Someone paying for your trip?

[dementia412]

Okay, not sure this is the BEST place for this question, but I don't think there is a great place for it.

My sister (forever to be known as the super coolest, most fantastic sister in the world) is planning on taking my family to DW in October. Now here is the question... would you be upset if you paid for a vacation, and the person you gave it to upgraded? I mean as in... I like the room, but I'd like to pay for a better view (not what I want, just an example), or I want Park Hoppers or days at the Water parks or Quest... wanting to add tickets for the Christmas party, or deciding to do BBB. Would you think of them as ungratefull... tacky.. rude? Even if they paid, and made sure you knew from the beginning that they didn't expect you to pay for it? What if they wanted something more or better than you got?!!
I know I will be paying for some stuff, an extra meal or two, souveners, the other stuff though is unnecesary fluff which I can aford (just can't aford the actuall vaction itself).... in my case there is a big one that could cause trouble.
I have a family of five and as is my sister will have us in a Value with one of my kids added to her room, but we will be DDP, she won't, and we don't plan on having all our meals together, so every time we go out we will have to deal with paying for one kid and having the waiter maybe asking questions, maybe thinking we are trying to cheat the system and eat with the kid's credit...eek! I am petrified by the idea of having to explain this every time we eat. (I have a major problem talking to people I don't know) It would cost 300 more, 250 if you figure in the slight savings from DDP to go to the PORr for the week. I'd be more than willing to pay, but it sounds so tacky, especially since she would still be in the Value, and I can't afford to upgrade us all. So what should I do, deal with the pain of explaining myself, or face the pain of explaining this problem to her, and possibly facing her wrath?

 

[eyeheartgoofy]

I would be offended. I mean, if I understand you correctly, your sister is paying for your trip to WDW, but you are telling her that her gift is not good enough. At least that is the way I would see it if I was the one paying for the trip and I would be very hurt. I would suck it up, pay for your childs meals out of pocket and have a great trip.

If it were something as simple as wanting to add a waterpark option, I might feel differently. But you are wanting to stay at an entirely different resort without your sister.

 

[design_mom]

I agree... I think it depends on what you're adding, but either way, I think if you add/change something you need to offer to do it for everyone on the trip.

I don't think it would be tacky to suggest going to the Christmas party, as long as you offer to buy the tickets for both families. However, since you're going together I do think it would be sort of tacky to upgrade your resort and not offer to upgrade hers. (If you offered to upgrade both and she said "No I love the Value and want to stay there", then that's a different story.) I can sort of see your point since your children will be split between rooms, but since you accepted the offer under that condition, I think you ought to either offer to upgrade both, or stick with the original plan.

As far as the DDP. If you are not cheating the system, I can't imagine them saying anything to you. (I've heard of a lot of people who split meals on DDP to save on their credits -- and I don't think anybody says anything to them either.)

 

[kowalchicky]

I think your sister would get very upset...It was so nice of her to offer to pay for the trip.......In the long run it will not be worth the friction or tension it will cause.......Keep in mind you will most likely spend the least amount of your time in the "room".....
Hope that helps!

 

[surfgirl]

I would be insulted if you upgraded the room to a better view. If you can afford to do the 'extras' (and a better view is an extra) than you can afford the base price.

I would also be insulted if you moved to a different resort -- she is being INCREDIBLY generous (and I'm glad you recognize that). I'm sure she is doing it so that you have some together time. Some alone time is also good for great relations, but if you are at a totally different resort, it will easily turn into more separate than together time.

just my .02

 

[Princess Stitch]

Yeah I think I would be offended too. If my brother said he didn't have enough money to pay for a trip and then was buying all kinds of stuff when he was down there after I paid for his vacation I would kinda be wondering just how much money he didn't have. Also she's paying for your DDP? I think you should just be grateful to her.

Plus it would sound kinda bad: "I'm going to upgrade to a moderate resort, upgrade our tickets, go to MVMCP and BBB but I don't have enough money to upgrade your resort room too, sorry! But thanks for the trip!". I know it may sound harsh, but in my eyes, if someone can't afford the trip in the first place, then they shoudln't be splurging on extras. Your sister may see it differently then me though, just my opinion.

