sort of a touchy question

[Dznypal]

my DD got married 8-5-06 and there were almost 200 at the reception.

DH invited 2 couples he got to know thru the years at church (the wedding was at this church) and both couples knew DD but only slightly its DH thats really friends with them.

anyway DD finally got the thank you notes out--DH asked if she remembered to send one of mr and mrs X at first she said no she forgot that one but then thinking more about it she said they werent on the list of gifts nor does she have a card from them---shes like me and saved all her cards-

its not this couple to come to a wedding (or anything for that matter and not bring a gift) although I know that any gifts are really not required (or this that if youre invited but not come )but to come to a wedding without even a card for the couple seems kinda strange.

so now DH doesnt know if he should somehow bring it up and if so how.
for all we know they're wondering why they havent gotten a thank you yet thats the touchy part!!!

what are your thought and how would you handle it?

thanks for any advice

 

[beckmrk04]

No, I wouldn't bring it up. Maybe they forgot to get a card or didn't want to get a card and not put anything in it so they just didn't buy one or whatever.

If you feel weird about not sending a thank-you, your dd could always send one that said thank you for coming.

 

[anewvance]

I wouldn't bring it up. If you are absolutely sure that there was no card from them, then they intended not to bring a gift which is very weird but happens.

My dh grandparents came from New Mexico to Florida for our wedding, we invited them to the rehersal dinner and everything. Our whole family found it oddly shocking that they did not nor did they ever give us a wedding present. To this day 8 1/2 years later we have no idea what they were thinking but we would never and will never ask.

 

[shortbun]

Thank you for helping to make our day special.

 

[Cindyluwho]

You just never know. When my DH and I married 16 1/2 years ago, there was another couple getting married on the same day and she had the same first and last name as I did. The spelling of the last name was even the same, Herrmann. The only reason we knew is that we started getting gifts from people we never heard of from the other side of the state and they were things we hadn't registered for, different china patterns, etc. The other couple was registered at the same stores we were!! After many phone calls, thank goodness we all had a good sense of humor, it all got straightened out. They had gifts of ours, we had gifts of theirs, CRAZY!!

 

[disykat]

I love the idea of a card to them thanking them for making your day more special. I had some guests come without gifts, and I can honestly say I felt honored that they came. Although most people do give gifts, I totally endorse the fact that they aren't required. I don't think there's any polite way to ask.

The note thanking them for attending would be polite and it would also make it clear that the bride/groom sent notes and then if they DID give a gift, they'd know it was missing.

 

[liamsaunt]

Your DD should just send a note on the same stationery she used for the thank you gift notes, thanking them for coming to the wedding and sharing their special day. If these couples sent a gift, a note from your DD/DSIL will probably cause them to inquire whether it was received, then if there was a problem with shipping or something, it can be straightened out.

Even if they did not as yet or do not ever plan to send a gift or card, it is still good manners for your DD and DSIL to send them a thank you for coming.

Don't forget too, that some people believe that you have up to one year to send a wedding gift. Maybe that is what your DH's friends practice? I know I got gifts from 2 people on our exact 364th day of marriage!

 

[RadioNate]

I was going to say what liamsaunt did - isn't there some 'year to send a gift' rule?

This site mentions it
http://www.emilypost.com/etiquette/wedding/wedding_gifts.htm

How soon should I send a gift?
Preferably, send the gift to the bride before the wedding or to the couple soon thereafter. In some regions gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. Contrary to a current rumor that you have a year to send a gift, it really should be sent right away or within three months of the wedding.


So the year thing isn't true but I know I've heard it...still you have a little while longer.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

maybe they ordered a gift an dit's on back order -- might be showing up any day now.

 

[lulugirl]

I love the idea of a card to them thanking them for making your day more special.

The note thanking them for attending would be polite and it would also make it clear that the bride/groom sent notes and then if they DID give a gift, they'd know it was missing.

I like this idea too.

 

[Cool-Beans]

The rule is that you have a year to send a wedding gift. The Emily Post site is WAY off on that. It isn't a "current rumor," it has been that way for eons. Emily Post is very often off, though. She's become a sort of "modern-day" manners for people who don't know the old rules.

Not the Thank-You notes, though. Those you don't get a year to write.

 

[Mom21]

maybe they ordered a gift an dit's on back order -- might be showing up any day now.

Some days I realize I am way too tired and need to back away from the computer. I read this as "on dit's". I was saying to myself....what's dits? Is that a website notorious for backorders?



I really need to shut down for the night although my brain already did.

 

[Disney Doll]

I had a couple of folks who we didn't get gifts form and I sent them cards thanking them for sharing in our special day.

 

[lil mermaid]

There were two people/couples at my first wedding I didn't get gifts from.

There was also a card, with $200 cash in it, that was unsigned! I really didn't know what to do about the situation, and I didn't really know the non-gift givers very well. So....I sent a thank you note to each couple thanking them for coming to the wedding and their generous gift.

Looking back, I probably should have tried to find out who gave me the cash, but I was much younger then and didn't know what to do. I figured it would be better to send someone a thank you note for a non-gift than to NOT send a thank you note to someone.

 

[CEDmom]

I wouldn't bring it up. What I'd have your DD do is write a note thanking them for coming and sharing in their special day just leave out any mention of a gift. If this couple gave a check and it doesn't clear they might ask your DH about it and then he can fess up. The same goes if they brought a gift.

 

[Pdowning98]

Like the other posters I agree with a nice thank you for sharing our special day. That is what I did, we had several guests attend, but no gift or card as well as all of our family members except one set of grandparents that did not give a gift or a card. It is funny how they showed for the free food and alcohol though! Good luck!

 

[minniecarousel]

Does she have any gifts unaccounted for?..meaning gifts that she doesn't know who they're from?

I'd send a card thanking them for coming. If they did send a gift, that's the prompt to them to look into it. If they send a gift later on, she can send a note then too.

(btw, she's really on top of things, if she's getting out all those thank you notes this quickly! congrats to her!!)