Sport Parents...do They Think?

[Katie]

My son is playing on a 7th grade basketball team. It has turned into a political nightmare.

Some of these parents, are acting like spoiled babies. It is affecting the boys, the parents, and even the coach.
Last night, a angry parent yelled at the coach's wife(who had 2 small kids with here) about the coach's technique of coaching.( they were complaining about playing time for their sons). The coach's wife handled it very nicely, said, I can't control what he does, and left the bleachers!

They are screaming to let the "other"boys play, and saying the same kids play every game. They don't even cheer for the team anymore, unless their kids are playing( which is usually the last 2 minutes of the game, unless it is close).

Of course, these are the kids that have never attending bb camps, clinics, ect. A few haven't played basketball until this year, there is definately a different level of play from 4-6 boys.

I personally, can't wait till the end of the season. I want to tell them, you should be glad your son's even made the team, because 20 boys got cut! There are several 7th grade boys who have no business on a competivie basketball team, and several 6th grade boys who can outplay them anyday! But the coach, was trying to limit the 6th grade boys on the team, because every year, there is a big fuss over 6th grade boys playing on the 7th grade team! The only take 2-4 6th graders every year.

This year, he is starting (2) 6th graders, which has never happened, but in his words" He is putting the 5 boys that give him the best chance of winning!".

Unfortunely, the kids who play the most are getting the brunt of the these parents comments. Don't they understand, these boys are 11, 12 and 13 years old, and can't control what the COACH decides!

Last night, it got so bad, the coach told one of the boys," tell your mother to stop yelling at me at the game,.. I coach, she cheers". I thought that was funny!

and yes, my son is one of the 6th grade starters and plays 75-100% of the game, but it is because of his ability, commitment and hard work. I just sit there and listen to them complain,whine, and yell. Sometimes, it takes everything i have in me..to tell them to keep their mouth shut!

 

[mickeyboat]

They do need to keep their mouths shut. I am sorry they are ruining the experience for you. If they have a problem with the way the coach coaches, they should take it up with him in private - just as if the coach has a problem with a parent, he should take it up with the parent, not the player.

Denae

 

[Karel]

Sorry but a good coach should be able to have playing time for all the team. It's not just about winning. Nobody should be playing 100% of the time.

Is there try outs for the team? If not, then everyone pays the same amount of money, everyone should get to play.

If a kid comes out to practices and tries to have good attitude, then they should get playing time. You don't get to learn and you don't get better if you don't get a chance to play.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I'm sorry but this will only get worst the higher the grade. It does become about winning and parents whose children aren't the best get upset. The plus is at the highschool level they have freshman, jv and varsity teams so they can sort the kids and allow them to get more play time. My two sons played competitive sports in hs. They both ended up switching to less political sports. One took up wrestling the other cross country and track. In these particular sports who gets play time/varsity is clear and based on the best player. You either have that spot or know what you have to do to earn it/work toward it. There is no favoritism or needing to do something to get the coach's attention or point ot parents bugging the coach. It's all black and white. Win your spot.
No help for you with basketball.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Sorry but a good coach should be able to have playing time for all the team. It's not just about winning. Nobody should be playing 100% of the time.

By the 7th grade competitive level playing time is almost ALWAYS determined by ability. If you are the parent of a child who will not get much playing time, then you need to find a Recreational league.

 

[taximomfor4]

city rec leagues are for everybody to play. School sports, in most areas, are competitive. Many parents don't know, or don't appreciate, the difference between the 2. My husband coached school sports for that very reason. BTW, if you give equal playing time, just as many parents scream and yell, swear and rant at the coach for not knowing how to coach.

I feel for you. I was the wife of the coach, and heard it all. 'Course ALL the parents were happy and congratulatory, and thrilled with my dh when he led the team to win the conference.

Beth

 

[Bob Slydell]

Sorry but a good coach should be able to have playing time for all the team. It's not just about winning. Nobody should be playing 100% of the time.

