Suggestions!

[disbridemimi]

Our family is not on board for our Disney Wedding Our parents are even refusing to go. Some of our brothers and sisters arein, and some friends, but most of our family is putting up a stink and refusing to go or even discuss it. At this point, we dont even want to talk about a wedding with any of them.

For people that have been in our position, how did you resolve this? Did you have a wedding at home instead? Did your family eventually give in and come to your Disney wedding? Did you just have a wedding without them? Any regrets?

We tried to price out local weddings, but they are way more expensive (Boston area) and they are not at all what we want. We are not interested in an at home reception either. We just want to do Disney, period. They are saying it is selfish and stupid, but isnt a wedding supposed to be a little selfish? Is it selfish to elope?

Should we just plan our Escape, invite them and hope for the best? I am hoping our parents will give in and come.

 

[Skylarr29]

I honestly feel you should do what ever it is that will make you happy. It is incredibly selfish of your close family to say they aren't coming and will not even discuss it. I would plan it the way you want and hope they come around. You get to do this once and if you don't do it the way you want you will always regret it. Your wedding is about you and DF and I think people forget who weddings are about and they try to put the attention on themselves when it isn't about them. Stand your ground and good luck.

 

[twenty3curls]

I honestly feel you should do what ever it is that will make you happy. It is incredibly selfish of your close family to say they aren't coming and will not even discuss it. I would plan it the way you want and hope they come around. You get to do this once and if you don't do it the way you want you will always regret it. Your wedding is about you and DF and I think people forget who weddings are about and they try to put the attention on themselves when it isn't about them. Stand your ground and good luck.

I agree...especially if you're paying for it. I understand Disney can be an expensive undertaking for some guests, but if it's what you truly want, they should realize that and find a way to be supportive. If you really want your parents there, perhaps you can ask them to come as their wedding gift to you and your fiance. (Same with his parents.)

 

[Angela0917]

I was exactly where you were, however my family was fine with it (after a while of convincing) but DF's family wouldn't budge, which in the end made DF not want to have a Disney Wedding, so we cancelled our DFTW and we are having a home wedding instead. Mostly, I'm happy with the decision, I'm happy that we'll be able to share and celebrate our wedding with our friends and family, and I'm happy that I won't have family lurking around Disney World while we're there on our honeymoon, but every once in a while I still regret not doing the Disney Wedding. I think there's pros and cons of each side, just decide what's most important to you and go with it. Who cares what anybody says! They'll get over it!

 

[DisneyCruiser83]

Why in the world would your parents not go to your wedding even if it were in Antartica! I can't even imagine that. I would try talking to your family again and respectfully explain why this is important to you and your DF. I know your family is important, but you should not have to completely change your plans. If it were me, I would go ahead with my plans and hope for the best.

 

[nycegrrl]

Honestly, just go with what makes you happy. Chances are you family is feeling like the price would be prohibitive. Try pricing out some inexpensive packages for them.

 

[BecBennett]

You should try and work out what's more important to you, having the majority of your family with you on your wedding day, or having the wedding that you want.

I was faced with a similar situation, but everyone basically thought I was joking, when they realised I was serious, my family was pretty quick to get on board, even though I still get comments along the line of "I can't do such and such, I have to pay to go to a wedding!"

DF's family were more reluctant. It got to the stage where I'd try and talk about what I wanted, and I'd just get talked over. It really annoyed me, to the point where I just stopped trying to talk about it with them. I wasn't too concerned, because the wedding is still 2 years away, and I figured there would be plenty of time, but it came up at the engagement party, and because my family are starting to get really excited about it, it spread, now everyone wants to go!

I estimated that we'd have around 30 people at the wedding, and that was fine with us, but now, the approx. guest count is around the 60 people mark!

If it's what you want, go for it!!

 

[LovelyPrincess432]

I had this same problem unfortunately. More of my friends were into the idea than the family. I think it really came down to 2 reasons they didn't want to deal with a Disney wedding... travel and accommodation expenses and the fact that DF is from a rather large family and not everyone would be invited (we were looking at the escape).

