Splitting a group up?

[aubriee]

Don't take this wrong. I love my D-I-L dearly. We get along great. She's the best thing that's ever happened to my son and we all adore her, however she's driving me crazy. I'm taking them to WDW in about 2 weeks. She wants to use the trip as a 'good bonding experience' for us. I want/need some time alone. I know being together 24/7 we are going to get on each other's nerves, but everytime I mention doing something by myself, she seems to get her feelings hurt and wants to know why I don't want to hang out with them. I think she's also afraid they'll get lost as she hasn't been since she was 6 y/o and my son has never been. (I've been twice this year in Jan and May).

I think I have a plan though. In order to get the free dining I bought us all 7 day MYW tickets with pluses. I plan to use my AP while I'm down there, saving my MYW ticket for a trip next spring. This means I'll be using my AP discount and will have to pay to get into PI, DQ, and the water parks. They want to spend two half days in the water parks, plus one full day. I'm not that fond of water parks and have ageed to the two half days, but want to sneak away from them the third day, meeting up with them later that evening at Planet Hollywood. I can't decide if I want a spa morning or maybe just a day wandering around world showcase by myself, but I want to hang out by myself for awhile. Again, I can't seem to get my D-I-L to understand why without getting her feelings hurt. She thinks it's great that we'll have 8 days and 7 nights to hang out together. Any ideas?

 

[donac]

I jsut came back from Disney where I was with my sister and her family and a friend and her family. I have been with my sister before and we alwayss go with the understanding that we can separate when and where we want to. We would spend some time in the parks and then see each other the next day for dinner. With my friend and her family. I made moost of the arrangements and then 2 weeks before we had to do a lot of work to straighten them out so they would work for 2 groups. She was not involved until the last 2 weeks where she became a Disney crazed person. She worried for 3 days wether to buy the food plan or not. When she did she made all sorts of dining reservations without even asking me. It all worked out till we got in the parks. She wanted to go from 9 in the morning until 11 at night. We finally said NO and we went off on our merry way. Things have a way of working themselves out. Relax for right now but stick to your guns about doing things by yourself.

Good luck.

 

[pennst8r]

Tell her you think it would be wonderful for your son to have some time alone with her in this magical place! Maybe use cell phones or two ways so you can contact each other if she does have a problem.

 

[bopper]

I would tell DIL that based on experience, when travelling with others, it is good to have some time to yourselves. Offer to watch her son one evening while they go out to dinner. Tell her on the water park day (go to one of them, though) you have arrangements at the spa.

 

[aubriee]

Tell her you think it would be wonderful for your son to have some time alone with her in this magical place! Maybe use cell phones or two ways so you can contact each other if she does have a problem.

Thanks, but I already tried that angle. Their 3rd anniversary is Sept 20th and I offered to book something special just for the two of them and her response was, "What are you going to do, we don't want to leave you by yourself, besides Scott and I can be alone anytime, it's not like we're newly weds. This is a family trip and we want you with us." They dated for six years before they got married, by the way with us either seeing or talking to her every day. She's like the daughter I never had, even though at the moment I'm ready to strangle her. My son has said I might as well give up, because she is as stubborn, if not more so, than I am and she's determined we are going to stay together. We will have our cell phones by the way.

I took my older son and his 8 y/o daughter this past January and got the same reaction from him. When I offered to either babysit my GD so he could do stuff alone or offered to go off solo, so he could have some quality time with his daughter he gave me the same horrified, 'you're out of your mind' look that my D-I-L does. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I want that day alone. The night we're going to PI I've told her I'll go to the Comedy Club and AC, but will probably then go back to the resort, so they can have some time alone and so I can have a fairly early night. She just says they probably won't stay out late either and will head back when I'm ready. Ugh!

 

[jennyl772003]

We went with my IL's. We go with the understanding that we will not be spending every moment with them. We have very different touring styles.

We did stay together for one whole day, my son went with them a couple times, we ate dinner with them quite often. Other then that, we went seperatly.

 

[aubriee]

I would tell DIL that based on experience, when travelling with others, it is good to have some time to yourselves. Offer to watch her son one evening while they go out to dinner. Tell her on the water park day (go to one of them, though) you have arrangements at the spa.

I'm not sure how you knew they have a son, but he is 6 1/2 months old and won't be coming on this trip. He's staying back in Texas with his other grandmother and two aunts. My D-I-L doesn't want him out in the heat all day and around that many people.

 

[missypie]

All I have to say is that I love this thread because it is usally the DIL posting to ask how to ditch the MIL!!! You must be one great MIL.

 

[aubriee]

All I have to say is that I love this thread because it is usally the DIL posting to ask how to ditch the MIL!!! You must be one great MIL.

I don't know about being a great M-I-L. I told both my boys a long time ago that once they moved out, they were on there own and what they did was none of my business. As far as their married lives, I have one rule: If they start to argue in my house, they leave. I don't want to hear it or get involved. In the almost nine years I've known her (almost three years since they married), I've only had to tell my younger son and D-I-L twice to leave. After that they know not to argue around me. I only give advice if asked, but will never give either of them advice related to their marriage. They know better than to even ask.

Anyway don't get me wrong my D-I-L is an angel. I told my son a long time ago that if they ever got a divorce, I was keeping her. It's not so much that I want to ditch them down there, I just don't want to hang out with them 24/7.

 

[hezreck]

If you are taking them with you, you should decide how much time you want to spend wtih them. Just tell her you are going your separate ways for a while. WDW is a huge place, get on a bus before they leave and you can ditch them and they won't be able to find you.

 

[bopper]

For some reason I was thinking about your issue and I think I know what the problem is.
Your DIL is probably an Extrovert. Extroverts love having people around, love to think out loud. They get recharged by being around others. They CANNOT fathom why you would want to be by yourself.

You are probably an Introvert. Introverts like being around people, to a point. They like to think things through before talking. They get recharged by being by themselves. They can sort of understand that Extroverts are different than them.

 

[daisax]

I agree with Bopper. I'd try one more time to be frank with her. Some people need alone time, and it's nothing personal. You're really looking forward to sharing a lot of time with them, and also having some alone time. No matter how well meaning, her pressure is oppressive because she's demanding you have fun HER way.

We traveled with my sis and her family a few years ago. We spent the first evening and the last evening with them, and took the kids overnight midweek so they could have a full afternoon/evening/morning alone together. I later learned they felt a bit put out that we didn't want to spend more time with them. But we have different park touring approaches (I don't wait an hour in line for ANYTHING -- sorry!) and they smoke and constantly stopped for cigarette breaks. To me that's just wasted time.

I'd reassure her that you're looking forward to the whole trip, but you need alone time -- especially if you're all sharing a hotel room (God, I hope not!) I travel a lot with friends in relation to my hobby, and I can't stand having even good friends with me 24/7. Every time I decide to share rooms to save money, I regret it in terms of my mental health -- it suffers, and so does my good time.