Someone please explain to me

[Freyja]

No flaming here, I´m just curious.

Would someone please explain "showers" to me. I know in the USA many people have bridal showers, baby showers, and so on. I know what happens at these showers I just don´t get why you have these showers?

O.k It´s about celebrating a gifts. But can´t you do that without a party?
Why isn´t it enough to go to the wedding and bring a gift and celebrate with the couple at the reception?
Why not just visit the parents and baby after it´s born and bring a gift?

As I said, I´m not flaming anyone, just curious...

 

[grinningghost]

I'll try.

The idea behind a shower is to get the mom-to-be or bride-to-be prepared for their upcoming new circumstances.

You buy them lots of cookware or baby items so they're ready when they need it.

Of course, there's a lot of pomp and circumstance often added to the whole thing to make it "fun" and not just a place where you dump gifts off and watch them get opened.

I hope I explained that right.

 

[clarabelle]

This is from wikipedia


A bridal shower is a gift giving party given for a bride before her wedding. The custom originated in the United States and remains a primarily US and Canadian practice. Showers are usually coordinated by the bridesmaids, who invite guests to offer gifts for the home of the bride and groom.

The custom of the bridal shower is said to have grown out of earlier dowry practices when a poor woman's family might not have the money to provide a dowry for her, or when a father refused to give his daughter her dowry because he did not approve of the marriage. In such situations, friends of the woman would gather together and bring gifts that would compensate for the dowry and allow her to marry the man of her choice. A frequently quoted legend traces the origin of this practice to sixteenth or seventeenth century Holland. However there are also parallels with many dowry practices and the US Colonial or hope chest (trousseau) custom.[1]

In the United States bridal showers started in urban areas in the 1890s, mainly among the upper middle classes. By the 1930s bridal showers had spread to rural America.[2].

The earliest use of this sense of the word in print may be in the Grand Rapids Michigan Evening Press 22 June 4, 1904: "The ‘shower parties’ that through mistaken hospitality the wedded couple are forced to attend..." And may derive from the custom in Victorian times for the presents to be put inside a parasol, which when opened would "shower" the bride-to-be with gifts.[3]

 

[Cool-Beans]

Yeah, showers are supposed to be about supplying a friend with the material crap she is about to need, but can't supply herself with. But everyone has them. I'm sure somebody threw a baby shower for Bill Gates' child.

They are not thrown by the person who is receiving the stuff, because that would be rude, asking people to buy you things. Friends throw the shower. If you have different groups of friends (like some at work, some on your street, a group of friends from college), you could well end up with several showers.

And they are only thrown once. You get one for baby #1, but then you are supposed to hang on to the stuff and use it again for baby #2. If your youngest is 12 and you are having another, people look the other way about a second shower.

Brides aren't supposed to get another shower for wedding #2, but some people do it anyway.

ETA: You could do it without a party, but it would seem more like charity...and be a lot less fun! (Unless it is a shower thrown by women who enjoy playing silly games and wearing bows on their heads...then you'd wish you'd done it the other way. No, wait, that's me. Some people like that stuff. )

 

[Freyja]

O.k. So you give a gift at the shower before the birth/wedding. But do you still bring a gift to the wedding and after the baby is born? Seems like a lot of gift giving to me...

 

[WDWAurora]

O.k. So you give a gift at the shower before the birth/wedding. But do you still bring a gift to the wedding and after the baby is born? Seems like a lot of gift giving to me...

It depends on where you're from. Here, in the southern US, it's one gift. In the north (and other areas), you bring one to everything you go to.

 

[Freyja]

Thanks for explaining

 

[Cool-Beans]

O.k. So you give a gift at the shower before the birth/wedding. But do you still bring a gift to the wedding and after the baby is born? Seems like a lot of gift giving to me...

Yup, you still give a gift when the actual event occurs.

Showers are supposed to be close friends and family only. People who really care about you and are interested in helping you out with getting ready for the baby or whatever. That's why so many people get upset when invited to showers for people they don't know well. It tends to smack of "Gimme a gift!"

But, showers are done by invitation. If you don't feel close to that person, you can decline the invite.

So, you give a shower gift, a new-baby gift, a baptism gift, and a first birthday gift. And then you listen to your husband go on and on about stupid all this gift-giving is and Why can't people just enjoy each other's company without all this money-spending, blah, blah, blah. No, wait, that's me again. I'm sure most DHs are fine with it and won't drag you down at all.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Just tradition....A good excuse for a bunch of ladies to come together and celebrate the upcoming birth. I am sure some of it has to do with the last time for awhile the expecting mother has some time girl time time......They are fun and usually a suprise to the Mom to be.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

O.k. So you give a gift at the shower before the birth/wedding. But do you still bring a gift to the wedding and after the baby is born? Seems like a lot of gift giving to me...

Yes that is how it is done in the Northeast...also Southern Florida where I used to live.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Freya,

Yes, this is done, by the friends, beforehand. That is the whole idea is to handle it 'before', so that it is done in preparation, and also that it is not such a big deal at the actual event (wedding ceremony, birth)

It is not customary for the Bride and Groom to be opening gifts at their wedding/reception. If those who did not attend the shower wish to bring a gift, it is usually opened later.

Also, a new mom who has just given birth may not be up for a big event. And, again, a new mom needs baby-swings, diapers, blankets, clothing, etc... to be ready for when the baby is born, not after.