Is there try outs for the team? If not, then everyone pays the same amount of money, everyone should get to play.

If a kid comes out to practices and tries to have good attitude, then they should get playing time. You don't get to learn and you don't get better if you don't get a chance to play.

I think by the time sports get to the 7th grade level, the focus turns towards winning more than everyone playing. It's not about learning at that point -- that's what recreation leagues are for.

 

[taximomfor4]

I think by the time sports get to the 7th grade level, the focus turns towards winning more than everyone playing. It's not about learning at that point -- that's what recreation leagues are for.

hehe, we cross-posted!

 

[golfgal]

Sorry but a good coach should be able to have playing time for all the team. It's not just about winning. Nobody should be playing 100% of the time.

Is there try outs for the team? If not, then everyone pays the same amount of money, everyone should get to play.

If a kid comes out to practices and tries to have good attitude, then they should get playing time. You don't get to learn and you don't get better if you don't get a chance to play.

I don't agree with this at all. It depends on the rules of the league. If the league is a competitive team league and it clearly states playing time is not guaranteed then no, the kids should not be giving equal playing time. If it is not such a league then yes, kids should be given equal playing time. Since tryouts are required then my guess is that it is set up for the coach to make those decisions not the parents.

To the OP, while I understand that your son has put in a lot of time and effort I find your attitude pretty offensive too. You come across as a 'my kid is better then your kid so shut up' attitude. Sorry.

In my many years of coaching experience, most often the middle school star isn't the one starting at the varsity level so you just never know when these kids will develop. Maybe the coach sees something in one of these kids that have 'no business' being on a competitive squad or maybe this kid has parents that are both over 6' and are hoping he grows that way and want him to get all the playing time he can so when he hits 7' he has some skills to back up his height. I had plenty of kids in middle school that could barely walk but had some raw natural ability that with some time could be refined and turned into a top notch player--most of those kids got full ride scholarships and most of the middle school stars were riding the pine in high school.

 

[Katie]

Is there try outs for the team? If not, then everyone pays the same amount of money, everyone should get to play.

Yes, there are tryouts, over 35+ boys tried out for 14 spots. This is a JR high sport. NOT youth league, or YMCA. It is a competitive team.

One took up wrestling

Ironically, my son gave up wrestling this year to play basketball. He was a great wrestler also( placed 2nd in state, 2 years ago in IKWF(illinois kids wrestling federation). My husband thinks the same way you do, nobody to blame in wrestling but yourself. But my son, loves Basketball!

If a kid comes out to practices and tries to have good attitude, then they should get playing time. You don't get to learn and you don't get better if you don't get a chance to play.

I don't disagree with you, but yelling at the coach in the middle of game, and making the starting team feel bad, it not the way to handle the situation!

I told my son at the start of the season, you are 6th grader, you probably won't get to start, just sit there and support your teammates and when you do get the chance to play, play hard!

I don't think anybody should play 100% either, but I am NOT the coach. I do think the coach should play to win however, if kids want equal play time, they should play YOUTH LEAGUE or YMCA!

 

[sue1013]

I don't have any advise just know what you are going through. My
DS as a sophomore was starting on Varsity in Football. I know just the kind of stuff you have to hear. Some parents actually thought it mattered more that their son was a senior than if he was a better player. By the time the kids get to High School any parent that thinks it is not about winning is living with their head in the sand. It's so sad that some parents cannot understand their kid is not always going to be the best. Just be there to support your son try to tune it out. Sit very far away from the loud parents.

 

[gina2000]

Those are the same parents who yell if the team doesn't win enough. Competitive is competitive. If you're good, you play alot. If you're not, then you don't unless you bone up on your skills.

Dem's the facts.

