So many divorces around me

[LuvOrlando]

I have been so sad lately because I personally know 3 couples who are going through a divorce.

One are almost at their 25 year mark. Both are on the self centered side but DW has been giving it all to the kids while DH was out partying. Kids are 17 &11. The wife got breast cancer and her DH wouldn't help. Wife said enough, I want out. Awful to watch

One couple are younger guy 40's, BS artist type and wife is an older $60's very beautiful raging alcoholic mess. Their DD9 is a snowflake in a $25,000 year elementary school. DH is a wheeler dealer hustler, the market crashed, no more big bucks so wife found out and kicked him out to the garage. Together at least 14 years.

One couple are the same age and their DS plays sports with my DS. They are in their late 40's and were looking to move their kids one town over to our school district. Lots of little troubles I see there, DH is a recovering substance abuser of some kind (won't touch booze) with a wicked temper (according to him) who nearly died suffering a traumatic head injury at work years ago, he seems very gentle to me. The wife is a little on the cold side but I like her and we get along, she's sharp as a whip. They have 4 kids total, the 1st DD19 just dropped out of school to have a kid with her BFF's boyfriend. The other 15 year old DD nearly died on a drinking binge with friends last year. The 2 boys were both held back in school and are always in trouble there. Although the couple never seem to butt heads who knows what goes on inside a home, something must be up with all the kids being a bit of a mess. Anyway she walked out on her family July 1st, got a lawyer and everything. Now he's with his sister and she's in their house with the kids. Together at least 25 years.

I know none of these situations are ideal but all these people managed to make things work for so very long and now they are all looking for a divorce. I'm married 17 years this November and I have always felt more secure in each year that passes. It' just so depressing to be reminded how fragile our relationships really are.

Thanks for reading, I just wanted to get it out.

 

[Christine]

I know none of these situations are ideal but all these people managed to make things work for so very long and now they are all looking for a divorce.

Well, here's the rub. They WEREN'T making it work. Most likely they have been living in misery all this time and probably not doing anything to make anything work. Just existing. That's very easy to do when you can spend your days shuttling kids, worrying about kids, talking about kids. You don't have to address the dysfunction.

At some point, for one or both partners, it becomes to much and it falls apart.

 

[Mermaid02]

No offense but you know some NOT very nice people. Do you live in Peyton Place?

 

[focusondisney]

I know it's scary to hear about people divorcing after such long marriages. But I agree with previous poster; they weren't really in functional marriages. At some point, everyone realzes that life is short. And they want to be happy, or at least not miserable, for the rest of their life. And then they decide to get out of the disfunctional, unhappy marriage. But that doesn't reflect on marriage in general, just those 2 people and their marriage.

 

[focusondisney]

No offense but you know some NOT very nice people. Do you live in Peyton Place?

I was wondering how to mention this but couldn't figure out how! Ditto this.

 

[shortbun]

Wow! I know lots of couples but I could not describe any of them having that kind of drama. thank goodness. If you ask me, all of those marriages were doomed long ago and the people have simply been hanging on because they were afraid not to. Don't get involved, divorce is a communal problem-it spreads.

 

[ckay87]

Other people's divorces rarely make me sad. I figure one or both parties are intentionally doing what's necessary to better their lives, find some peace, protect their families, whatever. I just look at it that way, shrug my shoulders and turn my attention toward my own affairs (bad word choice.)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, they have been hanging on, trying to stay together however at some point, the line is crossed and you cannot go back.

Don't be sad. Instead be happy that the couples finally went in a healthier direction. It sounds like they needed to.

 

[Robinrs]

Other people's divorces rarely make me sad. I figure one or both parties are intentionally doing what's necessary to better their lives, find some peace, protect their families, whatever. I just look at it that way, shrug my shoulders and turn my attention toward my own affairs (bad word choice.)

Sometimes it's the BEST thing. Nothing worse than a BAD marriage where the people stay together and make life miserable for each other.

 

[eliza61]

Divorce is sad. I probably have a harder time with my friends who "seem" happy and all of a sudden say they are getting divorced.

But as other posters have said some times it is the best solution. My older brother (disclaimer: he is not a well liked individual in the family) is a selfish, self absorbed individual. Married 3 times, doesn't take care of his kids from any of the marriages. wife #3 has been whining about him for 10 years. It takes every ounce of strength Iposses to not tell her to get rid of the bum.