So we're having an at home wedding, with a bit of a Disney twist to it, and a Disneymoon! I looked at it this way, my family is super important to me and I wanted them to be there for our special day, and I knew DF felt the same way (even though he did offer to just go there the two of us and get married -- it was probably more to make me stop being upset than anything else). Our other reasoning for choosing at home was that both families have agreed to help out somewhat, so we have to take their input too. At first I was really upset over this... I use to watch the weddings at Disney when I was a little girl, and point and tell my parents that I wanted my wedding there.

I know what you mean about at home reception, they can be expensive. I'm from the Chicagoland area... trust me I know! We're on a tighter budget as well, and so I started looking untraditional things... such as anything that is a luncheon or earlier on (even brunches) during a Saturday. You still can have a Saturday wedding and it nearly cuts the price in half! You'd be so surprised, I know I was. The one venue we're consider going with is near $100 a person for a dinner reception with open bar. So we looked at their luncheon (3 course with desert included) option instead, with the addition of wine service.... It's about $30 a person, a little less. The other easy way to save is cutting the guest list down to something a bit smaller and intimate, which if you were planning to do an escape anyways this isn't as hard . You can also look into nice resturants at lunch time (some have private rooms that are already so pretty they dont require too much decor adjustments).


Those are a few of my suggestions, and what was right for us. In the end it's totally up to you, and what's most important to you. They could end up going along with it closer to the date. Which is something someone said to me, but personally the stress was crushing me... and it wasn't something I wanted to risk. For me it wouldn't quite feel like my special day without our special people there to celebrate with us.

 

[Tink&PirateMama]

Well, as someone that's been married over 8 years now, I can tell you some of the fall out here, from my own experience.

When we were planning a destination wedding (this was in 2000), it was SUCH drama because of the family. We were the first wedding on either side, and his parents in particular were just awful. I expected my parents wouldn't come (nor to the vr), but his, it seemed to be about both money and religion. In the end we ended up eloping last minute (one week of planning!), calling everyone on christmas day and said we're married (we had our ceremony on christmas eve). It was magical, and beautiful, and our moment without any drama, and worked perfectly- very meant to be. Had I known we'd end up going that route, I'd have just eloped in the first place and skipped all the drama!

The thing is, though, our relationships with his side of the family deteriorated very, very quickly after that. They likely would have anyway, it was getting pretty bad with the wedding, and for a number of reasons I don't need to go into on the board... but we made the choice then and there that WE (and any new family we created) were what was important in our lives. And this was again a decision we had to make when we were pregnant with our first child. So, I think this is a big decision with consequences, atleast it was for us, and something to not make lightly. Now, I am really ok with our decision. I won't say 'happy' because it's not ideal, and I'd love to have more extended family/support/etc... however, considering the circumstances, I think this was the better choice for us. Especially now that we have children that don't have to be caught up in the stress and drama with them. I totally agree with others who have said, that this is your life, your wedding, and you need to make the decision that you are most comfortable with. For some, like us, that will be having the wedding your way even with out family... for others, family will win out and there will be compromises. I think it really depends on those relationships to begin with. Now, I can say too, that I think a wedding, it is a beginning, and how you do it is important. Be it, by stating you are who you are, and your love for eachother and this new life, by showing how much the other relationships in your life matter as well... I know a woman that lied to all the family about a divorce, and it just felt so false. And you know, the marriage didn't last. It just, there's something to be said about being real with this. It's not just dress up- I mean, I know that we all want to dress up and be beautiful and all that- but it's not to be taken lightly. I'm not sure if that's coming out right, but my meaning is, to really think about it, both ways.

I honestly, as a mother, can not in my wildest dreams imagine not wanting to attend my child's wedding, no matter what circumstances. It is frustrating for sure, and I feel for you! I'd say to look at what you would be happy with, today, next year, and ten or twenty years from now. What will be most important for you and your husband?

Good luck with this, and take time out to de-stress and to take care of yourself!

 

[CinderelliT]

My family did not believe that I was getting married to my DH! We had only known each other a short while, and we were married a year after we met. We both just knew we were right for each other! But my family did not take us seriously, and many of them did not show up for our wedding.

The ones that did, managed to change much of our plans at the last minute into what they wanted, as well as having us pay for it with our tiny budget. It was so bad, we almost cancelled the wedding after our rehersal dinner! We even had a lot of verbal fighting between in-laws on the day of our ceremony. It was not what we wanted or envisioned.

10 yrs later, we are still married, and planning a private VR to be just what we want! Some of our family no longer speaks to us, and it is not b/c of our marriage, it is just life in general. This would have happened regardless.