 

[pixiepower1971]

I would be insulted with the room upgrade request unless you pay for everyone to upgrade.

As for the DDP and one child not being on it...no problem! He is staying in another room. You can have mixed parties at the same table. I would order a meal for everyone that is on the plan and if the "extra" child wants a meal to himself, just pay oop for that meal. If there is going to be enough food from DDP meals, just tell the server you are going to share meals and need an extra plate. Easy!

As for the the party or waterpark tix, I think you should pay for EVERYONE to go, not just your family. It would be a really nice "thank you" for the trip. But rude if you do it for just your family after she has paid for your trip!

 

[Disney Mommy 3]

Yikes!! This family stuff can get sticky!! I know, I've been there! I see your point and I am with you about feeling that it might look cheaty in some way. (Is that a word?) But, you have a good sister and you must be pretty great for her to give ya'll such a great gift. That being said-I think leave it alone. You don't have to explain it to the CM's. Will ya'll be eating together very often, if so, then it will all be a jumble anyway!! Just don't worry about it anymore and ya'll have a great family trip!! It's a great blessing, so enjoy it!

 

[Pumpweet]

I am the one who pays for others at Disney so here are my thoughts. If I paid for someone to stay in a value with standard view and they upgraded their family leaving me to look at the parking lot, I would be very unhappy. Could you possibly pay for everyone to upgrade? I have no problem with others buying t-shirts and small souvenirs but if I bit the bullet and paid for a two family vacation and the other family started treating themselves to some very nice extras I would feel used. When I share our DVC accomodations with friends and family I never ask for money from them. My DH and I love sharing Disney with others and know that some of our closest friends and family would never be able to do the world if they had to pay for it themselves. Perhaps you could tell your sister how much you would like to upgrade your room or go to a water park and see if she would also like to do this. If she says that she is maxed out then offer to pay for her or don't do it. Even if she says it's ok for your family to have the extras, it could cause a problem with her husband and kids when they find out that you will be doing something they can't. Unless there is a very special occasion such as an anniversay that you and your DH want to celebrate alone together, I would include my hosts in any extras. Whatever you choose, talk to your sister ahead of time and get everything out in the open so that possible hurt feelings can be addressed now. Something similar just happened to me and had I waited to speak my mind a wonderful Disney vacation could have become WWIII.

 

[dementia412]

Well I think you guys are right, but lets get a few things straight. I wasn't saying I wanted all that stuff, they were just suggestions of things that might be added to a vacation. The only real issue is the room, and it's not because I want a better room.... I agree you spend so little time there it is silly to spend alot on it (even if I would give my left leg for a view room in the AKL ). It's only the weirdness of the one kid off the ddp thing that bothers me, I guess I have a guilty consious thing going. I ALWAYS think people are thinking I'm up to something, and I feel guilty about things I've never done. If I walk around a store too long I feel like everyone is looking at me thinking I must be a thief!
One reason I think this is bugging me so much is that I have planned trips before, and they fell through every time... so I want things to be perfect, and I have no control over it. What if she doesn't get the ressies in time? What if she drives slow, and we get there late (not really an issue since she drives like a bat out of hell).. .I'm having trouble letting ,,,, go.
I think I'll just deal with it without saying a word, but I am going to the
Halloween thing, and since someone mentioned buying tickets for a party just for us was um .... not the politest thing to do, I will be picking up some for her too.

By the way after I wrote this I thought about something nobody mentioned... if she didn't bring us she could be staying at a high end place (that AKL room for example), or eating at TS places all week, or adding days to her package. I was very inconciderate for me to be thinking about this.... but if I have 600 to blow I might just ask her to upgrade us all... who knows, I might get enough.

 

[ptmmg]

You will not have a problem paying oop for 1 child at meals we did this a lot last year and not one cm even questioned it.