 

[Trish Bessette]

I have a 7th grade BB player too! Same situation however we are from a very small school with only 9 players on the team. However, our coach is wonderful! Makes it a point to play EVERY player. It makes me sick when we play schools that only keep the same ones in the game while 15 other kids sit on the bench. There is MUCH MORE than winning in this game. We've been fortunate to have won all of our games so far. When we are up 4 baskets the coach will take out the "star" players and put in the ones that aren't as good.

To me that is good coaching!

 

[justjulie]

You know, sometimes I think being the wife of a coach is harder than being the coach. Some parents can't seem to understand that I am there as a PARENT to my son, not as the coach's wife. I do not make the decisions, and I may not necessarily agree with them either, but I am not on the bench and I have to trust those who have the coaching expertise to know what they're doing. I have, on several occasions, watched a game from behind the bleachers because so many parents have distracted me from watching my son play as opposed to watching my husband coach.

 

[Trish Bessette]

By the time the kids get to High School any parent that thinks it is not about winning is living with their head in the sand.

I don't think I have my head in the sand, I'm just saying it is nice when a coach takes the time to play everyone since were only talking about 7th graders. Why have so many on a team if the coach doesn't plan on using them

 

[Bob Slydell]

I have a 7th grade BB player too! Same situation however we are from a very small school with only 9 players on the team. However, our coach is wonderful! Makes it a point to play EVERY player. It makes me sick when we play schools that only keep the same ones in the game while 15 other kids sit on the bench. There is MUCH MORE than winning in this game. We've been fortunate to have won all of our games so far. When we are up 4 baskets the coach will take out the "star" players and put in the ones that aren't as good.

To me that is good coaching!

You're contradicting yourself, however. You're saying that he makes a point to play every player, but says that the coach only puts the other kids in when your up in the game. What will happen when they're in a close game? Will he still sit down his starters in a close game in order to make sure everyone gets in?

 

[ZuZugal]

Rec leagues are for those who want equal play time. 7th grade basketball is not where you will find the Kindergarten attitude of "everyone gets a turn." It's competitive and can be very physical, and not all kids can handle that.

It is made clear to all of the parents at our school that 7th grade is the level at which there will be no more "equal" time. That is what 5th and 6th grade sports are for. ANY comments are to be directed to the pricipal or super, who stand by the coaches and their choices (which is how it should be.) Any parent who would make such comments to a coach (or his wife) during the game should not be allowed to be at the games. Period. Those folks are what I like to call "livin in the cheap seats". They have a comment about every player, ref, and coach. They know how it should all be done, but they NEVER pick up a whistle or put forth the time to coach or help out in any way.

 

[Anewman]

Best players play, PERIOD.

Parents should stick to cheering and not coaching from the stands, instead of yelling at the coach for playing time they should take their kid to the court everyday and work on skills.

It amazes me that parents always feel that the coach is playing favorites by playing certain players, they always think their own kid is better than the starters. It is obvious to everyone else that the reasons have nothing to do with favoritism.

Some parent came to me during my daughters last Volleyball game of the season commenting about why his daughter doesn't play and about the coach not wanting to win. It was sad really, the guy had no clue that his daughter was a below average player.

 

[Katie]

hy have so many on a team if the coach doesn't plan on using them

Unfortunaley, they have 14 on the team, because you need boys to scrimmage against in practice. We are down to 13, because one quit. Sometimes, you have eligibility(grade wise) problems to deal with also.

In 8th grade, they go down to a roster of 12.

 

[debster812]

I agree that by 7th grade school sports are more about the competition, and less about equal time.

DS is 9 and is playing on an indoor soccer team. Last session, his team was in a division too low, and pretty much walked over all the competition. No fun for the other teams, no fun for our kids, and not fun to watch as parents. By the 4th game, our coach had EVERY boy playing out of position. DS is a forward, he's quick, got great footskills, and a killer left foot shot. He played 4 games almost exclusively as a defender, and NEVER got a shot on goal. But you know what, it's beefed up his defense skills, and that's not a bad thing.