 

[okeydokey]

Divorce is sad. My friend is going this now and it is very disappointing but a marriage can't work if only one person is working at it. Her DH doesn't work, doesn't do anything at the house, bad mouths her to her friends and gets high every day. She accepts her fair share of responsibility for the way for their marriage turned out, but I think she is doing the right thing.

 

[sunlver]

The reality is, divorce is a part of life. Isnt it 50% divorce rate

I know several people going through a divorce/separation. The truth of the matter is, people change over time. Its the couples who make the strong comittment to work through these changes that probably will last in the long run..

I know after 16 yrs of marriage, me and my husband are SOOOOOOO different. I wouldnt say we have changed a whole lot on who we are, but things have come out..I guess for us we should of discussed A LOT more before getting married. We just see things differently on SO many matters. My point is..we are always changing, and marriages dont always work, its just a part of life.

Like somebody said above..life is too short..

 

[cm8]

Sometimes it's the BEST thing. Nothing worse than a BAD marriage where the people stay together and make life miserable for each other.

i TA

 

[wdwfan16]

I have been so sad lately because I personally know 3 couples who are going through a divorce.

One are almost at their 25 year mark. Both are on the self centered side but DW has been giving it all to the kids while DH was out partying. Kids are 17 &11. The wife got breast cancer and her DH wouldn't help. Wife said enough, I want out. Awful to watch

One couple are younger guy 40's, BS artist type and wife is an older $60's very beautiful raging alcoholic mess. Their DD9 is a snowflake in a $25,000 year elementary school. DH is a wheeler dealer hustler, the market crashed, no more big bucks so wife found out and kicked him out to the garage. Together at least 14 years.

One couple are the same age and their DS plays sports with my DS. They are in their late 40's and were looking to move their kids one town over to our school district. Lots of little troubles I see there, DH is a recovering substance abuser of some kind (won't touch booze) with a wicked temper (according to him) who nearly died suffering a traumatic head injury at work years ago, he seems very gentle to me. The wife is a little on the cold side but I like her and we get along, she's sharp as a whip. They have 4 kids total, the 1st DD19 just dropped out of school to have a kid with her BFF's boyfriend. The other 15 year old DD nearly died on a drinking binge with friends last year. The 2 boys were both held back in school and are always in trouble there. Although the couple never seem to butt heads who knows what goes on inside a home, something must be up with all the kids being a bit of a mess. Anyway she walked out on her family July 1st, got a lawyer and everything. Now he's with his sister and she's in their house with the kids. Together at least 25 years.

I know none of these situations are ideal but all these people managed to make things work for so very long and now they are all looking for a divorce. I'm married 17 years this November and I have always felt more secure in each year that passes. It' just so depressing to be reminded how fragile our relationships really are.

Thanks for reading, I just wanted to get it out.

Interesting group of friends.

None of these relationships were good, from your descriptions, and the poor kids (especially the last couple).

 

[LuvOrlando]

I don't think it's that I know people who are less nice than others, rather I'm pretty intuitive about people and because I'm so unguarded about the mess my own family was growing up people tend to be unguarded around me. BELIEVE ME, a person would have to go pretty darn far to raise one of my eyebrows. I tend to think of this as an asset, maybe it and maybe it isn't but it's who I am.

I know a bad marriage is worse than a needed divorce. Heaven knows I used to PRAY my mother would leave my father instead of subjecting us to his personality. It's not the fact of divorce, the thing of it is that there seem to be so many lately... like an avalanche. It's just sad.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Sometimes divorce is sad, well at least for 1 person, and sometimes it is great!

I divorced my ex back in the 80's...best thing that ever happened to me, I was so much better off without him and so were my DS's. Staying with him would have been a horrible nightmare!! I realized early on what type of person he was and I just cut my losses and moved on.

My sil's brother walked out on his wife, the moment their youngest went off to college...she was blindsided! I think he is pondscum, if you aren't happy, discuss it, work it, but don't think you are in it alone.

My current marriage has had it's downside and upsides as most anyones marriage. but we work at it. It takes 2, but even sometimes it isn't enough.

It's also sad to watch couples you know that aren't happy and you wonder what the heck they are doing! Those still in marriages because it's cheaper to keep her/him mentality, that is sad, for all concerned.