Stipulation on Christmas Gift-bad idea?

[Loverly]

We are thinking of giving our single adult children an extremely generous $$ gift this Christmas. I wanted to "humorously "say something like-

"This is a lot more than we usually give you, because it comes with a stipulation-
have fun with half of it-but please save or pay off credit cards with the other half."

Would this "piss you offf" if your parents did this?

 

[amyy]

I would be very thrilled to receive a gift like that. You know your kids and how appreciative they are. It is very thoughtful of you to help them out.

 

[missj1975]

Yes it would tick me off if someone gave me a gift with a stipulation. I don't like to be told what to do, especially when it comes to money.

It sounds like you are trying to help your children which is a nice thought but the "help" is bordering on control of their financial situation. I see that causing a lot of problems. Are you going to be ticked at your children when they spend the present on something you don't approve of?

 

[pperfectmom]

Will you adopt me? Seriously, I would love it if my in-laws or folks would do that instead of wasting a bunch of money on things we don't want or need.

 

[KirstenB]

Lord no!! I'd be thrilled if someone gave me $10!!!

 

[Sandy V.]

While I certainly wouldn't be "pissed off" at such a generous gift, I would probably not appreciate the suggestion of how I should spend it. The gift doesn't have "strings" -but it does - do you see what I mean?

Your children and their families may have other financial priorities that are just as responsible as your suggestion is.

Anyhow, I think it is a very thoughtful thing for you to do.

 

[staley7580]

Nope. My parents did it one year. We had a CRAPPY car... that was on its last legs, and were researching buying a new car after the holidays.. Instead of buying us crap we didnt need, my parents gave us $1500. to help with the down payment. It was WONDERFUL! We didnt get the money until we were in the dealership getting ready to purchase the car either.. Which, for us.. Was a good thing. We probably would have spent it on something dumb. Im not so good at saving.

 

[weregoingtodw]

I'd recommend giving in two separate chunks -- here, this is for you, I want you to spend it on something FUN!

Then wait about a month or so, and give the other half, stating that you'd like to help them pay down debt and/or boost their savings.

Anytime gifts, I'd be okay with the stipulations. But a holiday gift? Nah. Not cool.

 

[koalababy]

For Christmas, yes it's a bad idea. If you feel (or know) that your adult children are having money troubles and you want to help them out, make it a separate "donation".

 

[AlexandNessa]

It wouldn't make me mad, but how will you insure that your kids save half of it or put it towards a bill?

Why not give them a chunk of change and then save half of it for them, through a CD that won't mature for a while or a savings bond? Or tell them to give you one credit card bill and you will make a payment towards it yourself on their behalf.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think a Christmas gift should be a "gift"!!! (gifts do not have strings attached)

If you feel that your children could be financially over-extended, and you would like to help... then that should be a different matter...

As a person who's inlaws have some $$$$$ they felt that their money earned them the control and 'respect' that they demanded... I can tell you that I would not, at this point, take one single dime from them if I thought that there were strings attached.

1. I am not to be bought or owned by anybody...
2. There could be the feeling that you think that they 'need help' and are not able to manage their finances on their own.
4. Are they going to be expected to produce receipts/proof that they payed this certain amount of money toward debt???
3. Even if they take the money and pay off their credit debt... I would say that there is a 99.9999% chance that, given some time, they are right back up their same level of debt.

Give ONLY what you can give cheerfully with no other strings attached.

If you think that they could possibly blow all the money in one whack on something/things that you might consider a frivolous extra(s)... Then, you really might want to think about whether you want to intrust them with this kind of 'generosity'.

You sound like a wonderful and generous person!!!! You probably have the best of intentions!!! However, I would suggest that you give this some deep thought and tread lightly.

Are grandchildren involved??? How about making 50% of the amount as a wonderful Christmas Gift... and then gifting the other 50% as some kind of a trust fund for the grandchldren's future!!! Or something else along those lines.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Are they in financial trouble? Always asking you for money?

I guess I don't understand why you would need to put a stipulation on it?

 

[JessicaR]

It wouldn't piss me off cause I'd do what I wanted with my gift. It would be very appreciated. My in-laws gave us cash every year. Some years it was more than usual. Even if they told us it had a stipulation attached I'm sure we would have done as we saw fit with the $. Just being honest!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, I just re-read.... You mention SINGLE, ADULT children....

NOPE!!! No gifts with 'stipulations'

Give them the amount of money that you want them to be able to actually enjoy!!!!

If they will be going about the business of doing things like purchasing their first home, moving in order to take a big job, etc... Then, make that kind of a financial gift at that time, for that specific purpose.....

"A gift" and a "Let me help you out" are two different things!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It wouldn't piss me off cause I'd do what I wanted with my gift. It would be very appreciated. My in-laws gave us cash every year. Some years it was more than usual. Even if they told us it had a stipulation attached I'm sure we would have done as we saw fit with the $. Just being honest!

Yea, pretty much you are asking your kids to lie to you.

 

[missypie]

I hate strings on parental money. I feel like it's not our money at all. I'd rather not have it. Just being honest...I know your heart is in the right place, but my thought is that I'm grown and support a family with no help from anyone and don't need anyone else telliing me what to do with money.

 

[nataliela]

I say give some that they can play with, and then put the other half away in a fund for them for later

 

[raysnkaysmom]

While I certainly wouldn't be "pissed off" at such a generous gift, I would probably not appreciate the suggestion of how I should spend it. The gift doesn't have "strings" -but it does - do you see what I mean?

Your children and their families may have other financial priorities that are just as responsible as your suggestion is.

Anyhow, I think it is a very thoughtful thing for you to do.

For Christmas, yes it's a bad idea. If you feel (or know) that your adult children are having money troubles and you want to help them out, make it a separate "donation".

I think along both of these lines..... although the thought is nice, and I'd appreciate having the money to do so... I wouldn't like the fact that I was being TOLD what to do with a GIFT...
What I'm thinking about doing for my parents (who are financially in rough shape this holiday because my dads hours have been cut) is paying their electric bill and placing the PAID IN FULL receipt in a card along with another REAL gift.... Because I know if I offered the help, they wouldn't take it.. and Im not about to give money in hopes they'd use it to catch up bills.....
This way.. it's done and although they may say they wish I wouldn't have.. I know it'll be one less burden for them...

 

[PlainJane]

I would be thrilled. If someone was willing to pay off my debt, I would consider it the best Christmas ever; sure beats a sweater.

I don't know how you're going to enforce what you want done with the money.

I'm really puzzled at how many wouldn't want the money

 

[SydneyBristow]

No, not at all, I would be very thankful.