 

[Golden Rose]

We were going to have a similar problem on a cruise. My grandmother wanted to take both her children (my mom and my uncle) and her grandchildren (me, my husband, and my four cousins) and her one great grandchild (my son) on a week long cruise. However, she only wanted to pay for inside cabins for everyone except herself and whomever shared a room with her. The problem was that my mom, my husband and I can (and do) afford cruises on our own. (My uncle and his family really can't.) When we travel, we NEVER book inside cabins. All of us like a fair amount of downtime, and really do spend time in the cabins. Plus, I'm a bit claustrophobic, and interior cabins are generally small enough to put me on edge. It is just not worth it to us to take the time to go on a cruise if we are in an inside cabin.

So we immediately said we wanted to pay ourselves to upgrade our cabins to exterior ones, possibly with a balcony. (To tell the full truth, we often get suites, but we weren't going to try to do that on this trip for the obvious reason.)

To make a long story short, the trip got cancelled. (This was not the only reason, but it did contribute.) My uncle decided he didn't want to go, and my grandmother got her feelings hurt that what she was generously providing wasn't good enough. (Note that she HATES inside cabins and won't stay in one herself...) She still occassionally makes little nasty comments to my mom about her "rich daughter", and she has quit offering to do much of anything that would have her spending money on any of us.

So, basically, it turned out to be a complete disaster before it even got off the ground. What am I saying? Don't do it. Don't mention it. Seriously, this similar situation caused such hurt feelings in our family that we are still seeing the fallout almost two years later.

I agree with other suggestions that switching to another hotel would be a huge mistake, even though you can afford it and might enjoy it a little more. If you really feel you must get into the water parks, use the money to upgrade the whole group to passes that would let everyone do it. Make sure you frame it to your sister as "wanting to do it for everyone to thank her", not "wanting to add it because she didn't think to include it".

 

[nuzmom]

Are you in a position to talk to her about this? I would do whatever I could to get the money together to upgrade. (POR is very nice ) Mention to her that you appreciate the trip soooo much and would like to put in extra money towards staying at POR (for both rooms). Maybe she had been wanting to upgrade also, but can't pay to upgrade both rooms. What I'm saying is offer and be prepared to pay for upgrading both rooms and see what she thinks. If she's not open to it at all, you're done.

Have you talked with her about having some money "to blow"? We went on a family vacation with my sister and family. They NEVER have ANY money. My mom and I paid for EVERYTHING (meals, tickets, etc.) However, when it came time to buy souveniers, she bought her grandson TONS and TONS of stuff. We weren't able to buy much for our 2 DSs because we spent our money paying for them to eat!!!!! Worse yet, the grandson would brag to my boys about everything he got. Anyway, you should probably talk to your sister and let her know that you have about $400 or $500 "extra" money. Let her know that you'd like to buy everyone (including her) tickets to the Halloween party and you were wondering if she'd like for you to pitch in for the rooms or maybe pay to upgrade or pay for a special dinner or something. If she takes you up on pitching in towards the room, then it's well worth pinching pennies elsewhere!!!!!

 

[surfgirl]

I like the idea of saying, 'we'd like to say thanks for the trip. Can we treat everyone to the Halloween party ?'

also, if you like to plan meals, etc. -- then say, 'Can I take over the planning and making ressies for meals ? Since you are paying, this way I can feel that I have a contribution. And I like to plan, so it works well.'

just a thought...

 

[eliza61]

Yep, pretty tacky. If your upgrading, upgrade everyone.

 

[eliza61]

We were going to have a similar problem on a cruise. My grandmother wanted to take both her children (my mom and my uncle) and her grandchildren (me, my husband, and my four cousins) and her one great grandchild (my son) on a week long cruise. However, she only wanted to pay for inside cabins for everyone except herself and whomever shared a room with her. The problem was that my mom, my husband and I can (and do) afford cruises on our own. (My uncle and his family really can't.) When we travel, we NEVER book inside cabins. All of us like a fair amount of downtime, and really do spend time in the cabins. Plus, I'm a bit claustrophobic, and interior cabins are generally small enough to put me on edge. It is just not worth it to us to take the time to go on a cruise if we are in an inside cabin.




".