And, no, in my experience, it is not expected to give and give.... Once is enough! Of course it is indeed nice to bring other small gifts when one is visiting the new baby, or the newlyweds new home.

Hope this helps!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Cool Beans, Your comment are cracking me up!!!

Doesn't your DH see that as the DH or the Father, the $$$$$$$$ for all of the things like baby-swings, diapers and diaper bags, toys, toasters, china, etc... would be coming out of HIS pocket?

Only a MAN could refer to these things as 'material crap'.

 

[Evil Princess]

Things are very reigonal too.

I know in many parts of the NY metro area, we don't give gifts at weddings, we give money.

And on both sides of my family, it's considered bad luck to have a baby shower before the baby is born.

 

[Catananche]

Freya, I'm glad you asked about this as I was getting a bit confused too! I was under the impression (from TV movies, mainly ) that the bridal showers were girls getting together to give girly presents, like lingerie. A more sedate version of our "Hen Nights". In the UK registering is common, and some people take their gifts to the wedding, but they are not opened at that time, not that I've seen anyway.

So, are Bachelorette (?sp) parties/ nights out popular?

 

[TheGoofster]

Sorry to pipe in on a subject such as this, but Mrs.theGoofster asked me to let you know that Baby Showers are now very popular here in Mexico as well. They actually call them a "baby shower" here too. My wife is giving a baby shower for the sister of one of our church members this Saturday.
OK, I said my piece, now I'm leaving this thread - bye!

 

[Catananche]

Sorry to pipe in on a subject such as this, but Mrs.theGoofster asked me to let you know that Baby Showers are now very popular here in Mexico as well. They actually call them a "baby shower" here too. My wife is giving a baby shower for the sister of one of our church members this Saturday.
OK, I said my piece, now I'm leaving this thread - bye!

The only Baby Shower that I've attended was for a Brazillian friend. She feels very strongly that this should become part of Scottish culture! A lot of the guests, myself included, were unsure if gifts were expected as we normally give presents after the birth, once the gender is known. In this case, the party was more of a celebration, hosted by the church, with lots of games and food. Some people brought gifts, most didn't, and none were opened during the party.

 

[trappednabox]

So, are Bachelorette (?sp) parties/ nights out popular?

that's a totally different story Bachelorette partys are giving by the maid of honor as the last single night b4 you get married and can get pretty crazy Most of those gifts are very "adult"

 

[JVL1018]

Here we have a bridal shower-you gets pots and dishes and household stuff--then a bachelorette party(and a bachelor party)-no gifts, just a night out-then a wedding, here in this area everyone gives a card with $$ in it, the only people who give gifts are not from this area-its just not done-no one even has a table where gifts can be placed.

Then a baby shower is thrown usually a month or so before the due date-and 90% of the people I know find out before the baby is born so you can purchase gender specific items-if you dont find out(and I cannot imagine how anyone could not, I had to know asap!!!) you get lots of yellow and white clothes- boooring!

You get all the stuff you need before the baby gets here:crib, stroller, carseats, swing, bottles etc, so having it after the baby is born would defeat the purpose

Then after the baby is born if you are a close friend and you come over to see the baby, you bring something then too, its not necessary but most people do-I, and pretty much all my friends, bring clothes so its nothing crazy expensive, just an outfit.

 

[laurie31]

Here in the south, in addition to showers, we also have teas. Showers are "come and stay" things, which last about 2 hours, and close friends bring gifts, watch the honoree open the gifts, play games and eat snacky stuff.

At a tea, it's a "come and go" thing. You come, speak to the bride, eat some snacky stuff, drop off your gift and leave. The gifts are opened by the hostesses and put on tables for display. The guests walk around and admire the gifts and talk with other guests while they eat their hors d'oeuvres.

A tea is a much larger group of people than a shower. Also, people who give a gift at a tea or shower don't give an additional wedding gift. The tea is an opportunity to get your gift to the bride, so to speak, without having to have it delivered to her house. It's also a lot of fun to see all the other things she has received.

I had a tea at my parents' church (where I grew up - my mom's friends hosted) and also at the church where DH and I attend (his mom's friends hosted). I also had a coffee, which was like a tea, only in the morning instead of the afternoon, hosted by other friends of my mom who don't attend the same church, and a lingerie shower, which was only for my bridesmaids and my and DH's aunts and mothers. I didn't have a bachelorette party, but I have been to one.

For my first child, I had a baby shower at church, and a baby shower from my co-workers. For my second child, our church does "pamper parties" which are smaller than showers for first babies, and the idea is the mom doesn't need a stroller or crib at this point, but has surely used up all her diapers So everyone gives packs of diapers, which aren't expensive at all, it's really just an excuse to have a get-together to celebrate the new baby - these are all about the food and fellowship more than gifts

 

[cybrkitn]

Just tradition....A good excuse for a bunch of ladies to come together and celebrate the upcoming birth. I am sure some of it has to do with the last time for awhile the expecting mother has some time girl time time......They are fun and usually a suprise to the Mom to be.

I was very thankful for the gifts received at my bridal shower, my wedding and for my baby shower. Especially the baby shower! It really helped having clothes and things for DS two weeks before he was born. It would have run DH and I a couple of $1,000 for all the things that our son would need (furniture, clothes, bottles, etc) ! LOL