that you liked it You Rock. Thanks for reading it!

 

[winkers]

Your title alone was worthy!
I don't think I'll ever be able to sing that song correctly again! It reminds me of a church song.Choose the Right, which in a spoof song was changed to choose the sprite.........my kids and I make a spectacle of ourselves whenever this song is sung at church.

 

[Mrs. The King]

Your title alone was worthy!
I don't think I'll ever be able to sing that song correctly again! It reminds me of a church song.Choose the Right, which in a spoof song was changed to choose the sprite.........my kids and I make a spectacle of ourselves whenever this song is sung at church.

I wish I could take credit for that title, but Mr The king thought of it. Damn it.

I am glad the song is spiced up for you now

I wish I knew how to embed a youtube clip in the post. I am too blonde for this

 

[TheMadScrapper]

You are freaking hilarious! lmao!

 

[tyiwara]

Oh Lord you are too funny! I just stumbled on your TR and spent the last two hours reading this one and the previous one, and I gotta be honest I haven't laughed like that in a long while! You're a riot! I'm usually just a lurker, but I had to say BTW, Spiders are of the devil. They are evil, vile little creatures sent here from below just to terrify and torture poor inocent souls turning them into incoherent, absolutely freaked out puddles of goo....yeah, I have a tiny itty-bitty phobia.

 

[rachel3]

OMG, you are freakin hilarious!!!

 

[ProudMommyof2]

You just kill me! I will forever think of you upon entering a public restroom- as I do the 1 finger door push- because of course we all do!!!

 

[PrincessV]

I have a real problem with abandoned buildings, I always imagine fixing them up.

Really? I love them. Honest - give me an old, creepy-looking abandoned building and I'm a happy camper. Twisted, but happy.

We love towel animals. They did have a “mass produced” quality about them.

What's up with that? I've had the same vibe (though I was never able to put it into words - thanks!) for the past few trips. I'm just not feeling the love in my duck/bunny/dog/elephant/whateverthehecktheyare towel animals lately.

I think I have gone to the bad place in my head. It is times like this that I say “Oh My Dog! Oh Long John!”

This will make sense after you view this family friendly clip on youtube:

Oh carp - I watched the video first from TFW - this is freaking hysterical!

PS grabs my hand. Don’t you just love when they do that? Such a natural movement. Her hand slips in mine. I always squeeze it just a little, like a hand hug. I try not to take hand holding for granted.

And we all think the same thing “What the hell was that woman up to in there?”
Did she somehow suspend herself from a trapeze before she handled her business?

can't.........breathe...............

You should see the look my dogs were giving me as I nearly hyperventilated and chocked on my dr.pepper!

OMG, tell me about it - my coworkers are ready to send me to the loony-bin! Not to be confused with the Dookie-bin.