Spinoff- when you want a boy or girl and don’t get your wish

I don't think there's anything wrong with a little passing disappointment when something doesn't work out exactly as you hoped, and that far more women felt this way in passing than would ever admit it out loud. It is only natural... if part of your vision of parenting was girls nights out and prom dress shopping and wedding planning, only having boys means letting go of a lot of what you imagined for yourself. And the vast, overwhelming majority get over it and are happy with the baby they get by the time that child arrives. Only in the here and now would we shame women for having any preferences at all when they conceive.

As far as alcohol, there's a range of thinking on that and the ethical difficulties of studying it make conclusive answers unlikely. My OB said an occasional glass of wine wasn't going to do any harm, especially late in the pregnancy, and actually suggested I try it to help with sleeping when I was two weeks overdue with DD16.[/QUOTE

Maybe my cousin does have those feelings that she will never have "daughter things to bond over" like you mentioned. I can see that perspective now.

I'm still not sold on the idea of drinking while pregnant.
 
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I had my kids in the days where you weren’t likely to find out the sex until the delivery. I’m kind of sorry that few experience that feeling of expectation and excitement anymore. My first 3 were girls and the 4th a boy. No problem as far as I cared.
 
I think part of the issue is that people tend to have fewer kids these days, so they only get so many shots of experiencing both a boy and a girl. I really just wanted both experiences.

I will fess up to being a little disappointed in finding that our second was another boy. We had agreed on 2, so that was the end of the line in my mind. When we finally decided a few years later to give it another try, I just assumed the third would be another boy and I actually preferred it at that point.

I think it's fair to give yourself a moment to let go of that dream. And that was after years of infertility treatment for us. The infertility robbed us of the ability to choose when to have our kids, I don't think it also has to rob you of the right to desire a girl or a boy. At that point, it's still a dream, not an actual child.

The disappointment was very short lived for me and my son knows I love him dearly. I wouldn't have it any other way now.
 
I hope she see's that no matter what she has it is a blessing. I had one of each and was grateful they were healthy. I think there may be something else deeper that is bothering her.
 


After 3 boys, I was sure child #4 would be a boy.

I jumped off the table when the ultrasound tech said 'She sure is moving a lot.' What?? A girl? What do we do with a girl? What about hand me downs, we have plenty of boy clothes?

Dh and I then went to lunch -a shrimp poboy, fries and a Barqs rootbeer- to acknowledge our shock and figure things out.

She is now 16. Is so well rounded and a no frills kind of girl.

We couldn't be more thrilled to have a daughter. And we do like her 3 older brothers, too.

A couple of weeks before I knew I was pregnant her 3 year old brother said 'We need a girl in this pamily.' (He couldn't say f's) Apparently, he put in a request and got a sister.
 
Sorry the title made me laugh. Yes I wanted a boy or a girl but got a hamster:rotfl2::rotfl2::rotfl2:

Seriously I never wanted a girl, had a boy & 2 stepsons. Now I have 3 DGDs and wonder what I might have missed out on.
 
When we found out that that we were expecting our third son, I had my sister-in-law promise me that I could be a part of wedding dress shopping for her three girls when the time comes.

Silly I know. And yes, we consider ourselves fortunate that we had three healthy kids. But I wanted to experience the other side of a mother daughter bond.

Now, I also hope that I have a friendly enough relationship with any future DiL that they might invite me along dress shopping.
 


So if you want a boy or a girl and you don't get your wish, what exactly did you get? :jester:
 
When we found out that that we were expecting our third son, I had my sister-in-law promise me that I could be a part of wedding dress shopping for her three girls when the time comes.

Silly I know. And yes, we consider ourselves fortunate that we had three healthy kids. But I wanted to experience the other side of a mother daughter bond.

Now, I also hope that I have a friendly enough relationship with any future DiL that they might invite me along dress shopping.
I think for many, things like that help resolve the feelings. And I see no issue in giving them a moment or two to figure that out.
 
I had my kids in the days where you weren’t likely to find out the sex until the delivery. I’m kind of sorry that few experience that feeling of expectation and excitement anymore.
I know that some people like to be surprised, but the nice thing today is that you can be surprised if you wish, or that you can find out in advance if you wish. There is a choice that didn't used to exist, and I think it's a good thing.

Our doctor asked if we wanted to know the sex during the sonogram, and we did. My son's father had wanted a girl, and I think finding out early that it was a boy helped his dad get positive about that in advance of the birth. He wouldn't have it any other way now, of course.

So finding out in advance can sometimes help smooth over any disappointments before the baby is born, so when he or she arrives, there is nothing but joy.
 
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I wanted a boy for my first child and literally stamped my foot and had a tantrum when the ultrasound showed girl. I guess it was the pregnancy hormones because I was such an idiot! I can't imagine life without my little girl, she is such a gift to me and I absolutely cherish our mother-daughter relationship.

For my second child I wanted another girl- we already had all the cute clothes and I thought sisters would be so adorable. We found out it was a boy and again, I was a little bummed. And again, I was a total idiot. My little boy melts my heart every day and his sweet antics keep me laughing all day long. I guess what I'm trying to say is, give your cousin space to be disappointed and don't judge her too harshly- hopefully she'll come around and recognize it's a blessing either way.

I would never drink while pregnant but I know some doctors are comfortable with a pregnant woman having one drink. Now, if your cousin was drinking irresponsibly then I hope you would take steps to protect that baby immediately and maybe involve the father of the baby to make sure things stay ok at home. Good luck to her!
 
I wanted a boy for my first child and literally stamped my foot and had a tantrum when the ultrasound showed girl. I guess it was the pregnancy hormones because I was such an idiot! I can't imagine life without my little girl, she is such a gift to me and I absolutely cherish our mother-daughter relationship.