My point is, I regret having them screw up my dream of my perfect wedding! (Bridezilla coming through!) I wish I could have just stood up for what I wanted at the time, instead of trying to make everyone else happy.

Do what you feel is right, and will make you the happiest!

 

[MegKate]

What is it about weddings and funerals that brings out the worst in people?

ITA with everything people have said. A few people have snidely remarked that they won't be there at our wedding because we're having it at WDW. (Oddly enough, they wouldn't have been invited anyways! LOL), but I told them, they're more than welcome to come to the home reception/open house. We're having it at WDW. Period.

Do they not know how much a Boston wedding costs?! It was one of our possibles.. that and the Cape.

Another strategy to keep your sanity is to come and vent with us all - we've all been through this at one point or another during this wedding planning.

 

[tommymomo]

as someone who went/is going through what you are here is how we handled it. We told our family that it would mean the world to us if they could come, but we understood if they didn't. No matter what we were going to have our wedding in disney. Once that point was made, the family said they would come. Listen, I understand the cost in boston, I am from NY, and you are not going to get a wedding as nice for the money there. Just plan it and people will come.

 

[PipesofLirael]

My family was onboard since a) they're all in Miami and b) they just want to be there for me. But his family, well, it hasn't been pretty. His parents have roller coastered from "you're too young" to "ok now we want to control everything" to outright laughing at us whenever we talk about the ceremony. We finally decided that it was obvious they weren't taking us seriously, and if they think that age matters after we've successfully lived together for three years, then they're just looking for an excuse.

The point is, it's your wedding. Sure, be accomodating to your families. I'm not a Bridezilla. But NEVER have a wedding you don't want. Compromise doesn't mean being walked all over. If this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and you want your vows there, do it. That's what matteres.

 

[Bride-to-be]

If you want a disney wedding I say go for it and forget your family. Make sure to invite them and if they don't want to come thats their problem.

If you have an at home wedding that you don't want you will be miserable and they will be happy.

If you have a disney wedding you will be happy and they will be miserable but if they really want to support you they will come - and I promise they will have a great time.

I would just do it and send them an invitation. The alternative is to alope and not invite them at all. They might appreciate the invitation. Plus if you invite them it makes them look like the bad guys for not coming- not you.

Can't wait to hear about your plans!!

 

[tinkerlisa]

I went through this. I have a pretty good idea of who is coming or not.
My DF asked if we should just cancel. I said "Stan who am I marrying, you or them? I don't care who comes or not. Its about us not them."

Honestly, to me the less people the better. I never wanted a huge wedding. That and its less people to pay for

The only people that I would be hurt that didn't show up would be my cousin and her hubby. They are how we met. Not to mention they only live 2 hours away from Disney!

Do want you want. It's YOUR wedding and if you have your heart set on it, then DO IT!

 

[disbridemimi]

Thank you for all of your input! I feel better. I was feeling hopeless. I really have my heart set on a Disney wedding, we got engaged there! I have some new info to share!

We tried to price out a local wedding. We called over 30 venues, and looked at about a million more online. Here is the bottom line.We can not AFFORD to get married here. And getting married here without inviting the extended family will cause either hard feelings, or a bigger guest list.


We were shocked at the minimum guest counts required and then the site fees, ceremony fees, find a caterer, find a cake, find a photog, find a videographer ( we gave up due to price on this one), find flowers, transportation yada yada the list goes on!


Here is the bottom line- we found a decent place (not great, but decent) on a Sunday off season, brunch reception (which I think is classy) about an hour south of the city. Once you price out all the add on vendors (we nixed vidoegraphy & nixed transportation to save a few) and we are still at close to 20K. And I am sure I am forgetting something. Oh, and that is with NO entertainment, no limo, no video.

This makes the Wishes wedding look like a steal. We simply can't afford to have a wedding here, unless we get married in our backyard with a BBQ.

There are NO packages around here that compare to an Escape. I wish there was! A nice little pretty ceremony location with cake & flowers etc included!

So right now we have no concrete decision, but I think when its presented cost wise, the Escape is looking like a bargain! I know it will add up once we put in all the bits and bots, but it will be far higher quality than what we will get here and it will be far less expensive overall.


I am just hoping our parents will come...I know if we can just get them there they will love it.