So this would be the point where you said thanks but no thanks. I just feel that if you accept a gift, you accept a gift "as is". If you don't feel it's appropriate for you than you graciously decline. I would be seriously ticked if I offered a gift or a trip to some one than they want to change the whole thing because they don't like the conditions.
My best friend did this to me. My job offered my an all expense trip to France so since my Dh stayed home with the kids (he doesn't like france) I offered my Best Friend to tag along. She didn't have to pay any thing, NO airfare, hotel, not even meals (I had an expense account). Immediately she wanted to change the flight, then she wanted to upgrade to a different hotel after the 3rd request, I not so gently told her to stay her butt at home.

 

[Pumpweet]

To Eliza 61, I'm having a gal-pal trip to Disney from 6/18-6/22. Whoo-hoo, only 15 days away. I offered this trip to 7 good friends. Three accepted. We all would have been staying together in my DVC one bedroom at VWL. However, from the beginning, one of my DF's started changing my plans. In spite of my rule that this trip be gals only-no men or kids, my DF stated that she would only come if her DH and DD could come since she doesn't feel confident flying alone due to some physical problems. She lives in another part of the country so flying with me isn't possible. Her DH and DD would stay at ASMu and would have a daddy-daughter vacation while my DF enjoyed down time with the gals at VWL. No parks for the gals, just pool, nice meals (can we say Artist's Point and California Grill) and a night at Pleasure Island. Long story short, by the time I told DF to stay with her family at ASmu, she had planned daily time in the parks with her family and an excursion to Tampa to see an old friend. This trip is extra special to me because I am celebrating my 50th birthday at the world. I was hurt that what I offered wasn't enough for her. It took me about a month of fuming until I came out and told her that since she had made my celebration into her family vacation that she needed to stay with them and catch up with the gals when she can. Sadly, she doesn't get it. She doesn't see why she can't have the best of both worlds, as she puts it. Through all of this I have seen a side of my DF that I hadn't seen before. She is a very sugary sweet kind of person who gets what she wants by carefully manipulating people. Her husband actually e-mailed me and revealed that this is indeed how she is. We live on opposite sides of the country and although we have known each other nearly 30 years we have never spent a lot of time together. I still care for her and am looking forward to seeing her and her family but my two other gal-pals and I are going to be footloose and fancy free. My DF wanted to know our schedule a few weeks ago but I wouldn't be tied down. I told her to call us each day and we would give her our tentative schedule. She doesn't have a cell phone so keeping in touch will be sticky. This has really made me re-think offering people a "free" trip in the future. Guess I will take each vacation as it comes.

 

[katielou]

Have you thought that your sister might enjoy having someone else in her room if she is by herself? If you stay at POR your family of 5 will be able to stay in 1 room but then it leaves her alone. I didnt see any remarks saying that she would have anyone else other than one of your kids. I havent stayed at a Value but why dont you see if they have adjoining rooms available. I think that would be fun. You could actually have a girls night in and stay with your sister and let your husband have the kids for the night. My children love having time with their aunts and it could be special letting one of them have special " aunt " time.

 

[Princess Roo]

I agree you can't upgrade and leave your sister behind. You could upgrade both rooms, as has benn mentionned. But another option would be to offer to buy DDP for your sister (and your daughter). Should be less than even the one room upgrade, unless this is a really long trip, and takes care of your original problem.

 

[phillmolly]

I found this question to be very interesting, I am usally the one paying for everything which I absoulty don't mind. My DH and I can afford to do a lot of things that my DB and SIL can't afford to do right now. As a matter of fact I am paying for a trip to WDW in Sept and at this point I am paying for everything. I want to go on this trip and I want it to be special for all of us so if it means that I am paying ,then that is what it is. So with that being said, if my DB and SIL couldn't afford the whole trip but could do an upgrade or add the DDP FOR ALL OF US, it would not bother me at all. I would get upset if they were going to just upgrade for themselves, but not if it was the whole gang. I understand there is a big difference between paying $1500. for a whole trip and $500 for an upgrade. If your sister is as genorous as you say then I see no problem with talking to her about it. Really only you know how close you are to your sister and what you can and can't do. If it were my SIL I would just straight out ask her. HTH