For my second child I wanted another girl- we already had all the cute clothes and I thought sisters would be so adorable. We found out it was a boy and again, I was a little bummed. And again, I was a total idiot. My little boy melts my heart every day and his sweet antics keep me laughing all day long. I guess what I'm trying to say is, give your cousin space to be disappointed and don't judge her too harshly- hopefully she'll come around and recognize it's a blessing either way.

I would never drink while pregnant but I know some doctors are comfortable with a pregnant woman having one drink. Now, if your cousin was drinking irresponsibly then I hope you would take steps to protect that baby immediately and maybe involve the father of the baby to make sure things stay ok at home. Good luck to her!
I bet most ultrasound technicians have a lot of good stories to tell!
 
Maybe she was just having a down day and felt she can confide in you. I can't speak to having wishes for a boy or girl as i was nerous my whole pregnancy and just prayed for a health baby. (Luckily my tech didn't follow us out into the parking lot and not one of our medical team spilled the beans) but having a desire for one seems natural . I'm hoping after talking to you and she felt some relief and i bet she will be thrilled when she sees her bundle of joy. I wouldn't worry about the alcohol, it's between her, the father and her medical team.
 
I had my kids in the days where you weren’t likely to find out the sex until the delivery. I’m kind of sorry that few experience that feeling of expectation and excitement anymore. My first 3 were girls and the 4th a boy. No problem as far as I cared.

I can assure you that those feelings are still there when you know the sex of your babies.
 
Probably true, but not worth the risk IMO. I had a hard time getting pregnant, so maybe I have a different perspective.

I would agree with you. When I was pregnant with our fifth, I tasted some wine I was cooking with and felt so guilty. I literally had one sip, but to me there just haven't been enough studies.

I’m kind of sorry that few experience that feeling of expectation and excitement anymore. My first 3

Completely agree with you. We found out with #1, #4 & #5. #2 & #3 we're both surprises. When I was delivering #2, her heart rate dropped suddenly and they had to come in, roll me on my side and put me on oxygen. DH & I were so scared. Talking about whether she'd be a boy or girl helped calm us.

After 3 boys, I was sure child #4 would be a boy.

I jumped off the table when the ultrasound tech said 'She sure is moving a lot.' What?? A girl? What do we do with a girl? What about hand me downs, we have plenty of boy clothes?

Me too! 1-4 are all girls. I know girls. I have probably every girly toy from 2008 on. When the tech confirmed what I saw on the screen (it was like he was proudly sitting on the US wand), I straight up cried. I always wanted a boy, but I was 100% convinced he was going to be a girl (which I was fine with).
 
Like my husband insisting she check over and over again to ensure she really was seeing two.
"Can you just check again?..... Okay."

"....I'm sorry but can you just look one more time?"
That sounds like my ultrasound. DH really wanted to know the sex. It was so important to him that the poor lady doing the ultrasound tried everything to get the baby to turn where she could see the sex. She finally gave up & told us to go to lunch, then return. She said babies will often turn, after the Mom has a meal. This was back, when insurance only paid for one ultrasound, unless there was something wrong. She said she would do the ultrasound for free to attempt to find out the sex. Yes, he was pouting that much. :rolleyes1We had our meal & returned to find out it was a boy. DH had said the whole time he wanted a girl, until he saw the ultrasound. From that point on, he was on team boy all the way.
 
Oh I cried when I found out my 1st and 3rd were boys. I kind knew DS #2 was a boy, so I was fine. I love all my boys. I would never change them. I am sad we are done though. Trust me I understand why, but I am sad I will never have a biological or adopted daughter.
 
When I was pregnant, I decided not to find out the sex of my baby. I wanted to be surprised. At one of my OB appts, my dr. told me I was having a boy because of the way I was carrying and some other issues I was having. I was fine with that, I just wanted a happy, healthy baby. My aunt had lost her full-term baby a few months before I got pregnant and I was nervous the entire time, but certainly didn't care if it was a boy or a girl.
When I had my final ultrasound, the technician asked me multiple times if I wanted to know what I was having. I told him, multiple times, I want to be surprised and please don't tell me. He actually followed me out to the parking lot asking me! I was livid!
FF and pardon the TMI - as soon as the head was out my OB said "It's a girl!" I asked "How do you know?!" He said "She's pretty!" I'm sure it was in my paperwork that the ultrasound showed it was a girl, but it made for an even more memorable experience. When the doctor had her all the way out, he said "7 and a half pounds". They put her on the scale and sure enough, she was 7 pounds 8 ounces. I know that wasn't in the file lol!

TW



With DD#2, I was told by the ultrasound tech and my doctor that I was having a boy. bought "boy" clothing (blues, trucks, dinos, that kind of thing). When the doctor (resident, actually) said "congrats it's a girl"...I turned to then BF (now DH) and crying, apologized for having a girl, that the doctors had TOLD me I was having a boy and I knew he was so excited about that. The nurses gave him the dirtiest look...wasn't his fault at all. He wasn't disappointed, just surprised, and in a bit of panic at the thought that this was all real and he was a father. LOL

Turns out that she was a twin, and the ultrasound tech AND the doctor missed the 2nd baby every time. (They went back and reviewed the scans and sure enough, there were a few extra limbs you could barely see behind the baby.) I lost the twin at some point around 16-18 weeks and didn't realize it. At least, that's the theory that the doctor came up with.

DD#1 was a twin, and I lost her twin about 14 weeks along. Thought I was not pg anymore, and turned out I was (late 80s). DS was also a twin, and I lost his twin at 18 weeks, but I knew he was a twin, so losing that one was the hardest of all.
 

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