Sticky Situation (This could get long)

[CamColt]

About a month ago, my neighbor/friend was asking me when we were going away because she was trying to plan her DS's birthday party(his birthday is 12/31). She asked if the 13th was ok for us and I told her yes.

Since then the kid(DS's good friend) has decided he doesnt want a party. In talking to my friend over the past month she has said that she will try to plan it to see if hes more acceptable to the idea as it gets closer, things like that. He doesnt usually have a party other than a cake at his grandfathers house(also a neighbor) and only family and my family go over for that.
The last I heard was last weekend she still had nothing booked and the kid still didnt want a party. She just seems to be aggravated with him and isnt giving me an answer as to what, if anything is going on.

Now the problem is, because of the storm, 1 of DS's friend missed his party last week. Coincidentally this kids sister has a party to go to Saturday at the bowling alley(where DS's party was) and his mother suggested that we meet there and get our DSs a lane of their own to play in, to make up for the missed party. Sounds great, but I dont know if we have the other party to go to or not.
Its 2 days away and I have no time or place or even that its a definite. I do feel we are committed to the first kids party, but if there isnt going to be one, Id like to know. Would you call and ask what the deal is with the party, or just wait it out another day? I have to let the other mother know by tomorrow. Dont people know Im a planholic???

 

[Christine]

I'd call the mother and tell her what's up and say "hey, I need an answer--your son's party is my priority but I can't hold out forever." If she's reasonable (which I'm not sure of because of her excessive need to have a party for her son who does not want one), then she should be okay with that.

 

[Lorix2]

I agree with Christine. You just need to ask her right out, she can't assume that any just any day of the month is good for you.

 

[Kimberle]

My 2 cents, I don't think you are "committed" until you have received and accepted an invitation.

Just tell her "something came up".

 

[Lanshark]

What does your DS want to do?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I say pick up the phone and ask. Go from there.

 

[Keli]

I agree with the posters that said to call the boy's mom and explain the situation. I'd just basically say, "Hey, I need an answer on this one now, is there a party or no?" Then if she said 'yes' then I'd tell the other friend that your ds is busy but if she gave any other answer I would plan on my son going bowling and just explain that you did your best but it just didn't work out for your son to go to that party.

 

[FOJMO]

I would say you are NOT committed to a party that you technically haven't been formally (written invitation) invited to (nor has the party really been confirmed). Make your plans accordingly and, if invited at the last minute, politely decline.

My question is, though, why is this mother insisting that her DS have a party if he clearly does not want one?

 

[CamColt]

Thanks for all the advice. The mother has to work today so I think Ill wait until tonight and give her a call then.

I guess I feel committed because she specifically asked if we would be available on the 13th for her to have the party then and I told her yes. Our kids are pretty close and if DS missed his party that would be tough.

As for what DS wants to do, yesterday he informed me the second kid is coming over Saturday. He didnt know I had talked to the mother. Then I said we might have a party to go to and he told me hes staying home(thinking the kid is coming over). I said well what if its "Pauls" party? And he said, Im still staying home. I think its more the excitement of getting to play with a friend from school, not the usual kids that play in the neighborhood, and I dont know if he really thought about the fact that he could be missing Pauls party. DS is one to get "caught up" in the excitement of something and not really think about it, so I wouldnt take that as his final answer...not until we really discussed his choices. I havent really talked about it because I wasnt sure if it was happening or not.

The kid originally wanted a party. I guess he has complained he hasnt had one. She suggested having one at the YMCA pool and he said no. Then he wanted one at the bowling alley, like DS. They started making a list of people, and then he decided he didnt want one at all. Then he wanted a guy with "creatures" to come to the house for a house party, but the mother wont allow that in the winter, LOL! So, you can see this hasnt been easy.

 

[PamOKW]

It sounds as if nothing has been planned in terms of a "real" party and I doubt that's going to happen between now and Saturday. Give the woman a call just to let her know you did try to keep the date free but things have come up since then.

 

[CamColt]

Pam, last year one Friday morning at the bus stop she asked me if we were going to be around the next day. I said yes and she said, "Ok good. Im going to book Chuck E Cheese then(for her other DS's party)". So this is how she plans.

 

[KathyTX]

Since it sounds like this is a close friend, I can understand why you don't want to really rock the boat...

I would probably say something like, " [kid's name] is really important to us. What time will you want us to come over for cake? We've got some other things going on this weekend that we need to confirm times for, but want to be sure we're available if [kid's name] will still be having his party."

Unless she's really clueless, this will tell her that you need some kind of schedule, and that her family is still your top priority.

I know it can get ugly when super-planners and the spur-of-the-moment types try to coexist. Best of luck with your friend!

 

[zurgswife]

I definately would talk to the friend and be up front that if there isn't a party planned you've been invited else where...7